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@mediclzen
indie, semi private Nehan RP blog. Novella length replies that wont be tagged as long post so please have this in mind when following.
Follows back with @noirmuses as this is a sideblog.
Written by noir.
About | Rules | Verses
ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββascending. ascending. ββ ββββββ βββmelting. dying. ββ ββββββ βββweak in the knees. ββ ββββββ βββgonna pass out.
heh vitals are ok (quite fast and a thunderous pulse...) and skin seems to not have problems beyond the mysterious flush now deepening.
Nehan simply sighs, content with his actions, placing a small but meaningful kiss at the bridge of his nose, letting it last while still cupping the other's jaw.
ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββso he wants him to die. ββ ββββββ βββ
hmm? wonder why the sixth of the eternals seems all flushed? perhaps he should check... cupping his jaw ever so gently to get a better look.
heh
ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββah... ββ ββββββ βββthe telltale dismissiveness.
ββ ββββββ βββof all things he should have seen coming, it should have been that, too. ββ ββββββ βββalas, Seox had only accounted for Nehan's scolding, while he should have been completely prepared for mate's flippant ways as well. ββ ββββββ βββ( they may be in agreement about that term, though some may find it strange. ββ ββββββ βββββ ββββββ βββββ βββββbut what else could they call it? ` boyfriend ` was just too juvenile. )
ββ ββββββ βββonce upon a time, the other wolf had used that very part of his nature to give Seox a challenge. ββ ββββββ βββhe must have thought if he kept him guessing long enough, he'd get frustrated and give up β ββ ββββββ βββhowever, judging by their circumstances now, he never did. every new guessing game made Seox more determined, and even now, that rings true. ββ ββββββ βββeventually, he strikes the right chord. that's always how it's went. ββ ββββββ βββ
ββ ββββββ βββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` Heh... Good to know you'll never go easy on me. ``
ββ ββββββ βββhe's gotten easier to read, but he always has to keep Seox on his toes somehow. ββ ββββββ βββeven when he doesn't even mean to.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` Alright. Stew it is. ``
ββ ββββββ βββjust a bit more filling, but it's probably what they both need, anyways. ββ ββββββ βββhe could order a bread side to dip in the broth, too. ββ ββββββ βββit didn't sound like a bad idea. not to him, anyway. though, he's not the one that has the final say. ββ ββββββ βββhe always leaves that to Nehan.
ββ ββββββ βββand while he lets him contemplate, the steering wheel is turned to the left as Seox branches away from the main roads, drawing ever more closer to their complex by the minute. in that time, his brief flare of amusement marginally lessens as well, and his facial expression returns to a neutral state.
ββ ββββββ βββsigh. a shame that he'd glower at him if he reached across to hold his hand again, even though they aren't even on the more hazardous roads anymore. oh, well. he'll have his time when they're inside.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` You'll have to pick the movie since I'm suggesting the food. ``
ββ ββββββ βββthe least he can do is throw on something that won't drive Nehan absolutely insane to listen to, after all β ββ ββββββ βββbut in that same breath, a more important question surfaces than even that.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` Do you want me to bring your cane around to you once ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ βββwe park? I know you're usually able to grab it, but... ``
ββ ββββββ βββi want to help more. ββ ββββββ βββ
well. at first Nehan used to simply make it the hardest thing to even guess what he was thinking entirely for the reason he wanted Seox to simply give up. prove he is not the man the other wanted to spend his life for or even attempt some kind of connection. He βplayedβ hard to get, sent him off to impossible tasks only to be surprised the other would simply notβ¦ give up. Find amusement in some of the most redundant things Nehan would say or simply be confused and shyly ask to explain himself, while Nehan had to pinch his nose and either and actually explain himself, sound like a complete asshole or rephrase.
Now? hardly he really does such thing. Itβs mostly borne of that the wolf simply didnβt know himself enough - only now by mere coincidences it is that theyβve discovered things the other likes; a thing that has gone both ways even in a surprising twist of fate. From plant care to tastes Nehan hadnβt given a moment to truly bloom when he had simply accepted his sense of taste would never come back, only to be proved absolutely wrong and still feel the faintest things when it came to certain flavors - something that only made him realize the affliction being a mental thing, much to his irritation.
He adds a low chuckle on his own, deep, tired but itβs a fair amusement. β Stew it is then - I believe you had a place in mind, since you tend to order from certain places often. β Raduga, Le ciel - those can think at the top of his head, the second one being where Nehan often spends his break time since it resided within walking distance of his building. Perhaps there are others, or Seoxβs phone brings a suggested place; but one thing is for sure, Seox does have quite good luck with choosing such things ending up being nice, that same inconsequential luck being the lead cause of how they both have discovered what they actually like and what they donβt quite like simultaneously.
dim yellow lights become what he can see in the passing from the driverβs seat upon the branching from the main road, another sip taken in silence until the slighest sound does happen announcing that the hazelnut latte... is no more - the tiniest disappointment crossing over his face at this small inconvenience but cast to the side with ease, weighting Seoxβs ask - thinking of a movie or documentary to choose as background noise before exhaustion completely takes over at some point. Finally, finally one ear idly flicking and some dust leaving the tangle between his unkempt fur at the tip of dark rims. β Yes, I believe this time I might need help to get out the vehicle - blame it to standing and walking back and fort through long corridors for hours. β whereas usually Nehan would deeply dislike any kind of assist; he still does, but their relationship had given space in his heart to see such thing as just what it is, a simple want to make life a little bit easier on him (On his 'old bones' as Nehan joked one time and Seox looked at him scandalized for several minutes.)
It, too, is a win win exchange as Nehan had grown fond of the other's natural warmth too, like a moth to a flame but the flame was the world's sweetest man that Nehan certainly has had a good amount of moments where he feels like he truly doesn't deserve any of this kindness - but does he deny himself it at this point? Not really, nor does he wants it out his life when it's made things truly more... colorful compared to endlessly white four walls and continously beeping equipment numbing his ears on a daily basis.
ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββSeox can't help the quirk of his lip at Nehan's nagging chastising. ββ ββββββ βββthe chastising he already knew was coming, granted his most unfortunate encounter with a fool that didn't understand the concept of watching the road β ββ ββββββ βββbut here nor there.
ββ ββββββ βββ( even though, again, it wasn't even Seox's own fault. )
ββ ββββββ βββit's this that he really feels solidifies how well he'd come to know Nehan. that... ββ ββββββ βββhe could already tell what he would do, before he even did it.
ββ ββββββ βββit's a small, barely even consequential thing to incite mirth, but his heart always was the deeply sentimental sort. that, or he was just simply hopeless. ββ ββββββ βββknowing himself, it could very well be both.
ββ ββββββ βββhe could almost laugh at his own ridiculousness.
ββ ββββββ βββbut that's barely important. not when he has other things to use his mouth for β ββ ββββββ βββlike right now, where he occupies it with kissing the back of Nehan's hand before he must reluctantly let it go. ββ ββββββ βββit's not a simple peck, either. he holds it to his lips for a few long moments, taking that time to shut his eyes and inhale a deep breath as he lets the warmth of his own affections spread from his chest outward, before equilibrium returns with his next exhale. ββ ββββββ βββonly then is he content to let go, the hand he was using to hold his dropping to the gear shift.
ββ ββββββ βββfirst reverse to pull out of the space, ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` I'm smarter than to allow myself to put us in danger just to ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ βββindulge my own selfishness. `` ββ ββββββ βββthen into drive to steer them out of the lot and onto the open roads.
ββ ββββββ βββthankfully, the drive won't take too long. this late at night, practically no one else is on the streets the farther away they get from the hospital, other than a few sparse few. the lights never take too long to turn, either. and there are less idiots around revving their engines loud enough to make Seox's ears ring painfully.
