Ask Statetalia

My version of statetalia. Mostly focused on the Great Lakes states and the general midwest region. Ask box is open so feel free to drop by! Current events: N/A

[meetthemidwest]

Happy Valentine's Day especially to the scads of women I've blocked and reported. I officially have no idea what's going on anymore, but I was recently reminded that Michigan has werewolf lore and decided to make it everyone's problem (as if there aren't a lot of other problems to worry about on this website. Seriously, why are the women messaging me now??).

[meetthemidwest]

Rating the Great Lakes based on the vibes I get from them

Lake Michigan: Haunted. Absolutely and totally haunted. Michigan Triangle? Being able to see all the shipwrecks in the spring from the surface? Stonehenge?? WWII aircraft??? A fucking crucifix????? 11/10, I would absolutely die if I stepped foot in that lake.

Lake Huron: I don't know, this feels like the most vanilla of the Great Lakes. I know for a fact there are some wild storms and everything, but when you look for the really weird stuff the internet just gives you a general Great Lakes list. Still a fun place to go both for the history and the geology, and there are some cool lighthouses to visit (like Fort Gratiot in Port Huron, I hijacked a vacation to go there). 7/10, it feels weirdly safe to me.

Lake Erie: It touches Ohio and was so polluted at one point it caught on fire. Also due to erosion, Niagara Falls is apparently going to back up into Lake Erie and drain it some day. I pretend I do not see it, 3/10.

Lake Superior: HOOOO MAMA, LAKE SUPERIOR. That is a freshwater sea, my man! I mean, this baby got its start with volcanic activity so the rock basin is different than the other lakes, and that makes it instantly cool (built different, what a queen). If I were to go down in a tragic shipwreck in any of the Great Lakes, I would want it to be this one. I offer myself willingly, she can have me. 20/10

Lake Ontario: I don't even know??? It's so far away from everything, it's almost like it doesn't exist. A lake of mystery that I will likely never see with my own eyes. It's apparently built like Lake Superior though so I'd probably like to sink to the bottom and just sit there for a hot second. ???/10.

[meetthemidwest]

It's late but I can't sleep because of the fireworks setting off my fight or flight instinct so have a few Urartu facts for those tired of living through American history and looking for something obscure (or not looking at all, I'm inflicting this on you whether you want it or not).

-Urartu is just ancient Armenia. They were centered around Lake Van so they were also known as Vannic people and I believe people also referred to them as the Nairi.

-The Assyrian Empire bordered Urartu in the south and the Assyrian kings kept throwing their weight around. There was one king who went into Urartu and kept having records saying "I went into this village and burned it to the ground and destroyed all the people, and then I made a pillar to my gods and worshipped them" rinse, repeat. This is likely very much an exaggeration as Urartu was actually a formidable enemy of Assyria. There was a lot of back and forth between the two countries with them both becoming stronger and weaker in turn.

-Assyria wasn't the only country that was exaggerating though, because Urartian kings would claim to have conquered other countries but there's no archaeological evidence that they really did all they say.

-There's a myth about springtime. Basically there was allegedly an Urartian king named Ara the Beautiful and an Assyrian queen named Shamiram. Shamiram fell in love with Ara and when he rejected her she decided to win him through conquest. He was shot down by a stray arrow in the ensuing battle, and in her grief Shamiram ended the fighting and built a city where the battle had happened. Once the city was done, she offered the body of Ara the Beautiful to the gods, and the Aralez (spirit dogs) came down from the heavens and licked Ara the Beautiful back to life. With him, came the spring. This myth might actually have some truth to it, with an Assyrian queen being attracted to an Urartian prince.

-Phrygia is just there throughout all of the history book I've read so far. Like, I believe Urartu claims to have conquered it at some point, but Phrygia is an ally of Urartu. I only knew of Phrygia from music history but apparently the king of Phrygia hated the Assyrians and the king of Urartu hated the Assyrians so they just decided to buddy up. The best kind of alliance! Also the king was King Midas so do with that what you will.

