my favourite thing is that clarke is clearly painfully aware of her feelings for lexa and sheâs trying so hard, bless her soul, to get rid of them but every time she looks at lexa you can literally see her melting inside lmao itâs beautiful
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my favourite thing is that clarke is clearly painfully aware of her feelings for lexa and sheâs trying so hard, bless her soul, to get rid of them but every time she looks at lexa you can literally see her melting inside lmao itâs beautiful
I have two chapters left to write and Grumbles will be finished. Sarah is hard at work on chapter four, there are eight chapters total.
Major thank you to everyone who has read the fic, asked about it, and will hopefully enjoy these last few chapters! Thanks for sticking with me!
I canât believe this beast is almost done. Itâs been wild.
Fanfic Author Gothic
-You always have ideas. When you open a document, they disappear.
-You have a file full of ideas. It is lost. You open all your files and find hints of ideas mixed in between the lines. None of them connect. You follow them forever, deeper into the folders, until you canât remember what you were looking for anymore. You end up reading fanfic until 4 AM.
-Youâre not a torturer by profession. Itâs merely a hobby. The sadism is a natural skill.
-Your fingers and wrists hurt from typing when youâre on a roll. You swear youâre not a masochist, but it hurts so good.
-Readers accuse you of causing them pain. You say youâre sorry, but youâre not. You comfort them while not-so-subtly digging for what caused them the most harm, eager to repeat the trick.
-Your friends enable you and laugh at your yelling. When you blame them, they claim they didnât do anything. They never do anything. You no longer remember who started it, only that youâre halfway through the fic and still writing.
-You have a WIP. You swear youâre going to finish it next. Itâs always next. Thereâs always another fic that has to be written first.
-Anonymous messages are sent to you, asking you not to acknowledge them publically. You know if you answer theyâll disappear from your inbox. Tumblr has eaten the Ask. Was it ever there in the first place?
-Someone comments on your fic. You have no idea who they are, but their username looks familiar. Every username looks familiar. You think you know them. They know you. Itâs flattering, but you canât shake the feeling that you should be alarmed by your poor memory.
-You reblog a writing prompt meme. Itâs the same meme you reblogged yesterday. There are symbols instead of numbers, and you hope people will find them more interesting and send you more prompts this time.
-Promoting your own work is okay. You tell yourself this as you reblog yesterdayâs fic post, tensely waiting for a rebuke that never comes.
-People laugh at something you wrote. You canât figure out what. When you ask, nobody responds. They never laughed in the first place. Youâre not sure you wrote anything.
-The fic is 50 hours long and 7000 words long; no one cares. A 10 minute speedwrite is reblogged into eternity.
-The kudos stack up. They are a solid block of names. You canât read who left them. When you blink and look again, only 10 Guests have left kudos.
-Your inbox is full. Thereâs a comment on your fic. It has been edited 17 times. Six more emails come in as you read the initial comment. The numbers in your inbox climb and climb. You canât find whatâs been changed in the comment, but you canât stop obsessively comparing each message.
-This comment is a book report. Glee and fear fill you in equal amounts.
-Someone apologizes for leaving a comment on an old fic. You canât find who started the absurd rumor that authors donât like comments on old fics. You plan their murder anyway.
-You eye your old username and associated fics. You pray that no one ever finds them. You resist the urge to tell people where to look.
-The fic is finished. You are dead. You are sick of it. Youâve never been so tired in your life. You hate the world. You force yourself to post it, absolutely exhausted, and suddenly canât sleep for refreshing your inbox.
-The words multiply. You canât control them. They eat your brain and come out your eyes. When people try to talk to you, you speak in snatches of character dialogue and narrate unconnected events. They keep talking to you, encouraging you to say more. The words own you now.
-No one believes you when you say the story is writing itself. You stare in despair at the screen. Why wonât anyone help you?
-Youâve misspelled âthe.â Autocorrect is wonderful until itâs not.
