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[midnightdrifterr]

“Excluded”

I spent my whole life making sure no one felt left out.

I stayed with people when everyone else got busy.

I remembered small things checked on people first and made room for everyone in my life.

I thought that’s how it worked you give people the place you wish someone would give you.

But somewhere along the way I noticed something painful.

Nobody was doing the same for me.

Conversations continued without me.

Plans happened without me.

People I once called home learned how to live

without even noticing my absence.

And suddenly I realised while I was busy making sure nobody felt forgotten I became the one everyone forgot to choose.

Funny thing is I never wanted attention.

I just wanted to feel that if one day I went silent someone would notice that I wasn’t there.

[thoughtkick]

“Listen to the wind it talks. Listen to the silence it speaks. Listen to your heart it knows.”

— Native American Proverb

[thoughtkick]

“When it’s over, leave. Don’t continue watering a dead flower.”

— Unknown

[midnightdrifterr]

Please, Not Tonight

Dear Panic Attack please calm down.

I really have no one to tell how I feel.

No one I can call and say I think I’m losing myself again.

Because how do I explain that nothing happened yet everything suddenly feels too heavy?

How do I tell someone that my thoughts won’t slow down, my breathing doesn’t feel like mine and my own mind starts feeling unfamiliar?

And when I start falling apart there’s no one here to hold me together.

So I sit with it alone.

Trying to act normal, trying to breathe normally, trying to survive moments that nobody even knows happened.

Please… not tonight.

I’m already carrying enough.

Don’t turn my mind against me again.

Because I don’t need saving I just need a moment where existing doesn’t feel this difficult.

[midnightdrifterr]

Unseen

Only I know how hard these days have been for me.

Because from the outside nothing looks different.

I still reply, still work, still smile when people expect me to.

But no one sees how many times a day I have to convince myself to keep going normally.

No one knows how much energy it takes to act okay when your mind feels exhausted.

And maybe that’s the strange part life doesn’t always break people loudly.

Sometimes it breaks them quietly while everyone keeps believing they’re doing just fine.

So if I seem distant these days less available, less excited I’m not giving up.

I’m just trying to survive days that nobody knows are heavy for me.

[midnightdrifterr]

Different Worlds

A person raised in love and a person raised in survival will never see the world the same way.

One grows up believing that love is safe, that people stay, that comfort comes naturally.

The other learns to stay alert all the time to overthink tones, fear distance and prepare for disappointment before happiness even fully arrives.

The other sees it as something that can disappear at any moment.

And maybe that’s why some people ask for reassurance so often, why they struggle to trust fully, why silence hurts them more than it should.

Because when you grow up surviving emotionally, you don’t learn peace you learn how to protect yourself from pain.You become strong in ways you never wanted to be.

You learn how to hide panic behind a smile, how to say I’m fine while falling apart, how to stay awake at night fighting thoughts no one else can see.

And the saddest part is people often misunderstand survival. They call it overreacting, clinginess, anger, distance without realizing it’s just a wounded heart trying its best to feel safe in a world it never truly learned to trust.

[midnightdrifterr]

Escapism

Lately I don’t even play PUBG because I enjoy it that much anymore. I play it because it keeps my mind busy. Because when the match starts for a little while I stop thinking about everything else. The overthinking gets quieter, the loneliness feels distant and the silence in my room doesn’t hit as hard.

Funny

How a game became a place where I spend time just because there’s no one left to really talk to. Sometimes I stay online longer than I should not for the game itself but because logging off means going back to my own thoughts again. And honestly some nights I’m not even chasing wins anymore. I’m just trying to escape myself for a few more minutes.

[m00wd]

A person raised in love and another raised in survival, will never see the world the same way.

—M00wd

[midnightdrifterr]

I tried to fix what I never meant to break but every step I took felt like a mistake. I held on tight afraid to lose yet somehow ended up with nothing to choose. I don’t blame the world for what I feel because deep inside I know it’s real. The distance, the silence, the way things fade it all feel like the choices I made. I don’t hate life, I don’t hate anyone the hardest part is what I put myself through. Carrying guilt I can’t undo learning the pain of being me too.

[vexheart]

This