Dandelion: Do you think you’re important?— "Not really. It depends to who. I think I might be important to some people... my parents, my best friends, asterisk's fans (the ones who don't hate me, of course). But I don't think I am generally important, there are other people who's lives are more worthy than my own."
Iris: What is the best thing that has ever happened to you?— "This is really a hard one." ( ; frowns, chuckles ) "Maybe, moving out of my parent's house? Having a bucket list, having friends who support and love me. Being part of a band, having people interested on what I do."
Gardenia: What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?— "Being born, having BPD, wanting to give up. There are so many, I can't really list it out... There are definitely more bad things than good things that happened to me so far. But I am an optimistic... I am too young, I can turn this around."
Myrtle: Describe your crush.— “I… don’t think I have a crush right now so…”
Heliconia: Do you like when it rains?— “I actually prefer when it rains. It feels kind comfortable in a way.”
Violet: Do you like where you’re from?— “I like the city in general, like, the place. But the people from the district I am from are absolutely the worse, I am glad I moved out.”
Daisy: How old were you when you had your first kiss?— “I am not sure? I think I was… 15 or 16… I’m sorry, I just can’t really keep a track on things that happened during those years.”
Foxglove: Name three facts about your family.—“Hm…” ( ; scratches head, thinking ) “I am an only child. My parents had never been really overprotective, though they’ve been for the past two years. And… my mom really likes to embarrass me.”
Oxlip: Would you ever get into a long distance relationship?— “Sure, why not? I mean… as long as I like the person and feel like giving it a try is worthy, then I don’t see why would’t I.”
Locust: What was your favorite book as a child?— “My Sweet Orange Tree, by José Mauro de Vasconcelos.” ( ; nods slowly ) “It was the first book I ever read on my own, so that makes it my favorite, besides the story, of course.
Daisy: How old were you when you had your first kiss?
Carnation: If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer?
Jasmine: What is your most prized possession?
Foxglove: Name three facts about your family?
Allium: What’s the best thing you can cook?
Orange Blossom: If you could pick the gender and appearance of your child, would you?
Calla Lily: If you died right now, what song would you want to play at your funeral?
Poinsettia: Favorite holiday dish?
Oxlip: Would you ever get into a long distance relationship?
Primrose: Favorite movie?
Daffodil: What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received?
Rose: Are you currently in love with someone?
Anemone: Would you ever become a vegan?
Peony: What’s your favorite hot beverage?
Tulip: What was your greatest childhood fear and are you still afraid of it?
Myrtle: Describe your crush?
Hibiscus: Did you ever play an instrument? If so what?
Zinnia: What was your dream while growing up?
Poppy: Why did you choose your current career?
Hydrangea: Starbucks order?
Violet: Do you like where you’re from?
Locust: What was your favorite book as a child?
Rhododendron: What’s the scariest dream you’ve ever had?
Queen Anne’s Lace: Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents?
Magnolia: Favorite kind of candy?
Aster: What is your most favorite dish to eat?
Marigold: Do you listen to what’s on the radio?
Heliconia: Do you like when it rains?
Azalea: What’s a movie you cried while watching?
Dandelion: Do you think you’re important?
Lavender: Would you consider yourself a hopeless romantic?
Chrysanthemum: Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?
Gardenia: What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?
Iris: What is the best thing that has ever happened to you?
Amaryllis: If you were allowed one wish of your choice but you had to give up something that was very important to you - what would you give up, and for what?
“alright then, today’s show is over but i’ll see you all again tomorrow~,” her tone is soft yet playful, lips curved into a smile as she waves to the screen. her tongue pokes out from between her teeth and she watches the final goodbyes from the chat room flash across the screen before she turns the webcam off. breathing in she soaks up the fact that another day was finished, stretching out her limbs and leaving her cam room, as she likes to call it.
deciding to make a cup of tea she settles back into the life of sun eunyong, a relatively normal girl whose friday nights are often occupied with her job. normally she holds no complaints about her work but after being requested to dance to some pop song that she honestly couldn’t stand three times she never wants to hear it again.
she finishes her cup of tea, deciding that she needs a fresh bit of air–but certainly not while sporting only a lengthy hoodie and far too lazy to take a walk. instead she opts to open up the window, and as fate would have it that damn song she wanted to forget was being blasted from somewhere.
in fact it’s right across from her. arching a brow when she’s presented a performance of someone modeling his chicken pajamas; it’s dorky but cute. he’s dancing around without a car in the world and she laughs, not at all ashamed when the music comes to an end and she claps her hands together. “encore!” she chants, “encore! encore!”
