Who th' fuck 're you?

@meddlingsnoop

M!A : None. Your name is SNOOPING SCOUT. You are a member of the MEDDLESOME COMPANY and you spend half your time DRINKING and SPYING in SHITTY BARS. You've been described as PERSISTENT, DETERMINED, and A STABBY LITTLE FUCK. It is a cold Winter evening. You are feeling particularly stealthy tonight. What will you do? (Independent RP blog for Mobsterswitched!Spades Slick. Run by flyfloyd.)

1,168 posts

I found a Ke$ha CD under my couch.

I don't own any Ke$ha CD's. When did I buy this.

> Be the perfect Valentine.

peccantdiplomacy

You laugh. You break the hug, but take his hands instead. You kiss him again.

"Almost, yeah," you say. "We do sorta take th’ cake."

You grin and nod your head towards the bed. “How’s about while these two get settled we snuggle up ‘n watch some TV?”

You’d rather fuck him, but you’re not in any state to do that. Stupid bullet wound. Maybe you can blow him or something, once the geckos are asleep.

"Sounds like th' perfect plan, I think."

You let him get in first and get comfortable before climbing in after him, kicking off your shoes and curling up against his non-injured side. He's warm, the bed is cosy, and honestly this evening has gone better than expected. You hand him the remote and press your feet against his legs, trying to warm your toes through the fabric.

"If y' manage t' find somethin' that isn't a sappy romcom, I'll give y' ten bucks." It's Valentines Day. This should be impossible.

#peccantdiplomacy

> Be the perfect Valentine.

peccantdiplomacy

“‘s good timin’ all around,” you say.

You hug him back, smooching the hell out of him. Then you set about nuzzling his hair.

“‘s much better’n all that cheesy stuff,” you say, thinking to yourself how much you love the smell of Scout’s hair. It occurs to you that that, in itself, is sort of a cheesy thought. You keep it to yourself. “I don’ care much for chocolate anyways.”

You kiss the top of his head, then look at your geckos again. Puddin’ has settled down next to their little water pool, his tail hanging lazily in the water, while Killer stands on a rock and looks out the glass at the room around him.

"God, jus’ lookit these adorable fuckers."

You're being just as cheesy in your own head, thinking about how you love the feeling of Scoff's arms around you, keeping you warm and safe...but like him, you don't say a word. Instead, you nuzzle against his chest, breathing in the smell of ink and something else distinctly Scofflaw.

Turning your head just enough to see them, you grin into his shirt. "Almost as adorable as you an' me right now, yeah?"

Even though your heart will always belong to Scottie dogs, you have to admit, geckos are pretty damn cute.

#peccantdiplomacy

> Be the perfect Valentine.

peccantdiplomacy

"Y’ don’ even know th’ half of it," you say.

You sit tight and watch over your new pets, until Scout announces that the tank is ready. Then you pull yourself up onto your feet and head to the bedroom. You look over the tank. It definitely looks like a nice enough habitat for your little lizard buddies, although you’re already thinking of ways you can make it even better. You have a lot of money, you can afford to dump it on pet supplies.

Carefully, you lift your geckos and place them inside the tank. They set about looking around, exploring their new home. You smile and kiss Scout on the cheek.

"Thanks, Scoot."

You grin, and return the kiss. "You're welcome."

You're the best boyfriend ever. It's you, aw yeah. You deserve a trophy for...for your awesome boyfriendness. Yeah.

"Figured you'd want somethin' t' keep y' company while you're recoverin' an' I ain't here t' entertain y'. An', well, the fact I thought it up for Valentines just makes it even better."

Wrapping your arms around him in a loose hug, you give him another kiss. "So, yeah. Happy Valentines an' all that. I woulda got y' a card an' chocolates too, but Killer an' Puddin' over there put me a li'l bit out 'f pocket, eheh."

