mia

she/her || im only twenty-two but my mind is older

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

masterlist

updated: july 20, 2022

requests are: open

Timothee Chalamet 

Matthew Gray Gubler/Spencer Reid

Steve Harrington

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

stevo harringtown master list

updated: july 20, 2022

✭ = author’s reccomendation

oneshots-

the night longs for you

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

the night longs for you

summary: after the loss of her best friend, y/n recounts her time with eddie, realizing she’s spent it all rambling about a boy who she thought was too occupied with nancy... but was he really? 

pairing: steve harrington x reader, platonic! eddie munson x reader

word count: 2,050                                                                                        reading time aprox: 8 mins

warnings: major character death mention, themes of unrequited love, angst, fluff

a/n: trying something new w/ my first fic for steve

masterlist

The empty spot of grass next to me longs for the warmth of his skin, an eerie whistle fills the silence as Indiana’s nightly wind cuts through the weeds. Even the hills of Hawkins can sense the oddity of this night… and what it had lost. 

Why is it when they’re only out of sight, they’re always on your mind? What poet’s words can resolve the ache I feel at the bottom of my stomach, now that you’re not here - gone, like you never existed. 

I lay on my back, feeling the very much apparent coldness beside me. Threading my fingers through the spot he used to lay on with me those August nights, I realized how much time I’ve wasted by my selfishness. I close my eyes thinking of all the times I’ve spent with Eddie rambling about a boy who’s too caught up in his head and hair to pay mind to me. 

My heart lurches forward in my chest as I calculate the hours, minutes, and days I could’ve had if all I did was let go of Harrington. 

How could I know that it was you I was letting go of instead?

My fists curled into a patch of grass, ripping it out of the earth just as viciously as the earth had ripped him from my hands. I tucked my head into my knees, letting my tears fall viciously into my lap. The lack of his laugh in the air left my lungs constricted and my head spinning. I could almost hear the ghost of his voice ring in my ears. 

Am I crazy? How could you just leave me like that? This was supposed to be our year. 

I gritted my teeth, struggling to keep my sobs at bay. 

I know you wouldn’t want to see me here crying over you, Eddie. I know you’d probably tell me to grab grief by the balls and conquer it. Even now, I still see you giving me brotherly advice about Steve - to not run away, knowing I’d never have the courage to follow through. 

You believed in me. I’m so sorry that I never had the chance to show you that you’re the reason that I believed in myself too. 

The moon casted a solemn blue light across the hill. 

The night longs for you too, Eddie. 

I stare at the sight of Hawkins, a place I called home before I met Eddie. The dreamscape suburbia is tinted in a dark shadow, save a few house lights that were still on. Suddenly, a warm luminous glow etches out on the dirt in front of me, my silhouette outlined on the ground. The soft crunch of tires and the thud of a car door closing can be heard in proximity. 

I’m too exhausted to perk up at whoever decided to make an appearance, only hoping that they would either go away or take me away from here. With an apprehensive descent, the spot reserved for Eddie was no longer empty; a faint scent of mahogany wood and hairspray now tickled the air. 

“Dustin said I would find you here.”

I embraced myself tighter in my arms, falling prey to my thoughts rather than Steve’s presence, an abrupt change I numbly accepted. Any other day, my heart would race at the notion of being Harrington’s subject of attention. Right now, all he represents is the cowardice that I ignorantly displayed to Eddie, despite his lectures of confidence. 

All that lost time, and even now, I have nothing to show for it. So why try at all? Why risk another kind of loss when I can barely handle losing you? I’m sorry, Eddie. I don’t think I can ever make you proud now, but I also don’t think I can take two kinds of loss. 

“...y/n?” he whispered, leaning his head down to try to get a clear view of my face. 

A dull look lay dead in my eyes, my lips inflamed from the dry air, and my cheeks glistening with an irritated bloom upon the skin. I contemplate opening my mouth to respond but all I can muster up is a barely audible croak that exposes the soreness in my esophagus. 

“I know I’m not… the person you need right now,” he paused, running his hand anxiously through his hair. “But I can be whatever you want. Someone to talk to, listen, scream, cry, yell–” 

“What do you want, Harrington?” Indignation hung onto my words with no real reason to why, an impertinent tone attached to each syllable. I dug my hands into the ground once more, running my palms over the earth. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Why are you here?” I deadpanned. 

“I… I don’t know,” he admitted. I scoffed at his reply, annoyance temporarily replacing the stabbing ache in my stomach. 

You would’ve known what to say. 

“All I know is that I promised him that I would be here for you…” 

Even when you’re gone you’re still looking out for me, huh? 

The corner of my lip quirked upwards at the mention of my best friend, however, it was short-lived as the ever familiar sensation of guilt washed over me. 

“And you’re taking the advice of a dead person, Harrington?” 

Steve stiffened at my brash comment, peaking out of the corner of his eye to gauge my reaction, but my composure stayed resolute. 

You would’ve loved that joke.

He hung his head momentarily, mimicking the way I started to pluck strands of grass and dandelions. A claustrophobic silence lingered around us while minutes passed by like moving clouds. 

With an unwavering huff, he leaned into his wrists behind him with his neck craned up into the sky. “Can I tell you something?” I shrugged my shoulders, following in suit of him and admiring the vast galaxies and planets that littered my view. “One of the last memories I had with Eddie was him advising me on my love life,” he professed, nostalgia wrapped around his words. 

I hummed in subtle amusement at the uncanny similarities of my interactions with Eddie. Who knew I was best friends with the town cupid. Although, I can’t shake off the familiar green monster that was crawling up my neck. Despite the unwelcome feeling, the constricting burst of jealousy provided a reprieve from grief. 

A smile etched itself on Steve’s lips, clearly satisfied to have seized an answer from me. He took this as a greenlight to continue, relaxing onto his elbows. “He was always telling me to go after what I want - or rather who I wanted,” he huffed, staring at me intently while the moon captured my attention. “I always thought it was Nancy… even if she’s with Johnathan, I–” 

“Do you notice any difference in the stars today?” 

Steve whipped his head up, following my line of sight. To my betterment, he seemed to drop whatever he was going to talk about, saving me from the green hue reappearing in my expression. He squinted his eyes, “I… I don’t see anything really different.” He turned to face me, perplexed. “Should there be?” 

“It’s just…” I inhaled a hesitant breath, closing my eyes, “...who would’ve known the stars would look better than before, now that Eddie’s in them.” 

A tear trailed down my cheek while mixed emotions of nostalgia, grief, and happiness came flooding back. My heart ached for Eddie being gone, but I knew, deep down, the stardust that made up our connection would forever float where it belonged: in eternity. A burning star was added into the night sky; one that beamed across space and could not be compared to other extraterrestrial objects. A star that was my Eddie. 

“Sometimes I… I wish that I was next to him.” My voice wavered at my admission. “I wish I was next to him up there.” I clutched the necklace that Dustin lent to me, tracing the slope of the guitar pick. 

I go, you go… right, Eddie? Just like it’s always been. 

