The Heart Of Life @meganannnnosulli - Tumblr Blog

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A & Q

1.Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? Yes.

2.When did your last hug take place? On saturday when I left my family party.

3.Are you a jealous person? No.

4.Are you tired right now? Yes, so emotionally exhsusted.

5.Do you chew on your straws? Ew, no

6.Have you ever been called a tease? Haha, no.

7.Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? Yes, during insomnia for sure.

8.Do you cry easily? I used to.

9.What should you be doing right now? Getting ready for bef.

10.Are you a heavy sleeper? I used to be, but it gets harder to fall asleep as the years go on.

11.Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months? Yes.

12.Are you mad at someone right now? Not really.

13.Do you believe in love? Definitely.

14.What makes you laugh no matter what? My friends.

15.Who was the last person you talked to? Katherine.

16.Do you get butterflies around the person you like? Definately.

17.Will you get married? When the time is right.

18.When was the last time you smiled? This afternoon at work.

19.Does anyone like you? God, I hope so.

20.Do you secretly like someone? Maybe....

21.Who was the first person you talked to today? Nikki.

22.Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Katherine, Hannah, or my Aunt Courtney.

23.What are you NOT looking forward to? USN fill.

24.What ARE you looking forward to? Spending the last weeks of Chicago summer with my friends!!

25.Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it? Yes, I believe so.

26.Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do? I would look the other way.

27.Do you plan on moving out within the next year? I just renewed my lease, so no.

28.Are you a forgiving person? Very.

29.How many TRUE friends do you have? Probably 15.

30.Do you fall for people easily? Depends.

31.Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend? Not yet.

32.What’s the last thing you put in your mouth? Wine

33.Who was the last person you drove with? Katherine.

34.How late did you stay up last night and why? Around midnight because I couldn’t sleep.

35.If you could move somewhere else, would you? Arizona has always seemed cool.

36.Who was the last person you took a picture of? My sassy club girls!

38.When was the last time you were extremely disappointed? When I got passed on a promotion.

39.Three names you go by.. Meg, Margo, Megladon

40.Are you currently in a relationship? Nope.

41.What is your all-time favorite romance movie? How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days.

42.Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate? Yes.

43.What’s your current problem? Money

44.Have you ever had your heart broken? YES.

45.Your thoughts of long distance relationships? Worth it if the people are committed.

46.How many kids do you want to have? Three to Four.

47.Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them? Yes, because I don’t want to lose them.

A New Chapter

I am sitting here on the BSNF metra train thinking about how different my life was 4 years ago. God, it was so different. The way I thought about life, my overall perspective, where I thought I would be; but you know what they say, whenever you make plans, God laughs.

This summer has been incredibly difficult. It has been filled with a lot of fear, worry, driving/commuting, as well as changes and acceptances.

I am not writing this for the reasons I used to. I used to use this blog as an outlet for myself. A therapist I used to see told me this blog was a good idea, and it was, but now my direction has completely shifted.

Ever since I was 15, writing has been my escape. Writing has helped me deal and cope with things that have been hard for me. But I finally feel like I am writing because I want people to know they are not alone. I don’t want anyone to think they are ever alone. I know what that is like, and it sucks.

I have gone through a lot in the last 4 years. 2015 was the worst year if my life. I have had a lot of high highs and a lot of low lows. But through all of that I have had my family and friends who have stuck by me and decided to help me figure out what the best path for me is, even if I don’t know it yet.

There are many things I would have told my pre college self as my post college self. Too much to list in this post. But most importantly I would say do what makes you happy. As much as the world owes you nothing, you also don’t owe anyone an explanation for anything. Do what you love. Travel to where you want. Fall in love, even if you are scared. Take a bus or get and a car and just drive. Go to an airport and just pick a destination.

Life is full of a lot of unexpected twists and turns. You never know when you are going to need a new roof over your head or how you are going to get through the next year. But I promise you, positive people can change that. Love and compassion can change that. You can make it through.

I have moved into the most amazing apartment living in a city I have been dreaming about living in again since I was 14. Through ever heartbreak, ever break-up, 2 battles of depression, sleepless nights, lost friendships, missed credit card payments, rejection letter, and missed opportunity,; I am finally here. I love my family so much. I don’t know who or where I would be without them. they are my rock and it’s so comforting to say I am finally home in sweet home Chicago. I am determined to not only make my friends and family proud, but to make myself proud. Never stop believing in yourself.

“What is coming is better than what is gone.”

