4TH TRIMESTER!
Why did nobody tell me about the 4th Trimester?
Why did nobody tell me how lonely and confused I would be?
The views and the vision I had in my head was not this.
It doesn’t help that we’re in a lockdown and we’re isolated!
I’m not angry at my baby but I feel resentment towards her dad because he can sleep, he can go out and do what he wants but me: I’m a mum now, I’m restricted and sleep deprived! Oh and my breast are leaking milk like crazy gosh I’ve only changed my top 3 times already for it to be wet again!
I’m supposed to be happy ain’t I ? I just brought life into the world ? Of course I’m happy , she’s so perfect but I’m confused.
Why did nobody tell me about the 4th trimester?
It’s all hit me like a TON OF BRICKS!
How am I supposed to maintain : myself, my baby and my relationship with her dad ? I feel pressured.
When can I come first again? When can I start looking normal again? I just wanna brush my hair and use the toilet in peace. In fact I want to shut the toilet door for a while with ear plugs in but unfortunately I can’t. Sometimes I feel like running away because the change is so big, this is a completely new life, nobody can prepare you for this. You literally have to experience this journey yourself. I hear my baby crying even when she’s sleeping. I run into the room and yes she is still sleeping!
A mother always puts their child first so I understood pretty quick that my feelings need to be put aside because my baby is only getting bigger and so are her demands!
My breast are getting smaller now though, why? Maybe because my baby’s on solids so she’s feeding less? Although when I first started breastfeeding they look like I had them done, so nice, big and firm. In fact I had enough milk in the beginning I was just expressing for the fun of it.
She’s going through nappies like there’s no tomorrow, I don’t know how many times more she will vomit so we need bibs and muslins on hand. I’ve been through enough wipes to fill a landfill site and she’s growing out her clothes so fast plus I’ve have to throw away some because we KNOW some stains just ain’t coming out. My clothes included !
There’s so much to be happy for though, I’m healthy, my baby is healthy and I’m so in love with her!
But my head, where is my head at?
How can I have her dad here with me but still feel lonely?
She’s so pure, so innocent and even when she’s crying she looks sweet.
Sometimes I cry when I look at her.
Life must be so different for her also, she’s been inside my womb for 9 months (37 weeks in my case) plus she’s been in darkness. So she’s adjusting as-well. It’s a learning process for us both and it comes with ups and downs.
This is MOTHERHOOD!
I started to look into the 4th trimester more. That’s when I realised it gets easier, this is only going to be temporary.
I had to make sure it wasn’t something more, I had to make sure I wasn’t alone, I had to make sure this is normal.
The fourth trimester is the 12-week period immediately after you have had your baby. Not everyone has heard of it, but every mother and their newborn baby will go through it.
It is a time of great physical and emotional change as your baby adjusts to being outside the womb, and you adjust to your new life as a mum.
I ask myself again : why did nobody tell me about the 4th trimester?