A sob broke through my chest, pouring out until I couldn’t hide anymore. I wrapped both hands around the chain, pressing it as close to my heart as possible. I didn’t care about Steve watching me break down. I didn’t care about eerie silence or how my body was slowly sinking into the ground. 

All I cared about was being with you again, Eddie. Someday, where I don’t run away.

Steve’s arm was thrown over me, directing me into his embrace. I ignored the subtle shivers that ran up my back, too engrossed into letting the weight roll off of my shoulders. I wept into his neck, not caring about the mess that it made. My arms instinctively wrapped around his chest, holding onto him as if he’d drift into the stars too. 

“Why wasn’t it me, Steve?” I struggled to get the words out, muffled by fabric. Steve gingerly palmed through my hair, pressing his chin onto my scalp. We stayed like this for eternity, exchanging passing breaths until our hearts beat to the same rhythm. I nuzzled further into him, delicate sniffles slipping past me. 

“I don’t think Eddie would want that, Y/N.” 

“What would you know about what Eddie would want?” I interrupted him, tilting my head up till our faces were only a couple inches away. His gaze briefly flickered to my lips, but I barely noticed considering I preoccupied with doing the same. 

“Well, he always told me to go after what I wanted, Y/N.” He tucked a stray hair behind my ear. “And if I’m honest, I don’t think I ever truly did that… even if I thought I did.” 

“Guess the feeling’s mutual…” I muttered, shaking my head at the reminder of my own failures. 

“I would hope so.” Steve whispered under his breath but recovered swiftly enough to not raise suspicion. “It’s just… I think Eddie was always preaching about pushing boundaries and taking initiative. But, I think it was also because he cared about his friends… he cared about making these bold statements, but only if he had his friends beside him. If he had you.” 

I sucked in a breath at his explanation. “Do you think so? Do you think Eddie would be proud of where we are now?” My eyes were glowing with melancholy, seeking validation from the boy who maybe seemed to share the same stardust as Eddie. 

“I think he’d be proud of you,” he corrected, seeing through my apprehensive illusions and reading the question I truly wanted to ask. “For that, you’d need to be here. Now I know Hawkins doesn’t have much to offer, but in my opinion, you’re wanted here.” 

I took my lip in between my teeth, still unsure about the words that easily fell off of Steve’s tongue. I guess the trepidation was evident on my face as Steve tilted my chin up to meet his alluring eyes. My heart beat slowed for a moment, feeling infinitely small with the way he was looking at me. 

There was something unspoken in his irises - something I’ve never noticed behind the autumn brown and gold specks that flickered in and out. “I want you here,” he confessed, running his thumb along my cheek. 

“But… Nancy.” 

He shook his head, never breaking eye contact with me. “Nancy… I thought she was what I wanted - what Eddie was talking about when he’d given me that pep talk.” My hands loosened up around his chest, instead guiding them to the sides of his neck. “She may have shown me what the real world is and how shitty of a boyfriend I was, but you, Y/N… you hung the stars, the moon, and the sun for me. Always around me… always there.” 

My breathing slowed and tremored, careful to prevent mishearing anything. Was this the adrenaline that Eddie was talking about? I understand now; the exhilarating feeling of falling after the jump.

“After Eddie was gone, I started thinking about what I really wanted after all the shit went down with Vecna. I realized that some part of me was always going to be Nancy’s because of all the things she taught me about myself. But everything else - my heart, was always reserved for you.” 

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

a glimpse of maybe

summary: spencer never really got over maeve - no one can truly forget their first love... that doesn’t stop his best friend, y/n, from trying. 

word count: 1,464                                                                                        reading time aprox: 6 mins

warnings: themes of unrequited love, angst (my specialty)

a/n: first fic back! This can be read by anybody - no specificity in features, gender, etc. Please let me know if I’ve made any errors regarding this. 

masterlist

Jealousy is described as a white hot anger that burns behind your eyelids, paralyzes every muscle, and turns you as green as a swamp. Well, whoever said that must have been a complete idiot… or a lucky fool who has never experienced the depth of longing for someone you can’t have. 

Instead, coldness surrounds you and bites at your veins with ferocity. What they don’t tell you about is the constant emptiness that fills you whenever he looks behind your eyes to try and get a glimpse of her - if there even is one. 

Spencer disguised his grief well; longing stares that I believed were for me, but in truth, were the remnants of her. When he started to reach for my hands and suggested we hang out more, I should’ve known then. Maybe it’s partly my fault - maybe I fell in love with the idea of a blissful tragedy that was bound to happen. 

-

“Spencer, may I remind you that I’m the one with the PhD in Chemistry here. Don’t try to tell me about my own dissertation…” Spencer takes his bottom lip under his teeth with a sly smile, a subtle tell that he was about to protest. “...and just because I technically haven’t received physical proof of my degree, doesn’t mean I’m any less knowledgeable than you, Mr. 187 IQ.” 

He shrugged his shoulders and immediately raised his hands in defense. “I never said that,” he argued while I stared at him pointedly. “I’ll just take my three PhDs elsewhere–” 

“Here we go again with your smart-ass attitude,” I scoffed playfully, burying the smile behind my unimpressed visage as he took pleasure in making me laugh - a ghost of a satisfied and happy glint in his irises. I haven’t seen him so… normal until now. 

A butterfly stretches its wings inside my stomach as Spencer begins to regain a youthful color to his skin. A comfortable silence washes over us as our laughter dies down into nothing but warm glances shared between us. A much too familiar bubble swells in my chest and engulfs the space in my lungs, preventing air from reaching it. 

One. Two. Three new freckles strayed from the top of his eyebrows to the tip of his slightly tanned nose. The amount of times I’ve told this persistent man to put on some sunscreen is incredulous - I can already see the breaking of DNA from the abundance of UV exposure. 

At least he’s getting more sun - he’s going out more. That’s good. Yes… it’s good. You know what’s not good though? Skin cancer. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Spencer broke me out of my trance, throwing an old crumpled up post-it note at my face. 

He really needs to start cleaning up this place. His living room had turned into Oxford’s long lost library archive or a Barnes and Nobles’ recycling dump. Spencer hasn’t really fixed up the place since… 

I make a mental note to help Spencer spruce up the place once he’s ready - and to get him some SPF 1000 while I’m at it. What are best friends for? 

“I was actually just thinking about how much you must be begging for skin cancer,” I teased, taking the crumpled up note and setting it on the side table to cast to the garbage, later on. “But of course, maybe that’s something your three PhDs can defend you from too.” 

“Who’s the smart-ass now, Y/N?” 

“You’re right… we can’t have two smart-asses now, can we?” I sighed, relaxing further into the loveseat I sat in, tracing the stitching that lined the leather material. “Is that offer of you taking your business elsewhere still up?” 

Tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek, he leaned forward with a cheshire smile and a look that was out-of-character for him. “Is that what you really want, Y/N? Cause half of my business practically includes you in it,” he admits. 

I suppressed the blush that was threatening to bloom on my cheeks. Averting my attention from his prying gaze. “I get it, Spencer. I’m the most interesting part of your life,” I half-heartedly joked; a part of me longing for it to be true. 

His lips quirked at my quick response, that bright glow in his eyes making another appearance.