-Meg

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(De)Tox(ic)

I think what I have learned this year is that I’m a lot stronger than I think. Even I went through that rough patch in 2011, it was so different and I had so many different people around me.

This year has been full of a lot of loss. Friends, money, hope; to name a few.

I was really hopeful about 2015 at the beginning of the year. I wanted it to be a good one. But it has honestly been one of (if not) the worst year of my life. I’ve experienced things I have never thought I would have to endure. I’ve felt more alone than I have every felt before, I have felt very unsupportive, and worst of all, I’ve felt like everyone has lost faith in me and that I’ve lost faith in myself.

I am determined to make 2016 amazing. I am going to making a lot of life changes that I’m very excited about, but some that will effect the rest of my life. I am to the point where the only person I am about pleasing is myself, and not others. This is my life and I want to start making my own decisions.

I’m an ready for my next adventure and I’m really excited to see what this year has in store for me. The little bit of hope I have left is putting everything on the line in order to make sure that I am happy.

This is my last toxic post. I am using this post to leave all the bad memories, friendships, and tears in 2015.

I am determined to get MY life back.

-M

All my life I have had a really strong, driven personality. I always wanted to take advanced courses in school, my friends always teased me because I was an “overachiever”, but I like being involved. I like being busy.

But when I was younger, I didn’t like my personality, especially in high school. I always wished I was a zen person. I wanted to be someone who always had an inner calmness, like someone who spends their time meditating, doing yoga, drinking tea and reading a book on the beach. I had a close friend who had a younger brother who was always calm, didn't care about anything what people where saying, just had a really laid back personality. But that’s not who I am. And I finally have accepted that that’s who I am, and I’m okay with it.

I have recently starting watching Entourage and I have really related to the character of Ari Gold. He is high energy, yells a lot, has a short fuse, curses, and when he is stressed he shows it. He is just like me. He is like the male version of myself. Even though I don’t scream as much as him, I’m okay with that. I think that it’s okay to be who you are, it’s how your brain is programmed and you can’t control it. I tried for so long to force myself in being not like that, but it doesn’t work out. I always feel worse about it whenever I’m done.

The moral of this story is embrace your flaws. Don’t let them get out of control and manage them. Don’t change who you are, even if you don’t like yourself.

-M

Semi-Permanent

When I was 15 years old, I was diagnosed with depression. I have maybe told 4 people that in my entire life, and I don’t even know if my dad knows. Sophomore year of high school was one of the hardest years of my life, it still is to this day. I had gone through a lot that summer beforehand.

I started this blog when I was 15. I was about half way through my freshmen year of high school when a friend of mine told me about this website, “Tumblr”, and I decided to check it out. It had spoke to me like something hadn’t in a really long time. I finally found a website full of a bunch of lost souls like myself.

Growing up in Florida was no walk in the park, especially for a girl from the midwest like myself. It was like you travel 1,200 miles and it was a completely different world. People had different mannerisms, different backgrounds, different ways that the world worked, and somehow I didn’t like that. Both of my parents, who are from Chicago, didn’t feel the same way I did. Maybe because they had lived about 30 years of their life before they moved to Florida and I had lived about 5.

Because of this, I had a completely different view of Florida. When I was younger we moved a lot, which was a disadvantage because I wasn’t the outgoing, friendly, girl in the second grade that I am today. We had gone from Indianapolis to Florida a couple times and I always felt uprooted. I had a lot of trouble making friends, and I still think that I do. People would always say that I was a really strong, secure person but I never felt like that. I felt like people just said that because they thought I was nice but didn’t want to put the effort into becoming friends with me.

When I was in middle school and high school (more so high school) I always wished I was in Chicago or Indianapolis. I hated Florida. Middle school was just three years of my life I will never get back that were sucked into the halls of Randall Middle School. Girls would draw pictures of me as a beluga whale and write my name on top of it. I remember they made copies and handed them out to other people, I don’t know which was worse.

I used these excuses for why my life sucked. I would say “Mom, no one here gets me, or I just moved here two years ago, that’s why I have like five friends, or my favorite excuse, if we had stayed in Indy none of this would have ever happened to me.” But now I know that is not true.

As much as I think of how my life would have changed, I am trying this new thing were I keep the glass half full instead of empty.