ββ ββββββ βββSeox lets the ride be mostly silent, other than the sound of other passing vehicles and the occasional question β only ones that hold importance.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` What would you want to eat? ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ βββI'm not picky. ``
ββ ββββββ βββof course, insinuating that they'd share it. ββ ββββββ βββNehan often didn't finish full servings, and Seox was always more than happy to clean off whatever he didn't.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` Some of your unfinished books are on the coffee table, too. ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ βββI set them out in case you were in that sort of mood. ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ βββDidn't think you would be up for a movie or show tonight, ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ βββbut feel free to prove me wrong if otherwise.`` ββ ββββββ βββ
the normal eye would see them together like this and believe Nehan didn't even like the other man, that his flat expression was merely entertaining the fool and his affection in some twisted one-sided thing that only the biggest moron would put up with or realize their mistake of loving the world's least emoting man in the world and finally give up. But the story is way different. There is a crinkle under his eye from amusement, there is a gentle warmth at his heart in an otherwise naturally cold body as the other wolf simply basked in their shared privacy - Nehan does like it, he absolutely allowed it once his heart had grown fond for the other - alas despise the great lengths and ridiculous, moronic attempts at coursing Seox did for something as silly as asking out the very doctor that dragged him out from near death seasons ago, now having earned said Doctor's interest and, later, his love.
Nehan's care came in many silent ways, to bandages always restocked for Seox's more or less tough job the doctor never asks what it is about when he has no real interest unless the other talked about it - teas that were made with medicinal herbs Nehan's own research have been produced with the other's needs in mind without even saying a word beyond idle 'this should numb your pain' or 'this has good supplements for your everyday life' to the most domestic things ever that came completely from a natural choice of simply seeking affection Nehan never knew he had starved himself of, and lean on Seox's side while sharing a sofa or the bed, and their sleep being plentiful when for the longest time, Nehan struggled a lot to have a good sleep or outright any, if at all.
And he enjoys the silent rides with the occasional chatter, obvious questions that Nehan doesn't think much of after they have made distance away from the building and, instead now on the road with very little cars also around - Nehan's eye on the front, idly paying attention to every light, every shop that's either closed or still open (usually bars and other night-time shops that he's never really stepped into yet pick his curiosity for moments.) '' Nothing too heavy, perhaps soup or chicken pittas. Whatever you find that looks nice. '' He comments after a red stop, by now they're close to their apartment unit - somewhere Nehan's been made a part of despise his initial hesitance entirely borne to the way of perceiving Seox's charity and completely honest choice to move in his place as pity and mock; Nehan so used to be looked down to, his pride and his ego getting in the way of when people genuinely wish to lend a hand to the bitter man, and yet... Seox was able to break past it, made Nehan realize his own apartment no longer was suitable for his disabilities, where Seox's was much better with the added benefits of a life together in a perfectly reasonable balance between each other's needs.
And Nehan more or less looks like a wreck, his visible eyebag darker than the usual - his ears downy without the strength to even emote at all or bother with any buildup dust that's stuck on the fur of them and flick at all, his hand resting still right where Seox had laid the less strong one while the drive goes on, while the other holds on the half finished hazelnut drink that Seox has brought for the other filling his blood with some sugar that perhaps Nehan had failed to account for as a factor of his declining energy. (But when it came to his own care, Nehan was the worst patient anyone would ever have to deal with, and perhaps Seox the one and only with a saint's patience to deal with his unreasonable moods sometimes whereas others easily gave up on Nehan.) '' ... '' He processes the later words, with the slighest tilt of his head that barely even shows. '' I don't really feel like my eye has it in me to be able and read, but if you put a movie I'll listen. '' Until perhaps he falls asleep, Nehan always was the first one to succumb in this kind of evenings too.
...
perhaps, too, Seox's silly ministrations and selfish kisses had absolutely softened Nehan's mood in a way where he also doesn't mind perhaps, once they pull over in the parking loot of their residence, his assistance to get out the car - but for now he says nothing about it.
ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββit isn't much, but it's... something. ββ ββββββ βββjust one small thing to keep the headache a pace behind.
ββ ββββββ βββit will still likely occur, Seox well knows, but that ghost of a smile he catches as he makes his way around the hood tells him that he's at least shaved seconds off of its coming.
ββ ββββββ βββfor now, that's good enough. a battle won.
ββ ββββββ βββbut... there are other battles. ones Nehan has to face on his own. ββ ββββββ βββgetting into the car, unfortunately, is one of them. ββ ββββββ βββsome days are better than others. no matter what, though, it's always a process.
ββ ββββββ βββSeox is just about to offer to hold the drink for him, just to make it a little bit easier β even leans over the center console in preparation to do so β however... he decides to stay his tongue, opting to just jump in if needed.
ββ ββββββ he's learned better not to fuss too much. ββ ββββββ βββNehan never appreciated it, and always met his over-concern with irritated glares that spoke ` enough, i can do this on my own ` better than even his mouth could, which is impressive for a man whose gruff attitude already would make such words pack a bite. ββ ββββββ βββultimately, Nehan does achieve it on his own, too, so Seox leans back in front of the wheel as a silent relief washes over him. silent, because he knows better than to let that show in this context, too. ββ ββββββ βββ
ββ ββββββ βββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` I didn't know how much you ate, or even if you have at all, ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ βββso I opted with just something small to tide you over for ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ βββthe ride. ``
ββ ββββββ βββthe keys are fished out of his pocket, and the engine roars back to life once given a turn into the ignition.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` I planned on ordering something larger when we got ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ βββhome, though. I haven't eaten yet. ``
ββ ββββββ βββit's best he doesn't say the at all part, granted that would also add to the stack of irritations his partner already had mounting up. instead, he chooses to punctuate his statement by reaching over and giving Nehan's knee a small squeeze; ββ ββββββ βββsubtle affection, because while Seox wanted to hold his hand during the drive, he knows he would be looked at as utterly irresponsible for not having both hands on the wheel in doing so.
ββ ββββββ βββhe could wait. ββ ββββββ βββhe's probably not in the mood at the moment to be overly doted on right now, anyways.
ββ ββββββ βββwith that, they pull out of the parking lot, and are homeward bound.
ββ ββββββ βββa much better home than a room with no more than curtains, monitors, and a mounted television playing the most godawful shows one could ask to see while suffering in a stiff bed with thin sheets. ββ ββββββ βββ
trulyβ¦ sometimes Nehan still struggles to begin to comprehend how it all ended how it is right now, how out of everything ever done and all his own struggles, this man that without a beat nor even a request he couldβve typed in his phone already has most done for the two of them, for the evening, for theirβ¦ place together. ( Nehan does pay his part even despise Seox had made it a point he doesnβt have to. Stubbornly, however, Nehan pays what he uses, be it the electricity bills, water, and a bit for just the place itself considering his career right now has him with more than enough.) The comfort of the car is already something that pulls his weary shoulders to relax a bit - do the last thing and put on the seat belt while his eye is lost to the city lights beyond the parking loot.
There is, of course a gravely look down when he feels that warm hand at his thigh - of course, he says nothing for now about it because technically Seox's not driving yet so the affection, the seek of touch his partner had a knack for was acceptable...
...
It softens a bit, he's truly too tired to even form some kind of witty come back or a scold against Seox's absolutely reckless choices of where and when he wishes something like this; in all of his career and life, Nehan simply looks down at that hand, and he brings his bad one on top of it. He cannot feel much from his left leg beyond the weight of the other's palm, or the very faint warmth he can feel through his own laying atop it - a leisure he indulges so long the vehicle doesn't move. '' Just because you're not driving. Bot hands on the wheel once you're done.'' A perfectly sound exchange, one that made sense as it also feeds on the faint own need for... this, one Nehan didn't know he ever sought for so long until Seox happened. And he lowers the drink into his other thigh and lets the moment within the silent parking loot take a bit of their minutes, with the hum of the Car's engine akin to white noise for Nehan much more familiar than the constant beeping from machines and each monitor around each room he had to check for the day, those in no use and those monitoring the vitals of new take ins of patients in for every reason any could ever think of, to the least life-threatening ones. This? was less monotonous, along the dull glow of the console's lights.
