melomaniac

where words fail, music speaks. so, i made this blog to voice out unexpressed feelings

[eliminated]

[thoughts-memories]

[splendidbliss]

I push people.

I push and push and push until I have no one. I can’t stand the thought of someone leaving me so I push them away until they have no choice but to leave.

Then I kick myself for pushing everyone away, I feel guilty for being so insensitive. I push myself until I break and do it all over again.

I push myself.

-MandyChristine

[theforgottenfreefaller]

“I self sabotage, I destroy myself before you can get the knife. I push you away before you leave. I’m so scared and that makes my fears true. I am a self fulfilling prophecy.”

— A.G. -Self Sabotage 

[despairing-soul]

[hellishbpd]

I fuckin hate feeling so doubtful of other people’s feelings for me. Somebody will tell me that they care about me and in the moment I believe it, but then time will pass and I’ll forget how it felt to hear it and I’ll wonder if they even care, and I eventually tell myself that they don’t care. It’s a shitty cycle of doubting them, getting angry and paranoid then isolating myself and pushing everybody away because I tell myself that they don’t care and that I’m a burden, then regretting it later and trying to win their affection back because I acted like a cold asshole. 

[understands]

[a-sad-flower]

7AM

      My friend, thank you so very much for being here. It means a lot to me because the mere fact you are here indicates that you are reaching out, and that you really do want to live. So, I want you to do something else that is very important. Please make a commitment to stay alive. To not die by suicide, no matter what. Make this commitment for all of the people who care for you, and for yourself. Remember that if you try to end your pain by ending your life, you will start a world of pain for the loved ones that you leave behind. And you will deprive yourself of many wonderful things that you have yet to experience. 

      Now, my friend, I have told you the things that you should do. So, please get started. Please open up to one person about your problems; may it be a therapist, your mother, your best friend or a stranger online. You need to let your feelings out. You need to breathe. You are now going back to the real world and I hope what you learned here will be something you keep in your heart. I will always be here whenever you enter your sad hours. I care about you very much, and I love you very much, so I want you to get better as soon as possible. And let me tell you, my friend, you are on your way. On your way to a better life. Remember to be a sunflower in the midst of your sad hours. Stay hopeful.    

[melomaeniac]

Stay hopeful 🌻💛✨

[a-sad-flower]

6AM

      My friend, our time is almost up. I want you to know  suicide doesn’t end the chances of life getting worse, it eliminates the possibility of it ever getting any better. You can get better. You can do anything — why do you think you lasted this long? When you feel like giving up, just remember the reason why you held on for so long. Place your hand over your heart, can you feel it? That is called purpose. You’re alive for a reason so don’t ever give up. If you are looking for a sign not to kill yourself, this is it. Because if you kill yourself, you’re also going to kill the people who love you. Yes, people love you. No, you aren’t alone. Yes, we all feel this way sometimes. No, you won’t always feel like this. Yes, the world is a better place with you in it. I love you. Stay hopeful.

[a-sad-flower]

5AM

      How are you, my friend? I told you I was just like you. I also wanted to end it all. I wanted to kill myself, too. Now, here I am — telling you not to do it. I learned a lot from life.  You will one day experience joy that matches this pain. You will cry euphoric tears from the stupid jokes of your friends, you will stare down at the face of as she lies asleep in your lap and you will know the beauty of life, you will make great friends, you will eat delicious food you haven’t tried yet, you will be able to look at a view from a high place and not assess the likelihood of dying from falling. There are books you haven’t read yet that will enrich you, films you will watch while eating extra-large buckets of popcorn, and you will dance and laugh and have sex and go for runs by the river and have late-night conversations and laugh until it hurts. Life is waiting for you. You might be stuck here for a while, but the world isn’t going anywhere. Hang on in there if you can. Life is always worth it. Stay hopeful.

[a-sad-flower]

7AM

      My friend, thank you so very much for being here. It means a lot to me because the mere fact you are here indicates that you are reaching out, and that you really do want to live. So, I want you to do something else that is very important. Please make a commitment to stay alive. To not die by suicide, no matter what. Make this commitment for all of the people who care for you, and for yourself. Remember that if you try to end your pain by ending your life, you will start a world of pain for the loved ones that you leave behind. And you will deprive yourself of many wonderful things that you have yet to experience. 

