love is just f a n t a s y

The name's Michael Perry. Do not get confused with the Hummels, though, we are not related whatsoever. Having that in mind, also do not call me Mike, Mikey, or anything of the like. The name is Michael, the end. I'm not interested in friendship or any...

[cassia-davis-deactivated2024011]

Is it too early to put up a tree?

[michaeldperry-blog]

I really have no idea. Although I think most people do it after Thanksgiving?

[bellsfabray-blog]

The heels of my tap shoes have worn down, and they were perfectly broken in and comfortable. I’m going to have to buy new tap shoes and get blisters and bleed…

[michaeldperry-blog]

I need to buy a new pair too, so if you'd like we could go together. And then suffer together, of course.

[princeparkersmythe]

Private

[princeparkersmythe]

You may not think so, but I know myself well enough to know what works for me when I get upset. I can’t eat or sleep until I let out how I’m feeling through running or dancing or doing something active since I can never talk things out… if you had just let me blow off some steam I could’ve calmed down and come back and apologized. You upset me, and then you try to force me to do what you think will calm me down, and then get angry with me when it doesn’t work or I still seem angry or annoyed. Have you ever heard the saying “it’s not what you say, it’s the way you say it?” With you, it’s what you say and the way you say it. You’ve called me an idiot, a jerk, a hypocrite, a liar, tell me I look terrible, I looked like I was having an overdose, but fuck me for getting angry when you’re “just being honest”. If the tables were turned I would’ve gone to you and said “hey, the other night when you got drunk you had some sort of reaction or something and you seemed kind of sick. Is everything okay?” and if you said that everything was fine, I would’ve let you know I was here for you if you needed me and dropped the subject. I wouldn’t have accused you of having things you didn’t have, called you a liar for not saying what I wanted to hear, and proven that point by stating that no one in the world could ever have a reaction like that to alcohol so you must be a liar who doesn’t trust me. That’s not the way to make a person stay calm during a serious conversation. What if there had been something wrong with me? What if I had a disease or something I couldn’t control, how do you think it would make me feel to hear that I was a lying jerk who looked like they were having an overdose? What would make that any of your business anyway? When did you say I was something or had to think a certain way? “Stop lying, that wasn’t a reaction to alcohol, you do have something, you’re insecure about how you look, unless you’re doing drugs, I’ve seen enough people dealing with alcohol and nothing has ever looked like that, you don’t trust me and you don’t want me to help you, you don’t fucking care.” Just a few examples of you putting words in my mouth and assuming things that aren’t even true. 

[michaeldperry-blog]

Parker... You do know this conversation isn't going anywhere, right? We obviously won't agree on something and we're basically blaming each other nonstop. And honestly? It's getting me extremelly tired. I've told you I've never had any friends, so I thought it was obvious I don't know how to treat people and I'm sorry for being such a jerk. I just... want to give up. I'm not going to fight anymore. I know this means I'm stepping back from a fight, but let's just pretend nothing happened. None of it. We'll still have to see each other in class and around the doorm, but we can just pretend we don't know each other and move on. Removing ourselves from each other's lives seem like the best option right now.

[bellsfabray-blog]

I am, please don’t tickle me.

[michaeldperry-blog]

I won't if you take good care of yourself. As simple as that.

[princeparkersmythe]

Private

[princeparkersmythe]

You tell me I look like a drug addict who’s overdosing and can’t understand why that would make me angry? I have never, and would never, do drugs. Sometimes, friends don’t agree on things, but any time I don’t agree with you and let you walk all over me, you accuse me of never wanting to bother with you again… I guess I’m an idiot because I always do bother with you again, which is why I invited you to come and drink with me after our last disagreement, because I did want to hang out with you, and because I figured you were someone who would make sure I didn’t say or do anything stupid when I was drunk… because I trusted you, although you don’t seem to think I do. Excuse me for crying and switching to a language I’m comfortable with when I was having some sort of reaction to the alcohol that was so bad I looked like I was overdosing. I’ll try to stay more calm the next time I feel like I’m dying.You really need to stop telling me how I feel if you want me to stop reacting badly to the things you say to me. I’m not going to stand here and let you tell me who I am and what I think and how I feel. 

[michaeldperry-blog]

And why the fuck you got angry because I was honest with you? Have you ever seen someone overdose? Or had to hold them while they fucking died from it? I don't think so, so excuse me for being fucking honest. Also, don't put words in my mouth because I've never accused you of doing drugs. Well, I'm sorry, Parker. But last time we fought I actually felt like shit and you tried to walk away without solving it and when I apologized, I could see it in your face you didn't believe me. You didn't fucking believe me that I was sorry. And just because I don't believe you're fine and happy this means I'm a jerk? Go look yourself in the mirror and see if you find something there, you'd be impressed. You're a hyprocrite, Parker. And honestly? I'm not sure if it's worth trying to be your friend if I can't be honest with you like saying you look like shit nor can I worry because you'll fucking scream at me. And really? Am I blaming you for crying and speaking in French? Fuck you. I clearly said you were in such distress I had no idea how to deal with, it does not, in any way, mean that you were wrong for doing so. Oh, Parker, please. Stop. When did I ever say you were something or you needed to think a certain way? I told you you were not happy, but that's a fact and you're always making that super obvious to anyone, so it's not like I'm coming up with random ideas. I am telling you you're being a jerk, though. And who you are? I honestly have no clue. It's not like you let me in to find out. But I don't care anymore anyway.

