i smell bullshit
well it was bullshit giving off that scent.
my tumblr is so boring
so rant number 49380 and something
why are my family so fucked up?
like people definitely have it much worse, but i used to think we were so normal. we have a funny last name, sure, and my wider family is ridiculously huge to the point where i feel like i’ve only met like 20% of my second cousins because for some reason great grandmas pat and marian were baby making machines. but whatever, besides that, my immediate family, nans and grandads and aunt and uncles were pretty normal and chill, my mum, dad, brother and I are all really, really close.
then things started coming out about my grandad. i don’t wanna dwell on him, but as much as i think there are probably worse fathers out there that did much worse things, i believe him to be a vile and selfish man and i don’t have any time for him.
some facts about my mother:
she is unbelievably kind, gentle and loyal
she’s fucking loopy and it’s hilarious
everyone comes before her, in her eyes
she may be the best mum that ever did walk this earth
she’s depressed af
people judge my mum i think because she’s not the brightest of the bunch and she presents herself as very, very bubbly which i think people find really weird, but they don’t understand her and those people just suck. she’s absolutely brilliant. and i guess people would think it’s weird that someone who is so cheerful a lot of the time and so chatty and giggly, can be so unhappy. like she’s definitely grateful for so many things like good god me and my brother are often suffocated by how much that woman loves us. and she and my dad, have a great, allbeit quite dysfunctional relationship, and she has lots of friends and all of these things are what keep her going. but i realised the other day that my mum is still just a little girl that just wants to be loved. all she wants is a hug, all the time, because the arsehole i call douglas was just interested in being loved and taken care of, rather than giving his love out, even when it came to his children. (they weren’t like neglected or anything, it just appears to me that he was not a very affectionate father and my mum had to essentially do everything herself as soon as she started working at the age of like 13 and she was no longer his problem, ‘well i give her a roof over her head, or the council do, meh, that’s enough.’) therefore, mum literally just wants to be loved. my nan wasn’t around when mum was growing up, doug couldn’t be bothered. now, i’ve moved away and that hit her so hard. even if my mum and dad argue, mum doesn’t just shake things off because she literally just wants everything and everyone to be ok and to eat a cake, have a cup of tea and a hug at the end of the day. my mum just needs people to love her. usually, it seems children love in the way that their parents loved. my counsellor said that i definitely appear to love others in the same way as my mum lol. yet, doug was obsessed with being loved, but just expected someone to look after him. my mum needs to be surrounded my loving people, but in order for that to happen, she exhausts herself by loving other people so much and taking away the pain the people she loves are feeling and taking it on board herself. this is so evident all the way through my childhood, and to be honest, i think this kind of makes her a hero and it’s weird how she even turned out the way she did. the woman has a heart of gold i s2g.
so i don’t like my grandad.
anyway, the main point of this rant: it would now appear that my uncle, her brother, is pretty similar to doug. he is a child.
in summer, he and i had a falling out. the main premise of this argument was utterly ridiculous and petty and therefore very embarrassing. essentially the man loves to find any way he can publically humiliate me. most of it is typical embarrassing uncle stuff, and that is perfectly fine, do what you want, fill your boots if it makes you happy. most of the stuff he does is write cheeky comments on my facebook posts that are 100% unfunny but he gets a chuckle out of it so c’est la vie. however, this one time, he scrolled through months of my profile and posted on another girl’s photo that i happened to be in with a boy that i no longer really speak to for a list of reasons. i felt a little bit weird about it considering he did not know the girl or the boy in question and i didn’t want any sort of conversation to come from it so i asked him politely to remove his comment. he then kicked off about it.
47 year old throws facebook related temper tantrum at 19 year old girl.
ridiculous human being.
anyway, it would appear that after our discussion in which i made it clear that he was being petty, and his actions were petty, and i am someone who will not be belittled by others and their petty actions, he took it upon himself to bitch about me and my ‘rude retaliation’ to my mum, with my dad listening in the background.
my dad is protective dad of the century. he takes no bullshit. going along with the whole ‘my family is weird’ thing, the other week i found out that he was homeless as a child. dude will take no crap, he is from the omfgz streets.
essentially it would appear that my dad told him that he is not welcome in our house over christmas if he was going to continue to make ridiculous comments about me to my mother, or indeed to me in order to start some sort of argument, when christmas is meant for joy. so he now isn’t coming. along with doug, who is also banned from our house entirely.
basically i just feel really awful.
it’s a pathetic argument, and sure, i didn’t really start it. i was super polite and just said ‘hey man can you please not, there’s some awkward history there please can you delete this?’ but i feel like my issue with him, although brought on my him, has now led to an issue with my parents, and it just means that there’s one less person that my mum really loves and needs around, that isn’t going to be around at all.
dad tells me that all she really needs is me and michael and lots of hugs and kisses which of course i can do but it’s just like for fuck sake she needs her family, like yeah she has us, yes she’ll see her friends throughout christmas and everything’s going to be great but she could really use her dad and brother there. but neither of them will give up on their mission of being dubbed ‘arse 4 lyf’ so she is now without them. she literally only has her mum, and to be honest, i don’t think it’s quite the same because for various reasons my nan wasn’t around for mum from the age of like 11 to the age of about 24. i just think it’s so ridiculous, he needs to be there, but he needs to get over it also because if he comes he’ll start a row and it’ll ruin everything which mum doesn’t need also but i feel so bad i wish i just took on his fucking bullshit and left it alone so that she could have him there but now it’s all gone to shit and i’m just so angry that woman deserves the world and yet he can’t put aside his issues for just one second for his sister that loves him so much. if my brother’s wife told me i couldn’t see him, no way would i let that happen, i’d apologise and move on.
i dunno if he’s embarrased about having argued with a girl 28 years his junior therefore won’t admit he was wrong, but whatever he’s an arse and i feel like an arse and my mum is a cinnamon bun, too good for this world, and i’m so cross.