Maybe this time, it can be true. 

“You look good like that, Spencer,” I commented with underlying hesitance. 

“Like what?” 

“...happy. Like you're happy.” 

‘I love seeing you happy… happy with me’ was what I really wanted to tell him. 

“I am happy,” his eyes subtly trail down from my eyes, to my nose, and finally, to my lips. “I feel nothing else whenever I’m with you.” 

My lips parted slightly in desperate need for air. In that moment, the mess of the room was gone, the sunscreen forgotten, and the mental barrier lifted. Heat swirled in my stomach and crept up my throat. The butterflies raced inside me with grace, leaving me lightheaded in the moment. 

“You’re only saying that because I’m the only one sane enough to keep hanging around you.” I attempt to brush off his suggestive tone, fearful of mistaking it for genuine interest. I tucked my hair behind my ears, grounding myself back to bleak reality. 

“You know for someone who’s almost has their PhD–” 

“–does have.” I interrupt. 

“...who DOES HAVE their PhD, you’d think you’d figure out to stay away from a guy who can only handle one person in their vicinity. What if I was a psychopath?” 

“I never said you weren’t,” I cut in. 

“Smart-ass.”

“Such a smart-ass,” we retorted simultaneously. 

We broke out into a gleeful fit of laughter, amused at our telepathic nature. The bubble in my lungs only continued to grow, only this time I wasn’t suffocating. I guess living for the hope of it all was enough to feel this way. It was then I decided that maybe the wanting was enough. 

I wish you were my smart-ass. Mine.

“You’ve always known what to say, Y/N,” he teased with a doting tone. 

I didn’t bother to hold back the loving grin that graced my lips and the admiration that poured out of me because in that moment it felt like he was mine to lose - and only mine to love. 

“I love when you smile like that - your dimple shows up just at the surface of your right cheek. That’s how I know I’ve really made you happy.” He presses into his own cheek, leaving a temporary impression of his finger. Something deeper settles into his eyes as his smile cracks subtly. “...Maeve had the same indent on her left cheek - one of her prettiest quirks.” 

And just like that, reality sets in. 

He may have been mine from the start… but I never really was his, was I? 

All at once, that warm bubble shriveled into nothing but a cold and sharp cacophony of hope that had been stricken down. My esophagus constricted around the razor-sharp words threatening to slip by my lips - a stinging sensation imprinting itself on the walls of my chest. 

I lost all focus, swimming around desperately in the concaves of my mind for some sort of solace. My mental attempts bore fruitless to the sharks, that were his words, endlessly tailing me. The emptiness and despair threw my body into an indescribable numbness - a contrast from the searing wetness that hid behind my eyelids. 

…silence.

All my impulses, insecurities, and irrationality formed into one, throwing away all sense of decorum and decency. I bit my tongue, immersing myself in the taste of iron to distract myself from the unpleasant thoughts. 

Why would you say that, Spencer? 

I wanted to scream, claw, and fight. I wanted to feel anything - anything else but this. 

Why is it never me?

But I also wanted to bring Maeve back. I wanted Spencer to truly be happy again. Not just for a moment of happiness… of love. 

Am I too hard to want (like the way I want you)?

Sometimes I wish I can turn you back into a stranger, Spencer. Only then I wouldn’t be yours just to hurt. But you were right though… I never want you elsewhere. I want you here, a blissful wound that I will willingly carry any day just to get a glimpse of ‘maybe.’ 

But I didn’t dare to say those words, not to him - never to him. My tears retreated back into their sockets as I embraced the numbness that came with reality. I flicked the post-it back into the expanding mess in the room, where it knows its place. 

“...of course, Spencer. I feel nothing else when I’m with you.” 

-

taglist: @rexorangecouny @howdycharlie @honeymilk-4 @linthebinbag @andreasworlsboring101 @ssareidbby @kyleetheeditor @fanofalltheficsx​ @jimilogy @lulwaxim @jhillio @m3ssytrash @haylaansmi @meowiemari @ashwarren32 @codyf3rnsupremecy @goldentournesol​

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

am i back?

Hey y’all, it’s been a while hasn’t it?

I’m going to be honest with you guys. Do I still love Spencer Reid? Absolutely. Am I in love with him like I was a year ago? No. Do I still love writing and creating stories? No doubt. 

Am I going to start writing Spencer Reid fanfic again, with my specialty of angst? Come back in a little bit and you’ll see ;)

I can’t wait to show y’all how I’ve grown as a writer and the things I’ve learned as I was gone. To the new faces on this platform, I hope to ease back into this community, that I missed so much, and to see new talent thrive. 

love, 

mia 

p.s.

Ask me anything you want! My inbox/asks are open and I’m more than happy to talk to y’all!

[mrspider-deactivated20221213]

Ever since that Steven universe smut blog turned out to be a republican senator I knew I’d never leave this hell site. You just don’t get drama like that anywhere else

im sorry What

[mrspider-deactivated20221213]

the way they just dropped this bomb and did not follow up. king

[halbravd]

why are so many great writers leaving? It makes me sad that so many are leaving and that we cant read their content anymore or even say goodbye :(

tumblr used to be a safe place for so many of us, but recently, with the waves of unnecessary hate and bullying, many writers are discouraged to continue writing and don't feel that spark of happiness they used to feel while logging in.

if you're a content consumer, please support your favorite writers as much as you can; leave comments, reblog with tags or a little something like your favorite quote, leave an ask telling them how good their work was and you're endlessly thankful for the time they put in this... too many writers feel like their efforts go to waste because they think they "don't fit in" (this is what a writer friend of mine told me before deactivating, i'm just using her own words here).

writing is fun, it's a hobby for us. so when it slowly turns into a task, something we have to do instead of something we want to do, this is when many of us decide to leave

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

To the all the authors of the fics I’ve read, you are amazing! Take care of yourself everybody.

[wordsnstuff]

How can I make a kissing scene/emotional scene feel intimate and personal? I really struggle with that. I want it to be just between two people, their moment.

Creating Intimacy in A Scene…

I’ve created a lot of focused resources on creating intimacy in a scene, enhancing romantic tension, etc. so I’ve made an organized, comprehensive list from my masterlist which will help you create that moment you’re looking for. 

Romance-Specific Resources

How To Write The Perfect Kiss

How To Make A Scene More Heartfelt

Resources For Romance Writers

Resources For Writing YA Fiction/Romance

Filtering Out Cliches

Emotion & Intimacy

Resources For Describing Emotion

Connecting To Your Own Characters

Conveying Emotions

When To Use “Felt”

Calculating Emotional Reactions

Writing Intense Scenes

Technical Skills That Come in Handy

How To Perfect The Tone

A Guide To Tension & Suspense

Ultimate Guide To Symbolism

General Dialogue Advice

Using Vocabulary

How To Engage The Reader

Showing VS Telling in First Person POV

Specific Relationship Dynamics to Consider

Tips On Writing Skinny Love

Guide To Writing Friends To Lovers

Guide To Writing Enemies To Lovers

Guide To Writing Faded Love

Guide To Writing Will-They-Won’t-They

Guide To Writing Forbidden Love

–

Masterlist | WIP Blog

If you enjoy my blog and wish for it to continue being updated frequently and for me to continue putting my energy toward answering your questions, please consider Buying Me A Coffee, or pledging your support on Patreon, where I offer early access and exclusive benefits for only $5/month.

