meddly

live laugh dazai

[meddlehaven]

— “to the stray dogs.”

🇰🇭 | meddly

• they/them

• dazai & nagumo enthusiast

• currently focused on: lighter, phainon, chongyue & capitano

• art & selfship stuff

• art tag: #dazai’s canvas 🫧

• extended selfships in carrd under faves

— carrd

currently into:

• zenless zone zero

• bungo stray dogs

• sakamoto days

• arknights

• honkai star rail

• gachiakuta

[meddlehaven]

waiter !! waiter !! more medlight, please!!!!

[meddlehaven]

tragodia — 「 i witnessed 」

source: arknights (ambience synesthesia 2026)

[meddlehaven]

meddly !!!! yay !! 🪽💗

[meddlehaven]

meddly lore / medlight ramblings shhhh💀💀

… i don’t wanna bother ppl w yapping abt them so i’ll just put it here.. there’s also a bonus writing at the bottom🤔

scribbling their lore together is just the funniest thing ever bc why is meddly pulling a taro sakamoto when they see lighter he is not all that😭😭😭😭🙏🙏 IN A NUTSHELL it’s that. and they’ve since just stuck to incapacitating targets enough and/or then ruining their life behind the scenes to metaphorically give them death … (it depends on the situation… but it does play into how they’re able to make their own judgments, as opposed to playing to someone else’s tune back then) then they pull a yuuji “change your name. change your form. i’ll kill you again.” srsly can u just go do some good instead idfk clearing throat yk sometimes having ur entire life ruined is worse than death for some people. IF THAT MAKES SENSE💀

making meddly some sort of assassin is kinda funny but also just… being called a reaper bc of their scythe and occupation is ironic with them looking like an angel …. they’re just an angel of death.

haven’t properly fleshed it out but they were essentially gifted to an organization that experimented on them. in the hopes of making a perfect assassin … (hey what in the al kamar) and robbed of their autonomy i almost wrote autobots what. when’s that transformers sona coming. NEVER👹👹 so now they’re kinda just highkey depressed wow who knew😮 (L writing💀💀💀💀 why r none of ur sonas happy HUH. my bad bro😭😭)

i’m considering… bringing back the concept that hsr meddly had before (since… all my hoyo sonas r angels) where their back wings got torn out at some point, So. im mostly waiting it out until nangong backstory is here since idk… she won’t be alone at least in that regard. but aside from that, them getting their wings torn out would be somewhat like… wing clipping… smth sm.. never fly ever again. protect them. no escape. stuff like that except it’s just clean gone😭😭😭 at least they still have their head wings !!!💀 it was easier to drill a mindset into meddly since they got thrown into this mess when they were suuuper young.

they play all sorts of faces and snuff out the lives of many others to get their jobs done. all 4 what. enough to get by and some acknowledgment. and the horrible dull and empty ache in their chest. u suck.

anyways at some point meddly gets sent to an underground fighting ring, simple just infiltrate gather intel and kill ez. No. yeah they’re rlly trying but there’s this guy who keeps winning like every fight ever there and since they’re playing the role of a medic there they interact eventually. “BOSS I CANT DO THIS JOB R U KIDDING THERES A HOT DUDE HERE👹👹 U DIDNT RAISE A QUITTER😍😍😍😍 I CAN FUMBLE THE MISSION BUT I WONT FUMBLE THE CHAMPION” in my head that’s how it goes and they make out.

what actually happens… meddly is instead intrigued by lighter with how miserable he seems to be. “did u know that i like my men distraught and going thru the worst times of their lives. please let me hit.” im kidding they don’t say don’t say that. it’s boring instead, small talk, patch him up, maybe try to lighten the mood. but then this just keeps happening and so they become friends somehow. not that they care they’ll probably never see him again after they complete their mission so they try to keep some distance despite it.

spoiler alert they actually can’t. they suck. this is what happens when u give a mouse a cookie. the more they bond to lighter, the less they put up their smiley face and they’re just deadpanning convos now bc they don’t have to play that anymore. it’s mostly quiet comfort after a while. they’re not so lonely anymore. and the monotonous days that blurred together feel a little Lighter. HaHa. and eventually there’s the occasional actual smile or laugh from meddly if he’s lucky. meddly is absolutely mortified and lighter has never been so captivated and he’s stuck trying to wrangle them out of a empty closet. please smile more.

