Study Inspiration @meddling-intellect-blog - Tumblr Blog

Average course grade when I am healthy: A+

Average course grade depressed: C

greaaat.

#O_O so many failing grades #never had this problem before #trying to survive here

Can we stop with the whole mentally ill = violent?

I feel like I see this everyday. Mental illness is not the only cause for unspeakable violence and most mentally ill people are not going to hurt you. Neurotypical people are capable of being cruel and heartless. Illness is not a prerequisite to harming others. God this stigma is annoying.

surprising depression symptom:

My memory is shot. I’m forgetting names of people I’ve spoken to on a regular basis for the past year. I’m forgetting assignments and readings left and right. I’m forgetting meds and food and sometimes it’s like half and hour passes without my knowledge. What the heck. How is this even possible? I’ll be lucky if I don’t flunk this semester. My bullet journal is my lifeline right now. If I don’t write down literally everything I have no idea what’s going on.

Lots of my profs are giving verbal directions this year. That’s not going well at all. Nnn. I have always been able to rely on a perfect memory. Now I’m going the way of my grandma. Soon I will be telling guests to “Make yourself homely” and saying things like “You can’t pull MY eyes over the wool!.” This is my future now. I have seen it.

#trying to laugh it off #memory problems

Greek

1st semester: This is fun! I’m reading the bible in the original language! Look at all these sweet verses I just translated!

2nd semester: Wow so many verb endings. It’s okay. I can handle participles. Subjunctive? I might be able to do this. Wait, mi verbs? Are you kidding me?! oh but I translated all of 1 John. How lovely. I am so accomplished and amazing at Greek.

3rd semester: I have 4 textbooks and I might die today.

#New Testament Greek #koine greek #18lbs!#EIGHTEEN #and I'm trying to figure out hebrew #who knew a language could have so many RULES

I haven’t done any homework since getting home from my 12pm class, my only class of the day. I’m trying to justify it because I have a terrible cold and I’m slightly delirious, meaning I probably have a fever. I think I’ll just go to one class tomorrow. :/ I do need to at least do Greek and Hebrew tonight, then I can spend tomorrow catching up on all my readings in between sleep.

I hate skipping classes.

#sick #stupid colds #studyblr

Before my Greek test on Friday, my classmates and I got together and put all our verb endings on the whiteboard for practice. We were reviewing things very rapidly and there was shouting. It as a flurry of activity. The professor loved it and so he decided that we should be allowed to keep the board up during our test. <3 I’ve had them all imprinted on the back of my eyeballs since May so I didn’t need it, but it was a small comfort to me.

#greek #studyblr

Many of my professors use a notecard system for caling on students. Everyone puts their name and a little bio on the card at the start of the semester. When people don’t show, their card gets pulled for the day and then put back in the stack. Consistently, over time the girls wind up all getting called in succession because the guys skip class so frequently. I wonder why this is. You’d think we’d be missing whenever shark weeks comes up.

iteachpsych

Just a little reminder that you’re doing fine! Try not to compare yourself against everyone else.

thiscoffeedrenchedlife

There was an episode, one of my favorite moments in Star Trek, when Captain Kirk looks over the cosmos and says, ‘Somewhere out there someone is saying the three most beautiful words in any language.’ Of course your heart sinks and you think it’s going to be, ‘I love you’ or whatever. He says, ‘Please help me.’ What a philosophically fantastic idea, that vulnerability and need is a beautiful thing.

Hugh Laurie (via pacificaly)

There is nothing wrong with asking for help.

(via twloha)

what I want right now: people

what I have right now: solitude

#i need friends

Dying on the Treadmill

I’m taking a class called “The Means and Measures of Success.” We’re reading Grit by Angela Duckworth and also doing a little bible study because that’s how Christian Liberal Arts Colleges roll. I think this class is meant to inspire us to be successful people, but I’m strangely put off by some aspects of Grit. Maybe it’s just what I’m going through right now, but I don’t really agree with the ideals that I’m picking up on.

Part of today’s reading discussed a Will Smith Quote:

“The only thing that I see that is distinctly different about me is: I’m not afraid to die on a treadmill. I will not be outworked, period. You might have more talent than me, you might be smarter than me, you might be sexier than me. You might be all of those things. You got it on me in nine categories. But if we get on the treadmill together, there’s two things: You’re getting off first, or I’m going to die. It’s really that simple.”

And that is immediately inspirational. That makes me wanna go put that in my bullet journal in pretty letters. But then, as I think about it, I’m wondering--Is it really a virtue to be the one that dies on the treadmill? I know I am that type of person. In dance, my parents could only afford two hours of class a week but the other girls were doing 15-20. We were supposed to do calf raises for as long as possible until only one was left standing. I was so out of shape but I beat all of them. I beat them all! And then I couldn’t straighten my legs for a week. I was walking around in a squat.

In a way, I feel like I have already “died on the treadmill.” I would not be beat in my classes last semester. I wanted the best grade on my Greek final, the best painting for art class, and the best paper for English. I wanted a 4.0. Suma Cum Laude with an honors minor. I reached some of my goals. I had a few hours where I basked in the feeling of success. And then my body broke down. And then my mind. And here I am with a world of problems and it’s all to my own inability to get off the treadmill or slow down when it was time.

Is this what flourishing humanity means? To be the best we can be? To sacrifice ourselves at the alter of achievement? Is that the most worthy goal of our lives? I’m asking myself. Is it worth it to die on the treadmill?

For the moment I say “no,” but in my own weakness, I know I’d still kill myself trying to outrun you anyways.

Biblical Hebrew: dagesh flow chart

#not sure if it's all correct though #biblical hebrew #studyblr #this took way too long

Yesterday’s spread. I wasn’t able to finish everything, but I feel like I did my best. Just in the morning I was talking about how everything felt impossible and overwhelming. But look---I did get a lot done. I studied hard, I read thoughtfully, I worked out, I cooked a good meal, I cleaned the apartment. I’m getting somewhere.

Today felt like the first good day in a long while, and maybe it’s due to looking at yesterday as a success. Instead of fixating on those three blank boxes, I’m trying to by happy with all the filled in ones. I don’t feel like crying right now, which is a first in a long time. I came up with an idea for a painting series in my American Lit class and started on a funny children’s story in Creative Writing--something that I love writing. It’s not depressing or angsty. It’s absurd and hilarious, the way I like my stories.

#one good day #small good things #bullet journal #studyblr