[athenaresource]

CHARACTER FACIAL EXPRESSIONS (WRITING REFERENCE)

EYES/BROWS

his eyes widened

her eyes went round

her eyelids drooped

his eyes narrowed

his eyes lit up

his eyes darted

he squinted

she blinked

her eyes twinkled

his eyes gleamed

her eyes sparkled

his eyes flashed

his eyes glinted

his eyes burned with…

her eyes blazed with…

her eyes sparked with…

her eyes flickered with…

_____ glowed in his eyes

the corners of his eyes crinkled

she rolled her eyes

he looked heavenward

she glanced up to the ceiling

she winked

tears filled her eyes

his eyes welled up

her eyes swam with tears

his eyes flooded with tears

her eyes were wet

his eyes glistened

tears shimmered in her eyes

tears shone in his eyes

her eyes were glossy

he was fighting back tears

tears ran down her cheeks

his eyes closed

she squeezed her eyes shut

he shut his eyes

his lashes fluttered

she batted her lashes

his brows knitted

her forehead creased

his forehead furrowed

her forehead puckered

a line appeared between her brows

his brows drew together

her brows snapped together

his eyebrows rose

she raised a brow

he lifted an eyebrow

his eyebrows waggled

she gave him a once-over

he sized her up

her eyes bored into him

she took in the sight of…

he glared

she peered

he gazed

she glanced

he stared

she scrutinized

he studied

she gaped

he observed

she surveyed

he gawked

he leered

his pupils (were) dilated

her pupils were huge

his pupils flared

NOSE

her nose crinkled

his nose wrinkled

she sneered

his nostrils flared

she stuck her nose in the air

he sniffed

she sniffled

MOUTH

she smiled

he smirked

she grinned

he simpered

she beamed

her mouth curved into a smile

the corners of his mouth turned up

the corner of her mouth quirked up

a corner of his mouth lifted

his mouth twitched

he gave a half-smile

she gave a lopsided grin

his mouth twisted

he plastered a smile on his face

she forced a smile

he faked a smile

her smile faded

his smile slipped

he pursed his lips

she pouted

his mouth snapped shut

her mouth set in a hard line

he pressed his lips together

she bit her lip

he drew his lower lip between his teeth

she nibbled on her bottom lip

he chewed on his bottom lip

his jaw set

her jaw clenched

his jaw tightened

a muscle in her jaw twitched

he ground his jaw

he snarled/his lips drew back in a snarl

her mouth fell open

his jaw dropped

her jaw went slack

he gritted his teeth

she gnashed her teeth

her lower lip trembled

his lower lip quivered

SKIN

she paled

he blanched

she went white

the color drained out of his face

his face reddened

her cheeks turned pink

his face flushed

she blushed

he turned red

she turned scarlet

he turned crimson

a flush crept up her face

WHOLE FACE, ETC.

he screwed up his face

she scrunched up her face

he grimaced

she winced

she gave him a dirty look

he frowned

she scowled

he glowered

her whole face lit up

she brightened

his face went blank

her face contorted

his face twisted

her expression closed up

his expression dulled

her expression hardened

she went poker-faced

a vein popped out in his neck

awe transformed his face

fear crossed her face

sadness clouded his features

terror overtook his face

recognition dawned on her face

SOURCE

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

to be true, to not be true pt. 3

summary: early in y/n’s and spencer’s relationship, y/n fears the growing distance between them, although what seemed to be possible infidelity, is actually much worse--for spencer.

word count: 1,007                                                                                     reading time: 4 mins

warnings: angst

a/n: HERE IS THE FINALE!!! I’ve had the most amazing time writing with the talented @goldentournesol​. Steph is incredible and so creative, please show her some love! Hope you enjoy :)

masterlist

part 1 part 2

I was afraid the chocolate he got me would taste sour, but it was luscious. I found comfort in the sweetness, just as I had found comfort in Spencer. It’s been a week since his confession. I also couldn’t help but feel a little ridiculous in my accusations. I had jumped to conclusions and couldn’t see the signs of my boyfriend in pain. The guilt ate away at me for a while, but Spencer let me know that he had been hiding it to the best of his ability. I eventually told him that I wanted to be the one he ran to when he was in pain. Both of us had our fair share of issues with vulnerability and insecurity, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t work through them together.

And so, here I sat, my head in his lap, his hand in my hair like all those weeks ago. This time, when our gazes met, there were no underlying feelings. No words left unsaid. The air was finally cleared and we could finally breathe. The air tasted sweeter somehow, now that I understood fully. The past week was not easy. Reconciliation was a bumpy road and I was not prepared for the ride. Spencer and I are stubborn, proud individuals. I had almost kicked him out of my apartment that night. I had almost ended the relationship right then and there. What else was I supposed to do when he’d said such vicious things?

But he’d seen the crack in my armor. The room was heavy with the guilt I felt and my subsequent tears were even heavier. The tears fell free before I could even tell them not to. His behavior made sense. I saw it then, he’d squint if the room was too bright and would often ask me to turn the TV volume down. His stories had become less animated, he had become less animated. He was going to sleep much earlier than he usually did. I should have caught on, but I just assumed that his long days had taken a toll on him. Spencer was no stranger to overworking himself.

He explained that he’d gone to countless doctors and I expressed how upset it made me that he was going through all that on his own. I could have been there for him, I could have supported him, but he wasn’t used to having someone to lean on. He was his own protection all his life, and I understood that. I made it clear that he had someone to lean on now, someone who loved him and looked after him.

The doctors had trouble diagnosing him so he referred to a renowned geneticist. She was one of the greatest minds in her field apparently. It was a she, after all, and she had a name. Maeve Donovan. It was easier to have a name. It personified her. She was less of an abstract being and more of a person. I thought about how much of my time and energy she’d unknowingly spent before I even knew who she was. Or I guess I was the one who’d spent it.

“How are you feeling?” I asked, looking up at Spencer, who was focused on the TV now. He finally had the weekend off after finishing a case in Wisconsin. I’d been tasked by Dr. Donovan to make sure that he’s getting at least eight hours of sleep each night. He’d been good at going to bed on time, his issue was with staying asleep more than going to sleep, anyway.

“I’ve been better, but to be honest, I’ve also been much worse.” He shrugged. Spencer’s eyes were never unkind, his soul was too kind to let them show anything other than that. Even now, his eyes were soft, even softer due to the dim light in my apartment.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” I sat up to face him. I’d been doing my own research on migraines. Mostly how to relieve pain. Dr. Donovan also mentioned a series of supplements that he had to keep track of. I’ve made sure to incorporate more vitamin-enriched foods into our diet as well as made sure to keep him adequately hydrated.

I recognized the mischief in his eyes before he could even get a word out, “Actually, I think it’s time for my hourly dose of kisses.”