#peccantdiplomacy

> Be the perfect Valentine.

peccantdiplomacy

You nod. “Put ‘t on th’ dresser. Jus’ knock th’ stuff on there onto th’ floor.”

You poke your finger into the box. Puddin’ sniffs at you, lightly poking you with his nose. You try to resist the urge to just pick them both up. They’re probably rattled from being moved around.

You chuckle a little. “I always wanted geckos when I was a kid,” you muse. “Dad thought they was gross. He’d catch me playin’ with ‘em in th’ backyard ‘n got so mad.”

"Damn, your dad was a hardass." You pick all the stuff up again, and wobble through to the bedroom. Most of the items on the dresser get pushed onto the floor, but hey, the tank fits so you're not gonna complain.

You get everything that doesn't need to be in there out and leave it on the floor, setting up the floor and heat lamp. You end up putting most of the stuff back in, only more organized of course, and stand back with a grin when it's done.

"Ta-daah. One gecko habitat, ready for usin'."

#peccantdiplomacy

> Be the perfect Valentine.

peccantdiplomacy

"I can help ya’," you offer, although you don’t really want to. Moving hurts.

You look down at the geckos. Right, they need names. Damn, what do you even name geckos? You’ve never had a pet before, what’s the format for this?

You think about it for a moment, regarding your little lizards carefully. You can’t give them any half-assed names, no. It’s got to be perfect.

"This one’s def’nitely a badass," you say, "So he can be Killer. ‘n this one’s a cute li’l roly-poly, so ‘m gonna name ‘im Puddin’."

You're not going to make him help you. He'll just end up popping a stitch and being bedridden for even longer.

"Puddin' an' Killer, eh?" You grin. "Perfect names. Suits them both."

You stand back up again, stretching, and prepare to pick up all the stuff again. "Where do y' want this all? Your bedroom?" It'll be easy enough to set it all up; you did it last night after all. It's just a matter of finding space to do it.

#peccantdiplomacy

peccantdiplomacy

'sa li'l last minute.

Y’all should know that I got th’ best boyfriend there is, arrite? Be jealous.

Damn, look at this masterpiece. I love it.

#peccantdiplomacy

> Be the perfect Valentine.

peccantdiplomacy

Two little geckos are staring up at you from inside the box. They regard you for a moment, likely wondering whether or not you’re some sort of predator aiming to devour them, before they look away and resume milling about inside the box.

They’re so cute. You don’t even know what to say. You just stare dumbly at your geckos while Scout leaves to get the tank. You’re wiggling your fingers at them when Scout comes back inside, struggling to carry everything.

"Y’ need help there?" you ask.

You wheeze.

"N-nnah, I'm fine. Good. Just gonna, uh, gonna put these down here." You unceremoniously near-drop everything on the floor, and then sit down next to it to catch your breath. These things are significantly more heavy than you remember. That could be because you don't have a clerk helping you this time, you think. But its probably that they mysteriously gained weight somehow.

"I'll move these wherever y' want them movin' when I've got my breath back." You pause, then gesture at the box. "Thought 'f any names for them yet?"

#peccantdiplomacy

Look at how amazin' I am at this art shit.

Damn.

#spoiler: it took him at least an hour #mobsterswitch #tags because this is cute why not #peccantdiplomacy

I feel like this was Innovator's doin' somehow.

#perniciousinnovator #squints at

> Be the perfect Valentine.

peccantdiplomacy

“‘ll getcha somethin’,” you say as you close the door and lock up. “I’ll order somethin’. Sorry.”

You stumble into the living room. Scout’s proximity to the radiator doesn’t strike you as anything unusual, since he’s always cold. You pick at your greasy hair as you make your way to the couch. “Christ. I jus’ completely lost track o’ what day it was. ‘m so completely unprepared.”

You flop down next to Scout and look the box over. You pick it up and open it gingerly. You peer inside and…

holy shit.

"Oh m’ god."

