𝑺𝑰𝑵𝑩𝑶𝑹𝑵𝑬.

𝐎𝐤𝐚𝐦𝐢 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞.

[voidclawing]

‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍

‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍𝐀 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍, ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐃 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄 —

‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍𝑵𝑶𝑾 𝑰 𝑪𝑨𝑵 𝑶𝑵𝑳𝒀 𝑲𝑬𝑬𝑷 𝑴𝑶𝑽𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑾𝑨𝑹𝑫 ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍𝑾𝑰𝑻𝑯 𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑺 𝑳𝑰𝑭𝑬 𝑰 𝑯𝑨𝑽𝑬. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍

‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍  ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍𝑩𝑬𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑬 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑭𝑶𝑳𝑳𝑶𝑾. | 𝑰𝑴𝑷𝑶𝑹𝑻𝑨𝑵𝑻. | 𝑴𝑼𝑺𝑬. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍

[mediclzen]

“ That’s thoughtful indeed - yes, if you can find one then I won’t say no to storing these presents at least so they don’t gnaw me off for ‘losing’ their gifts. '' As unnecessary as it is, Nehan would comment yet also win the wrath or sadness pf his much more younger patients and then having to salvage some image by caving to their silly demands.

A brow - albeit the only visible one rises at Seox’s words then. Biased…. perhaps. Everyone has nuance when they have experienced something that had changed their life entirely, the other Erune was taken from a near-death experience and Nehan, at the time had done everything within his disposal to do his beat. Patient’s care being what matters the most on top of anything else. Whether it leaves a good or bad impression of his image is what Nehan did not care about unless it got in the way of his work, so… perhaps. Xing may be biased but it is not without truth in it as Nehan definitely was one of the best in this entire building, he knows this, and hates it when he’s surrounded by half baked idiots that would rather follow orders from thise that know nothing and not try and bend the rules even just a bit for the sake of keeping someone alive if it calls for it, or be egomaniacs with so little self awareness that it almost makes the cases worse than how they have arrived.

Asha definitely must know, but she hasn’t personally given him the suggestion and Nehan’s pride was the obstacle he couldn’t really break away from, and this stalemate in his mind has the wolf simply look away, his gaze dropping to his almost empty cup… Damn it. He wished Sandalphon had 1L big cups if it were possible and let his coffee somehow wash away and burn all that is his ego just for a moment. “ I’ll try to let her know. “ A lie, one that is telling by the way he mumbles the words out as if strained by the unseen force of his own self-destructive soul that did not want to accept good things that easily despise it really, perhaps… taking that single request to be submitted is all it'd take.

Whatever.

“ Nonetheless it’d not happen from a moment to another, I’ll simply enjoy this weeks of having much more decent patients that to bargain with I just got to offer something they value — ah… Xing. “ And he makes a pit stop with his words when an idea comes, his ears standing upright in feels like the rare moments such sight happens. “ You know about sweets right? Considering your big sweet tooth that would make the best dentist the happiest if only you didn’t have such a resilient body, “ Which both fascinated him as it also was definitely, at one moment in the past, a struggle because it needed an entirely new chart of ‘minimum’ doses for things to work for the other. “ If you have the time, besides the book, bring also candies, sweets - whatever you like. I need them to convince the rowdiest children into listening me. Little runts love to think they can get everything just because they have the freedom to wails their eyes out.”

The mafioso within the renowned Doctor never will leave, even if Xing has no idea about that past of the other.

[voidclawing]

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍` I'll try to let her know. `

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍no, he won't. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it's not just obvious by the way he says it, but because he knows Nehan. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he was stubborn and convinced he had to die on hills filled with wolfsbane and foxgloves just to prove that he could handle what others couldn't. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he held great pride in his work, but that pride was as much of an achievement as it was a curse. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he admired him in the same hand that his heart ached for what he willingly subjected himself to in order to further back that overarching point.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Seox's hands lower to his lap, where he squeezes one of his fingers to nullify the guilt of what he knows he will end up doing, the selfish man he is. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he knows his own desperation will turn into action. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he knows that the further into these weeks they go, the more restless he'll get.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he knows that Nehan will be angry with him. maybe.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍but he also knows himself. he knows that he could not stand by and watch Nehan begin to cauterize himself in order to prepare for his return to ` normalcy ` now that he's seem him this vibrant.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍that's how this all started to begin with, wasn't it? ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he wanted to give Nehan a break, as well as feed both his fascination and deep infatuation. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍that still rang true. especially the former sentiment.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍I'll never stop meddling, will I... ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍... Sorry.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` Ah — Yeah, I'll do that. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍— candy. right. candy. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he needed candy to pacify the difficult children into obedience. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍sticker book. candy.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍... damn it. will he be able to remember that with how heavily this all weighed on his mind? ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he'd like to think he was stronger than that, but when it came to Nehan...

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it was different, somehow. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍as if all of his brainpower went into just making sure he was alright.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍— no. not even ` as if `. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it was a fact. it did.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` Actually... ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Send me a message with everything you can think of that ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍you'll need. I'll take care of it all in one trip to save you the ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍heartache, and I'll get some extra things I can think of, ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍too. We'll work together on it.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍I'll have it all by your next break, I think. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the back seat is about to become a sacrificial lamb, is what he means. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍especially since he's already thinking of what extras to grab that Nehan probably wouldn't even think of. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

[voidclawing]

@mediclzen sent: ★ even if we know how bad he has it for him.

