Olive

FtM | 21 | he/him | TW: ED (NOT PRO) | gw: 90-100lb | S/H Clean: 2yrs

[pretty-boy-olive]

I'm gonna be hard as hell on y'all. I'm smaller than most of you will ever be. I'm not saying it to brag I'm saying it as a warning. I'm tired all the time and everything hurts all the time. If any of you are disabled like me that disability will get even worse. The clothes I really like and the jewelry that is really sentimental and important to me are all falling off now. I can't afford to replace anything so I've been wearing baggy clothes and improvising to keep my jewelry on. I constantly feel like one mistep and I'm going to break my wrists. I struggle with breathing on the regular now.

It's not fun and I'm sure most of you know that rationally but your brain can't stop being irrational, but those of y'all who still have enough of that rationality left to pull yourself out please take this warning: being super underweight sucks. Underweight isn't nearly as bad but do some research on what's underweight for you and what's super underweight. If you must have a goal do harm reduction and choose the underweight one.

[catos7th3daccount]

I can agree with that. My lowest weight was 79lb aka BMI 13.9. It wasn't fun. Not at all. I was severely depressed and had been since I can remember (14yo). But even I noticed the difference once I was below 39kg/BMI 15.

In all the pictures of me from that time (not many), I look like a corpse and I did feel dead. I couldn't do anything. And to make matters worse, I was moving out at the time and there were problems with the flat and I was on the road (from friend to friend) for three weeks. I collapsed constantly. I started binging and p3rging, even though I had never done it before.

It made me gain 3-4kg, which was absolute hell to me, but it already improved my quality of life once I was able to move in times 100. I could spend time with friends again, walk a lot again, be a lot more free in general. I could have a life again, even though still severely underweight and severely lacking (which I did ofc notice).

So yes, being that low made everyone care about me but they still cared when I was BMI 15 and they still cared when I was hospitalized and in recovery and they still cared after my weight was stablized. Ofc now that I'm relapsing I want to get back to BMI 15. But below that? I don't think so right now.

So if you're not satisfied with "just" being underweight, please consider stopping at BMI 15. It's still considered medically "severely anorexic", you'll still be as valid as before. And you won't lose everything. Just about 80%.

[dyingformyself2]

[pretty-boy-olive]

I'm gonna be hard as hell on y'all. I'm smaller than most of you will ever be. I'm not saying it to brag I'm saying it as a warning. I'm tired all the time and everything hurts all the time. If any of you are disabled like me that disability will get even worse. The clothes I really like and the jewelry that is really sentimental and important to me are all falling off now. I can't afford to replace anything so I've been wearing baggy clothes and improvising to keep my jewelry on. I constantly feel like one mistep and I'm going to break my wrists. I struggle with breathing on the regular now.

It's not fun and I'm sure most of you know that rationally but your brain can't stop being irrational, but those of y'all who still have enough of that rationality left to pull yourself out please take this warning: being super underweight sucks. Underweight isn't nearly as bad but do some research on what's underweight for you and what's super underweight. If you must have a goal do harm reduction and choose the underweight one.

[1anonyymous1]

tumblr is Iike the smoking area for social media

[sleepstarvgirl]

Being in your 20s with an ed is such a different feeling to being a teenager with an ed like I feel so silly as if it's something that I should have left behind with all the other stupid things teenagers do but somehow it stuck and never went away

[pretty-boy-olive]

I've been practicing OCAB recently. Which is one coffee a day. Nothing other than that one coffee and I've been doing it for a few days. I might have to take a break cause I feel faint and exhausted but it's totally worth it cause I can see myself getting thinner.

[pretty-boy-olive]

Not to be judged online but the autism community probably thinks I'm gross for still wetting the bed cause of my autism. Like damn bro not all of us are high functioning. Was talking to a friend about it and how i never see level 2 folks talked about just level 1 and 3. 1 is predominantly in the community and 3 is predominantly outside of the community

My hottake is that if i shared the nitty gritty non palatable details of my autism the community would outcast me but maybe im just saying that cause the community has given me shit in the past for it.

[pretty-boy-olive]

I forgot my chest will shrink with weight loss and my transman heart loves the new look cause I noticed it very suddenly cause I started having to wear a bra for the past week due to physical injury and I'm so much smaller than I was.

[pretty-boy-olive]

Started feeling more confident lately. My friend told me if I was their age I'd be their type. Had multiple other friends tell me I was really attractive. Got hit on at the gamestop. Losing the weight made me confident enough to wear the punk clothes I've always been to self confident to wear. But even at might highest (literally 20lbs higher than I am now) I was told I'm hot. It took multiple friends telling me I'm hot and one of them telling me I'm their type made me kinda accept it. The one who told me I'd be their type if I was a couple years younger was the same one I told they'd be my type if they were a couple years older, but the age gap is a turn off for both of us (barely 19 and 21, or freshman and senior). It's just weird being told that I'm apparently super attractive even though I can't see it.

[2006aesthetic]

[pretty-boy-olive]

Y'all my bmi is 15.8, that's so much lower than I thought it was holy fuck.

[an-he-donia-deactivated20240401]

You don't understand how hard it is. You don't understand, how much energy I have to put in simple activities. You don't understand, that I'm losing myself every fucking day.

[froggycakes]

lately i've been thinking "what if there was a show called hate on the spectrum and it's just about a bunch of autistic people who hate each other" and then i remembered it's always sunny in philadelphia exists

[pretty-boy-olive]

Me and two of my best friends cause we all have conflicting autism. They're loud and I'm sensitive to noise. One of them jokes a lot and I'm too literal to understand the jokes. One of them likes cartoons where aspects of them are impossible and I need to correct the logic behind it. They hate when people change the topic but I need to share facts at every random moment. I elope and one of them needs to know where everyone is. I need everything to follow a strict time based schedule but one of them prefers spontenaity. I can't read and barely express facial expressions but one of them digs too much into mine. I speak monotone and one of them speaks with a lot of tone, so we never know what tone we are both speaking in. I can't regulate how loud or quiet I speak and they need me to talk at a certain loudness. I can't do bright lights and one of them needs brighter lights. I do vocal stims and one of them cannot stand them. We all just have so much conflictions in our autism and yet somehow are friends and all try to accommodate for one another (I need to be accommodated the most because my presentation is the odd one out).

[cantalouqess]

legs check :p

[depressionessoverload]

[gasstationbathrooms-blog]

having an ed is so fucking odd when you’re self aware and rational, or have already been through recovery efforts - i’ll catch myself saying some disordered shit in my head then my logical side will but in with facts and science or just call me out on my bs- worse than an angel or a devil, i got a sane person living on my shoulder.

[crystalfountain]