TO BE HONEST @melfunctiional - Tumblr Blog

AT LEAST MY FATHER WAS HONEST

He wasn’t happy in this life

So he chose otherwise

And he didn’t choose me

Days with him turned into only weekends

Those weekends turned into months

Months turned into 11 years since I’ve last seen him

Since I’ve last heard from him

But at least my father was honest

He wasn’t happy

So he chose otherwise

And he didn’t want me

#father #daughter

darspeaksout

SUSMARYOSEP Is My Most Surprising Fragrance Yet

- DAR DAR G

Today is April 22, 2023, and I made SUSMARYOSEP. It has notes of green tea, frankincense, tobacco, chypre, and amber. The ratio is 1:1 for all of these notes, which amounts to 2.3 ml each in a travel-sized spray bottle. I figured if I wrote down the formula here, I wouldn’t need to write it in my notebook. Writing on Tumblr has always been more familiar and nostalgic, anyway.

SUSMARYOSEP is a Tagalog phrase which literally means, “Jesus, Mary, Joseph.” The phrase is used to express exasperation or surprise. I arrived at this name because the opening of the fragrance reminded me of the wooden pews in church. This wood feeling is created by the note of frankincense. In addition to the wood, there is a cleanliness which is created by the notes of green tea and tobacco. When I first smelled these raw materials, I was surprised to find that tobacco actually smelled more pleasant than I had anticipated. I guess I was thinking of cigar, which is closer to what I had imagined all smokes to smell like - dirty, grown, ultimately difficult to blend in a fragrance. But tobacco is rather smooth and easy on the nose. I picture a dark blue when I smell it for some reason.

To continue, chypre gives the fragrance that department-store cologne feel. And amber grounds everything together, making it warm. In deciding the name of this fragrance, my mind went from wooden pews to rain (as it was raining earlier today). So we have the image of Mass while it’s raining outside. I thought, what is a Filipino term or expression that derives from religion? And that’s how SUSMARYOSEP came to be.

For those who are already familiar with this term, it may come as a surprise that this is the name chosen for a fragrance that is essentially a woodsy, contemplative scent that leans masculine. SUSMARYOSEP does not evoke shock, anger, or surprise - to me, its creator, it evokes calmness, poise, and self-assuredness. Because of the gap between what “Susmaryosep”, the term, means, and how SUSMARYOSEP, the fragrance, smells, it invites anyone who has the chance to smell it to use their imagination to bridge these two ends together. If there is any shock factor to speak of, it’s that this fragrance does not embody the personality that one would expect from such a name. It is quiet and subtle, yet clean and sharp. It remains close to the skin and is not a projection beast. It does not announce itself because it has no need to. Like someone confident in themselves, their personality is no surprise to them but may come as a surprise to others. This confidence is what I tried to embody in my reel.

I took advantage of today’s weather - cloudy, gloomy - to issue forth the emotions necessary to be felt in order to produce SUSMARYOSEP, and my accompanying reel. This is the first reel I have created which provides a closer look into my process of making a fragrance. As a hobbyist, I enjoy tons of freedom when it comes to creating whatever scents I want, at my own pace, with no external pressure, and a limitless capacity to explore my own creativity. Of course, in the reel I am using pipettes, measuring liquids, spraying tester strips, and the like. But I am also sipping coffee, drinking water, taking my vitamins, and sometimes just sitting in my chair as I stare into space. This is to show that in the creative process, it’s not only about being productive and producing the results that everyone sees. It also consists of pondering, imagining, reminiscing, emoting. It is work and meditation at once. Similar to when I throw knives, I forget everything else and concentrate on the task at hand as I let my “flow state” take over.

The song, “Waves”, by LeRoyce, captures the relaxed and melancholic vibe I was aiming for. The last few clips feature the gray sky, and myself as I walk away from the camera with my back turned towards it. Walking away symbolizes that, at least for now, this fragrance is complete. I say “for now” because as a creative, it’s common for us to revisit previous works and try to perfect them, although objective perfection does not exist. In the ending of my reel, I take a sip of my coffee before the beat drops and it cuts to a clip of a black screen with “SUSMARYOSEP” written at the top, and some of its prominent notes listed underneath. The reel cuts back to me - I turn my head forward then walk to the right until I exit the frame completely. The casualness of my movements shows calm, poise, and trust. As the viewer, you don’t know where I’m walking towards. But from the self-assuredness I have demonstrated, you can trust I’m going to a good place.

This is the essence of SUSMARYOSEP - a confidence that is not performative and heavily charged with hypermasculinity which is the version often seen now in the media, but rather one that is subtle, cultivated by and exists for itself. It’s self-assuredness after having broken away from religion and homophobia, finding strength as an individual for once and not as part of a collective subscribed to the same ideologies as everyone else. A confidence gained only after tapping into your creativity and bringing it to the surface. A confidence that shocks others because of how apparent it is, but also how natural it is to the individual that it often goes undetected. One is left to wonder, “Jesus, Mary, Joseph. How is that possible?”

Personally, SUSMARYOSEP is by far the fragrance that has surprised me the most. A phrase similar in usage that I often hear is, “Diyos ko, ‘day” (”My God, sis”), which is a term mainly used by women. I have not given this potential new creation much thought beyond its name. “DIYOS KO, ‘DAY” is funny, colloquial, and lighthearted. If I were to pursue this scent, I can see it becoming the woman’s version of SUSMARYOSEP. We’ll see if it comes to fruition. Instead of making any promises, I would rather deliver it as a surprise.