I like you // I love you // You’re one of my best friends // You’re like family // You are family // I dislike you // I hate you // I’d kill you if I got the chance // I want you to like me // I’m scared of you // I would adopt you // I’d date you // I’d sleep with you // I’d marry you // I’m worried about you // You confuse me // You’re annoying // I pity you // I respect you // I trust you // I feel protective of you // I’d invite you with me to parties (Not party people.) // I’d lend you my money // I’d borrow your money // You’re good-looking // I’m suspicious of you // I’m hiding something from you // You’re fun // You’re boring // I’m upset with you // You’re nice // You’re mean // I’m envious of you // You’re smart // You’re stupid // I look up to you // I think you’re a better person than me // I think I’m a better person than you // I want to apologize to you // I wish I’d never met you // I never want to forget you // I want to get to know you better

[bunchofrpmemes]

Send my character a ★ and I’ll bold everything they feel toward your character.

I like you // I love you // You’re one of my best friends // You’re like family // You are family // I dislike you // I hate you // I’d kill you if I got the chance // I want you to like me // I’m scared of you // I would adopt you // I’d date you // I’d sleep with you // I’d marry you // I’m worried about you // You confuse me // You’re annoying // I pity you // I respect you // I trust you // I feel protective of you // I’d invite you with me to parties // I’d lend you my money // I’d borrow your money // You’re good-looking // I’m suspicious of you // I’m hiding something from you // You’re fun // You’re boring // I’m upset with you // You’re nice // You’re mean // I’m envious of you // You’re smart // You’re stupid // I look up to you // I think you’re a better person than me // I think I’m a better person than you // I want to apologize to you // I wish I’d never met you // I never want to forget you // I want to get to know you better

[mediclzen]

happier seox says - nehan doesn’t really process it after another small sip of his drink, his gaze soft at the black coffee’s contents inside the cup as it idly swirls while his hands leech off the warmth much like his body greedily takes it form the inside. Happy… perhaps. He felt content, less tired, less annoyed if he had to put a word to it. “ Hmm.. “ even his head tilts a bit but decides to discard it for now, think about it later - logical as Nehan is, he only chalks it to how more simple is to handle children compared to fully grown adults (that were sometimes stupid voluntarily just to take in more years of his life, sent by fate or some cruel god out there just to spite him.)

And at the idea, Nehan lifts his gaze with… a solemn thoughtfulness, lifting finally a hand for a knuckle of his index to rest at his bottom lip in thoughts. “ True… Especially the child that had put all those stickers on my person made me promise to keep them, never said anything about where exactly. “ to appeal that part of Nehan’s bargaining was to hit the mark, and Seox’s suggestion is noted. His good leg stretches a bit where he sits across the other wolf, ending close to one of his, a silent touch when Nehan has come learn that the other was certainly one of the most.... hopeless romantic person ever alive he's known - but mostly in private. This might suffice, and perhaps it adds to the doctor's unusually lighted mood he's got enough in his thoughs to entertain something as small as this.

Or the way his eye peers for those violet ones and that smile of Seox's he'd otherwise question but now... he knows the source - he must look ridiculous with all the splash of colors that did not match at all his otherwise white color palette of his attire - or the pencils at one of his outter pockets all being black and gold. Or the grey of his hair that contrasts and deviates from every norm.

His other hand leaves the cup to retrieve the bottle of medicine he had given Seox now that he's gotten his dose missed, with ease tucking it away in one of the inner pockets before going back to holding the cup. '' Say, '' he adds, gentle in his tone. '' I think this part of the job is way better than the other departments - heh... It will only be for a couple of weeks since I'm taking someone else's place while they're on vacation. I'll miss it. ''

it'd be easy - honestly. To ask rei if he could switch permanently from the ER and general ward just to focus on pediatric care. But there's this part, at the back of his mind that equated asking for it to giving up, to accepting he's less than good; knowing that being far from true.

...

The thoughts are tossed to the pits of his mind when he brings back the still warm coffee to his lips, and down the rest of it, letting the burn of it hush those shadows.

[voidclawing]

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍and then you will resign yourself to needless misery again, Seox thinks, and it makes the corner of his lip twitch a bit before he catches himself. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍won't you give yourself a chance to not miss it...?

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍these lamentations are swallowed just as quickly as they come; a second attempt at keeping them at bay until a better time. but he cannot help the utter bittersweetness that hangs in the air.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍` I'll miss it. `

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Seox mirrors Nehan in taking a hearty sip of the sugary concoction he'd gotten himself. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` I can help, at least. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Since most of your time will be spent here until tonight, ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍I can pick up a sticker book. It's no trouble. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍That way, you can preserve the memories and not ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍upset any of those kids.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Though, I doubt this is the last time you'll end up in ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍this ward. There will be other vacations and call-ins. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍In my opinion... ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍No one's more qualified to fill in than you. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Even Asha must know that.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Then again... I might be biased. As someone you've saved. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍when a bias is substantiated by fact, though, is it not just fact? ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍and... what if... if ` even Asha must know that `... ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍... could this have been her way of giving him a change of pace all along?

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he wouldn't put it passed her. she was a smart woman, even if she had a similar no-nonsense temperament as Nehan. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍more than that, maybe this trickled down from Rei, too. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍so then, in the end, was it truly wishful thinking to consider that this may be a test?

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍that Seox may not have to beg anyone whatsoever?

