Memos from Danchou

By request of Lance Corporal Levi (who's exact words were "I won't deal with their shit by myself any longer." if I recall correctly) I hereby set up a box for you to send your inquiries, requests, complaints about Levi and Hanji and other matters of importance to me directly. I will also sent out memos personally if I deem the matter important enough. I'm a very busy man but rest assured that I will see to all your issues eventually. ((Independent memos/ask/rp blog for Erwin Smith)) ((Generally, this blog follows the anime timeline. However, it is not spoiler free. Posts including spoilers will be tagged as such.)) ((For the time of being, Anon Asks are disabled.)) ((This blog accepts Interaction, Ask and Meme Requests! If you catch me online and need someone to send you a message (IC or anon) just drop by in my ask box! But be aware that I like to keep my interactions short and to the point. *awkward Mun is awkward*))

[memos-from-danchou]

[[Anyone else wondering what would have happened if Levi tried to cut off Reiner’s other head?]]

[[Just me then...]]

[memos-from-danchou]

[[So, I have no friends living close to me, I am unable to maintain contact with my friends living elsewhere because I’m a piece of shit and also because it’s kind of awkward to contact them, I am unable to maintain friendships online, I call my mom every 3 days to tell her I’m still alive but I have almost nothing to tell her and my boyfriend is too busy reveling in self-pity to concern himself with me - unless he wants to watch some series together, which I do not count as “spending time together”.

I’m lonely and angry with myself for that reason.]]

[memos-from-danchou]

[[I’m just waiting for them to drive around with a cart full of orphans, shouting “Children! Freshly orphaned children! Adopt one and get a second one for free!”]]

[memos-from-danchou]

[[Am I the only one who can see Historia shoving orphaned infants into people’s faces like “Adopt it! ADOPT IT NAAAOOO!“]]

[memos-from-danchou]

[x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

[[Thanks to everyone who submitted orders for my muse. I hope you find the resulting memos amusing.]]

[elizabolliartworks]

Survey Corps at Hogwarts! 

[memos-from-danchou]

To all soldiers of the Recon Corps:

Our queen demands a holiday to her honor. Panis et circenses! Well, there will be food and party games, anyway.

Whoever wishes to join the “Queen Historia Is The Greatest Queen of All Fucking Time” party committee may sign their name on the list hanging outside my office until the day after tomorrow.

To Her Majesty, Queen Historia Reiss:

I am really sorry but I cannot allow “punching Levi” to be added to the list of festive activities. As compensation, Eren suggested they build a straw doll in his image and burn it instead. (Which I am not sure how to feel about but at least it does not involve any violence against actual people.)

[memos-from-danchou]

To Private Arlert:

Congratulations, Queen Historia just named you “royal knowledge person”. She did not give any specifications as to what you are supposed to do, and in fact I think it is a really silly title, but good job, anyway!

To all soldiers of the Recon Corps:

Our queen also commands us to go and find her girlfriend ASAP. Our meeting concerning how to accomplish this will commence at 5:30 pm tonight. Those who fail to appear will have the “pleasure” of being royal footstool for a week or two. (now, this one is pretty specific if you ask me)

[memos-from-danchou]

Sadly not; Germany gets it if Australia wins.

[[AWW! No fair!

Now I can’t make inappropriate “No Greece on Australian Eurovision“ jokes irl anymore…

But thanks for the info.

Well, in that case I’ll just go on rooting for Russia as it’s the next most awkward thing to happen considering the current political and societal circumstances.]]

[memos-from-danchou]

[[So... if Australia wins will they host the next Eurovision?!]]

[[That would be ridiculous which is why I’m absofuckinglutely for it.]]

[memos-from-danchou]

[[I don’t need to solve all my problems in life. I’ll be fine as long as I have hopeless anime OTPs to distract me from my misery and people tagging my lame puns with “#get the fuck out”]]

[memos-from-danchou]

If you have OTP feels and you know it...

[memos-from-danchou]

[[Randel Oland looks like Bertholdt’s and Reiner’s lovechild. He’s also a cat-loving, dorky cinnamon roll with a massive dick who sleeps under a bridge (when he’s not sleeping in a hospital bed again) and turns into a creepy killing machine that shoots tanks at pointblank in the face! (technically the person operating the tank but you get the point)

I’m sold!

So, go watch/read Pumpkin Scissors! Do it now!]]

[memos-from-danchou]

[[Looks like Europe is still putin up with Russia]]

[memos-from-danchou]

[[Congrats, you are now Queen Historia! Bully my muse into sending silly memos!]]

[[I’ll open anon ask for this.]]

[memos-from-danchou]

[[One to go. Feel free to submit more ideas!]]

[memos-from-danchou]

To all soldiers of the Recon Corps:

This is a friendly reminder that everyone caught peasant-shaming others will spend a week worth their free time washing dishes.

Only Queen Historia gets away with peasant-shaming.

And before you even ask: No, it is not in my power to keep her from doing it. I did try to address the matter but was told to “keep my peasant eyebrows off her case”.

[memos-from-danchou]

I’m glad everyone is... amused by her Majesty’s new royal seal. I was worried people would find offense in the fact that she “owns all your asses now“ but apparently they find the phrase absolutely hysterical.

What I’m really concerned about is the following reaction:

#I can imagine this getting minted on coins

... I did not think about this. Yes, they WILL mint it on coins! Oh, god, I knew I should have prevented her from using that.

This is what it must feel like to have failed as a father. *sigh*