vacantdesk:
the other’s mother visiting was still something that he found solace in. he wouldn’t have to leave in order for that to happen. however, he felt guilt for ruining the attitude of the conversation just simply by being a bit too unaware of his fate for the moment.
his eyes lift from the sheets toward the other again when he felt the gentle grip on his hands. haruka’s features show confusion as he glances back toward the other. the other’s hopes may be dashed as he does notice the slight quiver to them, however he says not a word and simply covers them with his free one.
squeezes to provide comfort when the other stresses the word. the way the other says it, makes him want to believe that he will leave one day. mouth opens to dispute the fact.
you don’t understand. he wants to say. i’ve already come to grips with it. i’m not leaving, this place is my tomb. he wants to convey.
doesn’t want to bring the other’s hopes up to so cruely tear them down when he no longer holds the consciousness to face the consequences.
despite that. despite trying to trample the slight hope that he had building in his chest – it did grow. grow warm and welcoming. miracles happened, didn’t they ? his care had been successful, he had been in good cheer. perhaps…
tore, he glances up and ignores the way his voice breaks. ❛ yeah … yeah, i’d like that a lot. ❜ eyebrows furrow as he feels something on their combined hands, and glances down. a droplet. eyes scan upward. was there a leak in his room ? that wouldn’t do. it was only until they continued to speckle their hands, and he noted the way his collar had grown wet did he realize he had been crying.
how long had tears been forming ? had he allowed himself to cry in front of someone ? not wanting to release their grip, he decides to rub the tears away with his sleeve.
❛ haha … that’s weird. ❜
he screwed up, didn’t he? from the way haruka’s voice cracks, to the way his own hands shake, this is something that shintaro would classify as a screw up, but he really...god, he really wishes that haruka kokonose will one day find a way out of this clinical hell that he had ended up in. it wasn’t his fault for being here, not like shintaro and his broken bones that had landed him here for his own stay.
the world doesn’t deserve haruka kokonose, that’s something shintaro can say with confidence.
still, he only holds onto haruka’s hand tighter, gives it a squeeze of his own, meant to comfort as his own gaze drifts to the bed-sheets. unsure of what to do next, unsure of what to say, there’s a moment of silence before he does speak again.
it’s soft, only meant for the two of them and he lets go of haruka’s hand with one hand, to cup one of cheeks, brushing away tears with his thumb.
“i really want to be able to call you senpai, i really want to be able to see you everyday and get to spend time with my best friend, i want to be able to go to movies with you, i wanna be able to study with you. i just want you to be there.” he wants that constant with haruka, wants what they had during shintaro’s hospital stay to be a fixture outside of the hospital.
he wants a future where haruka is alive.