'' That's fine with me, I'll try to have some, probably I didn't have much. '' and that was an understatement, especially knowing Nehan's bad relationship with food. One he's never given Seox a real explanation why but thanked in silence the other didn't nag at him and instead... adapted. Another of the many surprises the wolf always brings to the plate - his hand retreats from Seox's as he urges the other with a weak push of his thigh for the other to finally drive them back. '' Lets make haste then. '' which in reality was more like ' I want to be anywhere but this prison of white, thanks ' in terms of tone and how his own eye seems to simply be lost in the dim darkness of the city at night.
continued with @mediclzen from here.
the silent buzz of his phone is something that makes downy ears perk subtly, his attention is brought to the dim light it gives even when his office, finally silent enough to let his brain ring with too many human interaction, too many incompetent people that grace his door, too many patients that were stupid and had problems that could have been avoided if they had some sort of common sense Nehan is very, very sure as time goes on, people have absolutely started to lose and itβs something in the air that polluting their brains scrapping any ability to think rationally. But enough rubbing the bridge of his nose or feeling years off his life being peeled away layer by layer because of people on a daily basis - picking his phone which feels for no reason at all too heavy at his palm, squint his working eye at the flash of the screenβs brightness being too much for seconds before settling into seeing the message of the very few ones that heβs allowed to share information and. Rightβ¦ The cavalry is here. The saving grace away from this circus of bad decisions and terrible management (or so he sometimes complains when most decisions in the end fall on his hands because it always seemed everyone else had no brains in terms of how to organize at all.)
It has been enough time Nehan allows himself to thinkβ¦ he likes this young manβa attention. Even if at first he was definitely the most idiotic, foolish individual heβs ever had the displeasure to know - to think someone would fall for him, as soon as the once injured Seoxβ¦ Xing awakened at the bed of the hospital in Nehanβs care and that being the very start of the most ridiculous play of hide and seek - which was more seeking than hiding because he absolutely did not his himself from Seoxβs awful excuses whenever the young man would come back with supposed minor injuries, balant lies just to see again the Doctor that brought him back to the living worldβ¦ an exaggeration of cource but even now Nehan, in what little time he gives to think for himself and his life that little had going on, now he looks back and wonders justβ¦ Sigh His chair creaks as he braces himself to stand,his back would scare a chiropractor's soul if they ever heard the sounds it could make by the mere action of stret his better hand flag against a very organized-disorganized desk with an array of signed papers and charts. Those already checked while those he will leave for the day so he can later grab his cane, secure the clasps around his arm and commence closing his shift. β never graceful about it beyond just clocking out, getting a few looks from the nurses and receptionists Nehan barely says anything to beyond a look, a nod of his head and off he is, the click of his cane and graceful steps breaking the otherwise sterile silence that mostly echoed with a few of chatter from other people in the distance. When he's at the waiting room, his tired eye scans for the familiar tuff of silver hair and ears so similar to his own but pointier (and sometimes they get mistaken as relatives despise Nehan only ever had a sister, and beyond that, he's never know about his family in reality and neither he cares to dig into that can of worms.) Has it been what... 10 minutes? 15ish? ever since he got that message and the walk towards his... boyfriend? (and Nehan makes a face when thinking of it like that, it sounded way too childish and yet, it kind of is the status of what they are to one another after Seox's persistent stubbornness into getting to know him and discover they both shared so much in common despise they vastly different views of life.) Nonetheless, he makes his way, white coat still on but hanging from just one shoulder while the other pooled lower without much of an ounce of care in his soul, his ID tucked away into one of the large pockets of the coat, various of his pens clicking a bit whenever he'd take steps - partially interested what game now Seox had been consumed in that his eyes appear... hilariously unblinking and terribly focused, even if those sensitive ears definitely had caught the man he's waiting for. '' Xing. '' He never has called the other by his given tittle, not when it isn't needed - and there wasn't anyone around beyond a few sleeping elderly people also at the waiting room, chances of anyone else listening to the two near zero. '' Lets go. '' His voice is low, tired, gruff - but it holds no animosity that once had been there in the past. With time and their relationship blossoming, Nehan himself having started to mellow down and actually hold his tongue, rephrase and actually try and not hurt someone's feelings.
ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββ... perhaps, indeed, it was not exactly ideal to fall in love with the doctor treating you after a near-fatal motorcycle crash when you were trying to tail a suspect as an undercover private investigator.
ββ ββββββ βββperhaps it was even more foolish to find appeal in every second he looked down at you like you were a complete and total idiot for going at the speed you were in the first place, even though it... technically... ββ ββββββ βββwasn't even your fault.
ββ ββββββ βββmaybe it makes him even more foolish to like how he's sour. to have kept liking that he's sour. to still like that he's sour.
ββ ββββββ βββhe always found Nehan akin to tangy candy. the other coating is nearly too much to bear for most, but when you chew a little more? there's sweetness there. the longer you hold it in your mouth, the sweeter it gets. ββ ββββββ βββthere were chances he'd gotten to see in his visits where Nehan had been treating child patients before him. those times, his eyes were softer. his tone was softer, too.
ββ ββββββ βββthose moments, although it's embarrassing to admit, he was envious. ββ ββββββ βββhe wondered, time and time again, what he'd have to do to make him look at him that same way. ββ ββββββ βββso he tried thinking a little harder. giving a little more. not being so ridiculous and speaking in the way he knew how to much better; actions.
ββ ββββββ βββfrom gifted coffee to shave off the hassle, to offered help outside of the hospital setting, to care packages of food so Nehan didn't have to bother himself with further interaction than needed just for some sustenance.
ββ ββββββ βββit's thanks to those things that Seox now can see that sweetness for himself in full technicolor. ββ ββββββ βββno, first to see it β now to have it. ββ ββββββ βββto see it was in Nehan actually beginning to regard him with a thanks. it was for Nehan to begin entertaining his perhaps (in other people's eyes, and maybe even Nehan's too at that point) moronic requests for time outside of this sterile prison, as he's so often called it on nights like these.
ββ ββββββ βββto have it is to be able to say that Nehan now lives with him. to be able to say that they share the same bed, the same food, that Nehan even sometimes steals his clothes when he's cold, and to say that they relax on the same couch in the same living room.
ββ ββββββ βββto have it is to be able to stand from this stiff waiting room seat after putting his phone away to join him at his side, and to be able to diligently slide his coat off from the arm it's nearly dangling from and hang it over his forearm. ββ ββββββ βββto have it is then to be able to place his hand gently on the small of his back without being hissed at for it, and being able to walk side by side with him out of those double sliding doors just like that. ββ ββββββ βββ
ββ ββββββ βββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` I brought something for you. ``
ββ ββββββ βββit's something that hasn't changed, and probably will never at this point β ββ ββββββ βββunlike how Seox talks to Nehan when he's as mentally tried as he is these nights; ββ ββββββ βββfrom normal volume, he speaks lower now, more attentive to how there may or may not be a headache creeping up on him after the level of annoyance he must have taken.
ββ ββββββ βββhe doesn't expect Nehan to respond with anything but a grunt, if even that. he just states it, settling to let Nehan discover it when they get to the car. ββ ββββββ βββof which, when they reach, he goes the extra mile to open the door for him, too. ββ ββββββ βββ... where his drink and small parcel of a snack lies in wait for him in the middle console.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` The hazelnut drink you like. I figured it would help a little. ``
ββ ββββββ βββa small rub up and down the path of his spine after the reveal β an ` i love you ` without words βa nd he leaves his side to get in on the driver's side.
ββ ββββββ βββno more motorcycles, as Nehan had told him when he was on bedrest. ββ ββββββ βββand now that they live together, he really can't. ββ ββββββ βββ
to be released from that sterile prison by the other was definitely a grand help that Nehan didn't know he needed for so long - they are far in their relationship that Nehan simply does not mind the touch, seeks it even some days - lets it happen even when nurturing a migraine from overworking himself from thinking too much when even βhelpβ in the office barely was helpful and instead became a hindrance he had at least the prestige to push away and work almost aloneβ¦ winning a few slaps on the wrist in the way of cource, or complains that later get lost in paperwork to never be seen again.
Itβs laughable, heβd think. But at the same time, he was only a young adult still, one that life simply had given so little at first and seen the worst of humanity first thing and later? handed everything on a plate when he had just given up, all in exchange of work, of a somewhat stable life if he could ignore his permanently wounded body, weak limbs and his non working eye that was much better hidden away with an eyepatch than forcing the eyelid shut by himself to be able and at least see.
But he couldnβt deny Seoxβs presence in his life, while at first rather annoying, became something indispensable - the silent offers for help without looking down the very same man that kept him from deathβs door, to look past his tough, cold shell of a heart that tells of many, many years not letting himself open to anyone - all patiently seen and loved equally for an undeserving man Nehan believes himself to be yet also cared little about it when he knew he was good at what he did and never left his own debts unpaid. Following side to side his partnerβ¦ mate? yes, even now Nehan is trying to think a better label that boyfriends whereas his mind raced with everything he had one during the day, only for something so meager and domestic be the source of the frown he wears now, a frown Seox has learned is not aimed at him or at their situation together at all and instead minds his own life, while being the ever so selfless man heβs always been.
