Merlin the Wolf-Bard

It/its or xe/xem/xyr pronouns, Lokean, wannabe wanderer...

[merlin-the-wolf-bard]

Lazy Intro

Hi, I'm Merlin (it/its or xe/xem/xyr pronouns), I'm queer in multiple ways, I'm a Norse polytheist and Lokean (of the inclusive variety, just in case me being queer and a Lokean doesn't make that clear enough), and I'm cool with you as long as you're cool with people whose existence doesn't hurt anyone (yes, this includes stigmatized people who aren't inherently harmful, and to be clear, that means stigmatized mental illnesses, anti-contact/pro-recovery paraphiles, AND non-traumagenic systems, no I will not entertain debates about these subjects). I love wolves, foxes, dragons, and pumpkin spice. Halloween is my favorite holiday. I'm an adult, so I'm not going to engage with minors. I'm not going to police other people's interactions with my posts, I am going to choose who I interact with myself.

[merlin-the-wolf-bard]

It's Almost Certainly Alright

Sometimes, I see younger/newer Lokeans fretting about offending Loki, or being unwanted, or doing something "wrong". It's heartbreaking, honestly. I remember being anxious, too, when I was first stepping into Loki's embrace, and now? Years on, when I feel so comfortable with Loki? I know I had no reason to be anxious.

Friends and strangers, listen to me when I say, Loki is not easily offended. Loki doesn't deny people who go to them honestly and openly, called or not. You are highly unlikely to do something actually wrong as long as you do a reasonable amount of research. I won't say there's nothing you could do to offend Loki or be in the wrong, that would be foolish of me. I will say, Loki is forgiving.

Yes, Loki might trick you sometimes. Sometimes, that's just Loki being who they are. Sometimes, it's Loki trying to tell you something. Very rarely, it's Loki balancing the scales. Take a deep breath and take that first step. Make that first offering.

It doesn't matter if your first offering is a cup of water- use your favorite cup, or one that reminds you of Loki, to make it that much more special. Offer bread on a plate you've had since you were a toddler, the one with a cartoon character's face on it. Loki cares far more about the emotion than the value of the thing being offered.

You will be alright. If you want to walk this path, hold your head high, even if you still feel anxious. It's ok to have those feelings, they'll fade with time. Just try not to let them hold you back from doing what you feel is right for you.

[merlin-the-wolf-bard]

Loki is wonderful. Not perfect, I believe perfection itself is made up by humans, but wonderful. I love feeling Their presence in my life. They feel so warm and loving and playful. And I've needed that playfulness so much.

I grew up as a shy, straight-laced child. Obedience was my protection. I was a good kid whenever I could be (I certainly struggled with some things, especially academically, but we'll not get into my extremely likely undiagnosed neurodivergence right now), and I listened when adults told me things. Even when they didn't feel right.

Growing into my teenage years, I began to grow a bit of a spine and stronger sense of self independent of others, but I still struggled. I still do struggle, even now. But Loki helps a lot.

Just today, I was put in a bad situation by others forgetting things and leaving me alone in a relatively new environment for over an hour. I was freaking out a little because the day's tasks were complex compared to prior days. Before I began worshipping Loki, I would have completely broken down and tried absolutely nothing I hadn't been shown how to do.

Today, I did try something I'd never been shown. The instructions were clear... And the animal I was working with was not having it. Certainly, he was feeling ill. He was sweet, certainly, but he wasn't eating the provided treat-medicine (you know how it is with animals- pill pockets, wet food with medicine mixed in, I'm being deliberately a bit vague), and that continued for hours. Only when I was cleaning his kennel (last because I wanted to leave him alone while he wasn't feeling well so he could hopefully eat his medicine in peace) did he eat it.

I laughed. Prior me would have been stressed about the poor baby (I was worried and still kind of am, but appropriate people know about his situation and are keeping an eye on him), panicking that I'd done something wrong, and discouraged. Loki's influence gave me the self-confidence to laugh because hey, pets have it so easy (joking) taking their medicine in treats. Stuff happens, animals sometimes feel unwell and don't want to eat, he'd eaten well the night before (I went in the morning) so he wasn't starving. He was just a bit unhappy to eat right then.

Yes, I also cried while I was alone because I was overwhelmed and upset (I don't blame anyone, I just was upset at the situation). But that's ok. Another thing Loki's encouraged in me is embracing that yes, sometimes, I cry because my emotions run hot. I can cry, get my emotions out, and just... Move on. Almost like Loki is giving me a hug when I finish crying, helping me calm down.