I threw my head back in a hearty laugh before cupping his face gingerly and bringing it closer to mine, “Who am I to deny you your medication?”

His grin was contagious, it went straight to my heartstrings and I felt weightless when he looked at me like that. His hands were perched on my waist and I brushed our noses together once before sealing our lips.

Together we lived in the clouds, sharing the same bubble. We’ve finally rebuilt the fantasy we had before, although this time a newfound trust had formed. However, that is not to say that everything was instantly perfect. Frankly, I think that the inexperience and the unknown is what gives beauty to this world, our world. To me, anything with him was perfect, no matter what the great philosophers say. But they were right in one aspect: defining voluntary ignorance.

The bliss I felt in our intimate space was addicting, it turned my brain into gullible mush. I didn’t want to believe that eternity didn’t exist. How can it not when it feels like this? I refuse to believe it. But harsh reality does not lie, it is only ourselves willing to fall for it. One day, Spencer’s arms would no longer be around me, and his lips would no longer brush softly against mine. The bubble would shatter like glass, the deception following suit. But for now, this lie was a silent agreement between Spencer and I. No matter the blissful ignorance we shared between us; no matter the ignorance of Spencer’s remaining lucidity, I knew this was the only lie we wished to be true.

-

taglist: @rexorangecouny @howdycharlie @honeymilk-4 @linthebinbag @andreasworlsboring101 @ssareidbby @kyleetheeditor @fanofalltheficsx @jimilogy @lulwaxim @jhillio @m3ssytrash @haylaansmi @meowiemari @ashwarren32 @codyf3rnsupremecy @goldentournesol @measure-in-pain​ @louisetheblue

to be true, to not be true taglist: @sassymoon @jackiehollanderr @gubleryum​ @cielo1984 @allexthakatt​ @escapingrealities​

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

… aint no way you left me like that

...oh, but i didnt't! I promise, the epilogue tonight will be a satisfying ending to y/n's and spencer's story. Make sure to support my lovely writing partner @goldentournesol's :)

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

to be true, to not be true pt. 2

summary: early in y/n’s and spencer’s relationship, y/n fears the growing distance between them, although what seemed to be possible infidelity, is actually much worse--for spencer.

word count: 3,969                                                                                     reading time: 14 mins

warnings: angst, cheating allegations, mental illness

a/n: PLEASE READ!!!! the epilogue/finale for this will be uploaded on @goldentournesol later today! 

masterlist

part 1

What kind of life is lived when all you’re doing is waiting for the other shoe to drop? Waiting for the inevitability of cruelty? I stepped into a relationship with Spencer never expecting that I’d be waiting for the cord to snap. He led me into a cocoon of safety, one where I never doubted his motives. One I wasn’t sure I deserved.

Three little words can seemingly make or break a relationship, and the words Spencer had uttered confirmed that theory. However, unlike in most relationships--at least the fortunate ones, it wasn’t the three-word spectacle that symbolized the deep passion or confirmation of the shared sentiments. Instead, the dreadful trinity cut me deep, symbolizing the undoing of what we have--correction, had. 

“It’s a date.” 

I wish I could curse the air, scream into the sky, and stomp at the earth below me, but I couldn’t help but direct all malice to me. 

What did she have that I didn’t? It must’ve been my intelligence. Everyday, Spencer was surrounded by the brightest minds--him outshining the rest, although his humbled self would always discredit that matter. With a considerate heart, he would mind voicing his opinions of people out loud, keeping to himself. However, there’s a significant distinction between publicly expressing your judgement and having internal thoughts, though unshared, still exist. 

This baffled me, considering Spencer had always reassured me of this particular insecurity, suppressing the disquiet of my thoughts. Would he have lied? He seemingly excels at that, as of recent, among his other accolades. I would never admit it to him, but I would often find myself skimming through the books he loved--analyzing them so I’d better understand his mind or to offer a common topic. All the things I did for him to seem smarter in the past makes me look stupid now. The wasted effort should set every fiber of my being aflame and angered, however, all I can really feel is the doubt and self-resentment pricking at the walls of my chest. 

All I can show for it are the blotched texture of my cheeks from incessant wet streaks, the suffocating push and pull of my throat, and the tautness of my muscles from the inability to move. On top of that, a heavy heart that carried the haunting spirit of a failure. 

This disposition left me paralyzed on a Thursday night, alone in my apartment. The parallel left me with an incredulous expression. Just last week, I was on the precipice of my relationship without knowing it--senseless to the downward spiral that followed. What would I have changed, had I known this was going to happen? I tell myself this was all on him, but what if it isn’t? What if I led him to do this? To seek love and comfort in someone else.

Spencer’s been out of town for the last four days. I should have kept up with our nightly calls, but the truth is I couldn’t hear his voice without breaking down. His calls were left unanswered and I didn’t even know if that worried him or not. My insecurities had me by the throat and I just couldn’t shake them. Why was I dreading the day he returned? I’d seen his text messages, but hadn’t bothered to reply. I didn’t want him to know that I was festering in my own self-pity, so when I finally answered the call after he texted me to let me know that he was in town, I pretended I was someone else for it.

 But then I thought...maybe, just maybe, it was all in my head. Maybe he wasn’t calling her as much as he was calling me, I didn’t even know if it was a her. I still thought that I might be desperate enough for his attention. So much so that I was willing to be the second option.

The phone call was short and dry, but I did my best to pretend that I was fine. He said he would take me out on a date tomorrow. It would be Friday, not Thursday. He said he was busy today and I didn’t ask him what he was doing, I had a feeling the knowledge would only cleave our relationship further. As tempting as it felt to pull away from him even more, I must admit that I missed him. I missed the way his nose scrunched when he was listening to me talk, I missed the way he’d always chime in with his facts and stories. I missed what we had and who we were before things started to change.

I forced myself to get ready for our date the next day. I circled around my apartment like a vulture circling around its prey, as if I’d find any motivation lying around, but it felt redundant so I stopped. I sat on my couch and nervously tapped away my anxiety until the doorbell rang throughout my apartment. Taking a deep breath, I made my way over to the door and opened it to see him holding a large bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. He’d never been one for grand gestures, and I’d never been one for flowers and chocolates, but from him, they were precious. I let myself accept them with a smile, even though the dread was eating me alive from the inside. Don’t cheaters and psychopaths buy gifts for their victims in a way to suppress their guilt? Did I just compare my boyfriend to a psychopath?

“What’s all this for?” I asked him after he greeted me with a kiss to my cheek. I put the flowers in a vase as he spoke, following me through the hallway and into my kitchen.

“Well, I felt bad for postponing our date and you sounded upset over the phone. I’m sorry I technically missed our date night.” Spencer said, tapping his fingers on my counter, waiting for my reaction. I surveyed him under my lashes. His remorse seemed genuine, but I was no profiler. I wouldn’t be able to catch his quirks as easily as he would. 

I merely nodded, “Thank you, I love them.” I said, but the words felt like they were spoken from behind me, from someone else’s mouth. His eyes raked over me like they were assessing me, just as mine had a few moments ago.

“What?” I asked, trying my best to convey curiosity instead of acidity.