You grin. The look on his face is definitely enough.

"There's a tank for them in th' car, along with stuff t' put in it an' some crickets for them t' eat. I'll go get it while you an' your new friends are gettin' acquainted." You're the best boyfriend ever, it is you.

Standing up, you lean over and give him a little kiss on the cheek, whispering "Happy Valentines Day" before going to fetch that huge-ass tank from your car. Carrying all this should be an adventure in spinal damage, but you're not gonna ask Scoff for help while he's still injured, no way.

#peccantdiplomacy

> Be the perfect Valentine.

peccantdiplomacy

You’ve been stuck in bed watching Mythbusters and fucking around on your computer all day, so you’re relieved when Scout offers to come over. You’re desperate for any sort of human contact.

You have completely forgotten that today is in any way special. You’re an awesome boyfriend.

You roll out of bed upon hearing the knock. You grab a shirt off the floor and throw it on before shuffling to the door and opening it. You squint at the box in his hands before a realization dawns on you.

"Shit," you say. "It’s fuckin’ Valentines, ain’t it?"

Best boyfriend ever, that’s you.

You can't help but laugh. "Yeah, it is." You didn't really expect anything anyway, with him being laid up in bed and all. The look on his face should be enough.

Stepping inside in an effort to keep the geckos from freezing to death, you pap Scofflaws arm. "Shut th' door an' come join me in th' livin' room, alright?"

You head through to the living room, placing the box very gently on the table and as close to the radiator as you can get it without it seeming suspicious, and flop down on the couch.

"Don't shake it. 's delicate."

#peccantdiplomacy

> Be the perfect Valentine.

Well, not you personally. You'd entertained the thought of wrapping a bow around your dick, but in Scoff's current state he can barely walk to the door without without wincing, so you'd thought better of that.

Which left you with the dilemma of what to give him. Last year you'd gone with a new hat and a key to your place, which was pretty damn good as far as you're concerned. This year, it's going to have to be even more special, seeing as he's now your boyfriend instead of whatever weird combination of fucking and dates and denying any sort of commitment he was last year. So yeah, it's gonna have to be good.

You spend about half of the day before pacing around, trying to think up something to give him. Hats, clothes, and other material possessions cross your mind before you dismiss them; if he wanted anything like that, he'd already have it. Clarence starts pawing at your leg, letting out hungry little whines, and halfway through you pouring out a bowl of food it hits you. You could get him a pet. More specifically, a gecko.

You travel to the closest pet store to pick up a tank, which ends up being this fucking huge 20 gallon tank that eats up most of your money. You pick up other things the store clerk recommends you to, and walk out of the store with your wallet empty. Thank god you still have some in the bank.

You go to another store that specializes in reptiles across town and end up buying two; one is a slightly chubby little thing, and the other draws you into a staring contest for a solid five minutes before a clerk interrupts and asks if you need help.

You set up their tank for an overnight stay and mostly undo it the next night, sending Scoff a request to come over as you lump it all back in the car. Soon enough, you're on his doorstep, geckos back in the box they came in with a little bow on the top. You knock twice, and wait.

#peccantdiplomacy #i wrOTE TOO MUCH

peccantdiplomacy

Manly, yes. But also adorable.

One day I'm gonna take a selfie that makes y' think "Damn, Scoot ain't adorable, how could I have ever dared t' call him that when he's so obviously badass." an' then you'll be sorry.

#peccantdiplomacy

peccantdiplomacy replied to your photo:Selfie time motherfuckers. (Scoot now has a...

Y’ adorable fucker.

I'm th' manliest man that ever dared t' man.

#peccantdiplomacy

Selfie time motherfuckers.

(Scoot now has a gigapause account ahah)

#art post #pbbbbt

Your lukewarm pissmilk colored suit pisses me off

Least it's a suit an' not th' bunch 'f dirty stinkin' rags you wear.

#shots fired #stabbyasshole

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