because i can't any longer these days see into myself. i see only murk. murk outside; murk inside.
BASIC INFORMATION
FULL NAME: miodrag gajić.
MONIKERS / NICKNAMES: milo, mio.
GENDER & PRONOUNS: cis man, he/him/his.
ETHNICITY: white.
DATE OF BIRTH & AGE: november eleventh, forty.
ZODIAC SIGN: scorpio.
ORIENTATION: bisexual.
MARITAL STATUS: single, unmarried.
OCCUPATION: capo of assassins for the jolly rogers.
BACKGROUND
PLACE OF BIRTH: manchester, united kingdom.
RESIDENCES: one (1) single bedroom apartment in a high-rise. floor to ceiling windows, a kitchenette-living room combo, a large bedroom, one bathroom with full amenities.
RELIGIOUS VIEWS: raised eastern orthodox, lapsed.
EDUCATION: no higher education, got his general certificate of education from finishing out year thirteen.
LANGUAGES SPOKEN: english, serbian, fluent levantine arabic, semi fluent spanish, russian, german.
FAMILY:
twin sibling: miljana, nonbinary, they/them.
younger brother: mihailo, cis man, he/him.
mother: alive, low contact.
father: deceased.
APPEARANCE
FACECLAIM: robert pattinson.
HAIR COLOUR: blonde.
EYE COLOUR: cool brown, sectoral heterochromia in left eye where it is partially green.
HEIGHT: 1.95m, six foot four.
BUILD: muscled and tall, a proverbial brick wall.
SPEECH STYLE: deep, gravelly voice—has a very identifiable manchester accent, uses both manc and military slang frequently.
RECOGNIZABLE MARKINGS: extensive facial scarring from deployment, depicted in this diagram.
PERSONALITY
TROPES: tall, dark and handsome, the quiet one, the lancer, death seeker, tragic keepsake, i just want to be normal, hidden depths, broken ace, the stoic, shell-shocked veteran, warrior poet, berserk button, dark and troubled past.
MBTI: intp — intps are quiet, reserved, and thoughtful. as introverts, they prefer to socialize with a small group of close friends with whom they share common interests and connections.
ENNEAGRAM: 5w6 — enneagram 5w6 strength comes from their purposeful way of living. as they are always looking for meaningful things to do, they acquire knowledge in different areas and know when and how to apply it. they are curious and goal-oriented, so they master new areas of expertise
TEMPERAMENT: the phlegmatic-choleric will have a firm, stoic expression and will rarely smile. they are calm, steady, and persevering. they can be very blunt, stubborn, and sarcastic.
POSITIVE TRAITS: impartial, detail-orientated, prudent, adaptable, resourceful, observant, resilient.
NEGATIVE TRAITS: detached, controlling, brutal, cynical, harsh self-critic, impatient, isolating.
HABITS: organizes things by colour, holds his thigh while sitting to stop his knee from bouncing, goes for a walk (at least) twice a day, always drinks his coffee cold.
HOBBIES: collects, labels and presses botanicals, fishing, spars as often as possible, practices multiple different martial arts (krav maga, taekwondo, jiu jitsu, ect).
USUAL DEMEANOR: quiet, has a sharp, dark sense of humour, incredibly hard to read as a result of his inexpressive nature.
HEALTH
PHYSICAL AILMENTS: n/a.
NEUROLOGICAL CONDITION: ptsd, anxiety.
PHOBIAS: claustrophobia. (severely)
ALLERGIES: n/a.
SLEEPING HABITS: irregular sleep schedule, typically due to jet lag. stays up late, wakes up early, struggles to get his full eight hours at home because of nightmares.
SOCIABILITY: borderline asocial when with strangers, becomes softer, more likely to joke around and be verbal around close friends.
ADDICTIONS: smokes. doesn’t drink frequently. no other substance abuse issues.
BIOGRAPHY
tw for abuse mention, drug addiction, violence, ect.
a childhood of brutality—his mother closes her eyes when she hears footsteps on the floors of the dingy flat in midtown manchester. she holds her breath when she hears fists meet flesh. she cries alone after she soothes the bruises her children earned for laughing too loud, for playing too much, for living in a way that intersected too much with their father’s inflicted misery.
tiptoe over broken needles, broken bottles, crushed furniture. fleas jump from wrist to wrist between the elder siblings, the twins. they share everything—clothes, toys, food, even their suffering. miodrag catches a cold, miljana catches it too. they both hold their breath hoping not to sneeze too loudly in their own home.
when mihailo is born, they are ten and things change. their mother kicks their father out once and for all. they move into a smaller flat, mio and jana help raise their younger brother. they baby him, though they will never be as close to him as their mother is. her unspoiled son, her child that their father hadn’t broken.
dysfunction carves a fickle beast from him. miodrag enlists the second he can, craving the stability, the routine, the absence of autonomy. he finds himself swaddled by the training, by the suffering that builds him back up from a tall, underfed teenager to a strong, disciplined workhorse of a young man. he had always been a good fighter, sure, but things changed when he was given a sense of purpose.
he comes back from each deployment more subdued, finds he cannot readjust to peace the same way again, finds himself uncomfortable with how quiet the world is when he isn’t home. his bed is too comfortable to sleep in—he barely sleeps at all, in fact.
mihailo is the reason he stays in the end, a year and a half, the longest gap since he enlisted. desperate for connection, the youngest child had sought out their father and found himself churning in the drains of full addiction as a result. miodrag, miljana, encircle each wrist and pull on their brother, both halting their respective lives to help him recover. he hates them for it, at first. when their father dies, he relapses. the cycle renews. he hates them for it. he hates them. he hates them until he can no longer hate them.
miodrag takes up a job bagging groceries in the meantime. peacetime itches at him like mites from his childhood bedroom. it’s not until he dives for cover when a platter of cans falls during one of his shifts that he realizes how cutthroat coping by warfare can actually be. he sees a therapist for some time, doesn’t find it helpful, stops when he comes off leave. when mihailo is sober.
it’s not until he’s thirty that the suffering calcifies, crystallizes, blooms out like a sordid plant. when a teammate tries to rouse him from a particularly exquisite nightmare and he simply snaps. the resulting beatdown is of brutal proportions, and when he begins to come down from the panic, the terror, a new problem arises. he slips away into the night, going awol.
it turns out, there is only so many times you can break a man’s skull with your bare hands before he dies. the manhunt is lazy—sas are desperate to cover up the fact that one of their men went rogue. he is able to slip through the cracks, unseen.
his career pursuits are limited now. thirty-one and roaming from one violent job to the next until the jolly rogers pick him up. he’s efficient, military trained, only periodically neurotic. he is a useful tool for the organization to utilize, and miodrag likes the idea of knowing where he stands, of a regimented life.