And my favorite:

-In the north there were Cimmerian and Scythian horsemen who were attacking Urartu at one point. The Assyrian king at the time decided to use this northern distraction to go after Urartu from the south. He stole a statue of one of the main three gods (I think it was Haldi, god of war but I could be wrong, I don't have the book with me).

-So the Assyrian king got away with stealing the statue, right? Well the Urartian army got distracted by that (the Assyrian records of this event claim that the Urartian king fell on his sword when he heard the statue had been stolen, but this may not be true), and with the Urartian army distracted, the Cimmerians and Scythians went around the country and into Assyria where they killed the king that had stolen the statue.

-Also I think the statue got returned anyway because the Assyrians felt bad about stealing the biggest god. So yeah, maybe not the greatest Assyrian victory.

Oh, and we can't forget my history book stating in the first chapter that Mt. Ararat is in Turkiye, but it is absolutely, completely, without a doubt Armenian.

[meetthemidwest]

I was drawing something cursed about the Lumberjack War but unfortunately my computer decided that sounding like a geiger counter wasn't enough, it had to act irradiated as well. So instead have some pre-Revolutionary War art I made in the middle of the night while reading my old APUSH notes and having an existential crisis.

Anyway friendly reminder that another very important day is coming up this month and I know it's fun to hate on the French but sometimes you gotta take a step back and wonder if maybe they were on to something

[meetthemidwest]

I made this at one in the morning, half asleep, after seeing a bunch of ads telling me to go to Illinois and it’s causing me physical pain just thinking about it being in my drafts so I need to release it into the wild :)

[image reads: hey baby- hey babygirl, you should come to ohio]

[meetthemidwest]

why do i feel like mitten boi and ontario would bond over cherries-

What if we kissed in the Cherry Republic ball pit and we're both personifications of regions within two North American countries😳?

If you've never been to a Cherry Republic, the best way I can think to describe it is a Harry and David but better because everything is cherries. They have chocolate covered cherries, sour cherry candies (what Michigan is holding in the picture), cherry drinks, cherry jams, cherry salsa, and other things I'm probably forgetting right now. Michigan regularly smuggles Ontario over the border on dates there and they eat all the free samples. Many an employee has had to remove them from the ball pit because they've been in there for hours what could they be doing? The answer is looking at real estate and talking shit about their neighbors-

Anyway my drawing tablet was not pleased to be pulled from the void and I've come down with an illness so I can't leave my room to get my Ontario redesign which means I had to go from memory. Also don't worry about the hour I posted this or time zones or anything, this is a normal time in which every midwesterner is awake.

[meetthemidwest]

I love a lot of your headcannons.

Thank you! When I started this blog (freshman year, what was I thinking) I barely had solid characterizations or headcanons. Even now I'm working on improving what I started with, but I'm glad that you like some of the stuff I've unleashed upon the internet!

Also before I sealed my fate and let people know I was still around, I did lurk around your blog to see the person who caused my states doing weird things post to blow up and your art is really pretty! You got me thinking about the Toledo War again but instead of just the Michigan-Ohio shenanigans I started looking into the Michigan-Arkansas relationship and wow both these states had such weird starts. One was literally fighting with a fully-fledged state over Toledo of all places and the other was split between being a state and not being a state and then apparently congress had to debate whether or not Arkansas broke the law? History is this delicate balance between horrible atrocities and tragedies and things that make you stop and say what and the entire Toledo War/Michigan-Arkansas statehood situation falls into that second category. Also reading on one website that Florida could've been Michigan's sister state fills me with a sense of dread unlike any I've ever felt before.

Anyway I'd normally have some art or something to go with this but wrote most of this at a school event so unfortunately all I can offer is the Toledo thing. But seriously, it means a lot to hear that I did something right.