lighter is the company and comfort that meddly oh so desperately craved all their life, and when they realize it all they want to do is bang their head into the wall. is being human so scary… (yes.) they’re suddenly terrified of being this safe and cared for and that they’ve begun to go against everything they’ve known… that they begin to pull away, and lighter sees it too. and besides they literally snuff people out for a living. they cannot keep holding onto lighter.

clears throat well that’s also a selfish move on their half even if they think they’re doing him good by dipping. they don’t quite realize how much they’ve impacted lighter’s life during this time. bc to them, they’re just something passing through another human’s life. like dude we are at our lowest ever. lock in we need each other. his time with meddly made him feel more alive since shit hit the fan. a zombie and a puppet going through the motions. but they found each other.

anyways lighter is the one who eventually calls them out on their behavior and uhhhhh suddenly they can dish it but can’t take it. what a bozo omfg it’s just the worst ok do u ever try to explain something and just start crying instead bc u never properly found out how to manage emotions

but what makes it worse is that… ok the argument— it ends on a…… neutral ish. conclusion. like it’s nothing that warrants cutting the other off, it was mostly trying to understand where the other was coming from. and after that, when meddly gets back, they’ve made up their mind to just Screw it, and pull themselves out of the cage they’ve been prying the bars open the past month, and Go. there’s nothing more that they want than to go after that warmth and try mending their heart. and that’s w lighter even if both of their lives suck rn they don’t care. give a man companionship and they’ll never look back.

but. literally the next day meddly doesn’t show up. ok maybe they just got sick or held up or whatever and prob the possibility that they need a day or sm to get their head under wraps. No. they never show up again. complete radio silence and lighter is that gif of the guy getting swords rained down on him while silently resigning to his fate. it’s painfully quiet again even with all the ringing and screaming in his ears.

wow i wonder where meddly went!! yeah the boss found out abt all this and put them back in their place. just like that the blooming warmth is snuffed from their own chest again, and it feels emptier than before. boohoo should’ve never let yourself get close to someone remember ur a weapon and that’s it.

fast forward a little, hugo drops in like the guy nobody invited and actually. dragged meddly out of that environment, somehow. so meddly was hanging w mockingbird for some time. EVERYONE SAY THANK U HUGO VLAD. 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️👏👏 and meddly is sort of indebted to him but they don’t say that aloud they just make fun of count fagula and call it a day. so they’re close.

eventually, meddly leaves mockingbird to form bleeding leis which… brings us back to the top of this post. suuuuuper hard intel, and targeting ppl w a strict policy of just incapacitation (well then what’s the point… they just don’t want to kill anymore💀) and depending on the situation, make sure their entire life is ruined in metaphorical death.

meddly still does favors and works with mockingbird tho, so they’re close w hugo and vivian, but they liked the feeling of solo work too, so. bleeding leis. they don’t rlly have a base of operations bc that’s doing too much. but they work at dew gardening shop part time and is close w orchidea. meddly makes it a thing where if anyone is coming to do business w them, they HAVE to buy some flowers. or else they’ll outright decline bc LINE MY PARENTAL FIGURE’S POCKETS FIRST👹👹👹 so it’s a win/win. orchidea was actually one of the first people that meddly opened up to, and she took care of them on multiple occasions so… she means a lot 2 them. and besides, meddly loves flowers and enjoys working there, so… happy!!!

meddly and lighter reunite at some point, and sure it’s emotional, but it’s also. kind of funny bc this guy walks into the shop not having a clue what to get for memorial flowers and suddenly gets rammed into by a short king flitting around the shop like a busy. Bird.

“… meddly is that u.” “NO” “be so ffrn there’s only one person in the entirety of new eridu who has wings on their head.”

anyways emotional reunion who no time 4 that lighter i got a 9-5 🙄🙄🙄 those bills aren’t paying themselves.

orchidea comes in clutch tho and is like meddly i got the rest covered u just go winks and they’re mortified part 2 but thank her and drag lighter somewhere where they can talk. Now u can have emotional reunion💀💀💀

they’re both in better spots in their lives !!!! so joyous !!! sure they’re still passively suicidal but at least they’ve been actually living a little than going thru it every day. meddly and lighter catch up over some hot pot … yummy.. as it turns out there’s a lot to catch up on bc wdym meddly didn’t willingly decide to never show up again and did want to go after lighter, and got out of that hell cycle w the help of mockingbird, joined them for a bit shhh don’t tell anyone, and does their own gigs and works at the flower shop, and lighter still shares the sentiment between the two and he got out of the underground fighting scene when big daddy paid off his debts and he’s running w the sons of calydon now and he’s the champion for them and wow red scarf whistles.