He honestly doesn't have much idea of what he should cook. Deciding for the usual ramen just for the sake of it, he puts the water to boil and continue his performance around the kitchen. To say he is distracted is not really enough—Jae has no idea he's being observed from afar, making weird dance moves. He is no dancer—only doing that for fun and to embarrass himself, he is often told not to hurt himself.
But then again, it's a good entertainment for those who watch from outside.
When the music comes to an end, Jae runs his hand through his hair and takes a deep breath, like nothing's happened, only to hear claps and a voice. He is quick to look through the window, seeing a girl watching him from her own place, across his.
"Oh, my f---ing God..." Jae quickly hides, giving a step to the side and running towards the window, keeping himself hiding behind the curtain. Peeking his head out, he checks outside only to see her still there. "How long have you been there?"
His smile is genuine. It has been over a year since he went back on smiling like this—like he is happy, like nothing is going wrong in his life. Maybe this is thanks to his meds, but it's obviously there is more to it. Being able to do what he loves is what keeps things easier, being able to play for a crowd and have fun is the main thing that makes him better.
Jae continues to play, jumping up and down according to the song, looking at his side and smiling at his friends, who share the stage with him. Everything seems great—that night seems like a never ending dream. He couldn't thank enough for being able to be part of this.
Taking a look at the crowd, he sings and makes them follow him with it, clapping their hands above their heads like he is doing. That brings him a relieved feeling and expression to his features. He really can't remember the last time he was this happy.
Wandering his eyes around, smiling at whoever he ends up looking at as he plays his guitar, Sungjae has his fun. However, he takes quite a few seconds more on this girl.
Something about her brings him a weird feeling, a small shiver on the back of his neck, and when it hits him, he tries to deny for a second. No, it's the main word running through his head. It can't be.
But it is.
Min Yuna. His ex. The girl who broke his heart and who he caused so much damage (or so he thinks).
He doesn't notice he had stopped playing as he stares at her. Taking him a few seconds more to look at his bandmates and go back on playing and singing. But he isn't completely sure about himself anymore. His eyes go back to where he saw her and find her again. But this time, he smiles. Not as genuine as the one he had on his face before, but one that probably shows his weakness. But he really can't help it. He would have to look for her once he is down there.
“There we go… All the plants are fed.” Seokjae mumbled, his voice hoarse. He coughed into his elbow a few times, groaning at the pain in his throat, head, body, everywhere. As he trudged back to the employee area, he picked up the thermometer, putting it under his tongue and closing his mouth.
Pacing around the office, he waited for the thermometer to show his temperature. He took it out of his mouth as it beeped, displaying 103 F/39.4 C. “No no… I’m fine… I’m not dying. I drank hot tea earlier. Right? I’m good to stay.” The florist said to himself before hearing the door open.
Deciding he should greet whoever it was, he walked out of the office, smiling and waving when he saw his friend there. “H-Hey!” His voice cracked, as it was on the verge of giving out, and he quickly winced, but tried not to be noticeable. “Hey there.” Seokjae tried his best to not make his voice sound completely awful.
He took a glance at the food and drinks on the counter, and while he was grateful, he wasn’t even sure if his body could take it right now. “No, I haven’t. You know, I appreciate this, but you don’t have to-” He was interrupted by a cough into his elbow. “Sorry, think allergies are getting to me.”
Jae wouldn't have to be the smartest guy on Earth to notice his friend isn't feeling well. It doesn't really matter how Seokjae's trying to pull out the I am OK idea, he can notice everything else way too well.
"You look pale," he points out, to begin with. He holds the need to reach for the other's face to have an idea about his temperature, this would be a bit awkward, wouldn't it? "Here, drink this," he pushes one of the cups towards the guy. "It's iced tea. I don't know if you like those, but it might make you a little better..." Saying this, he leans his arms on the counter and presses his lips together.