“Nothing, you just seem a bit on edge.” He said, smoothing a hand over his cardigan. My eyes followed his hand instead of meeting with his. His gaze felt sharp, even though I know he didn’t mean it that way.

“I’ve just been having a hard time at work.” I dismissed the conversation and quickly changed the subject, “So, are we ready?” He nodded, dropping it and we left my apartment.

The slight chill passing between the backs of our hands felt foreign to the skin. I guess I was so accustomed to the warmth and comfort enveloping the appendage that it felt like a phantom limb. I even miss the claminess of his fingers and how my own fit perfectly between the dips in his hand. However, it was difficult to reminisce with the penetrating thoughts of resentment and self-scolding in the back of my mind. 

Every other step, Spencer would ask a shallow inquiry, in which I would reply with a mindless response. It’s like we reverted back to the naive touches and suppressed sentences in the beginning of our relationship. However this time, a tense air constricted the blood flow to our heads. 

“So, what’s been going on at work?” he hummed, tilting his head towards me. Without meeting his analytical gaze, I responded with a mere quirk in the lips, suggesting a less than satisfactory experience. He nodded, sensing the imminent disinterest of the conversation. 

While we walked on, I subconsciously laced my fingers togethers and observed the oscillating space between us. My feet staggered as I took a heavy interest in kicking stray pebbles and counting the cracks on the sidewalk. At this point, Spencer’s baffled yet indistinguishable expression had locked onto the side of my face. I would never mind his curiosity, but this time sent pins and needles shooting down my spine. 

Unable to handle the suffocating air, I pushed the words off of my tongue and took a leap, “What did you do yesterday?” I sputtered out, cringing out how desperate and invasive I sounded; huffing, I rephrased my question to be less encroaching. Although why would that matter at this point? We’ve hit our climax, and we’re frankly teetering on the precipice.

“I had to deal with some family business,” he admitted breathlessly, a stutter undetectable in his words. I peaked at him from my disengaged stature, noticing the slight hilt in his voice was gone--a tell of dishonesty that was usually easy to spot. I guess he really did get better at it; they say continued practice makes perfect, right? 

My head throbbed at the thought, and my nails dug into the surface of my fist. “Family business,” I nodded, not noticing the pure indignation evident in my tone. I hadn’t even realized that the phrase came out as a jesting scoff until Spencer had called my attention. 

“Is something wrong?” He stopped suddenly, straying a few steps behind me as he waited.  I could tell by the firmness of his voice that he was slightly annoyed by my reclusive behavior. Everyone had a limit, and Spencer wasn’t an exception to that. 

I shook it off, finding my composure once again. I fought the bubbling feeling of impulsivity, the wanting to throw the whole world at him for deceiving me. I suppressed the desire to scream and yell, leaving them hidden in my imagination. I detested the way his eyes would scan over me in a mixed expression of pity and displeasure, adding onto the blaze inside my stomach. 

“No.”

My delivery left me stunned, and hearing the tenacity and resolve in my voice was almost unheard of. Although it did set a culpable insecurity in mind, knowing that it sprang from a place of abhorrence and anger. The second the word fell breathlessly off my tongue, it rubbed Spencer the wrong way. We’ve had petty fights before, but as individuals we’ve always advocated for fighting the problem together rather than each other. I hate to admit it, but between the two of us, it wasn’t surprising that Spencer had a sound mind. At least, that’s what I knew of. 

He took a deep breath, as if he were resetting himself and shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat, “Let’s just eat something.” Instead of fighting, I heard him add, but of course he didn’t actually say it.

-

I wish I had the privilege of saying that dinner was intense or full of passive-aggressive bickering but instead it was a suffocating silence, only broken by conversing with our server. The room shrunk to the size of an elevator, and the extravagant decor transformed into four silver surrounding walls. Despite being only 3 feet away from each other, our presence felt miles away. At one point, I even contemplated fabricating a convoluted excuse to leave abruptly but it was my pride that prevented me from doing so. 

The walk back to my apartment was even more tense. Spencer’s breathing pattern was off. I couldn’t remember when I’d begun analyzing his breathing, but I could tell something was off. The second the door of my unit slammed shut, I knew I was trapped in a vulnerable position. Spencer leaned against the door, dissecting every movement I made. I felt scrutinized under his line of sight, my resolve shrinking into nonexistence while I bit my tongue. 

He scoffed under his breath, throwing his coat and phone onto the side table by the entrance. “So are we going to talk about what happened, or frankly, the lack of anything happening back there?” He held a pointed gaze, shifting his weight onto his hip. His tongue swiped the bottom of his lip, patiently waiting for an answer. 

A breath was caught in my throat, preventing me from getting any words out. I refused to face him, keeping myself busy by trying to find a place for my belongings. I knew I had to be wise with my next words, however, my impulsivity was, sooner than later, going to send me into a fit of combustion. I found myself teetering at the precipice once again, thinking back to the lies and excuses he shamelessly threw my way. On the other hand, I couldn’t help but confide in the sunlight of our past. With only a few more seconds of running oxygen, I sighed, mumbling a deflecting response, “There’s not really much to talk about.” 

The soft bang against the door caught me off guard. Shock ran through me as I turned around with an incredulous expression. My stature unconsciously shriveled into itself in fright as Spencer’s fist slide from the oak door. My mouth hung open, frozen in state, unable to form coherent sentences. Never once had I seen Spencer express himself by physical means, let alone operate on his own anger. Maybe it was the present naivety that lingered in our relationship, but judging by the discreet upset shown on his face, he too was stupefied.  

"What is going on with you lately?" I asked, looking at him with a certain level of incredulity. His mouth flew open as his brows rose to his hairline. The once tense hands dropped to his sides as he swiped a few hairs from his face. 

He gestured to the air with a nonchalant figure before deflecting the question at hand. “I could ask you the same thing, Y/N.” I could hear the slight stagger in his tone, like he was holding a part of himself back. It must’ve been the adrenaline pumping through his veins from whatever affair he participated in. Frankly it made me question the integrity of his fib; how long was he going to hold out on me? 

I couldn’t distinguish between the thoughts of Spencer possibly continuing this fib because of his cowardice or if Spencer truly thought I was too gullible. Both sent a blaze through me that attacked every piece of rationality I had left; it was as if shots of espresso were injected into my veins. Spencer’s elusive response hadn’t helped with the compelling sensation either, leaving me defenseless against my absurdity. 

Although, to think of it, is it really illogical to be vexed by Spencer’s vague behavior? 

“Me?! I’m not the one who’s being secretive.” I defended, my fists at my side.

“And how exactly am I being secretive, y/n?” Spencer raised his voice, an unfamiliar boom echoing throughout the room. “Please! Tell me ‘exactly,’ how I’m being secretive.” He responded like a petulant child, emphasizing simple words to enhance the condescension in his tone.  

“Oh, so you think I haven’t noticed the calls? The way you hide your phone from my view when you get a notification? Do you really think I’m that stupid, Spencer?” I said.