His train of though taken away once more as the carβs door opens and the delightful treat sits where he should, it ears a gruff exhale, the telltale small smile and softening of his features that equates to a βthanks.β As the air of the streets that are much richer ( namely, the very faint scent of gasoline, a bit of smoke and humidity an evening cane in hand with. ) than the sterility of the ward and waiting rooms of the hospital - he undoes the clasps at his arms to place his cane at the back seats without much of a mind to it beyond doing it quick and not risk his leg giving up too soon on him, his weaker hand braces against the roof of the car as support while he sees the cane touch the floor of the carβs backseat, and with that done he, then, focuses on the treats, the drink that had a safe cap that at least was a much better thing than accidentally being drenched in a sweet hazelnut latte sticky all over, good thinking.
β thank you, Xing. β thatβs another thing that has started to happen not so long ago, entirely from his heart without forcing himself at all - giving regards to all these little things, acknowledgement that perhaps in the past others wouldβve called out as rude and unbecoming. Yet Seox did not care and kept going in his pursuit for the only man that did not have, initially, any interest in any kind of interaction. ( And especially in a workplace situation and yetβ¦ it also, looking back, made those days quite entertaining beyond seeing mild cases of flu, awful accidents and people being stupid.) he's a bit strained in his voice of course where it shows he's beyond exhausted and yet still able to function a bit more and perhaps way too many coffee cups he already consumed prior the other's arrival.
Making himself comfortable at the driver's seat takes a bit more than it'd take a normal person, between holding the cup with his good hand and using the weaker one to push himself to sit and then guide his weak leg... it always made Nehan fill a bit more the cup in his mind where he'd place cold anger at himself, one he later sets aside and deals with it when his emotions get the best of him, tonight however? he's too tired for it.
Usually... the rides back home, the home Seox offered Nehan considering his own living space was absolutely not the best for his conditions, were very silent but occasional words from Seox himself answered with a grunt, a hum or a nod - Nehan does no waste time to begin sipping his drink from the straw the capped cup has. (perhaps he needed this more than he realized....)
ββ ββββββ βββmodern.
ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββa gear is shifted into park shortly before a running engine ceases in its humming.
ββ ββββββ βββit's late. 9pm, about. ββ ββββββ βββexactly twelve hours after he had dropped Nehan off at this hospital in the morning.
ββ ββββββ βββthis is how his days typically went, as Seox has come to learn. ββ ββββββ βββsometimes the shifts were only ten hours, and others, they dragged into a long twelve. ββ ββββββ βββtwelve was the worst case scenario. ten was typical. ββ ββββββ βββadditionally, almost always, when Nehan was kept for twelve, he was not happy after.
ββ ββββββ βββSeox already knows what mood he'll be in for taking care of, that being said, but strangely enough... ββ ββββββ βββwhere he once found a need to brace himself, there is no such delay anymore. ββ ββββββ βββonly a deep breath in, and that's just to have enough in his lungs when he heaves himself out of the driver's seat.
ββ ββββββ βββan ear flicks when the car door shuts behind β it always does; the sound is always louder than his ears are prepared for β and without a further moment wasted, Seox crosses from the parking lot to the sliding doors leading to Nehan's ward.
ββ ββββββ βββit'll likely be a moment before they truly release him from behind those locked doors beyond the waiting room, but Seox is always prepared for this. ββ ββββββ βββhe finds a seat once inside β one that he is so acquainted with that he thinks maybe its left open to him every time on purpose β and pulls out his cell, sending a message to tell him that he's here whenever he's ready before settling in for some idle phone gaming. ββ ββββββ βββ
the silent buzz of his phone is something that makes downy ears perk subtly, his attention is brought to the dim light it gives even when his office, finally silent enough to let his brain ring with too many human interaction, too many incompetent people that grace his door, too many patients that were stupid and had problems that could have been avoided if they had some sort of common sense Nehan is very, very sure as time goes on, people have absolutely started to lose and itβs something in the air that polluting their brains scrapping any ability to think rationally.
But enough rubbing the bridge of his nose or feeling years off his life being peeled away layer by layer because of people on a daily basis - picking his phone which feels for no reason at all too heavy at his palm, squint his working eye at the flash of the screenβs brightness being too much for seconds before settling into seeing the message of the very few ones that heβs allowed to share information and.
Right⦠The cavalry is here. The saving grace away from this circus of bad decisions and terrible management (or so he sometimes complains when most decisions in the end fall on his hands because it always seemed everyone else had no brains in terms of how to organize at all.)
It has been enough time Nehan allows himself to thinkβ¦ he likes this young manβa attention. Even if at first he was definitely the most idiotic, foolish individual heβs ever had the displeasure to know - to think someone would fall for him, as soon as the once injured Seoxβ¦ Xing awakened at the bed of the hospital in Nehanβs care and that being the very start of the most ridiculous play of hide and seek - which was more seeking than hiding because he absolutely did not his himself from Seoxβs awful excuses whenever the young man would come back with supposed minor injuries, balant lies just to see again the Doctor that brought him back to the living worldβ¦ an exaggeration of cource but even now Nehan, in what little time he gives to think for himself and his life that little had going on, now he looks back and wonders justβ¦
Sigh
His chair creaks as he braces himself to stand,his back would scare a chiropractor's soul if they ever heard the sounds it could make by the mere action of stret his better hand flag against a very organized-disorganized desk with an array of signed papers and charts. Those already checked while those he will leave for the day so he can later grab his cane, secure the clasps around his arm and commence closing his shift. β never graceful about it beyond just clocking out, getting a few looks from the nurses and receptionists Nehan barely says anything to beyond a look, a nod of his head and off he is, the click of his cane and graceful steps breaking the otherwise sterile silence that mostly echoed with a few of chatter from other people in the distance.
When he's at the waiting room, his tired eye scans for the familiar tuff of silver hair and ears so similar to his own but pointier (and sometimes they get mistaken as relatives despise Nehan only ever had a sister, and beyond that, he's never know about his family in reality and neither he cares to dig into that can of worms.) Has it been what... 10 minutes? 15ish? ever since he got that message and the walk towards his... boyfriend? (and Nehan makes a face when thinking of it like that, it sounded way too childish and yet, it kind of is the status of what they are to one another after Seox's persistent stubbornness into getting to know him and discover they both shared so much in common despise they vastly different views of life.) Nonetheless, he makes his way, white coat still on but hanging from just one shoulder while the other pooled lower without much of an ounce of care in his soul, his ID tucked away into one of the large pockets of the coat, various of his pens clicking a bit whenever he'd take steps - partially interested what game now Seox had been consumed in that his eyes appear... hilariously unblinking and terribly focused, even if those sensitive ears definitely had caught the man he's waiting for.
'' Xing. '' He never has called the other by his given tittle, not when it isn't needed - and there wasn't anyone around beyond a few sleeping elderly people also at the waiting room, chances of anyone else listening to the two near zero. '' Lets go. '' His voice is low, tired, gruff - but it holds no animosity that once had been there in the past. With time and their relationship blossoming, Nehan himself having started to mellow down and actually hold his tongue, rephrase and actually try and not hurt someone's feelings.
ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββthank goodness... ββ ββββββ βββthank goodness.
ββ ββββββ βββhe's sure that's what Yichen would have said β they were best friends, after all. but hearing it... ββ ββββββ βββall the fears and pains in his little sleepy heart fade. ββ ββββββ βββmaybe it was selfish of him... much of all of this was. but he truly didn't want Yichen to ever abandon him. ββ ββββββ βββnot like the rest did, when he was so sure he'd done everything right.
ββ ββββββ ββYichen wasn't like them. he could confidently say that he saw him for the boy he was; not a prodigy, not a monster, but just Xing. this brought great ease to Xing, time and time again, and... ββ ββββββ βββhe couldn't bear the thought of losing that. it was too much.