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍... there was only one way to know, and that was to watch all of this play out. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍even if, at this moment, he was cursing his powerlessness.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he simply, and very deeply, did not not want to watch the weight return to Nehan's shoulders. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍more than that, he did not want it to crush him after having experienced what better is like, and feeling that it was now unattainable when it ended. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

[mediclzen]

With the cookie treat given and the other finally having slowly regained his bearings to function enough without his Anxiety wrecking his entire existence, Nehan can feel a flame of pride within his chest - That while there is no true cure for something like this, he can at least make it more livable for someone (and prove fools that call this a farce nothing but absolute ignoramuses) and it being someone he's come to appreciate...

There is nothing he can say beyond it's an emotion he cannot quite put a name to, or at least - lacks a proper name to it. Seox always was something that brought forth many, many things Nehan had accepted he'd never feel, never experience, and yet proven wrong again and again that there is no falsehood in any of his actions, that his appreciation, his love is... as sincere and clear as it can possibly be. It tests Nehan's mind, it tests just how deep it can go; and he's nothing but curious... how much? (a lot, perhaps without an end?) why?(he has given many answers to this, in many ways and will continue so)

'' It was indeed sudden, sometimes lapses like this can catch others off guard; one never knows. The brain is certainly the trickiest thing to even understand... '' Nehan says idly, while he looks at the other's hand while finally having his own sugary drink, which looked like a bomb of sugars hat would make a dentist be happy for another future patient - but Nehan knew better; this man was a powerhouse for absolutely no apparent reason, and it seemed so rare for Seox to even be able and catch a cold, cavities, an infection.... It picked at this lone part of himself that wanted to just research... But knew best than to do that. '' No need to thank me, Xing. I only do what I do because I want to. '' and because he... cares. Nehan will never mention the genuine concern he had or the surprise that had washed over his face when he had noticed the other unable to even function, that his voice had been lost or the sweat at his forehead and the telltale expression of someone going through a silent anxiety attack.

Sigh...

...

Nehan's ears drop in exasperated fondness when Seox indulges in a kiss to his cheek, and he leans in unconsciously into it it. His own share of tea already empty, but there was no rush for anything. The cafe was slow, comfortable, no one minded anyone's presence beyond just having a little corner for themselves of peace and quiet. His free hand, for now entertains picking another of the small cookies between his fingers while twirling in like if it were a coin, they had all the time of the world - well... until the cafe decided to close, he hadn't checked when it would but there were no signs it'd bey anytime soon.

Ah... there it is - Nehan did want to roll his eyes, like every time the other's words leave saying the thing he's been used to hear. To pay for it all despise it was barely a dent in Nehan's wallet, and yet... Cannot bring himself to protest, whereas in the past he'd sinply order even more expensive things just to make the other finally give it up, and failing specularity thanks to Seox's pay being just as high as the wolf's own. It irrirtated Nehan it does kind of make him want a raise a brow now, but because of... everything transpired so far, and also simply... those eyes on him, Seox's impossibily warm smile...

Nehan caves. And it's a huff he gives all indication the doctor gives he's ok with that.

[voidclawing]

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍yet another thing that makes Seox's chest constrict considerably; ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the way Nehan leans into his affection, whether he's aware that he does it or not. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it spreads warmth throughout his whole body. makes his heart leap in ways that he's never felt before, and never will feel with anyone else. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it's unfair, truly.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍but when has he ever been?

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the thought makes him let out a small chuff — what could have been a chuckle, but falls short. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his heart's beating too strongly for that.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍sometimes, it's hard to remember how difficult Nehan used to be when he's this pliant. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍— not that Seox ever found him truly difficult. but he always knew that he was trying to be. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍yet, at every turn, he was unbothered. he accommodated. he had patience where Nehan otherwise wished he didn't. and he could not help that about himself. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍even though he absolutely would have been annoyed were it anyone else. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍suppose love really did change some things.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍a small squeeze around his waist is indicative of another ` thank you ` for him allowing Seox to spoil him so, although the avenue had long since opened for Nehan to take the reigns over bills. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Seox, however, seldom allowed it. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍not because he believed Nehan couldn't, or shouldn't, but that if he was around, it was his treat instead. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he felt that Nehan deserved the world. and if, in that moment, his world was served to him on a plate, then Seox felt a sense of duty to be the one that finalized that gift. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍perhaps it was ridiculous, but that was truly how he felt. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍a lot about him was ridiculous, anyway. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` If it's a matter of paying me back, then just give me that. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his mouth opens again, and he waits, expectant. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍those cookies are pretty good, and there's still a few left. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍for once, he isn't so shy about showing that he'd like them.‍‍

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍... sort of like a dog waiting for a treat. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

[mediclzen]

nonsense. Nehan would say, perhaps, any other time roll his eyes even. But… strangely he knows what he means. Nehan has had those… indulgent moments ever since they started living together (albeit Seox bargained with him that it’d be much more hospitable and he had more space compared to how decadent Nehan’s own apartment was like.) where he’d borrow Seox’s larger shirts - someone with a more toned build despise him being just a tad taller than the other meant that his size? It dwarfs Nehan’s. It made Seox's shirt look oversized when he wore them… and won certain bashful looks from the other whenever he’d be spotted in the acene of the crime.

And more than that… he’d try… in silence. When not seen. To take the scent… which was faint, nothing he could really discern beyond just a hint of something…. He could not give it a name though, it’s been a long time ever since Nehan has been able to sense smells and taste, and with them, the name of what every scent was like — it had its perks; in the field he works having to deal with open surgeries was no dice when he couldn’t feel any scents that other would be squeamish about even when they had two layers of face masks on them. It made working with burn victims another easy job despise the foulness that would waft from them. But it also…. made him frustrated, silently. A boiling, white frustration at something as domestic as this when he truly did want… for once, for the first time in what he feels in his life, to feel at least something.