it’s actually p nice and for once neither is running away from anything. they actually have all the time in the world to just be.

they coughing up blood still aren’t together yet. it takes a while longer for them to start dating, much to everyone’s dismay. the sons of calydon r fed up w lighter. hugo vivian and orchidea r fed up w meddly. can u guys just get together stop fumbling the bag so hard😭😭😭😭 and they all try to wingman it when they can, but lowk lighter and meddly r kinda pathetic💀💀 . it’s an absolute godsend when they do get together though. nothing rlly changes tho🤔 they just love each other v much🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

not sure when, but lighter ends up moving in w meddly and it’s the worst decision ever bc they never get up anymore meddly is just a log on top of him that complains it’s too cold and if lighter gets up for the day they’ll freeze and die. so he doesn’t get up. for like another hour and then he drags them out of bed. at the very least, they’re more willing to get up and do more stuff in life with him around. life was already shaping up to be better than before, but reuniting w lighter was the cherry on top. back to ur scheduled life is worth living another day. and when that day comes where both of us are tired of living, let’s go out together.

if u actually read all this. ur just insane. BUT thank u for listening to the incoherent ramblings of a little guy. coughing up blood medlight means so much 2 me. just feels like healing from old wounds, and the comfort is enough to keep me going a little longer, since things have been super rough.

here’s a little bonus… cough. my bad writing. it’s a little old but it still makes me happy😭🙏 aaaanyways that’s it from me !!!🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

[meddlehaven]

happy valentine’s day !!! 🪽❤️‍🔥

[meddlehaven]

i haven’t posted art in 6 months srry😞 im back in my zzz era like crazy tho (more art under cut)

meddly has… undergone drastic changes since the last time i drew them and lighter about a year or so ago? but i’m much happier w them like this!! it’s been rlly fun being lighter piled again😚😚 i’m just gonna ramble a little abt then here if ur curious

i miiiight have to tweak a few things on their full art, since for whatever reason i keep changing little bits on meddly 💀💀💀 (indecisive much…??) (mostly their sleeves change a lot, everything else not too much tho) SORRYYYY😭😭 interknot icon and chibi are the most recent in terms of me prodding at their looks..

they r just a silly little guy who… definitely isn’t part of a mafia group; bleeding leis (hardly they just do odd jobs instead) (who is taking this faction srsly) (faction made w my friend !!) and works at dew gardening shop part time !!

and who would’ve guessed… they’re shipped w lighter.. the worst duo ever bc all they do is fumble over each other like a bunch of idiots they’re so silly i love them sorry😭 i don’t have much entirely fleshed out for them since it was mostly a for fun thing, but i’ve been trying to write stuff when an idea pops in so… yeah.

i do have a little bit of abridged lore of them on my carrd under medlight if you’re curious, but. otherwise that’s it! thanks 4 sticking around! ❤️‍🩹

[meddlehaven]

i don’t want it to end …..

[shin-asakura]

Owarida 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭💔💔😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[meddlehaven]

“ the only names i was always hearing were . . . sakamoto, nagumo, and akao. “

[meddlehaven]

method — 「 kroi 」

source: sakamoto days

[meddlehaven]

method — 「 kroi 」

source: sakamoto days

[meddlehaven]

method — 「 kroi 」

source: sakamoto days

[meddlehaven]

method — 「 kroi 」

source: sakamoto days

[meddlehaven]

happy birthday to the loml !!! 🌸🩵

[bsd-bibliophile]

Happy Birthday Dazai Osamu-sensei!

To celebrate Dazai Osamu’s birthday here are his top three quotes from my blog:

Quote #3:

Grown-ups are lonely people. Even if we love each other, we must be careful not to show it publicly. And why all this caution? The answer is simple: because people are too often betrayed and put to public shame. The discovery that you cannot trust people is the first lesson young people learn as they grow up into adults. Adults are adolescents who have been betrayed.

- Dazai Osamu, Tsugaru

Quote #2:

It made me miserable that I was rapidly becoming an adult and that I was unable to do anything about it.

- Dazai Osamu, Schoolgirl

Quote #1:

I was a flower petal about to fall. I trembled and quivered at the slightest breeze; at the slightest insult, I writhed about and considered dying. 