[princeparkersmythe]

Private

[princeparkersmythe]

Oh my God, you still don’t believe me, do you? I don’t get what you want, Michael. You say you want the truth but then you won’t accept anything I say. But even if I did have some big secret, I’m not sure why not wanting to talk about it would mean I don’t want to be your friend or that I don’t trust you. I’m becoming good friends with Madelynn but that doesn’t mean I’ve told her my life story… and I’m sure she has secrets but I’m not going to force them out of her and then get mad when she doesn’t want to tell me and accuse her of not trusting me or not wanting to be friends. Sometimes people aren’t ready to talk about certain things and pushing makes it worse… sometimes people don’t even have anything to talk about. You must think I’m just some big liar… which I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by since you basically said that earlier. I can’t believe that’s how you see me… I’ve told you stuff I haven’t told anyone… I’m starting to think you dislike me and don’t want to be my friend, so you start all these fights so that I get mad and then you can say I’m the one that doesn’t want to be your friend. But why would you want to be my friend if I’m such a liar, I guess. 

[michaeldperry-blog]

I didn't start any fight today! Last time I understand why you'd've thought it was me, but today I asked you if I could ask you a question and you were the one who started yelling and getting aggressive. And I'm fucking sorry if I fail to believe in you, but at the last fight I thought you were going to stop talking to me, then you asked me drink with you of all things and in the end of the night you ended up crying on my shirt while I held you and tried to calm you down and you only seemed to know French and I had no clue what to do. I'm not asking about the story of your life or any shit like this. I asked you what I could do to help, and if you've said I'd help by stopping with the questions, that's what I'd've done. Because I told you this over and over that I fucking care about you, but you don't fucking care. Because if you did, you wouldn't be blaming me for things it's only half my fault, and yes by that I mean the other half is yours. Although who fucking cares? I've been the guilty person my whole life, why would it change now, just because I thought you were a nice guy who'd fucking accept me for who I was? I'm completely stupid. But you're right. I told you when we first hung out that I didn't do friends, and I should've kept my own promise, because liking and caring about you seems to be the worst idea I've ever had. 

[cassia-davis-deactivated2024011]

Late Night!

[cassia-davis-deactivated2024011]

They recommend things once you get some films under your belt. But they do have an area that shows the newest additions and popular titles.

[michaeldperry-blog]

I'll have to see, but I guess starting by my own list is also a good idea, isn't it? Although some of them were in that list of the 100 best movies ever or something, so I guess they must be popular.

[madelynn-karofsky]

I never have been either, I just like sports. I’ve only had sex twice while being here, I should probably have it more, but eh. 

[michaeldperry-blog]

I never liked sports either. And really? That must be really boring. Why don't you go to a club or something? It's what I usually do when I need it.

[princeparkersmythe]

Drinking Game → Parker & Michael

[princeparkersmythe]

Involved → Parker Smythe and Michael Perry Location → Parker and Michael’s dorm room Time Frame  → Saturday, November 22nd, around 9:52 PM Notes → Parker gets very drunk

[michaeldperry-blog]

Parker was thankful for the warning, but he still attempted to pull away when Michael pulled his head to his chest because… he was fine. He didn’t need attention, he was fine. Everything was fine. He had to keep telling himself that. But how could he possibly believe it now that Michael knew? Michael was going to tell people… there was no way he’d keep it to himself… and what if Michael wasn’t as nice as he seemed? They lived together… he wouldn’t be able to handle if it turned out Michael was like the kids from childhood, if Michael blackmailed him or threatened him with this new found knowledge about Parker. Or even if he just plan made fun of him constantly around the dorm. 

He wouldn’t be able to handle any of that. There were plenty of people he’d met who seemed nice and then weren’t and he wouldn’t be able to handle that at all. “Vous ne pouvez pas dire à personne… personne ne peut savoir, ma vie sera terminée.” he stuttered out, knowing that there was no way that Michael was going to have a clue what he was saying since he had switched to French, but he was so freaked out he almost couldn’t remember how to form words in English. He wasn’t really sure when he’d started crying but it was making breathing and even more difficult task than it already was but he was just so terrified that Michael was going to tell people about his anxiety. 

