Dear Diary~

A very personal diary. You can join in if you want to know about my mundane life. A little about me~I'm a 16 y/o girl and currently in highschool.

[messyfairytale]

Ayoo my ex-friend and my ex-situationship are dating. She ain't my friend anymore so the girlcode doesn't apply but damn. Good for her ig but that boy is a white bread. As bland as they come.

[messyfairytale]

I just called my parents to let them know that I am skipping school because of my period cramps.

But here I am crying idk if its because of my hormones or guilt or both.

But the fact that I should not be feeling guilty for skipping school because I am in so much pain rn but I am indeed feeling guilty isn't sitting right with me.

Rip.

[messyfairytale]

I have my physics finals tday. On my way to fail it lol

[messyfairytale]

I seriously need to study. I am lacking behind. I hate this. I don't want to have to say this. But I am starting to dislike myself. I am stupid, lazy, dumb, messy, clumsy, airhead, too dependent. I am kind of a bad person.

I guess this is karma.

[messyfairytale]

I AM SO DUMB

I AM APPARENTLY THE DUMB ONE IN OUR GROUP.

THAT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD. I JUST HAVE BAD EAR Y'ALL.

I MEAN I AM NOT STREET SMART THO. I STILL GET BETTER GRADES THAN ALL OF YOU SO BYE BITCHES.

[messyfairytale]

I fked up. Everyone thinks I am annoying now. Everyone's ignoring me in the group chat. Tf is going on.

[messyfairytale]

Ugh I am so tired all the time.

[ritikajyala]

Today I caught myself using the same words my mom always used while scolding my brother and I already make noodles the way she made, I hum slow tunes like her and part my hair in the middle- the way she always did and now I finally understand how we all become our mothers in the end.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The Flesh I Burned

[messyfairytale]

If you can't take a no for an answer. Please stay the fk out of my way. @you mfing creepy ass senior on my bus.

[messyfairytale]

It's almost midnight now and I need to wake up at 3:30 tmrw to wash my hair. Kinda disappointed that I couldn't even finish revising one unit. Fml. I am panicking oof.

[messyfairytale]

After I showed my face to people that have never previously seen it, some have complimented me.(because of the mask most haven't seen it lol) Like this one girl went "so cute" instantly after I showed her my face. Another time she told me to again show it and she said" you're prettier than I expected" (is that even a compliment). And another girl said "you're so pretty, why don't you have a boyfriend?" After showing her my face too. And a few other encounters like this. At the moment I feel flattered but as I keep thinking about it, I start to think they are just complimenting me because I'm so ugly that they feel bad for me. Like they haven't complimented my friend who is really popular among the boys and kinda cute. To conclude they are just telling me I'm pretty because I am too ugly. I read somewhere that people rarely compliment people who they think are too pretty. I call bs on it but I still think about it haha🥲. Ps I'm not fishing for compliments. I just want to get this out of my chest. Anyway I may just be over thinking

[messyfairytale]

Got my exam routine today. I am dead. Helppppppp. I wanna pass😭😭😭

[messyfairytale]

My school resumes tomorrow. Not that excited :(