      Now, my friend, I have told you the things that you should do. So, please get started. Please open up to one person about your problems; may it be a therapist, your mother, your best friend or a stranger online. You need to let your feelings out. You need to breathe. You are now going back to the real world and I hope what you learned here will be something you keep in your heart. I will always be here whenever you enter your sad hours. I care about you very much, and I love you very much, so I want you to get better as soon as possible. And let me tell you, my friend, you are on your way. On your way to a better life. Remember to be a sunflower in the midst of your sad hours. Stay hopeful.    

[a-sad-flower]

2AM

      Hello, my friend. You are probably thinking of letting things go. Anyone can give up — it’s the easiest thing in the world. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength. All you have to do is hold on to the things that keep you warm inside. Hold on to the things that make you feel alive. Challenge yourself to stay alive for a month and when the month is done, challenge yourself to stay alive for another. Trust me, it’s worth it. One day, you will be thanking yourself for being a good fighter. Stay hopeful.

[a-sad-flower]

1AM 

     One thing that is clearer to me every day is how much we all have in common, and one of those commonalities is that we all think we are alone. I feel and think as much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. Just remember, you are not alone, in fact you are in a very common place with millions of others.  No matter what kind of challenges or difficulties or painful situations you go through in your life, we all have something deep within us that we can reach down and find the inner strength to get through them. We are not alone in hitting the bottom, and it is possible to come out of that place courageous, beautiful, and strong. Stay hopeful.

[a-sad-flower]

12MN

    Welcome, my friend, you are not alone. I am very pleased that you are here. And let me remind you that there is nothing more important than your life. Nothing. You have suffered and you have endured. It might feel like everything is out of control. Trust me. The emotions causing these suicidal feelings will pass. Things get better; the sun comes out. Stay hopeful. 

[a-sad-flower]

12MN

    Welcome, my friend, you are not alone. I am very pleased that you are here. And let me remind you that there is nothing more important than your life. Nothing. You have suffered and you have endured. It might feel like everything is out of control. Trust me. The emotions causing these suicidal feelings will pass. Things get better; the sun comes out. Stay hopeful. 

[melomaeniac]

🌻✨🌻✨🌻✨

[a-sad-flower]

6AM

      My friend, our time is almost up. I want you to know  suicide doesn’t end the chances of life getting worse, it eliminates the possibility of it ever getting any better. You can get better. You can do anything — why do you think you lasted this long? When you feel like giving up, just remember the reason why you held on for so long. Place your hand over your heart, can you feel it? That is called purpose. You’re alive for a reason so don’t ever give up. If you are looking for a sign not to kill yourself, this is it. Because if you kill yourself, you’re also going to kill the people who love you. Yes, people love you. No, you aren’t alone. Yes, we all feel this way sometimes. No, you won’t always feel like this. Yes, the world is a better place with you in it. I love you. Stay hopeful.

[a-sad-flower]

7AM

      My friend, thank you so very much for being here. It means a lot to me because the mere fact you are here indicates that you are reaching out, and that you really do want to live. So, I want you to do something else that is very important. Please make a commitment to stay alive. To not die by suicide, no matter what. Make this commitment for all of the people who care for you, and for yourself. Remember that if you try to end your pain by ending your life, you will start a world of pain for the loved ones that you leave behind. And you will deprive yourself of many wonderful things that you have yet to experience. 

      Now, my friend, I have told you the things that you should do. So, please get started. Please open up to one person about your problems; may it be a therapist, your mother, your best friend or a stranger online. You need to let your feelings out. You need to breathe. You are now going back to the real world and I hope what you learned here will be something you keep in your heart. I will always be here whenever you enter your sad hours. I care about you very much, and I love you very much, so I want you to get better as soon as possible. And let me tell you, my friend, you are on your way. On your way to a better life. Remember to be a sunflower in the midst of your sad hours. Stay hopeful.