But Forcing it of course would win nothing, thus he’d just be comfortable with the borrowed shirts, be nonchalant around Seox and call it a day.

“ You certainly don’t stop at something that even I tried to make it impossible - yet fate has a funny way to tell me right on my face… the truth being right there. “ He replies that sligh, selfish nuzzle with his own - he didn’t care about the public, didn’t care what other thought of him. And by now a few of the patrons had silently left the cafe and others have arrived, but none turned their eyes at the two wolves at all, if anything… it’s as if they had their own private bubble where they sit. It was certainly pleasant. “ Even now I fail sometimes to see your logic behind things, but… I want to see where it leads. “ ‘like a guiding star’ he’d voice one day, perhaps when he feels more emotionally vulnerable enough to say it. For now the thought is tucked away and basks in the arm wrapped around his waist from under his large coat. (this, something Seox always did, and certainly helps keeping such innocent, but intimate touch just for them. And Nehan silently enjoy the natural warmth of the other like a moth to a flame.)

And he catches on the other’s… pause. Oh…? Well that's a new one and perhaps so selfish it’s crack a cackle out of Nehan if he had enough fuel for it. Instead his crooked smile rests there still, amused at the realization — So easy to read and with… interesting leanings in fact. So his hand that once had been under his chin, idly moves to pick another, and wordlessly brings it to the other’s lips. A gentle touch, much like an indirect kiss.

“ I don’t mind. I usually take mine in the morning too. “ and it plays in hand how Nehan’s memory was an amazing tool in and by itself. He hardly forgets things for better of worse - so this comes as a no-brainer. They live together after all, and if the eventuality he rises before Seox and the other doesn’t get out bed soon enough, he can strategically place a note to point out the reminder.

[voidclawing]

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍don't make him remember those sights. if he remembers them now, he'll want that when they get home, too. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍then he'll get conflicted, because he won't know if he wants Nehan in nothing but his own shirt and his boxers or in the sweater he wants to shove his face in and his boxers. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he likes when Nehan leeches off of his natural body heat, and either would achieve that goal.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ah... but, that small nuzzle... that unmistakable returned affection that makes his chest constrict almost painfully... ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it's getting harder and harder by the minute to fight the want to hoard him all to himself.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Nehan, by all intensive purposes, is not a man one would call sweet. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍there are a myriad of other terms one would label him with, and none nearly so kind. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍asshole. jerk. dick. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍those are some of the colorful ones he's heard from other clients as they walked out of his examination rooms while he waited for Nehan to finish up some nights.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍none would call him sweet. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍and Seox held much pride in that he was one of the many few who could.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it's that same way that Nehan sweetly abides by his ridiculous silent request, and he feels his poor heart stutter when the edge of the cookie touches the seam of his lips. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍how come he felt unprepared, even when he was the one that asked for it? ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍what a fool.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍a foolish, foolish fool...

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it surprises him, even now, the extent of which he's able to fall in love with another person when he once felt it not necessary in his day to day. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍now, he just keeps falling deeper.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍before he can forget how to breathe, his lips part. he inclines his head forward just the bit he needs to be able to slide the treat between his fangs, and his tongue does the rest of the work by pulling it the rest of the way in. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` ... Mm. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍while chewing, his free hand reaches for his warm chocolate, of which he uses to wash it down once he swallows. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍but all the while, he never turns his gaze away from him. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍utterly mesmerized, despite that fact that he'd done nothing at all.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` Thank you. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍a pause, seemingly in realization.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` Not just for that, but... Everything. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍You've brought a lot of things into my life that I didn't know ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍I needed. And... You bringing me down just now... ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍That's one of the many. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he's still mindful of the drink he holds in his other hand, but that isn't stopping him from pressing a kiss to his cheek. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍this place is so comfortable that he's forgotten that there's anyone else around.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` I'm paying for this. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍which is also unsurprising, considering that he always insists on paying for everything. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

[mediclzen]

“ And now you have me concerned that perhaps not enough oxygen is reaching your brain, or that the concussion is back and I need to drag you back to the ER… “ Nehan’s words does not hold that edge though, but he certainly is mildly surprised how could someone, anyone within their right mind would even begin to enjoy the cruelty in his words sometimes. But at the same time, it reassures him in a morbid way Seox slowly is regaining himself enough to even board this subject at all, and be so irritatingly… truthful even when he’d never believe any sane person to even like this part of himself.

“ … better drink up, it will get cold. “ He says instead of everything swimming in his head. Certainly aware the way Seox could feel, with how he leans into his side, how this definitely had some sort of effect, it gave away to Nehan’s naturally icy heart to thumb a single time, just one. And One enough to bring slight color to pale cheeks, which he’s glad at least half of his face is hidden away by the leathery eyepatch resting there over said half of his face. So he takes another sip, salvaging some of the pride he still has. “ You always have the most absurd ways to like something about someone - this is something that I still need to study in you. “ his head tilts to meet Seox’s, this with the lowest, honeyed chuckle from under his breath.

There were all the things he could’ve done and stop him at the time. A restraining order, to tell asha to stop accepting his scheduled hours, to tell security to escort him out but it always seemed everyone wanted Nehan some unnecessary social exposure especially this was the only ever documented case of someone willingly liking and wanting to spend time with the world’s best doctor with the world’s worst mood ever known to man.