[meetthemidwest]

EXCUSE ME HOW THE FUCK DID I NOT FIND A MIDWEST HETALIA/CH/POLANDBALL/WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU DO TUMBLR????? midwesterners unite!

I should be going into Hetalia witness protection because I accidentally told a friend about the funky anime country boys because they showed up in my google news feed and now she wants to watch the show, but my posts seem to be reaching some new people and this has been in my ask box for a while (maybe? Not quite sure when it showed up) so I figured I had to draw something for old times' sake. I totally didn't have a college related breakdown and redesigned my states, no siree I am very normal.

So yes, midwesterners unite indeed. And if you have a boating license please come get me and drop me off in the Lake Michigan Triangle, thank you :)

[meetthemidwest]

Not gonna lie, I’ve been avoiding posting here because massive amounts of existential dread I’ve been getting from everything going on in this country, but I’m watching the debate right now and quite frankly I don’t know whether to cry or scream in frustration. I mean, if I do either my mom will come downstairs and probably yell at me but it might make me feel better so it could be worth it. Anyways, should I post stuff or should I take a break until things have settled down a bit politically?

[meetthemidwest]

Kentucky: Okay, but your hair kind of makes you look like that guy from Persona 3.

Michigan: Which one?

Kentucky: Um... Marth?

Indiana: Oh my god...

Kentucky: He's voiced by Yuri Lowenthal but that's all I know.

Indiana: OH MY GOD!

Ohio: Kentucky what the fuck?

Illinois: No, he's got a point.

Indiana: No one asked for your opinion, Illinois.

Illinois: I don't deserve to be bullied like this.

Michigan: Okay can we get back to the fact that Kentucky has one brain cell and it's been steeped in Fire Emblem like a teabag in hot water?

Minnesota: I... what is happening here?

Indiana: We're collectively having a massive stroke, nice of you to join us!

Kentucky: Wait, what's the character's name though?

Kentucky: Please tell me, I'm struggling.

[meetthemidwest]

Ohio: Not gonna lie, that game on the DS where you played as the father, son, and holy spirit all at once while fighting the anti-christ who literally just wanted to be better at art than everyone was actually kind of fun.

Kentucky: I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm compelled to make a comment about how it relates to my life.

Everyone else on the group chat:...

Virginia: Why are you awake at three in the morning?

Ohio, sending a picture of him wearing sunglasses and a crop top while sitting on his kitchen counter: Time was written into existence by man, and I have unwritten it. You're welcome.

Wisconsin: Guys, the raccoon that keeps getting into my walls is back and I can hear it moving around.

[meetthemidwest]

States as things that I did at one of those haunted fort event things where you pay money to get scared by people but in a historical setting but I’m not sure any of it is accurate:

Yells hello at the skeleton and werewolf actors on top of the fort and gets excited when they respond: Minnesota, Tennessee, Alaska, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Georgia

Eats toffee and drinks apple cider in a safe house while talking to someone about demon protection techniques: Massachusetts, Louisiana, Arizona, Nevada, Pennsylvania, Hawaii, Delaware, New Hampshire, Vermont

Refuses to go into the demon walk: Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi, Texas, Utah

Goes into the demon walk, starts talking to one of the actors, gets lost, and the other actors have to stop trying to scare them to guide them out: Florida, North Carolina, Wisconsin, New York, Michigan, Illinois, Connecticut

Gets stuck on the decorations in the haunted house despite not being anywhere near the decorations and the actors have to break character because they can’t get free without help: California, South Carolina, Virginia, New Mexico, Colorado, South Dakota, Maryland, Ohio

Quotes vines instead of getting scared: West Virginia, Indiana, Idaho, Washington, Montana, Wyoming, Kansas, South Dakota, Missouri, Maine

“The werewolves can’t grab me if I’m below their knees!”: Iowa, Kentucky, North Dakota, Rhode Island

[meetthemidwest]

Sir please give us more MIxON content I will pay you so much money

Michigan’s borrowed brain cells all simultaneously crash and all he can hear is the dial up tone as Ontario asks him if he’s okay multiple times before giving up and waiting for Michigan to reboot. To be fair, the only other person who complimented Michigan’s hair was Wisconsin and no one trusts Wisconsin’s fashion choices after the time he cut up yoga pants to make a pair of booty shorts and embroidered “thicc” on the back end.

