This is going to break some hearts, but a lot of girls need to learn it before you get hurt.
It’s fairly common for young and even underaged girls to fall in love/get crushes on adult men who are astronomically older than them. Especially if they’ve been through trauma.
You may even be tempted to act on it and make that man your actual boyfriend.
I have to warn you.
While it’s common for girls to fall for older guys, it is NOT common, or normal, for adult men (or women for that matter) to fall for someone 10, even 20+ years younger than them, especially if they’re not an adult.
If an adult or someone that much older is interested in you, let alone reciprocates those feelings:
There is something wrong with them.
They are NOT mentally sound.
They do NOT have good intentions.
Look, I’ve been there.
I’ll make a confession. I used to call myself a “teleiophile”. I used to be exclusively attracted to men in their 40s and 50’s. Maybe even 60 if they looked good enough. Even when I was under 18, every guy I was attracted to would reject me for being “too old for me” (even if it was only 3 years), and the age gap I was attracted to only grew until it reached those extremes.
Eventually, I actually did end up dating one. I was 19 and I met him at work. He was 44. He called himself “Big Country”. He was tall and gorgeous and had a sexy voice. On top of that, he reminded me of an even older guy I had fallen for but left behind at my last job. I fell in love with him fast, and he ended up liking me back.
A lot of teens make the excuse that they’re “mature for their age” or “more mature than you would think”.
I may have been over 18, but looking back, I was absolutely not mature enough, even though I thought I was. I was honestly still a child. I don’t know any adult who can look back and say “yeah, I was at a complete, adult level of maturity as a teenager”.
You know what happened to me?
This man ended up manipulating the heck out of me. He would try to talk me into doing all kinds of sexual things for him that I had made clear I was very uncomfortable with.
He would tell me if I didn’t do it, he would go get it from someone else because he knew that would devastate me and increase his chances of getting it. He threatened me with my needs and emotions.
He wouldn’t do any of the cuddles, kisses, or comfort that I wanted from him. He told me, only in return for having sex with him or blowing him. To this day, I’m still traumatized and disgusted by the idea of putting dick in my mouth.
Eventually he would withhold even contact with me for weeks. One time it was 3 whole months. Until I finally had enough and left him. He didn’t even fight it or beg me not to leave. Just a passive little “I’ll change”.
After a few years, I grew out of this attraction.
Like me, this attraction is likely the result of trauma. Your heart is trying to fill the void left by an emotionally unavailable, abusive, or absent parental figure. Once you’re an adult and get your “I’m ready to be on my own” instinct, it will start to fade. You may not think so, I sure didn’t, but you will grow out of it.
It’s also not unexpected to relapse if you face another extreme trauma, I’ve been there too. But it will fade once you reach safety and peace again.
You may think your guy is “real” and “well meaning” and that you’re “truly meant for each other”.
He is manipulating you. He is grooming you. He is using you. It’s fake.
I know it’s hard to hear, but for your own safety, try to remember this. Don’t let your emotions and hormones cloud your better judgement.
Protect yourself.