It has been a while since he visited the flower shop and everything looked pretty much the same. Of course, the flowers were differents and new and well taken care of (it's Seokjae who works there after all), but still looking like the great place with a great air to breath.
"Are you sure you should be working this hard?" Jae finally asks, tilting his head. "I am serious, hyung, you need to rest..."
My first kiss went a little like this... ( ; starts singing )
( ; laughs ) Ok, for reals now. It was kind... gross? I don’t know. It was weird as hell. I was... 15, I think? I don’t really remember much of it for my own good. The other ones I remember way too well, though and they were pretty good ( ; nods )
The gentle clamor of the people around her and the clattering of utensils against fine china makes Sarah a little bit nervous that she picks at the flower in the middle of the table and does breathing exercises as she does so. She fidgets in her seat, wondering why did she ever agree to going on this blind date.
Well, sure– she hasn’t been on a proper date for years where they sit and talk in a nice restaurant but she doesn’t think she needs assistance from friends to get her love life back on track, however, her friends get the better of her saying that she could at least try, that he’s a nice guy and that they’re a perfect match, so Sarah decides to give it a shot. It really couldn’t be that bad, right? And they wouldn’t set her up with a creep.
Sarah straightens her back, smooths out her clothes then runs a hand through her hair. It has been a long time since she went out for a date so she has totally and completely forgotten how to act in one. And, anyway, her dates back in high school were all comfortable and fun and easy because she knew him from the inside out. But this, a blind date is something so uncharacteristic for Sarah but hey, she’s hoping for the best.
She starts texting the friend that set this all up, she sends them a text message and it mostly consists of excessive question marks and exclamation points, asking them what if said date stood her up?! Hopefully, her isolation is just due to the fact she arrived earlier than the expected time.
This is dumb, is what he thinks, driving to the restaurant his friend told him to go. He still can't believe he had agreed with all this—not because he wouldn't like to meet someone because he actually would, but he fairly doubts this would work out. He can't remember one good story about a blind date. If they worked out, wouldn't people talk about it?
Yet, here he is. Dressed in casual clothes (but nicely), he is going to have dinner with a girl he has no idea how to even start picturing out. To say he is a bit nervous is not enough to describe him completely. Besides the casual dates he had with his high school girlfriend, he's never been on a date. And, in all honestly, he never really had dinner with someone as a date, so this is too new for him.
Twenty years old and still having hard problems when the subject is dating. He doubts he will ever get good at this.
He locks his car after parking it and looks down at his clothes; his hand running through his dark blonde hair, putting the small part in blue to the side (the last thing he needs is to a girl he doesn't know to think he looks like a teenager thanks to his best friend's idea to dye his hair), and he thinks he is ready.
Checking on his watch, he notices he is still a bit early and breaths to calm himself down. Ok, so I am not late, that's good, he thinks, walking into the restaurant.
Surprised by the mention that his date had already arrived makes him uneasy. Even though he is not late, he feels like he is—disliking very much the idea of making her wait. But he tries out a smile and follows the waiter instructions to where she's sitting. Not that he really had to, after taking a look on her it got easy to make his way towards her.
"Hello..." he smiles, bowing his head. "You must be... Sarah? Kim Sarah, right?" In all honestly, all he had was her name, and if he got that wrong, he would die of embarrassment.
It wasn't the first time he was going there. He'd been there before, he'd been swimming on that lake whenever he feels the pressure of the world on his shoulders, whenever he needed to go somewhere, whenever he needed to believe there was a door that would take him away.
That lake had been part of Sungjae's life for the past three years. And there he was again—looking more tired than he ever looked before. It was his hidden place, one of the few he had, but this one was special. The lake had no end—or so he believed. He never got to swim deep enough to reach it. It was like a black hole, without an end, unreachable.
Sungjae stared at the view for a while before, slowly, giving a few steps into the water. He only took his glasses off, throwing it away, but didn't bother on taking off his shoes or clothes. And, like that, he started swimming towards the center of the lake.
His plan was simple: reach the end. Why?, he would question himself if he was on his right mind. There wasn't a reason—he just needed to take his mind off everything. He just needed something to believe—and what he believed then was there was a reachable end, a proof that everything is predictable and would be fine. That this life had no mysteries.
And he dived. Eyes opened, staring at the darkness in front of him, ignoring everything else. Arms and legs moving and giving him more impulse than gravity was doing by pulling him down due his clothes.
