sunflowers and sad hours

DO NOT WATCH THE CLOCK — DO WHAT IT DOES. KEEP GOING.

[a-sad-flower]

7AM

      My friend, thank you so much for being here. It means a lot to me because the mere fact you are here indicates that you are reaching out, and that you really do want to live. So, I want you to do something else that is very important. Please make a commitment to stay alive. To not die by suicide, no matter what. Make this commitment for all of the people who care for you, and for yourself. Remember that if you try to end your pain by ending your life, you will start a world of pain for the loved ones that you leave behind. And you will deprive yourself of many wonderful things that you have yet to experience. 

      Now, my friend, I have told you the things that you should do. So, please get started. Please open up to one person about your problems; may it be a therapist, your mother, your best friend or a stranger online. You need to let your feelings out. You need to breathe. You are now going back to the real world and I hope what you learned from here will be something you keep in your heart. Don’t worry, I will always be here whenever you enter your sad hours. I care about you very much, and I love you very much, so I want you to get better as soon as possible. And let me tell you, my friend, you are on your way. On your way to a better life. Remember to be a sunflower in the midst of your sad hours. Stay hopeful.

[a-sad-flower]

6AM

      My friend, our time is almost up. I want you to know  suicide doesn’t end the chances of life getting worse, it eliminates the possibility of it ever getting any better. You can get better. You can do anything — why do you think you lasted this long? When you feel like giving up, just remember the reason why you held on for so long. Place your hand over your heart, can you feel it? That is called purpose. You’re alive for a reason so don’t ever give up. If you are looking for a sign not to kill yourself, this is it. Because if you kill yourself, you’re also going to kill the people who love you. Yes, people love you. No, you aren’t alone. Yes, we all feel this way sometimes. No, you won’t always feel like this. Yes, the world is a better place with you in it. I love you. Stay hopeful.

[a-sad-flower]

5AM

      How are you, my friend? I told you I was just like you. I also wanted to end it all. I wanted to kill myself, too. Now, here I am — telling you not to do it. I learned a lot from life. I learned a lot from staying alive. Trust me when I say, you will one day experience joy that matches this pain. You will cry euphoric tears from the stupid jokes of your friends, you will stare down at the face of a baby as she lies asleep in your lap and you will know the beauty of life, you will make great friends, you will eat delicious food you haven’t tried yet, you will be able to look at a view from a high place and not assess the likelihood of dying from falling. There are books you haven’t read yet that will enrich you, films you will watch while eating extra-large buckets of popcorn, and you will dance and laugh and have sex and go for runs by the river and have late-night conversations and laugh until it hurts. Life is waiting for you. You might be stuck here for a while, but the world isn’t going anywhere. Hang on in there if you can. Life is always worth it. Stay hopeful.

[a-sad-flower]

4AM

      When you are depressed, you will feel alone, and feel as if no one is going through quite what you are going through. You are so scared of appearing in any way mad and you internalize everything, and you are so scared that people will alienate you further so you clam up and don’t speak about it, which is a shame, as speaking about it helps. Talk. Listen. Encourage talking. Encourage listening. Keep adding to the conversation. Stay on the lookout for those wanting to join in the conversation. Keep reiterating, again and again, that depression is not something you ‘admit to’, it is not something you have to blush about, it is a human experience. Trust me, I know. Stay hopeful.

[a-sad-flower]

3AM

      Three in the morning is never the time to try and sort out your life. But since you are here, I have something to tell you. The key is in accepting your thoughts, all of them, even the bad ones. Accept thoughts, but don’t become them. Understand, for instance, that having a sad thought, even having a continual succession of sad thoughts, is not the same as being a sad person. You can walk through a storm and feel the wind but you know you are not the wind. The weirdest thing about a mind is that you can have the most intense things going on in there but no one else can see them. To other people, it sometimes seems like nothing at all. But to you, you are walking around with your head on fire and no one can see the flames. It’s tough, but I know you can handle it. Stay hopeful.

[a-sad-flower]

2AM

      Hello, my friend. You are probably thinking of letting things go. Anyone can give up — it’s the easiest thing in the world. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength. All you have to do is hold on to the things that keep you warm inside. Hold on to the things that make you feel alive. Challenge yourself to stay alive for a month and when the month is done, challenge yourself to stay alive for another. Trust me, it’s worth it. One day, you will be thanking yourself for being a good fighter. Stay hopeful.

[a-sad-flower]

1AM 

     One thing that is clearer to me every day is how much we all have in common, and one of those commonalities is that we all think we are alone. I feel and think as much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. Just remember, you are not alone, in fact you are in a very common place with millions of others.  No matter what kind of challenges or difficulties or painful situations you go through in your life, we all have something deep within us that we can reach down and find the inner strength to get through them. We are not alone in hitting the bottom, and it is possible to come out of that place courageous, beautiful, and strong. Stay hopeful.

[a-sad-flower]

12MN

    Welcome, my friend, you are not alone. I am very pleased that you are here. And let me remind you that there is nothing more important than your life. Nothing. You have suffered and you have endured. It might feel like everything is out of control. Trust me. The emotions causing these suicidal feelings will pass. Things get better; the sun comes out. Stay hopeful.