“ I think… I simply needed that change of space, I was not going to give it to myself — you came and did, infact take me out to see a truth staring at me in plain sight. You are stubborn like a wall to an irritating degree. Perhaps… I like that, too. “ He says, quieter this time, as he brings once more the last of his tea to his lips and sip it slowly. (and not risk anymore of his image despise none of the small amount of people in this cafe cared about the pair.) “ So you having lapses like this is nothing to me, I was the one that gave you the choice to treat it; every treatment have their up and downs, forgetting instructions does not make you a burden. “ and yet when nehan himself had to… deal with his own lowest point he certainly felt like one, he certainly wanted to be a burden so other would stop caring for him, to leave him root.

The grand difference is that he did not want this to be the same for anyone else. Selfish in his own way.

Once the cup is empty, Nehan gently places the cup down with care, for him to pick up another cookie from the ones Seox placed in his place and bring it to gently touch Seox’s cheek. A peace offering.

[voidclawing]

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` You're wearing the smell I like. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍which goes to say, why would i want oxygen right now? ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍yet another reason to lament not being able to go home so he can bury himself in all that Nehan is, all while he himself is the only reason of which they aren't doing so.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍such a hypocrite.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍at the very least, this is something he can have a preview for later. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍this scent... it's earthy, herbal. always sticks to Nehan's sweaters and turtlenecks for hours, and soothes Seox into a quiet, zen state.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍in that same hand, it brings so much peace to his mind that it often puts him to sleep.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he may actually be feeling that effect now... and Nehan resting his head against his own does nothing to help the matter. truly, he could fall asleep like this... his voice right against his ear, the background sounds of nothing in particular, the quiet comfort of everything in the world returning to its rightful place again...

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍screw it. he can have this. at least, just this one, small thing.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his head turns just slightly, enough to where it's just his cheek resting against his shoulder, and he gives a small nuzzle there. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍` love you. ` ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` Guess I wouldn't have the job I do if I liked things easy. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍thus, the cookie offering is accepted, and with it, he heaves himself into sitting up straight again. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍he finally feels... stable, enough to. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍and it's thanks to Nehan. as... many things, as of late, are.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` I wouldn't call it a chase, but... A dance, more like. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍You moved differently than I've ever seen before. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍I wanted to learn that. And... I'm glad that you let me, ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍even if it was challenging. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍after a brief, long stretch, all falls back into complete and total equilibrium. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the pleasant aftertaste of the treat actually settles on his palate this time, and he feels more inclined before to indulge now that he can actually taste it.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his free arm wraps around Nehan's waist all the while, though. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍and... he doesn't immediately go for it.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍maybe he liked Nehan feeding it to him more than he should. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he never thought he'd have a thing for that, but you learn something new every day.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` ... Do you think you might be able to start reminding ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍me when we wake up? About the meds. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍I-If it's not too much trouble, that is. `` ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

[mediclzen]

Nehan does try to watch for seox to take on his medicine once he feels the other leave this shoulder, but given the angle and the other wolf being by the side where his bad eye was covered, he could only listen - his body idly protests at the way it also makes a spot so warm compared to how naturally colder Nehan usually is. But he says nothing in that regard, feels that Seox gets his dose and then he looks back at his cup, good hand resting against it close but not touching or he’d expect a mild burn.

His other still draped behind Seox’s back feels heavy by now and he slides it back to his side, resting on the other’s thigh without much of a mind to it, seeking the warmth that has been temporarily lost, all while granting Seox the reward of a content sound. Akin to a hum.

Then his words come, and so does that warmth back by his side with the other leaning back but… with these questions.

Nehan gives it a moment to ponder… And He’s right; at some point, the wolf Was a Hindrance to his existence. He was someone that brought another layer of annoyance to work and he just could. not. see. why would someone, anyone would want something much more beyond thanking his service — of course, some children he’s save from near death experiences would bring useless gifts he cannot taste such as chocolates and thank you foods. He never said no despise there being a distant look in his face every time this occurred, and later Nehan let the other nurses have at them — other times, while still futile, gifts came in ways of pens, notebooks, bookmarks, pins…. And now with Seox’s added in equation…

How? When did it start to become endearing? How did he even come to love a man like this?

And it’s certainly unfair to ask when Nehan often has the very same question back to the other - this definitely is something he might bring later, as it leads to Nehan needing to simmer down any hint of irritation at something that to his eyes was… simple? (it is not, it ran much deeper than that. It even had a hand of envy, of displaced anger, of resignation… and then an acceptance he wasn’t even aware he’d reach.)

… Oh right. An answer.

“ How did you come to love a man that absolutely did not want anything to do with the very patient they had to have open at an operating table one moment, and then you kept appearing without a need to when your bills were covered in full for all of it? “ he answers with the question thrown back. “ I have no idea… I found you annoying, irritating - a fool… but your actions were without ulterior motives. No matter how much I saw in what I could. “ his voice is still soft, despise the way he words his.... feelings, per se. It's complicated, something even Nehan hadn't really though beyond what they have now, a man that never really looked at the past unless it's because he holds a grudge or needs the memory for a face to remember - Seox's pursue for at least something, to get to know the tired doctor better?

...

