My Rumination and Anything Spot @mediocre-confessions-blog - Tumblr Blog

weitingzhou

想家的時候

就畫畫家門口在夏天常常出現的訪客

I LOVE MYSELF BECAUSE...

Because I didn't think I was ugly until the fifth grade,

When one of my guy classmates called me fat in the

classroom.

Because in the sixth grade I made a treaty

with my bestfriend to skip breakfast.

And lunch.

And dinner.

Because I was so sick of loathing in dressing

rooms,

Squeezing my body into clothes that would not fit.

Or self-pities everytime I am not satisfied with

how do I look with different clothing.

Because I never hated myself anymore,

Than when I was trying to hunch over a toilet bowl,

Trying to throw up every awful and dreadful thing inside

me,

Food,

Words,

Thoughts.

Trying to purge out the

Ugliness,

The sadness.

Because these were the things I thought I had

to do,

I was supposed to do,

To make myself beautiful.

To make myself pleasing.

But there is no beauty found on the smell of vomit.

And the everlasting taste of self loathing.

And embracing the thoughts of a low self-esteem.

Because recovery is not a smooth,

paved road.

With given signs and directions.

But a rocky mountain,

With narrow cliffs and shaky stones,

That must be climbed.

Because girls start to hate themselves,

Before they even know themselves.

Because magazines will preach

acceptance on page nine.

And how to achieve a 'sexy' body

on page thirteen.

Because when I say I am fat,

I'm told I'm beautiful instead,

And I don't understand why I cannot be

both.

Because I tore my body down,

When I should have been building my

foundations.

Because I am growing.

And I am learning.

And I am accepting.

And I am deserving.

Disclaimer: Sarili ko tong gawa hella yes hahahaha

#poem

Everybody deserves to be okay about who they are

anon

Sabi mo...

Sabi mo noon ipagsisigawan mong mahal mo ako,

Ngunit bakit ngayon kahit ang pagbulong nito sa hangin ay di mo na magawa?

#memapoem #DIYpoem

Pagtatapat ng Isang Pangkaraniwan

Huwag mo akong piliting magsalita,

Dahil ginawa ko na, at walang nakinig.

Huwag mo akong piliting makihalubilo,

Dahil ginawa ko na, at walang lumapit.

Huwag mo akong piliting makipaglaro,

Dahil ginawa ko na, at walang sumali.

Gusto ko lamang ring iparating bilang isang pangkaraniwan;

Huwag mo rin akong piliting makipagsabayan katulad mo,

Dahil hindi ako kumportable at may sarili akong paraan.

At higit sa lahat...

Huwag mo rin akong piliting magmahal ng katulad nang sa iyo,

Dahil higit sa lahat may sarili akong paraan.

#memapoem #DIYpoem #lol

Marcos Burial Rant (nang super slight!)

SORRY.

Salitang tanging hinihingi nating marinig mula sa mga Marcos para magkaroon naman na ng kapatawaran at katahimikan ang lahat. Ngunit bakit sobrang hirap silang ibigay iyon?

(here comes my hugot rant)

Mabuti pa nga sa crush ko, lagi kong naririnig ang salitang ‘Sorry’ dahil di nita kayang ireciprocate ang feelings ko para sa kanya. Eh sa mga Marcos? Patigasan pa. Pakapalan pa ng mukha. Pamanhidan pa.

#hugot #rant #slight

New Bound Friend

I have a new bound friend. Hoping to meet him for the very first time in personal after this sem (which is on December huehue)...---``

Ayoko muna na masyadong magshare. Baka mabati at di matuloy. Or worse mawala pa hahahaha so yea enjoy the moment~

I'm that mediocre type of friend and most of the time I'm not fine with it.

self thought

“This will be the last time I swear,

but for now let me seize the moment”

llleighsmith

someday someone is gonna be so soft and gentle with your heart, you’re gonna be so glad you kept it open, you’re gonna wonder why you ever thought about quieting it down

All We Know, an album by The Chainsmokers on Spotify

lit as fuck ugh

ACHIEVEMENT RATHER

Hey googley e-diary. Prior to you information, did you know that I’m undergoing a dietary process? Ibig kong sabihin nagdidiet na kamo si gagita himala diba hahahaha. Kahit mahirap isuko ang pagmamahal sa pagkain dahil yun na lang ang natira sa akin. Ginawa ko. Well not totally. Binawasan ko lang naman talaga yung amount ng mga kinakain ko kasi mabibigla katawan ko.

Then recently, I’ve seen progressing results. I’m starting to lose some weight. But damn I’ve also noticed that it’s too slow-poke rather (hindi naman sa nagmamadali akong pumayat pero ganun talaga nakikita ko. Sobrang bagal as in *bow*) so I leveled it up by adding some work-out exercises that can be just simply done at home.

Slowly and surely as fuck. That’s how I describe my progress. And I’m gay as hell because my close friends have noticed the changes in my physical appearance. Not that I hate my body before..---

”I know I love myself now, but I have decided to love myself even more...”

#mignonne achievement

poems-and-words

Book of the day: The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman

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Je suis desole

Je suis desole. For not updating you upon my oh-so-boring life threadmill for a long time. Fuck those days of cut off net connections. Fuck everything that hinders me to post in this e-diary. Fuck him (just kidding).

Well starting from this day onwards I wish to frequently update and jive up with the events that happened to the ever mignonne mademoiselle (that’s me. just being egoistic rn)

Au revoir!~

Don’t Worry

Don’t worry, soon I will not bother you that much.

Don’t worry, soon I will not expect even a single damn text or call from you.

Don’t worry, soon I will not crave for your prior attention.

Don’t worry, soon I will be busy and will not think about you that much.

Pero please lang. Sa ngayon at bukas, pwede bang maging makasarili ako? Pwede ka bang makiramdam kahit saglit lang? Kung pwede nga lang.....

poems-and-words

Book of the day: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Get the FREE Kindle Reading App

If This Is What It Takes

The hell with this. Nahulog na daw siya sa iba. Nakakagago lang. I therefore came out with this conclusion -- Hindi niya kaya ang LDR. Madali siyang madala sa bugso ng damdamin. Maattach ganun. Pero ang gulo niya. I was like just settling our label as friends but ayaw niya. Halatang halata. This is a real bullshit talaga. Nakakalito. Mas nakakahilo pa ito sa paggawa ko ng articles huehue

I will be fine, journal. Don’t worry :). And also, I apologize. Naisipan lang ulit kitang buksan kasi may nangyaring malungkot sa buhay kong kay boring :(. I hope someday you’ll talk to me to knock off my hard-headed head and would rant to make me clear about things.

#H&B

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