my brother is older than me, so when i was in elementary school, he was already in high school, and he would always be mean and stick his butt in my face and fart in my face whenever he needed to fart.
weirdly enough, as a naive eight year old who thought of my older brother as a mature respected adult, i began to think grown ups do this to each other regularly whenever they need to fart. somehow, i began to associate farting in people’s faces as a sign of maturity, like a rite of passage all adults must endure as they interact with one another.
well, one day, i was at my friend’s house and my friend’s dad came into the room and played twister with us. suddenly, as i was reaching for a color on the tarp, i felt an intense desire to rip a huge fart. overwhelmed with indecision of whether or not i should hold it in or let it out, i impulsively realized that here was a chance to prove myself as an adult, so i decided to lean back, stuff my butt right onto my friend’s dad’s face, and drop a huge smelly toot.
needless to say, it was the biggest mistake of my life. my friend was so shocked she burst into tears and her dad immediately called my mom to pick me up.
my mom made him a loaf of zucchini bread as a peace offering and i ended up having to write a three page apology letter to him and his family. i was never invited back to that friend’s house and am still terrified of farting in public to this day.
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