'' I appreciated the change of air though, to bend a little the usual, get out work even when most of your invites were us in silence doing nothing in particular beyond drinks at Le Ciel '' and the memories of those do bring a sideway, coy smile - as Nehan leans in a bit, propping his chin with the back of his non gloved hand as he turns a bit to look over the other. '' I guess the fact you'd do all of that just to spend time with a boring sack of bones was endearing to me enough. '' Jests, despise there's much more in between. The unnecessary gifts, the way Seox hardly could lie even if his life depended on it, the fake 'exams' he'd want just so Nehan would examine him and need to write in his charts nonsense because there was absolutely nothing wrong with the other.

heh...

A fool, always a fool. (And it's rubbed on Nehan, too. But this he will not admit.)

[voidclawing]

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍as much as it shouldn't... the answer does bring him some amusement to look back on. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍mostly because the first time he'd actually been able to spit out that he'd wanted to go to Le Ciel with him instead of having him guess what drink to bring him every time, ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍(a line that Sandalphon had suggested, despite Sandalphon having been the one that told him what Nehan frequently ordered in the first place), ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Nehan's response was that maybe instead of physically examining him this whole time, he should have sent him for a CT scan to check for brain damage.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he still ended up entertaining him for a reason only god knows, but the way Nehan knew how to give a proper tongue lashing was both scathing and somehow impressive. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍definitely not dull in any sense.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Seox doesn't want to think about the technicalities of what that made him for liking Nehan's occasional verbal cruelty.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it was no secret that he was nothing but an irritating fly that just kept buzzing around Nehan's orbit at first, though. there were times when he would go out with him and it would seem like Nehan would be trying to give him reasons to give it up already the whole time by purposefully being difficult. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍which, naturally, only caused Seox to become more accommodating instead. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the exact opposite of what Nehan had been intending.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍and that's what did it, he thinks. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his tone deafness.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he wants to laugh at himself.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍yes. truly, a fool... ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍but this time, he doesn't regard it in such a self-deprecating way. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍no. in an unexpected twist, even to himself, the corner of his lip lifts into a tired smile.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` I never thought you were boring. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his hands abandon their act of fidgeting, if only so that one of them could mirror the way that Nehan's had previously rested on his thigh in an act of reassurance.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` I like... The way you talk. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Your tone and the way you say things... They interest me. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍... You come up with some colorful things when you're in ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍a mood. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍an airy chuckle.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` Didn't think someone could string so many negative words ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍together in a way that made sense before I first heard you ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ranting. Maybe I'm strange for liking that.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍I may even be stranger when I say that I also like ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍when you're dry and sardonic. I like it as much as I like how ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍you are... Right now. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍a deep breath fills his lungs, and is released in a great sigh when he turns his head to bury his face fully into his shoulder again.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` It may be true that anyone else would believe you if you ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍told them that you're boring.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍I've never been able to believe that, though. `` ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

[voidclawing]

☸ — every day i think about seox's inuyasha claws.

[voidclawing]

☸ — modern seox's fit layer by layer + lore

seox belongs to a specialized group of private investigators that work on high profile cases more precarious than the police (the crew of enforcers) want to endanger their own with, many of them delicate and with very high risks.

he is who they trust most with reconnaissance granted his apt ability to mask his presence and martial arts prowess, and is often paired with tweyen for her sharp eye and uncanny ability to keep a target precisely tracked.

there is only one case they had ever fumbled on, and it nearly cost seox his life.

seox is a motorcyclist — was a motorcyclist, prior to the accident.

while investigating the remnants of what was once a powerful crime syndicate, tweyen had failed to notice a car speeding directly and deliberately straight towards seox's path; they had found him out.

right before she was able to warn him, the vehicle slammed right into his side, hard enough to completely total the motorcycle and throw seox at least a yard away from where he was initially hit.

he was admitted in critical condition and in a coma for a week while doctors worked tirelessly to stabilize him.

one of those doctors was nehan. nirvana, on paper.

he was the first person seox had seen upon waking up, and in a moment of carelessness (and being ridiculously high on copious amounts of morphine,) he had told nehan that he was the most beautiful man that he had ever seen.

nehan, naturally, had scoffed at him.

(he probably would have scoffed at himself, too.)

seox, however, would come to pursue him. the words he said when drugged were the truth, and though it was foolish, he felt it would have been more foolish not to at least try. and, after great persistence, he eventually would succeed.

as it stands for seox, he still continues his work as a PI even after the fact, but will likely never cycle again. nehan won't let him, with how horrific his scars from the surgeries are. and the fact that he was the one that had to perform those surgeries.

other information includes that he has extreme social anxiety. it was to the point where he never used to take his helmet off in public. if he ordered food, it was always to-go. it was completely unmanageable for a long portion of his life.

it was after the accident that he had willed himself to ditch it — and it was only because he really didn't need it anymore. he would never touch a motorcycle again. to use it would be pointless. ridiculous, even. not only that, but by being forced to be in the hospital for so long on bedrest, he had no choice but to face his anxiety in order to speak to any of his medical personnel.

now, he feels like he can exist, but it's not so unusual for him to have spikes of anxiety in large public settings with too many people and too much noise. it's nehan that finally attempted to lessen the issue by prescribing him anxiety medication, and this has helped considerably. on days he remembers them. the concept of taking a medication every day is still foreign to seox, and so he still often forgets.

the last thing to note is that in seox's daily life, he is called by his given name, Xing. seox is his alias when on the job, and not what the general public knows him by.