- Dazai Osamu, “Recollections” from The Saga of Dazai Osamu

[arknights-imagines]

i hope u don’t mind another req for the event !! i can’t resist putting cute bows on everything haha😭🙏

i’d like to tie a ribbon in ulpianus’ hair, if possible !! 🫡🫡

- ⛰️

⛰️ anon sbshhs hiya!! 🥹🫶 Welcome back and tysm for your ask, and for participating in the Pink Ribbon event!💕 I hope you've been well and safe!

OFC you can tie a ribbon in Ulpianus' hair 🥹🤲🎀 I'm not sure if you saw the little fish battle over who got the ribbon first but sgshshs... He came second so here he is now!! (I think Chongyue is next soon!! Which I know you sent a ribbon for him before this request for Ully 🫶!)

Ribbons in the hair of the robust more stern Operators is comedy to me... Absjshs 😭

This is my first time writing for him and sbsjshs, I'll admit it was a challenge aaa! 🥹😭 He's a tougher character for me in terms of romance... But I tried my v v best as always!! 🤲💕 So I sincerely hope I've done the whale man justice 🥹🙏

⛰️ anon and everyone else, please enjoy!! 💘

Ulpianus' Hair!

A pink ribbon, dainty and sweet; now where, dear anon, shall it become a bow?

[a total of 11 ribbons have been made a bow!]

A dainty ribbon - colour not unlike the sun-kissed coral he’s seen in shallow waters and softness he has nothing else to compare to but your skin - ties around a lock of Ulpianus’ hair where the shorter pieces curtain either side of his face, pink bow comically stark against his palette of white, red, and black.

“It seems wrong to even describe this as a gift.” His words leave punctuated with a huff, the eyebrow his scar cuts across lifting as if regarding a pest - and yet, the edges of crimson eyes are softened as they watch you fix the ribbon into his hair, “This is an opportunity. You are creating an opportunity to use me for your oddities and entertainment again, hindrance. Precisely as you did when you summoned me, and when you situated yourself into my lap.” His gloved hand lifts from where his arm was wrapped around your waist, gesturing to where you’ve decided his lap is your seat before flicking one lock of your hair, “There seems to be some sort of pattern.”

When you pout and question if you should take the ribbon back, the Abyssal Hunter’s gaze narrows and his voice is more of a grunt than words, “Wrong question.” You ask if he doesn’t like it, but this only earns you another gruff sound, “No, not a matter of distaste. Still imprecise.” Your eyebrows furrow for a few thoughtful moments, and the softness returns to his eyes as he watches you rack your brain for how to extract his true thoughts from him; crimson irises seem more cherry-hued while rapt pupils follow the curve of your cheek, over the slope of your shoulders, down the lines of your torso.

Your mouth opens for another attempt, however Ulpianus’ free hand is tilting your face up before you can speak, “Don’t ask pointless questions, hindrance. I can assure you that if this ribbon was not worth my attention, I would have been off the moment I saw it in your hand.” His fingers slide over your jawline as they leave, shifting up to loop a fingertip into one of the bow’s wings, tugging gently, “Its scent…mild, sweet, unlike something from the depths of the sea. It matches yours. Is that not reason enough for me to hold onto it?”

Your facial features brighten in response - a shining smile and eyes illuminating like sun rays across the waters surface -, and though Ulpianus huffs at this, his arm bands tighter around your waist, “I value you, every extension, piece, and part, more than I’ve told. Of course, or else you would not be here. You should know that.” Abyssal Hunter’s head tilts, tails of the ribbon shifting with his hair; crimson eyes snap to fix onto the tails as they dangle over his brow, brushing his scar, “And, I am not entirely new to the land, hindrance. What you have done with this ribbon, your etiquette would no doubt call this ‘affection’. Has this sufficiently satisfied your desire?”

His larger hand gathers yours up, swiftly, certain, - gentle. Somehow, Ulpianus’ lips are soft and warm through the thin material of his mask as he presses them to the inside of your wrist, before guiding your hand to the pink bow in his hair with a tug, “However, if me singing is the result that you seek…” A ‘hmph’ against your pulse point that stirs the tails of the ribbon, a second kiss to tailend his words, “You must approach the problem from a different angle, ever-tenacious hindrance.”

NOW PLAYING: Let The Light In - Lana Del Rey: 'Cause I love, to love, to love, to love you / I hate to hate, to hate, to hate you