-Sleep is for the weak. You dream youâre still writing.
calibraptor:
Oh my god Iâm glad Iâm not the only person that sees this
god but i am so annoyed at the star wars prequels? how have people dealt with this for a decade??? knowing that it would be so easily fixed?Â
the story of how anakin skywalker fell to the dark side when there was so much good in him couldâve been amazing, and the changes needed to make it so arenât even that big. give me an anakin thatâs actually damaged from being a slave his whole life; an anakin that latches onto padme not because she is âbeautifulâ but because of her compassion, strengths and beliefs; give me obi wan meeting anakin w/ his master and actually bonding with him, agreeing about his potential even if he doesnât quite believe an old prophecy; give me padmeâs simmering fury and protectiveness over a child who fell into slavery which she thinks is disgusting but she canât concentrate on that right now because her whole planet comes first. give me an anakin that gets to react to the jediâs fears of him; give me the child that goes from being a slave to being sworn to an order thatâs strict and tells him no; donât fear, donât form bonds, be better. give me anakin and obi wan bonding scenes. give me palpatine actually being subtle in his manipulations. have padme and anakin keep interacting through the years and anakin falls into slow love with her without realizing, because she is justice and compassion and strength.
 you can keep so many scenes if you just tweak them. so many plot points still work with some background added to it. give me anakin asking if he could see (/free) his mother and beind denied by the council because jedis canât have connections, anakin, you canât be attached. have obi wan reluctantly agree that they canât do it. have him still have the dreams and still protect padme, but when she catches him dreaming and he tells her the truth (that he dreams of his mother in trouble and heâs not supposed to see her but he canât stop thinking of her, how he abandoned her to that lifeâ) and sheâs the one who says they should go to her. because padme never believed in slavery and never wanted to leave her behind in the first place but she had bigger problems then, and maybe she feels guilty about that. have anakin realize he loves her then. and sheâs watched him grow and watched him toy the line but sheâs not there yet, and he goes to his mother and fails, thatâs fine, thatâs fine, but he doesnât kill the entire camp. heâs not there yet. he does it by the code, but then he comes back to padme and he tells her the truth; he wanted them dead. he wanted them all dead. he wanted to kill them with his own hands. she tells him the same thingâ that anger is human, that itâs normal to feelâ and he says he is a jedi. he must be better. and then he admits; he still wants them dead. he is unsatisfied with the justice he got. heâs scared of how much he wants them dead. isnât he a jedi? isnât he good? and padme tells him he is so good. he is allowed to have feelings, she tells him. anger and fear donât lead to bad things by themselves, letting them control you does. he tells her he loves her and she sees the man he could be and says they canât. but she wants to, too.Â
give me a padme that is just as annoyed at the jedi way as she is any other injustice in the world.give me an anakin that struggles with his feelings and not being allowed to feel them. give me an obi wan that doesnât understand that struggle and those feelings because heâs never hated, not that much, but anakin has hated his whole life. he has been angry and afraid. give me a palpatine that says things just like padme does; that validates anakin when he has feelings he doesnât want to confess to obi wan because he is just that much on the side of the jedi order that tells him to just not. give me a obi wan that has failed a friend; a brother, for real, not by convenience of absence but by failing to question his teachings. give me an audience who can sympathize with anakin and can almost fall for palpatine too because he isnât so obvious the jedis shouldâve seen him coming ages ago.
give me an obi wan that listens to count dookuâs warnings and feels torn, not because he doubts the ways of the jedi, but because heâs seen what those ways can do. give me padme and anakin in a slow burn love, with no wedding but with careful stolen moments through time where they let themselves feel, where they both love each otherâs passion. where they are both a bit afraid of what it could all mean. give me a yoda that feels actual fucking shame when he realizes his speeches about fear and attachments and feelings is what drove anakin right to palpatineâs waiting treacherous words. give me a yoda with a reason to exile himself and to not want to tell luke the truth; not because the truth is hard for luke or might tempt him, but because the truth is hard for YODA to admit to.
