If you're fourteen and see people romanticizing starving, cutting, suicide, alcohol, or drugs, I swear to god block. Just flat out block all of those accounts. You don't know what you're doing to yourself until you're already too far in. If you're looking at shit like thinspo but keep telling yourself that you don't have an eating disorder then stop. You don't realize you have a problem until it's too late. For the longest time I didn't think I had an eating disorder. I was morbidly curious. That's what I told myself. I didn't have an eating disorder, I just liked how those people looked. I didn't have an eating disorder I just wanted to be active. I didn't have an eating disorder I was just being mindful of the things I was eating. But in the back of my head I was counting those calories. I was throwing away my breakfast when I left for school. I secretly wasn't packing anything in my lunchbox and gave the hot lunch to my friends. I knew what I was doing but I kept telling myself I didn't have an eating disorder. Even when I hit 80 lbs (a BMI of 14.5) I still was telling myself "I don't have an eating disorder."
It was a competition with my friends over who could eat the least. I was punishing myself if I ate too many calories. I was grabbing the small plate at dinner so my mom didn't notice I was eating less.
This stuff isn't romantic or desirable. It is hell. If you want to lose weight do it healthily. If you're looking for a form of control in your life find another one.
Eating disorders are the deadliest mental illness and have the highest relapse rate.
I don't have an eating disorder turned very quickly into I have an eating disorder and don't know how to recover.
It turned into needing to learn how to love food again.
It turned into relapsing every few months.
Get out.
Go eat your favorite food and look in the mirror and find one thing you like about your body and focus on that thing. That's the only part of your appearance that should matter. For me it was my eyes. I love the color of my eyes.
Get out before you're too deep into it.
Take it from someone who has been anorexic for seven years of their life.
Get out while you can.