[voidclawing]

☸ — OH GOD IT DID POST ACTUALLY. THANK GOD

[mediclzen]

'' And you didn't have to do many things you've wordlessly done for me in the past. '' Interjects, curt as always with logic as the first thing at his tongue only for later his voice soothe it's edges with the low volume in which he says this, his hand leaves to finally pick once more the cup by it’s handle and take a long sip, one that certainly downs any worries id Nehan ever had any. Pleasantly settling in an inner warmth that brings a content sound from the other that only someone as close as Seox right now leans into his side could ever feel. “ And, these cookies are always better appreciated by you, rarely I can taste them. “ which is his short of ‘you can have them, I don’t mind’ in other words. Nehan was never a good one with food due to this silent disability where both scents and taste were very strained in him. The cause being entirely mental, something wrong in his brain since who knows how long. (Nehan knows, but prefers to avoid really looking back at the mess he used to be and the not so good deeds of his past.)

'' Now try and drink a little, at least for your medication, then you can lean on me all you need - We are staying here as long as you need. '' Nehan adds after another long, comfortable sip of his tea - it invigorates the Doctor in a way not many ever see, no eyes are on them even now; the chatter which is barely perceived is only background noise incapable of disturbing anyone, at times there's the distant shuffle of a page being turned from a book. Or the small tic tac of keycaps in a keyboard. '' And I wont lie... despise my disappointment Le Ciel was closed, this one is a comfortable alternative, too. ''

...

Ah... those words. Even now, in the tim they've made it an official thing to be together, Nehan finds it.... so new to hear those wors. 'I love you'. Even when Seox often said it with actions too, or couldn't hold himself back in the homely privacy of their apartment raining multiple kisses all over the other. And It still has an effect, it makes Nehan's heart.... jump, just a bit - it confuses him still yet having given up a while ago to make sense of the other's way of thinking (the questions, though, remain the same: why would he like someone like me? what does he see in me? I'm the one that needed so many hands to even be where I am right now.) but he simply hums in response.

'' Love you, too, Xing. '' Sweetness and sourness, in one plate, assertive yet caring. This is the man Seox had fallen in love.

[voidclawing]

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍that's... true. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Seox is hushed by his pointed interjection, unable to refute it whatsoever.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍after all, if Nehan asked, he'd give him the world. and even if he didn't ask, he'd at least give him the moon and stars. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Seox didn't need to. had no reason to. outside of his debt he has to Nehan for saving his life — ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍which Nehan would argue himself that there is no debt in that regard, granted that's his job — ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it's out of unconditional love that he does any of the favors he goes out of his way to do for Nehan.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍so, of course, he'd ought to reason that Nehan would return that favor, granted the love between them is shared.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍how does he put up with me...

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Seox gets no answer to that, and instead focuses his attention on transferring his mate's cookies from one saucer to another, almost feeling selfish for hoarding them all to himself despite being told he could.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍... now, i'm being needlessly ridiculous.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍sigh. he needs this medicine.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he forces himself to sit up straight out of necessity, finally popping the pill into his mouth. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it's a little backwards, how he goes about it... normally, one would blow on their hot drink before focusing on the medication, but he's done it completely turned around.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍not to say that the ultimate goal isn't achieved. it is, and with some urgency to it, too.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it just... shows how much he isn't all there.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍which, now begins the waiting game of when he is once it's swallowed. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he'll focus on the cookies later. he does want them, but for now, he'll wait until his brain allows him the luxury of an appetite again. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍in this moment, he instead goes back to leaning on Nehan. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍except, this time... his eyes stay open, shame reflected in them as he stares blankly down into their laps.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` Nehan... ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he fidgets with his hands atop his thighs. it's an absent activity. one he doesn't put any focus into, and simply just does.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` How did you... Come to love me? ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he begins scratching at his knuckles. then, just the back of his hand in general.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` This part of me... It's embarrassing. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍I put on a brave face, but... ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍In the end, it's always this. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍At my core, I'm hardly anything but a mess. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍I guess, I'm wondering... How you put up with it. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Me, I mean. `` ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

[voidclawing]

☸ — modern seox's fit layer by layer + lore

seox belongs to a specialized group of private investigators that work on high profile cases more precarious than the police (the crew of enforcers) want to endanger their own with, many of them delicate and with very high risks.

he is who they trust most with reconnaissance granted his apt ability to mask his presence and martial arts prowess, and is often paired with tweyen for her sharp eye and uncanny ability to keep a target precisely tracked.

there is only one case they had ever fumbled on, and it nearly cost seox his life.

seox is a motorcyclist — was a motorcyclist, prior to the accident.

while investigating the remnants of what was once a powerful crime syndicate, tweyen had failed to notice a car speeding directly and deliberately straight towards seox's path; they had found him out.

right before she was able to warn him, the vehicle slammed right into his side, hard enough to completely total the motorcycle and throw seox at least a yard away from where he was initially hit.

he was admitted in critical condition and in a coma for a week while doctors worked tirelessly to stabilize him.

one of those doctors was nehan. nirvana, on paper.

he was the first person seox had seen upon waking up, and in a moment of carelessness (and being ridiculously high on copious amounts of morphine,) he had told nehan that he was the most beautiful man that he had ever seen.

nehan, naturally, had scoffed at him.