He was sure that even if the whole world looked at him differently once knowing, there’d be one or two people who might be accepting… Beth had been very nice when he’d been upset a week or so ago… but what if they didn’t? Or what if this ended up defining him? What if all people saw when they looked at him was some guy who had panic attacks? What if directors were afraid to cast him because he might break down in the middle of a performance and ruin the show? He knew that would never happen, but they didn’t. He didn’t like who he was. He wanted to be the guy that he was pretending to be in front of everyone else. 

MICHAEL HUMMEL

Parker had told him once that when he was in distress he'd switch to French, and apart from the 'I'm fine', Parker hadn't said a word in English. Apparently, Parker wasn't getting better in the slightest. However, only when Michael felt his shirt getting wet did he let himself cry too. He wasn't sobbing like Parker was, basically the tears were just falling, and Michael was trying very hard not to shake. Focusing on whispering to Parker that everything was going to be okay and on the soothing moviments of his hands, Michael was feeling useless. The feeling wasn't foreign, but part of Michael hated that he had learn to care about someone, even when promised himself he wouldn't anymore. But it was difficult, and he knew that in this moment, he had more people he'd anything for than he wished he had.

"You'll be okay. I'm here. I've got you. I'm here." He kept chanting this to Parker, hoping it would help. Michael's heart ached even more when he thought it was only making Parker worse, because why would he ever rely on Michael anyway? Michael had been a bitch to him the other day when he had needed him and even today Parker had just wanted his company because he was drunk. Of course he didn't want Michael there. Not truly. "Please, tell me what I can do to help you." He murmurred, a little desperate, but not really hoping for Parker to listen to him. His knees were starting to hurt, but he couldn't move. What if he moved and Parker pushed him away?

Michael didn't believe in God, but he hoped he could have an epyphany and find out how to help Parker at that moment. Nothing came to him, and he only felt himself crying harder. "Please, please be okay." He said against Parker's hair, in an attempt to calm both of them, because Michael's own heart was almost coming out of his chest with its constant hammering. 

[cassia-davis-deactivated2024011]

Late Night!

[cassia-davis-deactivated2024011]

It all depends on what you like .I watch just about anything.

[michaeldperry-blog]

Does Netflix recommend things? Or I could just start watching the movies from my list.

[princeparkersmythe]

Private

[princeparkersmythe]

How do you know? Everyone reacts to things differently so you can’t say that there’s not one person on the planet who wouldn’t have that sort of reaction to alcohol. I don’t even know what to say because you don’t seem to believe me anyway. If you’re waiting for me to confess that I have some rare disease that I’m not telling you about, it’s not going to happen unless you want me to start making stuff up… I don’t know why you don’t believe me.

[michaeldperry-blog]

...

Fine. Fine, Parker. If you don't trust me and you don't want me to help you, at least find someone who will, like your parents, brothers or friends ▬ since clearly I'm not one of them. I won't bother you anymore.

[princeparkersmythe]

Private

[princeparkersmythe]

Yeah it was. I’ve never done drugs and I never will do drugs and that is definitely the truth. I don’t like what you’re accusing me of.

[michaeldperry-blog]

I'm not. I'm worried, in case you haven't noticed. I want to help. I'm not going to be jerk like that french son of a bitch and pull your leg just to have a laugh. I'm never going to intentionally hurt you. And if I ever bring you down, I'll try to make it up to you because I'm not the kind of person who likes to see others fucked.

Now please stop lying. You don't remember that night, but I do. And that was not a reaction to alcohol. I've seen enough people dealing with alcohol and nothing has ever looked like that.

[cassia-davis-deactivated2024011]

Late Night!

[cassia-davis-deactivated2024011]

It can be. And that’s a great plan. That’s a great time to introduce yourself to it.

[michaeldperry-blog]

Great then. Thanks for the tips. Also, which movie you recommend?

[ofseers]

So I had to send my laptop into Acer for repairs, my migraine cluster is not going away anytime soon but on the bright side I’m not failing my Organic Chemistry course!

[michaeldperry-blog]

When you're feeling better maybe we should celebrate you're not failing your course with sex.

[princeparkersmythe]

Private

[princeparkersmythe]

So I had a bad reaction to the alcohol or something… I won’t drink anymore and it won’t happen again.

[michaeldperry-blog]

It wasn't a bad reaction to the alcohol. It looked more like you were having an overdose, which is pretty extreme. So unless you're doing drugs and I had no idea about it, there is something going on. And you promised me you'd tell the truth.

[bellsfabray-blog]

I know, I know.

[michaeldperry-blog]

Good thing you know, I thought I'd have to tickle you to death.

.... Please tell me you're ticklish.

[madelynn-karofsky]

That’s what I’m gonna do, which is going to absolutely suck.

[michaeldperry-blog]

A little bit. I was never a fan of exercising. Sex keeps me in shape.