Okay the first picture took a day to do and it spiraled from there but I finally finished! 

[meetthemidwest]

Nevada texting Ontario: Hey, it's Nevada.

Ontario: How did you get my phone number???

Nevada: Don't ask. I'm sending you a PDF of options for your wedding.

Ontario: Wedding?

Ontario: I think you have the wrong number.

Nevada: You're the Mitten Boy's boyfriend, right?

Ontario: Yeah, but I haven't proposed yet.

Nevada: So you're planning on it?

Ontario: Why are you putting me on the spot like this?? I don't even know you!

Nevada: I'm thinking sunflowers in the bouquet, what are your opinions?

Ontario: I don't know because I've only been dating Michigan for a year!

Nevada: Page Thirty is options if you'd like to elope and avoid all of this. I also have several ring styles on page seven, I'd suggest picking out one of those.

Ontario: I already have a ring.

Nevada: So you are going to propose? Would you like me to get you reservations at one of the restaurants on pages three and four of the PDF?

Ontario: ...

Ontario: I'm blocking your number.

Nevada: You can try.

[meetthemidwest]

Paranormal au but I made an effort to use human names (check the tags if you don't remember, I put the state names in order of appearance)

Henry: How cursed can I make this conversation before you guys get up and leave?

Liam: Depends on the kind of cursed.

Sam: Is it so cursed we'll have nightmares for weeks or is it a funny kind of cursed like the face on the bathroom wall?

Alex: That is not funny, it's horrific! It scares away clients and customers!

Liam: Yeah, but it's kind of funny.

Alex: How?

Sam: If you stare at it hard enough I think it blinks.

Alex: Oh wow that's even more terrifying, thank you.

Henry: There's a forest full of Big Boy statues in Negaunee.

Liam: I don't like the thought of that at all.

Sam: Just imagine being in the woods at night and seeing a Big Boy statue staring down at you with his cold, soulless eyes.

Alex: Cursed things like that are the reason I tolerate wall face.

Henry: I have pictures of the last time I was up there. Want to see?

Sam: Yes please!

Liam: Nope! I'm going to go watch Sixteen Candles again.

Henry: Alex, want to see a slideshow of the Big Boy graveyard?

Alex: I want to say no but I'm morbidly curious.

Henry: So here's me sitting on one of the statues-

Alex: OKAY I'M NO LONGER CURIOUS! LIAM GET THE MOVIE READY, I NEED A DRINK!

Sam, laughing hysterically: I will literally give you whatever's in my wallet if you bring me there.

Henry: Deal.

Liam: You guys have issues. Seriously, Sam, weren't you a priest?

Sam: Yes, and now I'm a paranormal investigator. Let me have this.

Liam: I give up, you're all crazy.

Alex: Excuse me?

Liam: You're the voice of reason in this mess and I would die for you.

Alex: Thanks. Now let's go watch cheesy feel good movies until the Big Boy graveyard has been purged from my mind.

Henry: Good luck with that, it'll haunt you until you die!

[meetthemidwest]

Ontario during quarantine: Well, since I can’t visit my boyfriend I’ll set up a video chat schedule with him and then I’ll work on bettering myself as a person. Michigan during quarantine: *watching nature shows while sitting in his bathroom sink dying his hair and immediately regretting his life choices* 

[meetthemidwest]

I finally got around to drawing this year’s pride icon, which is Washington in a pair of sunglasses they got at a dollar store and a hoodie with vibe check written on it in permanent marker. They also have coffee and they’re protesting police brutality and racism.