anakin falling to the dark side out of fear of being powerless to save padmeâ to save his familyâ just like he failed to save his mother works, tbh. but give me a padme who doesnât die in childbirth because she âcouldnât go onâ, like she didnât have two kids, like she wouldnât have fought tooth and nail to bring back democracy and been the first to lead the rebellion? give me a padme that doesnât die in childbirth and raises leia for a few years so her fucking comments about her mom makes sense. give me bonding scenes between anakin and people, and superimpose that with the jedis telling him no. you canât.Â
have your audience start to agree with the dark side too, and then when theyâre starting to think darth vader was fully justified pull the rug out from under them. have him go too far. it doesnât have to be child murder, because thatâs easy. thatâs cheap. but have him be the direct cause of the jedi falling so easily; betraying them from afar because he knew all these people and their weaknesses and he is giving them away for one person. have obi wan and him fight with legitimate feelings;Â âwhat youâre doing is wrongâ and darth vader asks why? when he has control. itâll be better. heâll fix it. and obi wan realizes he failed him because anakin still deals in absolutes, still deals in how slavery hit him; the people who can do anything are the ones with power. the ones who own things. is it greed? it is fear and anger and hate, and that turns to greed, sometimes. sure.Â
give me a vader who drives away padme but searches for her because he wants her and his child; doesnât she understand? she doesnât, she canât, she has never wanted one person to rule all. give me a padme who, like luke, still believes in anakin skywalker but who never gets the chance to say it because the rebellion is snuffed out. give me a padme who fakes losing her child so that anakin doesnât know he has two because she canât while he is vader. while he is under palpatine. give me a padme who dies fighting, tired and sad but still ultimately hoping for anakin to come back. to be good.
give me an anakin who thinks heâs lost everything and who hates the emperor for it but whoâs given up; who lets himself be everyoneâs fucking darth lapdog because what is the point? until he realizes luke is alive and then, then he thinks, he has something again. something worth fighting for.Â
give me a story where i understand and nearly sympathize with anakin skywalker, where i feel for obi wanâs loss of his pupil, where i see the good luke saw in his dad from the get go but also what caused him to be so twisted. give me the start of the empire as slow and methodical, dark and the result of both sides of the force pushing and pulling instead of weird political moves that makes no sense. where i understand why padme fell in love with him and believed in him. where the jedi order meant well but was so obviously fucked up they were doomed from the start.Â
give me the story these characters goddamn deserved
This has now officially replaced the first 3 movies in my eyes. No one can tell me otherwise.
This is why the prequels make me so angry and upset.
This could have been rip-your-heart-out fucking AMAZING, itâs DARTH VADERâS BACKSTORY, he was FRIENDS WITH OBI-WAN. We knew this, going into see these movies, and look what we got.Â
It could have been SO BRILLIANT. Vader is the best character ever. Heâs been done a horrendous disservice. Obi-Wan too.
CARMILLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it weird that your Quinn and Ryan are my Brotp?Love the friendship!Glee never really gave her one.
Not weird at all! Quinn needs a buddy :) and Iâm so flattered to hear that you enjoy Ryan.
WHY FATHER?!?
So Sarah was kind enough to tell me about the Carmilla 1698 Party Bundle thing. And now Iâve totally been distracted by it for the past few days.Â
... But Iâm SO HAPPY :)
For Christmas I would like ANY news about Carmilla season 3. Please?
Or at least the blooperâs from season 2.Â
Something?
Santa? Please? Iâve been good!
Just had my very first interview. She asked a LOT of questions about werewolves and my writing process. Iâm curious to see how this turns out.Â
Ugh. Christmas, guys, Christmas. I hate Christmas shopping, but I love giving gifts. This is a very confusing and frustrating time of year.Â
My dad just said: at your age youâll probably wanna try a lot of things. Boys, girls, being a girl, being a boy, being punk or goth or spunky. And im okay with that. As long as you donât come home and tell me youre a republican
parents who care
Is there an order to read your stories in or i can go randomly?
There is an order, but you can read them at random. I posted them random anyway :)
Okay, so I watched the UFC 193 embedded video. All of it. All 4 billion minutes. Now I have a problem. There was some really good music in those 4 billion minutes, and I canât find them. I have done a lyric search, nothing. Dug through all the comments on YouTube, no luck.
If any of you happen to recognize any of the songs, let me know? And please, please, for the love of god, donât say itâs Sandstorm by Darude.Â
As part of the Creampuff Viewing Party ubykotexâs lovely PR people asked for a couple of questions for the cast to answer.
Check out what they had to say about life lessons, advice, and Hollstein.
Donât forget to check out Carmilla Zero, starting October 22nd on VerveGirlTV and continuing over at UByKotex!
Itâs a Thursgay miracle, Creampuffs!! đ
This man found a soulmate in a puppy and itâs adorable.Â