melancholic fogx

Hi I'm Fogx, I'm the dark thoughts of a high sensitive, extrovert person.

[melancholicfogx]

A good memory and a stranger, that's what you'll be.

[melancholicfogx]

Zugfahrt und ausschweifender Gebrauch von Metaphern

Schon verrückt, dass ich immer der Mensch sein wollte, der dich hält wenn du einsam bist. Ich wollte so sehr dein Licht sein, dass ich darunter tatsächlich verbrannt bin, wie du es deklariert hast. Ich wurde korrekt informiert 'Verbrannte Erde wo ich Liebe' und doch habe ich es nicht verstanden. Heißt das nun dein Mantel ist frei von Farbflecken?

Nun bin ich die, die sich sehnt nach einem grell leuchtenden Neonschild, doch bin umgeben von Glühwürmchen. Vielen davon, wohl gemerkt, aber ich muss allein mein eigenes Licht sein, um den Weg sehen zu können.

Ich kann nicht aufhören dich zu suchen. Bei der geringsten Chance dir zu begegnen, stehen all meine Sinne auf Alarm in der Hoffnung mit einem Lächeln von dir die Wunden lindern zu können. Was natürlich nicht geht. Im Gegenteil, jeder kleinste Kontakt würde mich wieder vergiften. Du warst meine Droge, die mich immer wieder leer und müde zurückgelassen hat. Der perfekte Coup. Die Linderung und das Gift in einem.

Ich möchte diesen bitteren Beigeschmack nicht behalten, der mir das Leben beschädigt erscheinen lässt. Das ist es nicht. Ich bin stolz und dankbar für alles. Auch für dich.

Loslassen wird dennoch viele bewusste wie unbewusste Momente brauchen. Berührungen, Lächeln, Erstaunen, Euphorie und hoffentlich irgendwann auch wieder selige Ruhe im nebeneinander existieren mit einer anderen Person, wie ich sie bis jetzt nur mit dir erfahren habe.

[theambitiouswoman]

It’s more likely that a toxic environment is going to change you before you’re able to change it... know when it’s time to get out and let it go.

[aidashakur]

[tfw-adhd]

after lots of research and googling, I’ve determined that the cause of my symptoms are that I have a brain

[smokeinsilence]

have you ever noticed you pick up little habits and phrases from the people you love? it’s no wonder our hearts are so easily broken when people leave. we become a reflection of the people that we care about and those personality traits stick with us even if the people don’t

[perfectfeelings]

“We don’t mature with age, we mature with damage.”

—

[melancholicfogx]

Wow.

[spiritualseeker777]

[perfectfeelings]

“Your worst battle is between what you know and what you feel.”

—

[melancholicfogx]

I felt it coming closer every day, every moment. Paralyzed I observed how it steadily, slowly proceeded, but could do nothing to stop it. Did I even want to? I feel so tired.

Gentle, dark arms are tangling around my stomach, my lungs, my heart, my brain. An icy film covers around them, stiffening, freezing, suffocating.

I want to fall into a winter sleep, but it's only a rainy August.

[melancholicfogx]

Anger.

Sadness.

Helplessness.

I really wanted to, but I didn't manage to hold it forever.

[melancholicfogx]

With deep eyes, all the time I tried to convince myself, that this person I saw didn't exist and was just an illusion of my romantic feelings. In the end he revealed himself having that features in him, but when it was too late. So maybe also that Gloom that I picture and miss does in deed exist. But it's a reduced version of him. He is many other things too, and if I'm honest many of them, which I didn't accept. His physical and emotional mess, his self-centering, his playing the victim, his lack of empathy, his way of reacting numb towards my feelings, his unhealthy lifestyle and being careless for his family. His way of promising things and never doing them, for himself, for others. Always finding excuses. Hiding himself behind a set of pretty Instagram posts. Playing with peoples feelings while judging others for doing so. Never seriously attempting to solve his problems as this would damage his identity of a poor soul rejected by society.

Haha I'm wondering what his list of my flaws would look like. Controlling, perfectionist, self-righteous, too emotional, criticizing, aggressive, egoistic, over-achieving bitch? I guess something like that.

We always show our worst to the people we love most. How tragic. Let's hope both of us can be a little less assholes for the next time. Good luck Gloom. I'll miss you.

[melancholicfogx]

Yeah, I'm still dreaming about you and my brain still is tangled in endless conversations and chats with you, that will never happen. But sometimes I dream of something else too and sometimes I need to stop myself from brooding also over another topping than you. I feel less sad for you, luckily not mad anymore but therefore a little indifferent. I interfere too much in other people's feelings and business, no?

I realized there is no good ending for things. However I still somehow liked this one. That day you were many things I loved about you and I think I were some that you loved too. In the same way, the things we hated about each other appeared. It was like a perfect wrap-up of us. The whole us pressed into a 2.5 h time frame, too long and boring for a good film and too scripted in it's ending to feel real. "War schön" I mumbled without our eyes ever catching again.

[ponderingcomplications]

“but I am a walking ghost and you are the home I killed myself to haunt.”

— an excerpt from a poem I hid behind lock and key

[melancholicfogx]

So you're haunting me in my dreams now, soaking them with your presence. Just so that when I wake up, there's a hole in my reality again.

I'll keep waiting for the day, when your ghost will leave, too.

[melancholicfogx]

You've made a fool out of me for such a long time. Caring about you, worrying about you, trying to support you. When all that you ever wanted from me were the highs from my pity and attention. F**k you. You're the bigger fool in the end, lying to your narcissistic self for your whole life.

[myelusivethoughts]

I have longed for these hands to be entwined with yours, for your lips to be so passionately pressed against mine, for our bodies to be tangled up in this mess we call love, and for our souls to finally breathe in the same air.

s.b.