He kept going, it didn't matter how much his lungs burned at that point, it didn't matter he almost couldn't see a thing in front of him besides darkness.
Inside of his head, he could see it. The end. Sungjae felt like he had been causing too much damage around himself, felt like he destroyed everything he touched and was just an excess of weight to people's life.
And he kept going. His eyes hurt, his arms and legs slowly lost strength as he tried to swim deeper.
That was it. He would make it. He would get to the bottom of the lake, touch it. And then what? His mind asked. No other great idea had come to his mind so far. Maybe today is a good day to die, he concluded.
Before he could help it, he lost it. Not holding his breath anymore, he lost the air on his lungs by opening his mouth automatically in an attempted of breathing. Water filling his lungs, losing the rest of strength he had, he stopped fighting, letting gravity do the rest.
He found the door out of this world.
"Jae!"
Coughs.
Siwan.
Why is Siwan here?
He doesn't know.
He was supposed to be here alone.
It took three days. Three days till his eyes opened and actually saw something. And what they saw just made him feel worse with himself.
Siwan.
His eyes were closed. Sitting on a chair, his head was lying on Sungjae's hospital bed, next to his hand, with a breathing mask covering part of his face. He had something around his torso as well, making a noise, which Jae recognized as being the machine he used for his treatment every day. Something wasn't right, he quickly noticed, seeing his friend with the same band around his wrist as himself.
So they were hospitalized. Why?
Deep down, he knew it. He thought he would accomplish it, but as it seemed—he didn't. And something told him this was thanks to Siwan.
Breathing hurts. He coughed loudly and still could feel the bad reaction for drowning. But his best friend didn't wake up. Calmly breathing with the machine and sleeping uncomfortably, clearly waiting for Jae to wake up.
Sungjae could cry, but he didn't. He just felt regret. Partially for not being successful, but mostly because he might had put people in pain, when his intention was to give them relief.
Slowly, he places his hand on Siwan's head, his fingers brushing his dark hair calmly. When would he stop destroying everything?
"That will be all, thank you!" He smiles at the guy who takes his order on the drive-thru. Parking his car on the side to wait till his food is done, he takes his phone out of his pocket and starts checking on a few messages. He thinks on sending Seokjae a message letting him know he is showing up, but in all honestly, this is all about making a good surprise.
Knowing the guy barely eats when he works too much, Jae always thought on showing up with food and a pair of hands to help with whatever he needed in the flower shop—but he never was much sure about doing so. They were still growing close to each other but he could say without hesitating the older is one he trusts quite a lot already.
He hears someone knocking on his window glass and opens it, taking the order with yet another smile and thanking them before placing the paper bag on the passenger's seat and the drinks between the seats. Sungjae drives calmly to the flower shop and finds it still open (not really a surprise at this point) and quickly grabs everything before locking the car.
"Hyung!" He smiles as he enters the shop, seeing his friend working. "Hello," Jae chuckles, placing the food and the two drinks on the counter between them. "Have you eaten yet?"
He must have lost the count of how many times he crossed that street and saw that café. And though he loves that kind of place, most of those times he was just too busy to stop and take a look.
Always busy with going to work, practice and college, his life was almost a completely mess that sometimes, just sometimes, he wishes it slowed down. Or that at least he could just stick with a thing or another and not all the stuff he got doing. But that's he keeps his calm, at the end. If he doesn't keep busy, he starts feeling useless.
Luckily, this day, in particular, is one he left Chapter One earlier. That gave him a few hours to do whatever he wants to before driving to his friend's place. Leaving his car parked next to his workplace, he walks down to Room for Squares and tries to remember what a few people who he knew had talked about it.
A nice, calm and silent place, they had said, a good place to go if you want to hear your own thoughts. What he doesn't know, however, is how literate they were with that.
He pushes the door open and is welcomed with a nice atmosphere just like he was told. Looking around, though, he understands why people said silent. Jae gets slightly embarrassed for not having thought of that—but not enough to make him leave. In fact, watching those people talking in sign language only makes him curious about it.
It takes him a while to process how he's gonna deal with this. Deciding to act normal and pretend he is not that surprised at all, he stops staring around only to look at the options on the menu.