(he probably would have scoffed at himself, too.)

seox, however, would come to pursue him. the words he said when drugged were the truth, and though it was foolish, he felt it would have been more foolish not to at least try. and, after great persistence, he eventually would succeed.

as it stands for seox, he still continues his work as a PI even after the fact, but will likely never cycle again. nehan won't let him, with how horrific his scars from the surgeries are. and the fact that he was the one that had to perform those surgeries.

other information includes that he has extreme social anxiety. it was to the point where he never used to take his helmet off in public. if he ordered food, it was always to-go. it was completely unmanageable for a long portion of his life.

it was after the accident that he had willed himself to ditch it — and it was only because he really didn't need it anymore. he would never touch a motorcycle again. to use it would be pointless. ridiculous, even. not only that, but by being forced to be in the hospital for so long on bedrest, he had no choice but to face his anxiety in order to speak to any of his medical personnel.

now, he feels like he can exist, but it's not so unusual for him to have spikes of anxiety in large public settings with too many people and too much noise. it's nehan that finally attempted to lessen the issue by prescribing him anxiety medication, and this has helped considerably. on days he remembers them. the concept of taking a medication every day is still foreign to seox, and so he still often forgets.

the last thing to note is that in seox's daily life, he is called by his given name, Xing. seox is his alias when on the job, and not what the general public knows him by.

[voidclawing]

☸ — i cannot fucking believe i have to write all of that shit again i am ACTUALLY going to kms

[voidclawing]

☸ — you must be actually fucking joking I JUST HAD MY ENTIRE MODERN SEOX AU LORE TYPED OUT AND YOURE TELLING ME "BUNGLED CONNECTION" WHEN I TRY AND POST DONT YOU DARE

[mediclzen]

it is a good sign Seox is able to rest against his side, his shoulder - he can better feel his breathing like this, he can feel his mumbles even within the relative quietness of this small cafe and the distant tap of sole of shoes Nehan recognizes - the barista.

The drinks are gently placed on the table, granted a bow before the person excuses themselves and thus, two drinks now stare back at the couple of wolves - a sugary red looking glass cup of red velvet hot chocolate, it's toppings having a nice cloudy layer of cream, a few strawberries resting on it and a nice little straw, while Nehan's drink was more simple, in a delicate and elegant cup resting his black tea with it's signature nutty scent Nehan has particulary grown fond of (besides being one of the few things he's been able to pick a scent from.) For now though, Nehan's gloved hand, behind Seox's form presses a bit against the other's back - a reassuring touch, his tumb tracing mindless circles there, as his head tilts against Seox's a bit, takes a gentle breath.... and then exhale a sigh.

'' You're awfully stubborn even like this... '' But there's no scolding in his tone, instead... it's the ghost of a chuckle, a sideway smile Seox probably doesn't see. Of cource even if the other was torn to shreds by accident he'd still try his best to bring thr world to Nehan. Another thing the doctor really doesn't know what he did to even deserve or spark such behavior from another person.

So he just lets it slide, but still keeping behind his sleeve dragging Seox back home if his lapse worsened, if he became unable to even breathe; it'd not be anything of bother for Nehan beyond just a trip back home, stabilize him and later nap along the exhausted erune. But for now... he takes his mind off that, and tilting back his head to properly take and hold his cup from the handle to try out his drink. '' Yours must be a bomb of sugar... Heh. '' And then... he notices it, the small cookies each drink have offered on their respective plates - Nehan blinks at the sight and he places back his cup, picking the cookie between his fingers and then...

he brings it close to Seox's lips. '' It's yours. You can have mine. '' A small treat to pick the other's mind off that fog.

[voidclawing]

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍that touch... ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it soothes him.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his ears lift just a bit; no longer are they flattened so far that they'd disappeared into the unruliness of his hair, but now, they... simply droop.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍comfortable. loved. incredibly loved. his heart squeezes from it, and if they weren't in public, he knows he'd nuzzle into him with unrivaled insistence.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he... admittedly, doesn't want to move anymore. this feels too nice. he forgets where they are for a moment — ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the chattering, the noise, the lack of a reason why his lifelong hindrance had even been triggered in the first place. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he had not even taken the medicine yet, but still, he feels as if he had. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍(he'll still take it, though. if he pulls away without it, all of this would start all over again. no thanks.)

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the moment of peace is so easy to get lost in that he doesn't notice. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍that their drinks were there, that is. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it only registers to him that it had happened after his nose picks up two conflicting scents.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍one is definitely his own drink. that's for certain. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the other...

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍... it's tea.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍an ear flicks.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍tea.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his eyes crack open.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍so sure he was that he'd ordered a black coffee, but no. what lies within the ornate cup presented in front of Nehan is tea.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍... he didn't want to overwhelm me.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍yet another instance where his heart squeezes almost painfully.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Seox, personally, always had brought him coffee. even when his nose protested it, if it was for him, he'd always chosen what he preferred. it was simply out of principle. his way of being the sort of man Nehan deserved.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍here, he's made a compromise. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍why do his eyes sting suddenly?

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the question does not receive an answer. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍instead... ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍what is received is a treat.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he feels it against his lips. smells it, too. cinnamon. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it isn't strong. it's subtle and definitely smells as delicious as it must taste. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍so, of course, he takes that taste.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the pleasantness of it brings enough mind back to Seox to where he brings his free arm around his mate's waist and gives him a small squeeze. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he hates that he's unable to nuzzle him right now. he really, truly hates it. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍chew... chew... swallow. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍and then, a pause. just to be able to turn into Nehan's shoulder. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍if he couldn't nuzzle him, then he could at least surround his vision with all that Nehan is.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` ... You didn't have to do that for me. `` ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ it's muffled. mumbled almost pathetically. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` You could have gotten your coffee as normal. I'd have ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍been able to handle it. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍yet, somehow... he already knows what Nehan must be about to say. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍something about compromise, if he had to guess. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍and that just makes him give him another squeeze.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` You're... Too good to me. Thank you. I love you. `` ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