“And, how is that exactly being secretive, y/n? I have my own business to attend to,” he defended. “Frankly, I think you’re the one overstepping here!” Spencer avoided the question per usual, unconsciously switching the scope to me. I felt a bubble rise in my throat, similar to the tightness I felt whenever I cried, however this time, it was from a place of malice. 

“I am not overstepping because you are being secretive! I have no idea who you’re talking to! Where were you last week? Where were you yesterday?” I fought to keep my voice even.

“How is that even your business in the first place? You’re not my mother.” His voice cracked on the last syllable, almost undetectable to unknowing ears. He tried to brush it off, using intimidation to distract from the emotion crawling up his throat. Knowing Spencer, he did a rather exceptional job, although at this moment, I suspected a chink in his resolve. 

“I don’t have to be your mother to know that something is wrong! Stop deflecting!” I blurted in a fit of frustration. 

“You see, you keep trying to tell me that there’s something ‘wrong,’ with me! But there’s obviously some unresolved issue that you’re getting at here to be this upset!” He threw his hands into the air, shrugging his shoulders with an air of arrogance. 

“God, do not twist my words here, Spencer Reid! I did not say that there was anything wrong with you, I said there was something wrong. Unresolved issue?! What the hell does that even mean?” 

“You know for someone who’s claiming to be so perceptive of what’s ‘wrong,’ you’re really awful at being self-aware. I mean...the attitude, the distance, the--the closed off expression at dinner! I mean wh-what the hell was that!” He grimaced, biting the inside of his cheek as he finished his heated spiel. 

I couldn’t help but scoff at his words. Me not being self-aware! “Oh, please. Ladies and gentlemen, a world class behavioral analyst!” I gestured to him sarcastically, like a ringmaster would with his gags, hoping that Spencer could realize how ridiculous he sounded. “You tell me why I was acting so strange!” I was livid, the words that came out didn’t seem to make any sense. I just wanted him to feel what I felt. 

“Oh, I’m sorry! Let me play my part,” he pathetically bowed to me, exaggerating his movements. “Here, I’ll sit and do the things that you can’t, and practically feed into all your insecurity!” He mockingly laughed, “because that’s what this is all about right? You’re not getting enough attention?” 

I groaned in frustration, “You are so infuriating!” I could feel the anger ripping its way through my skull.

“And you’re so invasive! All I needed was time and space to figure a few personal things out. I’m sorry that we’re not at a point in our relationship where I’m expected to tell you every bit of my life.” He pointed to himself with such ferocity, although it was the pure indignation in his eyes that sent a harsh chill into me. “I’m not comfortable with you, and that’s that.”

I couldn’t ignore the way his words stabbed their way into my heart upon hearing them. They violently ripped open a cavern in my chest and settled there. My moment of hesitation must have caught him off guard and he reeled back slightly, as if aware of what he had said. The air in the room began to shift as the silence danced between us, taunting us.

Beyond my control, my lip quivered slightly as I stared at him, my eyes growing wetter by the second, “Is that...is that why you’re cheating on me?” I asked, my voice coming out shockingly small. I was never the best at showing my emotions and being vulnerable, but if he was going to break up with me, he had to do it now before the dam released.

His eyebrows cinched together, his mouth following suit. He turned his attention away from me, taking his head in the palm of his hands. The tips of his fingers rubbed at his temples while I stood there helplessly. It was as if my words were obsolete in his ears, getting lost in the thick air. His shoulders rolled back and his chest puffed; his eyes were also scrunched closed like he was tired of hearing my voice. “God, y/n,” he whispered, dropping his head, “can we not get into his right now?” 

A ball had expanded in my throat, and the gates that fortified every tear I suppressed crumbled. My chest compressed and expanded at the same time, leaving me in an aching loop. “Did… Are you just…” I bit my lip as it continued to tremble, stifling the sobs crawling up my esophagus. I leaned my head back, diverting my attention to the ceiling to save the last bit of my composure. 

Soon enough, the fire from before mixed with the saltiness of the fluid staining my cheeks. I had needed some part of me alive--I needed part of me to live for me. Nonetheless, that didn’t stop the constriction of my muscles, contrasting with the exhaustion coursing through my head. At this point, I didn’t know if I was going to fall or peak. I didn’t know if I was on that precipice again or if I was soaring into a disposition much worse. 

It was poetic if you thought about it. The pain and exhaustion was my kerosene to an unforeseen ember. He sighed, reaching my prodding eyes once again, “I’m just… I’m getting a headache from all this.” 

“Spencer fucking Reid, ladies and gentlemen.” I brought my middle fingers under my eyes, wiping away the pain and grime. I shook my head, biting my bottom lip but not biting my tongue. Not this time. “All you can fucking say is that… you have a headache?” I scoffed. “Well you know what Dr. Reid-” 

“Y/N, we’re not getting into this.” He began to cower away, brushing past me to get to the kitchen. Gently pushing me aside, he dared not to look back at my provoked visage. 

“No, let me talk” I asserted. 

“You can talk however the hell you like, y/n.” Spencer turned around, shrugging his shoulders like an odd air of indifference. His head was still in his clutch, explaining his lack of eye contact. “But I sure as hell won’t be listening to you.” 

“Funny how I’m causing you a fucking headache cause your mouth is doing the same damn thing to-” 

“Y/N…” 

“GOD, can you let me speak!” I huffed, feeling an overpowering shock shoot through my resolve. Sparks fused with the blood in my veins and the adrenaline felt like battery acid. I guess I was soaring rather than falling. 

“Y/N, I really don’t want to get into this…” His voice went suspiciously soft, although I knew better than to let that hinder my determination. 

“Why don’t you see a doctor then?” I spat, unbeknownst to the animosity tied to my words. “You know what?! Why don’t you fuck them too, since you’re on a damn roll!” 

The air changed the second those words rolled off my tongue, however, I was unfortunately unconscious to the great shift. Spencer’s hand left his temple, and his head slowly raised to reach my eyeline. He held a blank expression, but by the indistinguishable twitch in his cheek, I knew his nonchalant demeanor dissipated. 

“You don’t know a damn thing,” he mumbled in intimacy, like he was reassuring himself. “Maybe I should see a doctor--MATTER of a fact, I am seeing one,” he nodded mockingly, his eyes lined in a penetrating glare.

My heart sank at his words; the ground below me decayed, seemingly unable to support the withered organ. However, if I had known that the world, my world, would collapse with an unsettling phrase that would follow, maybe I would’ve preferred falling off that peak after all.

“But I’m not fucking anyone, y/n. I never did.” The words left him breathless and gritted with every syllable, although that didn’t take away from the pure abhorrence towards me. 

“I’m sick… Are you satisfied now? My mind is slowly deteriorating, my mother’s illness is slowly killing me,” he cried, “an-and all you care about is yourself.” His face fell to the floor, hiding the blotchy redness invading his cheeks. “Frankly, with whatever lucidity I have remaining… I would rather spend it on anyone better than you…”

final part

-

taglist: @rexorangecouny @howdycharlie @honeymilk-4 @linthebinbag @andreasworlsboring101 @ssareidbby @kyleetheeditor @fanofalltheficsx @jimilogy @lulwaxim @jhillio @m3ssytrash @haylaansmi @meowiemari @ashwarren32 @codyf3rnsupremecy @goldentournesol @measure-in-pain​ @louisetheblue

to be true, to not be true taglist: @sassymoon @jackiehollanderr @gubleryum​ @cielo1984 @allexthakatt​ @escapingrealities​

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

Pass the happy! 🧡 When you get this, reply with 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last 10 people in your notifications! <3!