ββ ββββββ βββbut Yichen won't make him, and he's grateful for it. like this, he can be at ease, and all can be well again. ββ ββββββ βββhe can fall back to sleep snuggled close to his best friend as always, and there would be no worry that Yichen would ever just up and go away.
ββ ββββββ βββhe can't help a few extra sniffles, despite the tears never having come; ββ ββββββ βββas if the rest of him cried where his eyes didn't.
ββ ββββββ βββhe settles shortly thereafter, though, albeit without relinquishing his grip.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` Uh-huh... I always will, Yichen... I promise, I will... ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ βββNo one gets left behind... I promise... ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ βββNever, ever... ``
ββ ββββββ βββ... with that, it doesn't take long for sleep to pull him back into its realm of dreams, the young pup now much to comfortable once the relief had washed over him to fight it anymore. ββ ββββββ βββ
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ βββββββΈ» β§ββ ββββββ βββββ ββββββ ββββΊβββββ ββββββ βββ ββββββ ββββΎββββ ββββββ βββ ββββββ ββββΊβββββ ββββββ βββ ββββββ ββββ§ βΈ» ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββ
ββ ββββββ βββthe next time he wakes, it's well into noon β ββ ββββββ βββperhaps even after, granted Xing had not detected any sort of sound that would be cause for immediate alarm in his sleep. the brush remains peaceful, the stream just beside their small campsite ever flowing, no monster or person coming to disturb the peaceful campsite they've set.
ββ ββββββ βββstill, in an almost ritualistic way, Xing's ears swivel around as consciousness rouses him back to the waking world, double checking their surroundings for any unusual activity nearby with his excellently acute hearing. ββ ββββββ βββthere remains nothing, however. and that tells him that it's safe to let out the big yawn he was holding in.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` Mmmfh... Too sleepy... ``
ββ ββββββ βββand... streeeetcchhh...
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` Uuugh... Have to... Get up... `` ββ ββββββ βββ
an ear flicks, lazily - even when usually Xing was the one to be on guard even when it wasn't that needed due to having both chosen a good spot to rest without unknown dangers closing by thankfully, still, the habit never dies between them. His hearing isn't as acute as Xing's, of course. But it's just as impressive compared to other erune and, while he always has an easier time rising from sleep...
...
it's not something he wants when the other was so comfortable to cuddle with, their bodies a tangle of limbs; at some point he had curled so he had xing's head under his chin, which made the other's big stretch a bit of a wake-up call he groans sluggishly at in complain before he settles into simply not moving yet beyond his eyes slowly fluttering open - the frown on his face almost comical just like the absolute mess his hair is, as if a tornado had passed by inside the tent.
nonetheless he tries to form something in his mind, sluggish to finally move and take one of the arms draped around Xing's body bringing it to one of his eyes and scrub a bit. '' xing... '' he says not even because he seeks the other but.... simply how it's become the closest thing to a lazy 'good morning'... or at least, right now, namely an afternoon; all while he fights himself a yawn - quite hilarious since it makes Yichen's face scrunch, his tongue bit between teeth and brows furrowed heavily as his ears draw back.
'' we ate.... tons yesterday.... '' he sighs defeatedly, his voice groggy... '' 'n slept late... '' because.... of the little companions they had last night, playing with them, looking at them for who know how long....
ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββas much as it destroys and and combusts and kills Seox... ββ ββββββ βββit melts him, too.
ββ ββββββ βββthe kiss to the beauty mark beneath his eye, namely, makes his heart drop. ββ ββββββ βββnot in dread. more like... as if it had melted, and its liquified form dripped down to the pit of his stomach.
ββ ββββββ βββit's true. he did love that. he loved when he touched him, too β in any way at all, but especially like this. ββ ββββββ βββthese kisses, these caresses... Seox knows that he's given the same to Nehan before, but when the notion is returned, it somehow feels like his heart will burst from it.
ββ ββββββ βββits rapid beat could indeed not slow because of it, even if he feels like his voice grounds him somewhat. ββ ββββββ ββ... maybe. actually, not really. his voice is soothing, the purr when he speaks this low music to his sensitive ears, but the words he says and how he says them β ββ ββββββ βββno, where he says them proves to make him lose his bearings all over again. ββ ββββββ βββ
ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββhe's speechless, nothing but a heap of trembling limbs and a quaking jaw, his hands not even knowing where to put themselves so they just settle at his hips where they've found a home innumerous times before.
ββ ββββββ βββhe's hopeless. he's hopeless. ββ ββββββ βββhe's sure he looks like he must have from the very beginning when this all started; pathetic and lovestricken to the point where his mind blanks and definitely makes him look stupid.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` ... You love this, too. Making a mess of me. ``
ββ ββββββ βββto the point where i forget who and what i am.
ββ ββββββ βββlike always, there is no fight against this demand. he'd never. he wants it, too β constantly, always.
ββ ββββββ βββthat being said, there isn't much distance at all to close. it's nothing but a small angle of his head and the slightest inch forward, and there, their lips touch, nullifying any possibility for further words on the matter.
ββ ββββββ βββthe press is firm, and just like Nehan had abandoned all reservations when it came to this instance of spoiling him, Seox abandons the thought of making it brief.
ββ ββββββ βββa hand lifts to press at the back of the other wolf's nape, keeping him close, sending a message; ββ ββββββ βββstay. right here, stay. please. ββ ββββββ βββ
ohβ¦? that certainly is a change, as Nehanβs eye opens a bit in initial surprised but oh, ohβ¦. He deepens the kiss fully, humming into it a pleased, blissful sound as his own hand still caressing Seoxβs side traces still bare skin, paints unto muscle he finds at the base of wolfβs hips, purrs while tasting into the otherβs very kisses, swipes his tongue against his lips each glide and each little breath while pushing for the otherβs head to go back to the pillow.
There isnβt urgency though, nor a desire for more, the gentle nibble at the otherβs lip is teasing and playful, with an earned deep chuckle from deep within his chest while still ever so receptive to how utterly frozen the otherβs body is - even if his scalp thrills at the somewhat firm hold the other has at his nape (and oh how it does win a small spark of electricity coursing through his back - one he tries to ignore).
β Xingβ¦. β Nehan purrs, how much able he is to draw some distance just to keep spoiling him, lookβ¦ or attempt by now witness the results of how much he has sought for the otherβs attention only to absolutely unravel the sixth of the eternals into no more than a pile of flesh. β perhapsβ¦ eheh.. but you seek me the same way I am doing right now yet you crumble so sweetly when the tables are turned, itβs kind of addictive. β a little sprinkle of truth as he nibbles a bit against his lips, and the. sighs a pleased sound while those warm, trembling hands honto his lips for his dear life - all while Nehan was the very definition of calmness. His entire disposition a picture of zen, of pulling every sting that made the other absolutely melt just with the sweetest praising touch, lavish him both for his own satisfaction, and perhapsβ¦ just perhapsβ¦ to wish and give a little back to Xing the love he gives.
And he knows, too, while firm may his grip be, itβd allow him to move. So move he does, pressing little kisses with now glossy lips at the edge of Seoxβs until he trails them to his chin, to his jaw againβ¦ all while his hand traces back up ever so slowly from hip to his side, press against a few scars he feels at Seoxβs abdomen while whispering a tiny β Beautifulβ¦ β in other times heβd growl but instead, itβd deep in admiration within the blissful stupor of romantic truths he lets flow for once - palms at his chest with reverence to feel his pulse despise he could easily still sense it through his entire body all flush against Seoxβsβ¦ and then - picks up to the opposite side of where heβs kissing, cupping seoxβs jaw; he kisses under his jaw while the hand goes higher in mirror to seoxβs and end right at the goal, smoothing down wild hair that by now probably is a mess, but neither cared at all. β Let meβ¦ β let me what? even Nehan has no idea for once, too lost in simply doing what ridiculous, scandalous things his heart conjures in the conquer of just lavishing the other, take each layer of Seoxβs bit by bit even if he already was a mess.
So he combs through seoxβs hair with nothing but praise, peppers lazy kisses to him all while slowly, ever so slowly guiding the both of them to lie side by side, all while exhaustion of the day, persistent thing that it is like a bug, creeps itβs head but Nehan ignores.
ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββoh, god, he's going to die.
ββ ββββββ βββthis is it. one way or another this evening, he will die and be killed and be dead and die and be dead. ββ ββββββ βββthis is it for him. ββ ββββββ βββit's over. ββ ββββββ βββhe's going to die.
