A

[factly]

[juansendizon]

“There are 97 million songs about love in this world, and sometimes all you need is one to remember that it truly does exist for you.”

— Juansen Dizon

[siickangel]

[merakiphospenes-blog]

I had given up on love and then i met you and it was like it had a meaning again, like it all made sense. but you left and now im stuck yet again believing in something that might not exist.

[merakiphospenes-blog]

An open letter to the boy I couldn't love.

I want to start off by saying I did love you. I truly did love you in every way I could. My love may not have been in the way you wanted me to and it was definitely not in the way you needed me to, but I loved you.  I am sorry. I didn't mean to do this to you, to hurt you, to crush you. To make you feel unworthy, like you are so awful and that you turned me this way. Because the truth is you didn’t. 

I always knew. I knew since I was 6 years old and would admire other girls in kindergarten. I knew when I was 10 years old and my best friend was talking about how many cute boys there are in class are and I didn’t see them like that. I knew when I was 11 years old and watching female you-tubers admiring them more than a normal preteen girl would. And I knew when I was 15 years old and my camp counselor told me she liked girls and I cried because I thought maybe I do too. I knew, I always knew. Now you may be asking why? Why would I date you if I knew? Why would I let you kiss me if I didn't want you to? Well another truth is is that I wanted that kiss more than anyone. I wanted you to kiss me, and I wanted to like it so much because its normal. I was taught and raised that girls should be boy crazy, and that by 14 I need to have had my first kiss,  and its abnormal to hold hands with another girl. And I was taught at an early age that man shall night lye with man because it is the ultimate sin. I was never taught that man will want to lye with man and that women will want to lye with women and that its okay because love is powerful and complicated. I was bred watching chick flicks about girls who love boys and boys who goto long lengths for girls and I wanted my life to be a romantic comedy and I wanted to love you more than anything because I wanted my life to be movie perfect. I am sorry.

I will always be sorry.

I may never love you like you need or want, but I will love you like a brother, like a friend, and I support you and every girl who will love you like I couldn’t. I will be grateful for the time spent with you. I will invite you to my wedding, and to my baby shower. And I hope you're happy for me because I am learning to be happy and to love myself, and most importantly I am happy for you because you deserve to be loved in a way I couldn’t.

Love, The girl.