wait for it
Keni
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Peter Solarz
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⁂
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@melissaston
wait for it
“I’m not running away, Melissa… I don’t run away from my problems. But, I can’t sit here and wait forever. I’m not Felix and Elli isn’t you. I thought… her and I didn’t lie to each other, but if what you’re saying is true then she lie, and in telling such a lie she messed with my heart. ——But you’re right. I don’t deserve love, and you know why? Because I mess it up, I ruin it. This isn’t me running away, this is me stating facts that I know to be true. I’m already a ticking time bomb ready to set off and I don’t feel like setting her off either.”
“Who says it would be forever? --- I don’t think she meant to lie to you... it just happened because she was scared and unsure. And what proof --- what proof do you have that you’ll set her off? Two equal forces will always cancel each other out. You’re Acid and she’s Alkaline -- you can’t exist without the other. Two parts of a whole -- a magnetic force pulling you together. You’ve been friends for so long, you can’t let one little thing mess it up.”
`
"——I want to believe, I really do. But I can’t. She has been my best friend ever since we were little, my rock, my home. When we were teenagers, I’d see her with all the boys she’s dated and I’d get angry, and I knew then that I loved her, I even almost told her. I finally did, recently. And in doing that, I ruined everything that her and I pretty much built. She doesn’t love me back, Melissa, because if she did then she’d know I’d do anything for her, I’d be anything for her. But most of all, she’d tell me back. She told me twice——once before she kissed me, and once after. I realized I can’t wait forever. I can’t hold out forever in hopes that she’ll say it or in hopes that… she realizes it even. I can’t do that, I refuse to.”
“I spent nineteen years trying to pretend I didn’t love Felix and he spent those nineteen years putting up with my abuse and torment because he loved me. Love is ridiculous and painful and strange and will make you do and say awful things. --- Do you really think she’d have kissed you unless she didn’t love you? You didn’t mess it up, you opened up a door. Maybe she never thought of you in this kind of way before and know she does -- hence why she kissed you. if you just walk away from this --- it’s going to be messed up. Agent James, all I’ve ever done is run from Felix when something has gone wrong and it has never helped. You can’t run from your feelings for her. It hurts because it’s a bullet to your skin and a razor on your heart. Love isn’t something you can just erase -- it’s not a wrong answer because you can’t get rid of it. It will always stay there was a smudge on the paper and you can’t get rid of what you feel for her because you love her and she loves you back and shes just terrified of feeling love for someone because you can’t love someone else until you love yourself but that’s shit because you’ve never loved yourself but you love her so much the pain of your self loathing stops because she’s the sun in your solar system, the oxygen in your lungs -- she’s your anchor. You can’t just cast her from your life and pretend that you don’t love her because you do need to give her time until she realizes that your her sun and her air and her anchor. And if you think that you can run away from all of this then maybe you don’t deserve love.”
“——I told her I loved her and she doesn’t feel the same. This is me moving on.”
“If I’ve learned anything about love, I promise you that Agent Walker does love you back. You can see it --- she looks at you like you built the sun for her in your tool-shed. She just thinks no one could love her and so she’s emptied herself so she feels nothing --- but with love there is no way to stop it forming like a cancer and spreading all over your body until it’s covered anything inside of you and all you do it to try and fight it and sometimes you just have to give into the pain and realize that your fate is carved into stone -- and whether that fate is to die or to love someone, it’s there and you can’t stop it. She loves you. She’s afraid because you’re both sticks of TNT lit from both ends and soon you’ll collapse into yourself but never be upset from that because that’s how galaxies are made.”
“Sammy. You can call me Sammy. And, I’m not drunk. Simply tipsy, but not to the point where I can’t drive. It`s not like I’m gonna go around and get myself shot up by some people. I’m perfectly fine, borderlining psychopathy, but it’s all good.”
“Borderlining psychopathy --- ? May I ask what happened that has lead you to this?”
“Well, I don’t feel like keeping company right now.”
“Your preference doesn’t matter to me. I’m not going to leave you alone, Agent James. At this level of intoxication, you’re boarder-lining being a danger to yourself.”
“——I think I’d like to be alone right now, thanks.”
“With the level of alcohol in your system, it wouldn’t be wise to leave you alone.”
"No."
“Handsome --- if don’t want to go back or feel comfortable going back -- then you shouldn't.”
"I might go back next week."
"You sure you wanna go back?"
"Y-you’re going to miss the b-best part."
"Work priority over Harry Potter, handsome."
You did this didn’t you
"You think I'd hurt a innocent human? Innocent, no. You? You help the people I kill. I'd hurt you but no --- this wasn't me. I know who did it though."
"I-It’s a ticking bomb. I-I am so scared. I don’t know how many minutes or seconds left"
"You’re lame."
" ---- That sounds right."
"Hurry or it’ll b-be gone."
"I'm just finishing a lab report -- "
"If you don’t h-hurry it’ll be o-over."
"I'm on my way -- save me some popcorn."