2014 FIFA World Cup recapped
Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor
Fascism: You have 2 cows, the government takes both and sells you some milk
Italian Corporation: You have 1 cow, but you don't know where it is. You break for lunch
Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows, the government takes both, shoots one cow, milks the other and throws the milk away
Brazilian Government: You have 1 million cows, each cow needs 1 dollar, but decide to invest 3 billion dollars into an aquarium for birds
Lionel Messi: You have 4 cows with no ears, they have ripped them off with their bare hooves to avoid hearing your name mentioned by commentators
James Rodriguez: You have 3 wonderful cows and Satan's pet grasshopper
Niko Kovac: You have 3 cows with snorkels because they are absolutely swimming in it
Every single team: You have 5 cows, 13 of them were offside
Tim Howard: You had a cow but it was appointed as Secretary of Defense by your nation's president
Arjen Robben: You also had a cow but it has morphed into a fish after spending most of its time diving
Luis Suarez: Once again you are left with no cows because you have consumed them all and now you find yourself alone in a corner gnawing at your own arm
Manuel Neuer: Your 3 cows have left the farm to travel the world in search of nutella
Mathieu Valbunea: You have 3 cows who have learned to take care of themselves after accidentally stepping on you
Iker Casillas: You have 2 cows who have built boats to sail on the river you cried
Wayne Rooney: All of your cows are dead because they were unable to find the food that was right in front of them
Fernando Torres & Gonzalo Higuain: So are yours
Italy National Team: All of your cows are missing, they ditched the farm for a modeling gig
Miguel Herrera: You have two cows that are both blind after their eyes literally fell out of their head while watching the Netherlands match
Referee: Your cows suck and you shouldn't be a farmer
Costa Rica: You have 3 cows that were actually Spain in disguise
Thomas Muller: You have 2 cows that wear training wheels in order to prevent themselves from randomly falling over
Alexi Lalas: Your cow is unintelligent, a waste of space, and doesn't get punched in the face nearly as much as it should
Zlatan Ibrahimovic: You have two cows that talk in the third person and think they could have done better
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