ββ ββββββ βββthe feelings are so intense that not only does he feel like he's going to vomit out his own heart because it is jumping beyond any reasonable means to control it, but his whole body stiffens, too. ββ ββββββ βββhis ears have flattened to the point of disappearing into his hair. ββ ββββββ βββhis hand has stopped in its personal mission of spoiling him back. ββ ββββββ βββthere's even this weird choking sound coming from the back of his throat. ββ ββββββ βββ
ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββhe's dying dying dying dying dying dying dying.
ββ ββββββ βββand he's even more dead when he begins pressing his lips along the path of his jaw, over and over, with seemingly no pattern or goal in mind other than just doing the action itself.
ββ ββββββ βββhe's going to pass out. Bahamut above, he'll pass out right now and... ββ ββββββ βββ... and he doesn't know what after that. but he knows he'll pass out. that much is for certain.
ββ ββββββ βββthe choking sound morphs into something like a whine with how much lighter his head gets, his voice reaching an octave that he's last heard it only when Phos decides it's an opportune time to use his ear as a teething toy.
ββ ββββββ βββit's a pathetic sound.
ββ ββββββ βββhe doesn't actually want Nehan to stop, though. ββ ββββββ βββhe'd be fine if he died and was dead and was killed and died and was dead this way.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` Y... You're... You're killing me... ``
ββ ββββββ βββhe wants to throw an arm over his face so badly, but if he did, he'd knock Nehan away, and he positively does not want him anywhere but right where he is right now.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` I-I'm going... I'm going to d-die... `` ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββ
and oh Nehan could feel it all, it was clear as day as his chuckles leave him silently between peppered kisses that caress the otherβs jaw and tease close to his cheeks. He kisses gently under seoxβs shut eye where his signature mole lies and lets it be more than just touch. He hum against it, lets silver bangs cascade against the dying wolfβs skin that paints hot red from the immense emotions heβs being subject for and Nehan couldβt have it any other way.
β You wont. β itβs a statement. Itβs the purestβs truth out everything because that is it. Seox might feel close to death even frim this but he never would go down that easily wouldnβt he? (but itβd be an understatement to deny he loves seeing the other unravel like this when he was the culprit of doing even more than these acts of affection to Nehan back. The reactions from the wolf miles different but both converging in one simple answer - reciprocation.) β You may stiff all your body canβ¦ β his hand on the otherβs chest trace gentle kneads against the taut muscle, to then trace with his palm the otherβs sideβ¦ ending in a sweet caress against skin he finds there, praising him, all while his kisses against the other lower once more, all while the gentlest purred humβ¦ β , but you love this, you could easily push me aside and yet no matter how much struggling comes, you wouldnβt. β a final whisper right against Seoxβs trembling, open lips, letting the meager distance there linger as his ears face forth just to keep listening the otherβs symphonies and meager sounds that did not match at all someone who would hide himself in the shadows.
But? it made Seox⦠Xing, the one he has allowed in his heart even when he resisted it with tooth and nail all the more human, all the more of a tangible proof against his ever present hesitances.
β Kiss me. β
@mediclzen said;
Times this ever happened or the need rises werenβt as often if put in a board next to the many, many times seox seeks affection himself; from silent needy embraces to kisses at his cheeks, head, forehead - hands in devotion up to the knuckle and sometimes on the very tip of his nose, Nehan could close his eyes and countβ¦ and count and count and yet at this point itβd be surprising to know the each number of times the other wolf ever finds himself in dire need of simply basking in Nehanβs presence and person, something he found once infuriating. But now? while kinda silly someone like Seox and the mental image many has of the mysterious once masked man breaks entirely when heβs glued like a lost puppy to his side. But he doesnβt mind this. It leaves, especially in moments like now, a surprise when it was the other way around. Straddling the otherβs frame around the hips as he looks down to the other, shadowed by nehanβs shade in what little light their evenings always bring beyond the slight warmth of a candleβs spark. His eye low, drinking the sight, the initial confusion on Seox was an exquisite and intriguing thing, the downy ears, the quivering lip and strong hands that hold on sheets as if his entire being was going to be slaughtered tonight once for all - at least that it always looks like, but Nehan's plan wasn't really to go that far, at least the mood isn't there beyond drinking the sight, feed his own heart a little bit especially when Seox looked so willing despise he definitely also felt like that heart was about to burst out his rib cage - heh.
A palm sprawls right where he can feel that thunderous pulse, the ghost of an amused chuckle barely exhaled when he slowly lower himself - bit by bit.... and scoots in a way his head replaces, then, said hand so he can directly rest on top of Seox's chest. '' any more and you'd go in cardiac arrest, Xing. '' he jests, and yet isn't the very cause of the other's plight the wolf himself?
ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββof all the things Seox expected when Nehan had finally discarded his cane and joined him in bed, he can confidently say that this was not among that list.
ββ ββββββ βββnormally, he'd have a book in hand that he'd read until either the candle light burned out or Seox was so tired that he could not stand to not have him in his arms anymore. that, or he would just roll into bed and wait for Seox to hoard him all to himself, since he knew it was coming anyways.
ββ ββββββ βββthat, of course, was not to say that this was unwelcome. ββ ββββββ βββbut it certainly made his throat immediately go dry. ββ ββββββ βββ
ββ ββββββ βββββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββit was rare when Nehan was like this. ββ ββββββ ββββ or, at least, like the way Seox guessed he was. ββ ββββββ βββby the way his hand splays across his chest, isn't it safe to assume so? ββ ββββββ βββwasn't it a valid thing to foresee in his future?
ββ ββββββ βββeven the way he airily chuckles down at him, how he lowers himself β ββ ββββββ βββhe thinks tonight will be the night that he dies β
ββ ββββββ βββexcept... no. ββ ββββββ βββhe simply... lays his head down upon where he can surely feel Seox's heart threatening to jump out of his chest and travel to the next skydom without his body following.
ββ ββββββ βββand it's utterly evil.
ββ ββββββ βββnot in the way that Seox is disappointed, but the fact that Nehan must have done it purely to see his reaction to such a possibility. ββ ββββββ βββ` when have i ever been fair? ` Nehan had once said. ββ ββββββ βββnot once, Seox can wholeheartedly now corroborate.
ββ ββββββ βββdespite it, and the jabbing pain in his chest because yes, truly, he thinks he may indeed be going into cardiac arrest, he drapes a trembling arm around his mate's shoulders while he tries to absolutely no avail to quell the heat that absolutely burns his cheeks.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` ... Is your goal to kill me? ``
ββ ββββββ βββbecause you're achieving it. ββ ββββββ βββ
his humble airy chuckles leave him in bits while he can absolutely attest the other was already all ruffled, if not for the thunderous and perhaps, in any other context, concerning rate at which Seoxβs heart picks on and physically feels so, so close to his ear where he lies flush against his mateβs chest. One of Nehanβs many spots heβs come to learn he doesnβt mind resting on. Instead? heβs amused, knowing that at best like this Seox can see partially a bit of his face if not his bangs absolutely obscuring it all.
β¦
Well, he did kind of enjoy, a lot, Seoxβs reactions in general; it has been many changing of seasons by now, and yet when Nehan did anything that could be considered sweet or engage first before the other in the simple things such as touch, or tease one another, Seox still became red as a beet - his pulse be dangerously close to something like a cardiac arrest, his mouth absolutely failing him, it was intriguing.
β Perhaps. β He isnβt denying nor saying outwardly that yes, maybe heβs in to kill him - figuratively of course. as he picks his head up a little bit so his chin now rest at the flutter of the otherβs chest, seeking to watch the reward of his actions, and oh how he earns a content sound for Seox when feeling that trembling hand carding through his long silver locks - almost like in a feline manner leaning into it, his hand on the other end of the wolfβs chest tracing gentle circles there. β You never really changeβ¦ when itβs about this. β β I like itβ goes unsaid and yet itβd be absolutely a foolβs errant to not notice the way his eye softens when he admits this, a telling thing on what his words wont - as he moves higher while using his other hand to prop himself a little bit, and with thisβ¦ his lips lightly press against the otherβs jaw. A flutter of silent little kisses tracing that quivering thing, seeing if itβd either calm down the otherβa racing pulse or add more coal to the fire that already has the other combusting over.
