Brain: Washed / Memories: Lost @memoryenema - Tumblr Blog

It’s been a while

Hello all! I haven’t posted in over a year, but honestly, I am doing much better. I still have my ups and downs, but I’m alive and doing the best I can too. I don’t know if anyone was worried, but I figured I could drop this on top so people didn’t think I was gone. Wish you all the best. <3

#suicide #suicidal ideation #suicidal thoughts #suicide tw #tw suicide #coffee

memoryenema

I turned 26 today... Wow

They start chatting again, after not speaking so long.

After the usual small quickly disappeared, they were left with emptiness.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t reply. I was dealing with a lot of stuff...” she says.

“It’s all good,” he replies

He doesn’t ask.

So she doesn’t answer.

The conversation dwindles.

Maybe next time.

#friendship #loneliness #depression #mental health #mental illness

jarodrosello

#depression

webscene-remade

filling out the depression and anxiety checkboxes at the doctors is always so sad but also very very funny

webscene-remade

I am handed a piece of paper. I check off a box that says “every day I wish I were dead.” I hand back the paper. The paper and its contents are never again discussed.

#Okay so it's not just me #suicide mention #suicide #suicidal ideation #tw suicide #therapy

#for real though #no one contacts me first #no one seems to want me around #I have to make them make time for me #sigh

Suicide prevention is pointless without societal change.

Right now I am feeling suicidal because I am running out of money and I don’t want the long, slow death of starvation.

If there was a program that legitimately would help me while I am recovering, I wouldn’t have such severe ideation.

The fact that I have to fight this hard against myself and society at large in order to survive is exhausting.

Mental health problems can cause people to lose their jobs, become unable to work, or to lose money.

Until there is a way to guarantee health insurance, food, and shelter to everyone, we will continue to see mentally ill people living on the streets or dead.

If you have followed this blog, you will see that I have gone through SEVERE suicidal episodes, some of which brought me uncomfortably close to death.

Going to the ER didn’t cross my mind even once, because I can’t afford the ER alone, let alone the mental hospital stay after, no matter how much I need it.

And even if I could afford it, the systems available are complete garbage.

So mentally ill people are stuck without help until something gives.

That is what “suicide hotlines” and the like are missing. How can you talk someone down from suicide if they are genuinely worried that they will die anyway? Or that there is no help for them (because there isn't)?

The answer is: you can’t. Not all the time.

#Capitalism #Capitalism is Violence #long post #suicide #suicide mention #suicidal ideation #suicidal thoughts #suicide tw #tw suicide #starvation #hunger #eating disorder #disordered eating #poverty #health insurance #socialism #universal basic income

Going to bed hungry again.

I tell myself it’s because I don’t have enough money for food.

I am poor, but I am using it as an excuse for disordered eating.

I’m so hungry. I’m tired of being hungry. Why can’t I just eat?

#eating disorder #disordered eating #EDNOS #anorexia #I haven't felt full in days.#One of my friends fed me and I almost cried because it was so amazing to be full again #why am I doing this to myself?#ed #tw eating disorder

Why am I so fucking crazy? Why do I do or want to do such fucked up shit? What the fuck is wrong with me?

#c slur #crazy #ableist slur

Oh god

My back hurts so much. I can’t make it stop. Nothing is working. All I can do is mask it through immobility. Everything hurts. I’m so tired, even though I slept. It’s not just my back that hurts. That is the most acute and specific pain, but everything hurts. This is too much I can’t fucking do it.

No one wants me in their life. I scare people away. They get torn on my jagged edges. I can’t blame them for wanting to be free from me. I can’t stand hurting people. I can’t do it anymore. At least if I die, the ending will be quick and final. No longer this slow drawn out hell for me and everyone involved. I know how to do it. I can be free tonight, but only if I can get the courage.

#suicide #suicide mention #suicidal ideation #suicidal thoughts #suicide tw #tw suicide

#drugs #drug use #drug abuse #suicide #suicidal ideation #suicide mention #suicidal thoughts #suicide tw #tw suicide

Hey, quick question:

Can someone please kill me? Like I really can’t fucking do this anymore, but suicide would “hurt people’s feelings” or whatever. So please murder me.

#murder #suicide #suicidal thoughts #suicidal ideation #suicide mention #suicide tw #tw suicide

*Me, waking up in the afternoon* Hey, how’s my favorite brain doing?

*My brain, screaming and slamming shit around* I HATE YOU! YOU’RE THE WORST!!! I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE!!!!

Me:

#suicide #suicide mention #suicidal ideation #suicidal thoughts #suicide tw #tw suicide #brooklyn 99 #jake peralta

My brain @ me

#suicide #suicidal ideation #suicidal thoughts #suicide mention #tw suicide #suicide tw #depression #the entire history of japan #bill wurtz

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Brain: Washed / Memories: Lost