Warning: Unreliable Narrator.

"Long Schlong Johnson? Haven't heard that name in years." indie oc rp blog for monster hunter Todd Johnson. expect dick jokes, bizarre monsters, questionable decisions and a complete lack of cosmic sense. please read the rules and about before interacting! written by Vulcan / Jon. sideblog to mcumuses.

[obviousplant]

The guy in front of me was dragged out kicking and screaming

[metaburnt]

He's staring longingly at Todd's hair. "I used to have long hair like yours, you know," Charles sighs whimsically. "I miss it."

“You? Long hair? What were you, a hippie?”

[metaburnt]

"Ghosts can kick my entire ass."

      “Yep!”

He scratches behind The Dog’s ear, watching Steph fidget with her--whatever the chewy thing around her neck is. A chewable necklace? Who knows.

“You ever met one?”

[puckisms-blog]

❝ I’m hoping that you’ll say that you loved me all this time. ❞ ❝ What did you say that for? ❞ ❝ Do you know, mister, of this place? ❞ ❝ If you love me, I’ll make you a star in my universe. ❞ ❝ If you look real closely my love, you might understand. ❞ ❝ Be my lover. ❞ ❝ I can take you higher. ❞ ❝ I could go there but I don’t. ❞ ❝ Do I really want to know? ❞ ❝ I lost my mind long ago. ❞ ❝ The weather man came on the radio, said there’d be sunshine. ❞ ❝ I won’t hurt you this time. ❞ ❝ You can tell them all how hard we tried to work it out. ❞ ❝ There’s nothing left for you. ❞ ❝ There’s nothing left for me. ❞ ❝ I will never be what you want to see. ❞ ❝ I never wanted you to go. ❞ ❝ Tell me how it feels. ❞ ❝ You know my heart’s for you. ❞ ❝ You’re my light. ❞ ❝ You’re my emptiness. ❞ ❝ I’ll hold you close when you’re in need. ❞ ❝ I feel like a fool. ❞ ❝ You are mine, I am yours. ❞ ❝ Let’s not fuck around. ❞ ❝ Light me up a cigarette. ❞ ❝ You’re the only one that wants me around. ❞ ❝ I don’t believe in you and I. ❞ ❝ You’re the only one that wants me to die. ❞ ❝ I’m not yours anymore. ❞ ❝ You’re always leaving me behind. ❞ ❝ I can think of a thousand reasons why I don’t believe in you. ❞ ❝ Come with me. ❞ ❝ You’re my home. ❞ ❝ Come with me and we’ll break many laws. ❞

[thedapperproject]

I’ve survived a lot of things, and I’ll probably survive this.

J.D. Salinger (via thedapperproject)

[nubbsgalore]

photos of sakurajima, the most active volcano in japan, by (click pic) takehito miyatake (previously featured) and martin rietze. volcanic storms can rival the intensity of massive supercell thunderstorms, but the source of the charge responsible for this phenomenon remains hotly debated.

in the kind of storm clouds that generate conventional lightning, ice particles and soft hail collide, building up positive and negative charges, respectively. they separate into layers, and the charge builds up until the electric field is high enough to trigger lightning.

but the specific mechanism by which particles of differing charges are separated in the ash cloud is still unknown. lightning has been observed between the eruption plume and the volcano right at the start of an eruption, suggesting that there are processes that occur inside the volcano to lead to charge separation.  

volcanic lightning could yield clues about the earth’s geological past, and could answer questions about the beginning of life on our planet. volcanic lightning could have been the essential spark that converted water, hydrogen, ammonia, and methane molecules present on a primeval earth into amino acids, the building blocks of life.