5 Things That Make Me Happy:

- The rain

- Soft blankets

- Eucalyptus candles

- Taking care of my crystals and plants

- Seeing people support one another

P.S.

If you also enjoy the same things as I do, don't hesitate to message me!

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

pt 2 of ‘to be true, to not be true’ out tomorrow

THAT’S RIGHT OUT TOMORROW!!!! I and @goldentournesol are incredibly excited to have worked on this project, see ya’ll soon 

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

are you seriously gonna hurt us more with the second part. as if we haven’t been through enough with the first. /lh

Babes, "the harder the fall, the more satisfying the rise is," as I would say--IF there is a rise ;)

Thank you for reading and supporting! Also please check out @goldentournesol as she's done amazing on the fic too. I can't wait to have part two out!

part one: here

[leahblackk]

second part of fic rec please?

Yes! Of course. I just have to say that most of these fics are angst but here we go;

Don’t thank me for loving you by @samuel-de-champagne-problems (This fic was so beautiful and I love the way it’s written and everything. 20/10 and I love your username)

Professor Reid by @avenging-fandoms (I have a soft spot for professor Reid and I loved the chapters where he was in being a professor and reading this was a really good idea besides that I love how it’s written)

Plan on you by @reidsacademia (I’m out of words with this one, one of my favorites of course and its because I love angst so much so please if anyone here write angst tag me cause I love getting my heart mashed. I loved your writing so much, please never stop doing it and if you ever write more angst tag me, and I love your username ;)

Twenty-Four by @hercleverboy (Oh my god this is really good I don’t know, I have a thing for this type of fics where two people who are in pain or trouble met each other is something that does things to my heart. I loved it) and The waiting room (please I love this one I cry every time and it’s so beautiful)

Well this is one of my favorite writers here as well, I love her page and I read them constantly. I will be adding my favorites though, but mostly of them are angst, as it’s well known that I love angst so this is @mggpleasedontlookhere and my favorite fics. By the way I love the username so so much! People are so creative. Call out my name pt.1 and pt.2, Liar liar pt.1 and pt.2, Pascal pt.1 and pt.2, Jealousy MGG

Sealed with a kiss by @megankane (this is really beautiful I love it I really don’t have words enough to say how much I loved this)

Gentle man by @spookydrreid (I’m not a fan of “throwing something in the wall or floor” type of thing but this is so beautiful I loved it so much. I love angst and it’s so beautiful. I love the way you write) And Like us (✨✨✨)

When loving you gets hard by @railmereid (okay this is really beautiful and I don’t know how explain my love for this fic and there’s something that makes my heart go crazy, maybe is the way is written or maybe my love for Reid but this is amazing)

Sweet by @plutocrd (Just like the title this is really sweet. There’s two things I love in writing more than enemies to lovers and it’s angst and worship and the worship here it’s amazing)

Can’t be your secret anymore by @shemarmooresfedora (alright I was constantly thinking this was a crossover with Grey’s anatomy for some reason but I loved it and I loved soft Reid and this is really beautiful) and Daises mean “I’m an idiot” (god I loved this fic)

Spencer Reid taking care of you after a hard day and A not so good day by @ssa-m-187 (this is really beautiful and I loved it besides that the writer here has a beautiful way to express and write things that makes your heart go crazy so this is amazing)

Alright another person who I love more than one fic of them, this is @reidsnose and my favorite fics. Starting with Hair tie (beautiful, masterpiece 20/10 chef kiss) Defining features (Beautiful, amazing, great. This is ugh this is so beautiful and I don’t know how to describe my love for these fics) and Tally Marks (again, chef kiss ✨✨)

Illicit Affairs by @klinenovakwinchester (this is beyond beautiful and amazing that are the two words I use the most to describe something I love so much because my brain cannot think anything else so you probably have an idea how much I loved this one)

Silent Treatment by @i-understood-that-reference (I love everything that has to do with silent treatment because I don’t know ITS BEAUTIFUL so thank you for doing this masterpiece btw does anyone ever noticed how alike Lila Archer and Ashley Seaver are?) And having your baby (I usually cry reading sweet things but this is made me cry in a way I cannot explain. Thank you for these masterpieces)

Need you by @reidsghost (please to say I loved this it’s just little. This is really beautiful and the angst mashed my heart in a beautiful way)

Spencer and Nicknames by @tweedlydumbtweedlydoo (I have sweet and soft spot for nicknames as well so this is a masterpiece and made my heart go real fast)

Hints by @secret-rendezvous1d (Oh my god this is really sweet and beautiful, thank you for sharing this masterpiece. I loved it so much)

Morning Reluctant by @willowrose99 (I- this is a masterpiece, so beautifully written)

Darling you’re the one I want by @luvspence (I love Spencer Reid and Taylor Swift so this is a perfect combination)

The best way to wake up by @reidscanehand (please this is amazing. I love everything you write but this is a soft spot for me. You’re amazing and I love your writing so so much)

Scatterbrained Nights by @anaagraceeberr (beautiful, amazing, masterpiece ✨✨✨)

Every single one of you are great writers and I hope you don’t stop doing what you do and what you love because believe me, you might just think “oh yeah, she liked one of my fics. Cool,” but mostly of these fics (and by mostly I mean all of them, the fic rec I did before and the ones that are really deep in my likes and I haven’t found yet because I like everything I see) means so much to me and I know how hard it is to write and sometimes don’t have your work recognized but believe me I see you and I love what you write.

I wish I can put every single one of the people who writes and don’t get too much attention because they deserve it! And I hope everyone who is gonna read those fics, give all the love to the authors because they take so much time (and if they don’t still) to make something that make us happy. And I appreciate every single one of you who is writing and sometimes it get frustrating, and I know that because I do too. Sometimes I feel like giving up because my fics don’t get enough likes or I just think people don’t like what I write but then I read something someone said about my fics or my way to write and that motivates me so please do that with these amazing people and those who are not in my fic rec because I haven’t found their fic. And if you don’t get enough attention please feel free to tag me and I will give all the love I can for you because you deserve it! Please don’t give up on something you love, and please if you write angst TAG ME!!!

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

Ahhh you’re so kind! Thank you for the love and support. You guys are my biggest motivation and inspiration. I love you all! Please go check out the other talented authors on this list 🤍🤍 I love you all!

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

omgggg a second part?? when!!

Part Two for 'to be true, to not be true'

Very soon! As a treat, here is a teaser for the WIP. Enjoy!

Just last week, I was on the precipice of my relationship without knowing it--senseless to the downward spiral that followed. What would I have changed, had I known this was going to happen? I tell myself this was all on him, but what if it isn’t? What if I led him to do this? To seek love and comfort in someone else.

part one: here