Also... he traces these kisses in a seemingly mindless need just to - such an unique thing rarely, even now... but more often than before, Nehan ever entertains.
ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββthere's a rustling... ββ ββββββ βββthe steps are small, and they barely even make a sound. if Xing's hearing wasn't so acute, he probably never would have heard them at all, he thinks. ββ ββββββ βββit reminds him of how he was taught to stalk back in Karm. ββ ββββββ βββyou treaded lightly, but with enough speed as to keep up... ββ ββββββ βββeventually, with ample practice, any auditory indication of you ever being there became null.
ββ ββββββ βββbeing with that...
ββ ββββββ βββit had to be Yichen.
ββ ββββββ βββand very shortly, he's relieved to find that to be the truth.
ββ ββββββ βββif it was not the touching of hands that put his heart to ease, it was the press of foreheads β ββ ββββββ βββmuch like they did before slumber. an all-too-familiar source of comfort.
ββ ββββββ βββhis eyes still can't open, but maybe they don't need to. this was definitely Yichen. ββ ββββββ βββthere were no doubts in his mind about it. this was his best friend, and he was back, and he was okay.
ββ ββββββ βββwith that reassurance back in mind, he eases himself back down to lay, and as soon as the other pup is right beside him again, he is quick to pull him into the tightest hug he can manage. ββ ββββββ βββmaybe it's silly to have been so worried, but...
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` You scared me... ``
ββ ββββββ βββit wasn't a sense of betrayal he mumbles with, but he did sound something like... a sad puppy. ββ ββββββ βββthis time, when they touch foreheads again, Xing isn't reserved about his nuzzling back and forth against him.
ββ ββββββ βββnot like he ever was, but still. now, he seems a bit more insistent.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` Yichen... Please, don't go away... ``
ββ ββββββ βββthis... he, maybe, doesn't even realize he's saying. ββ ββββββ βββmaybe he'll probably even forget it later. ββ ββββββ βββbut it comes... from somewhere different. not only from a place of simply worrying for a friend, but... ββ ββββββ βββalso...
ββ ββββββ βββperhaps...
ββ ββββββ βββa very different fear.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` I'd miss you... A lot... I'd be sad, without you here... ``
ββ ββββββ βββa sniffle. ββ ββββββ βββhe's not quite crying β no, much too tired to still, thankfully β but his nose threatens to run as if he was close to it.
ββ ββββββ βββsoggy. ββ ββββββ βββ
it eats at yichen's heart heavily to see the other this... upset, even when sleepy and perhaps not even quite there just yet when finally the barrage of nuzzling between foreheads is what settles both of their hearts. He wants to say the truth, of why... but Xing even notice or process his words in such a state?
Probably not... nonetheless Yichen is resolute in one thing, and he instantly, as soon as those words come from the other's sniffling voice how own joins with the softest '' never. I'd never leave... this escape of us is our adventure. '' he promises, and shall repeat himself over and over should the other young wolf need this repeated again and again, Yichen had no problem with this nor the heartache to hide his white lie that had nothing to do with the other's fears right now.
Makes him.... also a little soft inside, a feeling he doesn't really can quite put a word in, but it's both warm as it also makes him painfully aware of his heart at his chest - ah.... Xing always bringing the unknown even to himself. Yichen can only chuckle lowly as once more, when settled down and absolutely crushed in the other's embrace Yichen's come to know and always enjoy despise he definitely feels as if a bit of his spine pops a little bit (which felt quite nice if anyone ever asked him).
It doesn't matter, he simply pushes however his tiny hands can the blankets around them, more on himself than Xing knowing the other might push them away after a while, and take a deep inhale... and then exhale. '' never.... I only wish.... you to be always by my side, Xing.... '' airly his voice comes out, like a silent little prayer while his own legs tangle on Xing's, and like this... sleep slowly starts to reclaim the young pup, his silent side-mission done, the scare adverted somewhat despise the heartbreak of seeing Xing so distraught for moments.
ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββhis own deepest sleeps most definitely come from this; ββ ββββββ βββhaving something to hold rather than bunched sheets or a pillow, and even better than that, a well cemented feeling of companionship rooted deeply within his heart... ββ ββββββ βββsomething he never had in Karm, even with his mother and father just rooms away.
ββ ββββββ βββthis is a welcome sort of different. more than welcome, truly. more than welcome, even. ββ ββββββ βββand he'll do anything to keep β ... it...?
ββ ββββββ βββan ear flicks subconsciously.
ββ ββββββ βββthat's... strange. he had only shifted just a little bit just now, just to be a little more comfortable, but... ββ ββββββ βββthis thing under his arm feels... much softer than Yichen's body. ββ ββββββ βββit wasn't that the other boy was bony β not so much anymore, anyway β ββ ββββββ βββbut he was thin, and this was not. ββ ββββββ βββit was plush, and a bit dense when given a squeeze.
ββ ββββββ βββit smelled like Yichen, but it definitely wasn't.
ββ ββββββ βββhe squints his eyes, willing himself awake even if they don't open just yet.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` Yichen... ``
ββ ββββββ βββanother squeeze is given to the plush thing in his arms just to confirm, and therein lies the answer. ββ ββββββ βββno. this is not his friend.
ββ ββββββ βββhad nature's calling just gotten him up and he didn't want to disturb him...? was it something else? ββ ββββββ βββhe wouldn't panic just yet, but it does make him starkly aware of a new fact; ββ ββββββ βββhe did not like waking up without Yichen next to him.
ββ ββββββ βββwhen given no response, he pushes himself up onto one of his elbows. ββ ββββββ βββhis eyes still won't open, and his croaky voice tells every story about just how sleepy he still is, but locating the other young wolf took highest priority.
ββ ββββββ βββhis ears swivel every which way, honing in on every sound and putting all the focus his groggy brain can give to just hearing.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` Yichen...? `` ββ ββββββ βββ
it does take a fewβ¦ moments? between burying the dead fireflies somewhere safe and then covering the small dung hole with dirt and moss all enough so it looks the best it can as a parch that was never disturbed at all - and oh, if his heart hadnβt feel like it sank physically would be an understatementβ¦ when he hears that groggy, almost terribly sad voice coming from the tent.
oh noβ¦!
and Yichen makes haste to make his way inside again, ever so quiet - his ears pinned down from fear he had been caught redhanded and then would need to explain himself for betraying his friend like this. By the moments he takes to push the entrance open and then close it behind him⦠however, he is greeted with the most cute sight of the other young wolf simply⦠searching for him with his ears.
Eyes shut, still too tired to even pry one open and see the truth, no. It was something else entirely and Yichen swears he felt what once was a dawning horror that almost physically hurt him of body and soul, to be entirely replaced with an affection he truly doesnβt know how to even begin describe. He kneels close to the bedside of their nest, small slender hands a bit dirty from soil meeting those of Xingβs while he leans in, and presses foreheads. β sorryβ¦ sorry xingβ¦ needed to go do my business, didnβt want to wake you upβ¦ β his own voice is hushed, a whisper for the other groggy wolf to hear, lacing his lie so naturally in a way that at least makes sense as a reason to having left so abruptly - and once he glazes his white lie with something inconsequentially when the young wolf scoots back to where he had been, pushing with his hand that leaves Xingβs the pillow that had been his bad replacement.
β¦
he never says it, he doesnβt have the words for it, but while he makes himself comfortable again, pushing the blankets over his little frame and pressing flush against Xingβs side, Yichen canβt help the emotions running inside him, to hear that voice soβ¦. scared over his small absence. It made his chest hurt in a way none of his books could explain what could cause it beyond whatβs in the mind, and it makes, a Yichen now laying on his side back where he had once been, clutch his chest a little bit. β mβ backβ¦ sorryβ¦ β he will apologize as many timesβ¦. for the harmless scare, for his white lieβ¦ but no regrets are there. Not when is in the matters of protecting that heart of gold.
ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββ` that's why this is better ` ... huff... ββ ββββββ βββhe didn't have to be so right about it... mean Yichen... ββ ββββββ βββ( not really. he'd surely thank him for his persistence later, when he's not so grumpy about this way of being coerced into moving. )
ββ ββββββ ββββ well... maybe not so mean, actually. ββ ββββββ βββmuch less mean when he settles down beside him, praising him for all the hard work he put into their combined efforts during the day. ββ ββββββ βββokay... maybe the betrayal can be forgiven.