(see also: previous volcanology posts)

[betonyknight-deactivated2016021]

[inked-black-books]

[phantomqueen]

my storytelling final! or, that week i almost went blind cross-hatching!

it’s a couple weeks old at this point, but i’m still proud of it (all that cross-hatching…) even though looking back at it now i can see a ton of flaws or things i just could’ve done better. maybe i’ll redo it one day.

the page colors are kind of wonky because they’re photographs; i didn’t have a scanner big enough for the pages.

hell yeah monster/human friendships

[rockatanskymax]

Peter Rumancek + Season 1

[grinandclaireit-deactivated2016]

If I was gonna hire a dog walker off of Craigslist it’d be this guy

[lesbianshepard]

my favorite out of context quotes from my archeology professor so far in no particular order

and floridians are just as human as you and me!

and the moral of the story is that there are no deadly snakes native to alaska

you might know this guy as one of the only archaeologists cool enough to be mentioned by indiana jones

it’s my dream to have my name said by harrison ford

i’m not going to apologize for having this class at 6am because you paid for it and it’s your fault. 

we don’t all dress like lara croft. i tried to get it to be a thing on a dig and my colleagues yelled at me. 

they were pretty good archaeologists except they were too racist to realize anything they found. 

i take back what i said about us not dressing like lara croft because lewis binford here is wearing nothing but short shorts and a cowboy hat. take notes for an academic halloween costume!

archaeologists can be good artists! not me, though. or anyone i know. but if you can draw just know you have options.

sometimes you find dead bodies when you dont really expect it and you just have to deal with it

archaeologists are the only people allowed to get exited when they find corpses. 

once i ruined thanksgiving dinner when i told my family i had gotten my degree in archaeology and my uncle commented he liked dinosaurs too

the closest i’ve ever been to a grizzly bear is when i left my glasses in my tent on a dig in alaska,  saw a big rock in the distance, and almost screamed

[lesbianshepard]

additional quotes

ah yes. archaeologists. or, as i love to call us,  pottery analysts

i mean he was kind of a good guy for helping us beat britain but he owned slaves so that really cancelled it out.

archaeology is like cultural anthropology, except after you interview the person you turn around and shoot them in the head.

do not use trees! trees are bad! don’t do it!

usually you find shards, but it’s super exciting when you find a really big shard

it’s basically like a waterpark, except you’re fully clothed and walking through a dark tunnel knee deep in muddy water. so, basically splish splash.

 i dont believe in curses but my colleagues and i like to encourage the idea of them so people stop touching our stuff

usually, you would find a knife in a kitchen. or underneath your pillow to really freak out your roommate who is a history nerd and has no idea why you would sleep with a knife under your pillow and he’ll get really scared and freaked out and okay i’m getting off topic

no matter what the other scientists say, archaeology is a real science.

don’t worry, i promise you, and whatever government agency that’s spying on me right now,  that i’m not a crazy communist trying to overthrow the government

by now you’ve noticed the big “POP QUIZ” written on the board. there isn’t one, but i wanted to see the looks on your face when you saw it. but you’re all dead inside so it’s not really funny.

everything was fine except the citizens of pompeii just woke up dead the next day

the number one question you should ask when you read old archaeology papers is “how the hell do you know?”

nothing pisses off old men more than young people asking “why” and “prove it” so do that as often as possible

this is incredible! all it takes is a computer the size of this room!

[lesbianshepard]

even more from the margins of my notebook!

when in doubt, it’s ritualistic

coprolites are the only shit archaeologists get excited over

i know the only reason you’re not laughing at my hilarious jokes is because it’s early 

they called it the garbage project. which is also what people call the projects i work on when we apply for funding.

what you have to realize is that people are fundamentally weird. they do weird stuff now and they have done it thousands of years ago.

things come and go but pottery is forever

i dont know if you all know this but moose are terrifying abominations. 

and today’s lesson is about the difference between dirt and soil!

please, please, please do not eat old butter you found buried in a bog.

normally i would say this blackboard is a feature because it isn’t portable and can’t be moved but this is a community college so who knows

[lesbianshepard]

one of my biggest fears is that this will get so many notes that someone in the class will see it and show it to the professor and he’ll realize half the notes ive been taking in class are jotting down the weird shit he says

[metaburnt]

A customer, after carefully wrapping their hand in cloth, punching through the window, reaching through to unlock the door which emits a burglar alarm when you open it, and flicking on the lights to illuminate an empty building in the midnight hours: are you open?

[asian]

Time to repost my favorite headline

[a-quiet-green-agreement]

–Yehuda Amichai

[spacemarines100-blog]

[badfoodnetworkpuns]

[alltheladiesyouhate]

what bastille song is this from

[pianissimoworld]

Things we lost in the fire