If I would have never moved back to Florida, I would have never met Caitlin, Sam, Tyson, Hannah, Caroline, Allison or many other people who heavily influenced my life. I would have never really had a friendship with Palmer, him and I have been friends since we were six, but we wouldn’t have reconnected if I hadn’t moved back. I would of never spent each Thanksgiving and Christmas with the Clarkson’s that has now become an annual tradition. I would of never turned into the person I was supposed to be.

Like I said earlier, I hated Florida, and until recently I viewed Florida like that. But now I have a different view.

How could I hate something that gave me such wonderful things. Never once did I endure a hurricane in the 10 years I lived there.

Now don’t get me wrong, on a 1 out of 10 scale of not liking Florida (10 being the worst, 1 being the least) I’m still at like a 7.5. But I think it deserves a little more credit than the 10 I would of given it 3 years ago.

Life has moved so fast. In three months I’m going to be twenty years old and all I want to do is not be twenty. I spent a decent amount of my childhood wishing I was older, and now I can never get that back. I regret that so much. I can never be 17 and sticking my head out of the window of a truck down a country road again, and that’s all I want to do.

Interlude: One of my favorite T.V. shows, One Tree Hill, has a recurring quote that speaks to me. Peyton Sawyer says, “People Always Leave” and to a certain extent, I couldn’t agree more.

I love the midwest. Don’t get me wrong, I am very lucky and blessed to be able to move back up here. But what I used to believe is that if I left Florida, I left my problems there too, which isn't true.

Here is the truth about IU, I don’t have a lot of friends. I feel really lost and really lonely and half the days I don’t even know what to do with myself. This place is so big and I didn’t have a great freshmen year and now I’m living in the domino effect of it. I don’t know what I want to do. And I don’t know how to say it in any other way other than writing on this blog that I maybe haven’t written on in almost nine months. I can’t keep living in this parallel of not knowing what I should do with my life.

In August, my cousin Hayden asked me if I was excited to turn twenty in a couple of months, and I want to be a good example to her, so to a certain extent, I always tell her the truth. I told her “No.” And she said “Why?”

And I told her that this is not where I thought I would be at the age of 20. I thought I would have accomplished more or lived my life differently than I have, take that in a good or bad way.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m very blessed and lucky to have both of my parents, and to be healthy and to have a roof over my head.

I’m going through a lot right now. I just need to find myself, I just need some guidance. I’m not afraid to say that I need some help.

But truth is, I feel more lost than I did when I was 15.

#thetruth confessions

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It’s nice to sort of, take pause and enjoy your life a little bit…

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(insp.)

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“It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re seventeen and planning for someday. And then quietly and without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And that someday is yesterday. And this is your life.”

Nathan Scott (via thenorthernnomaad)

Always.

“We do a dangerous job. We all knew that when we signed up. You reach out to each other. You’ll be there for each other.

Always.”

#chicagofire #shay #season3 #always

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But I must admit I miss you terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby.

Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letters (via klytemnestre)

Year Of The Sheep

I had a feeling at the beginning of 2015 that I was going to have a good year. I could just feel it in my gut. And so far I was right. I have been so blessed with so many things and life is just getting better everyday and I love it.

I love being in the midwest again. LOVE it. I feel so home again. Palmer is only 3 hours and 45 minutes away from me, which is so great and comforting. I miss him so so much but I am so so glad that he is happy. I went to visit him last weekend and it was so much fun. I am so glad I got to see him because I didn’t see him much over Spring Break. It’s just weird to know that he has this whole other life that I’m not apart of.

This year has gone by so fast. Like, so incredibly fast. But I am so ready for it to be over, and I am so close. 21 days from now I will be in Chicago and in 29 days I will see Palmer and my family again. My freshmen year of college was rocky at points but it was such a learning experience. And I’m so grateful for that.

I have met so many amazing people and I am so excited for this summer. I will be in Wisconsin and I will be traveling. In the fall, Palmer and I are going to Boston, and I’m going to North Carolina this summer as well.

So this post is to the people who wanted to give up in high school. I promise you that it gets better. It gets a hundred times better than high school. I’m losing weight and finally finding myself and I can’t wait for what is to come.

Dude, I think I just found my inspiration again.

-M

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Giving your heart to somebody; that’s the scary part.

Peyton Sawyer, One Tree Hill (via soulsscrawl)

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meganannnnosulli

My heart <3

A Thank-You Note To Parks And Recreation

One of my favorite shows of all time ended this week after seven years. So I decided I am going to post some lesson that Leslie Knope and the other people of the Parks Department taught me.

1. TREAT YO SELF