ββ ββββββ βββbut, even so sleepy, he refuses to take all the credit. ββ ββββββ βββYichen put work in, too.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` Mmnno... ``
ββ ββββββ βββit takes all of his effort, every bit of strength his small body has, to reach his arm around the other pup and hug him tight β he couldn't have a good sleep without it, though. ββ ββββββ βββand maybe, just maybe, Yichen couldn't either. ββ ββββββ βββat least... that's what he'd selfishly like to think.
ββ ββββββ βββwhat doesn't take any effort, though, is the incessant nuzzling of forehead against forehead, and the groan that follows in the futile effort he finds in the act of snuggling even closer.
ββ ββββββ βββthat's what's really mean.
ββ ββββββ βββwhoever decided that being too close was a thing should be prosecuted or something.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` You... Too... Yichen... ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββββWe did... Really....
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββββHmmnfh... ``
ββ ββββββ βββalas.... all things cease. ββ ββββββ βββthoughts, nuzzles, even the stiffness of his muscles as he tries to hug Yichen closer... all over, in one small instance of mumbling off into sweet nothingness.
ββ ββββββ βββsurely he will remember what he meant to say tomorrow... or perhaps he will say it again tomorrow. ββ ββββββ βββthat's a highly probable thing. he always does. ββ ββββββ βββfor now, it fades into the lovely void of slumber until daylight pries his eyes open once again.
ββ ββββββ βββwhenever it did. who knows; he's comfy. ββ ββββββ βββ
a sort of a sound comes from Yichen when Xingβs impressive strength is used to make of his body a pillow hat the other hubgs so freely, nuzzles into and oh - this is one of his favorite things every evening, selfishly. To sleep with someone, to not be alone when under blankets even if the way it finally became a wish granted for the young pup was with the need to leave that place alongside Xing. There are no regrets, ever, however, only taking whatβs offered, his own arms trying their best to match the initial tight hug, along the gentle little snickers that still erupt from him until his own exhaustion catches up, even his own nuzzling against foreheads cease to something no more than a little shiftβ¦ and within minutes his breath becomes something soft, quiet and slow. Like this, Yichen has never, ever felt cold.
ββββ β’ β¦ β’ ββββ
But the night feels too short - even with the great effort that is to push himself awake even when his mind protested and his body cried against it, he is still able to open his eyes slightly. Groggily.
His breath lightly shakes a bit with what is a failed yawn suppressed in his new silent, personal quest he had in mind ever since yesterday evening, and the young wolf flicks an ear, moving it consciously to listen to Xing. See of he was awake.
β¦
β¦.
Good. He detects the other being still deep asleep.
Which comes the second hardest part, as his body slowly, carefully, and with the greatest effort heβs ever tried to achieve being snake his way out from the cuddle pile that is between him and Xing, their tangle of limbs where they always embrace one another to sleep, while replacing it with part of the cushion they use, all so the other doesnβt stir.
It takes perhaps forever, in the young pupβs mind. And oh how his anxiety he manages to calm down with silent breaths their teachings at karm had been amazing to keep both of them hidden from unwanted attention comes in handy to remain completely silent while finally, finally he is able to guide Xingβs arm, once around his shoulder cuddling his frame, to lay snugly on the cushion.
Now the true mission begins. And Yichen is quick in action, find all the dead fireflies inside the tent, carefully scoop them between his handsβ¦ all to keep Xingβs magic untouched, all so the other doesnβt have to know, for now, how little these friends they had last night actually lived.
Diligent in his quest Yichen makes haste, there arenβt many of them thankfully and he spots them even with the meager morning sunlight without trouble until one last one picks his interest. His ears drooping a little bit, as he sees one of the fireflies that passed away at lump of blankets where he can absolutely guess that's where Xingβs legs curl. He leans to pick that one too while on his knees careful to never disturb his friendβs sleep until he can finally put all of the corpses at a pouch made by using the end of his long shirt while holding part of it. He exits the tent like this, deadly quiet. He's resolute in this white lie for Xing, if it means to protect his heart β even for the strongest between the two, yichen knew better than anyone Xing felt the most and he wanted to make sure the memory to be a happy one, even if waking up so early might leave him a bit sleepy thorough the day later.
He doesn't care, if it's for him.
ββ ββββββ βββ ββ ββββββ βββoh... he wishes he could respond to anything right now, he really does... ββ ββββββ βββthe blankets sound really nice, and so does the cushion they use as a pillow, too...
ββ ββββββ βββbut... he's so tired that... his body... it won't even move...
ββ ββββββ βββ... or, at least, it didn't. for a good bit.
ββ ββββββ βββwhat ends that is the little pinch at his ear.
ββ ββββββ βββeyes that he hadn't even noticed had fallen shut squeeze as a sense of bitter betrayal courses through his whole being, and what comes is a whine that may as well have been summoned from the very pits of his soul.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` Yiicheeennnnn... ``
ββ ββββββ βββhe's been defeated at every part of today, and now, even his best friend will deal a blow on him, too? ββ ββββββ βββet tu, Yichen? et tu?
ββ ββββββ βββat first, it seems like the way Xing leans to his side in the direction of that hand makes it look like he's instead about to play dead and begin some dramatic theatrics, but... ββ ββββββ βββno. maybe some other time, when he's not so tired.
ββ ββββββ βββit's just him rolling onto all fours to groggily drag himself into the tent, using his hands to feel out where and how to go... since his eyes just can't reopen again. ββ ββββββ βββhe finally feels like he's found some success when he feels the softness of their blankets, and this time is when he puts on the dramatics in his act of rolling into the nest of them.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` Not... Fair... ``
ββ ββββββ βββ... oh, boy. those barely even sounded like words. that was more like mumbled nonsense. ββ ββββββ βββthere's no helping it either when he shoves his face into their cushion, too.
ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββ ββ ββββββ ββββΒ `` 'm... Tiiiired... ``
ββ ββββββ βββat least... the necessary evil worked, though. right...? ββ ββββββ βββ
it takes so much of yichen not to snicker as his free hand smacks at his mouth and tries swallowing the fit that almost erupts from the comical display of his best friendβs woes, the herculean effort to move his tired body (and Yichen wonder if heβd be able to drag him in himself should that had been the caseβ¦) and ultimately succeeding at his quest. Thereβs relief as he scoots to the entrace and makes a dew knots at it while keeping a small gap for their insect friends to exit of they manage to find their way out, while the others are all perched at various sides of the inside walls of fabric, some on the bags nestled further form the bed, their light something like a welcoming little candle that does not burn.
β I know, that's why this is better. β Yichenβs voice carries vestiges of his amusement, as ears are slightly pinned back still from swallowed laughter still, all while preparing the last things, smoothing out the blanketsβ¦ mostly he might use, but has come to learn not to feel guilty about using them all - to lastly sit by the otherβs side.
His blue eyes land on where the other little wolf groggily still fights a bit of his sleep, while Yichen was more or less still awake enough, but his own exhaustion catches up - large looking soft ears downy just like his pleased expression he gives the otherβs sleepy grumpiness over the oh so evil betrayal of a slightly pinched ear. β Cβme here Xing, you did amazing todayβ¦ β more than amazing Yichen would add, but his mind was already too sleepy, too, to form better praises over the otherβs achievements.
β¦ he really feels like, sometimes, undeserving of all of this. The fireflies, their wishes they will carry during their short lives, Xingβs happinessβ¦
But theyβre in this together, this he is all resolute for, it strengthens his heart. Together they will keep going, find the docks, sneak out the island and see where the winds take them.
Small hand push blankets that do not match in colors at all a bit over the other, and himself; mostly himself. Laying on his aide to face Xing as foreheads touch much like most nights, his eyes not quite closing yet. β Rest well, xing. β my dearest friendβ¦ He wishes to add - and yet he keeps that to his little heart that feels so much more he can put a name on, lost as he is just watching his best friend fall, for once, first to sleep being something the other small wolf didnβt experience much but treasured every single time it happens.
Idly, a little firefly lands on Yichenβs shoulder. Idly, that little firefly flicks itβs light in the gentlest rhythm possibly.
