⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

Go piss girl

[midnightpagesss]

I hate summer, because is hot and humid also because I’m home most of the time, meaning I’m alone with my thoughts and suddenly I feel more ugly, depressed and fat, I never thought I was gonna say this but I lowkey miss school

see ya in my next crisis

[midnightpagesss]

I don’t post here for attention and for strangers tell me i shouldn’t kill myself, I do it as an escape, as a way to say the things I can’t say to another person face to face cuz when we I speak about I just feel like I’m putting a show, today I finally exploded, I told my sibling how I felt, all the things I have been keeping in my mind since I was 14, I told her I been thinking of taking my own life a lot lately and stuff like waking up, brushing my teeth and taking a bath feels so heavy.

They started crying and I felt so bad bc they have a history with depression so I imagine watching your younger sibling struggle with the same thing may be hard, that actually made realize I don’t want to leave. But I want peace.

I’m really tired, even if I sleep 8 hours, eat healthy, do exercise I feel this emptiness in my chest that doesn’t go away, it feels numb kinda awkward if you ask me.

Idk what’s gonna happen to me in the future (if I even get to have one) and that’s scary, but i guess I don’t care anymore because i planning on not being here soon.

Take care y’all

[midnightpagesss]

Im going to kill myself and im not sad about it.

Im just aware that there’s no future for me, which is funny cuz when people used to talk about the future, I used to picture myself going to college, getting married, and retiring. Now I don’t see anything and as I’m getting closer all I can see in blank, nothing at all.

Is not gonna be soon tho. I don’t have an specific date for it, or how I would do it, sometimes i feel bad because of my decision I won’t get to see my sister get married, and I’ll put my family through grief, but if there’s nothing for me here, why would I stay?. I know I’ll do it after graduation, I at least wanna have that moment I been looking forward to since I was a baby.

One of the things that made me realize and reinforce my decision was when I was asked by a friend what I’m gonna do in the future, like what are my plans for life and I genuinely didn’t know how to answer that question which made me feel and look stupid, when I was a kid I used to change my mind every time when adults asked me that question because I wanted to do a lot but now I don’t even know what’s gonna happen to me.

I hope that if you feeling like me you have the opportunity to reach out for help.

Love you, stay safe

[midnightpagesss]

I genuinely can’t do this shit anymore, I’m so tired, I looked for help and people just seemed to ignore it, I’m like screaming for help at this point and nobody cares, no even my own mother.

I just want this to end, I don’t think I’m a bad person yk, I don’t know what I have done to end up like this, to get the treatment I’m receiving

Chat I don’t think imma make it to my birthday, I’m sorry

[ko-kimchi]

Trying to indulge in my Finn Wolfhard decade long crush only for the fanfics to be about his characters…why use the Finn Wolfhard x Reader tag if it’s Mike Wheeler fic same thing with Richie from It…like guys please 😭

I’ll just go back to day dreaming I suppose 😞💔

[sintiva]

FUCK CHARLIE KIRK AND ALL Y’ALL TALKING ABOUT SYMPATHY FOR THAT MAN

[midnightpagesss]

Growing up fat is hell

Since I was little I was always told that I was fat, not in that way though but more like “you’re so big!” Kinda way, I actually didn’t though much about it until I hit 11 i started to see a pattern, girls were asked to be friends with people because how they looked, so realizing I’m not pretty I had to be funny, so that’s how I pasted through middle school, now being in high school it just worse every girl I see is so skinny and pretty looking happy and rainbows and pink and whatever, like clear skin and everything while I literally got asked today what happened to my face, is not my fucking fault that I have acne bitch.

Anyways, growing up fat sucked and being fat in general, I’m fat and I probably gonna be fat for the rest of my life, I have tried diets, workouts, those “cleaner smoothies” EVERYTHING. and I’m still fat, whenever I feel pretty I remember the frase “lipstick on a pig” and bro that’s literally me, like no joke. I try to play cool sometimes like I don’t care or like I’m confident of my self but yet here I am writing this out on a way to stop crying in front on my mirror with Pinterest open.

And don’t make me start with the typical situation where a skinny bitch says “I’m soy fat rn” or “ I gain so much weight” bitch you literally have peppa pig besides you rn and you calling yourself fat ?!

Knowing the fact that I never gonna have a boyfriend because of my looks is something I knew since freshman year (freshman year was something) even though I tried, I really tried, I used to wear make up to class, best outfits and everything I just knew nobody was gonna see me in that way I guess the best I did was accept it you know like no trying anymore, no trying to gaslight myself saying im not even that fat, but wherever I go I’m the biggest person in the room no matter what, sometimes I do diets (I try to to them) but is always the same bullshit I never lose weight, I never change, I never get prettier, I never get to feel good about myself; growing up fat is hell.

[midnightpagesss]

I feel behind and unseen. I’m the youngest in a family of four. People often think I’m spoiled, and in some ways, I was. However, I’ve always felt out of place, even in my own home. I often think I don’t know as much as they do. I used to view my sister as the perfect person, and I realize that was my own fault; I shouldn’t have put such high expectations on her. I thought my sister and I were close, but now I see I was just attached to the idea of her. I don’t feel like I really know her at all, and it’s frustrating because I always share everything with her, yet she doesn’t seem to trust me as much.

Since the moment I moved, I had to learn how to be alone. I can’t rely on my mom because she isn’t around much, and she doesn’t really listen when I try to talk. My dad is caring, I won’t lie, but when I try to discuss my feelings with him, he just brushes them off, as if I hadn’t said anything at all. I moved here when I was 14, faced a new language, a new environment, and started my freshman year. I like to think that freshman year wasn’t terrible, but I felt so alone. I had no friends, and when I wasn’t eating with my Spanish teacher, I was in the bathroom crying about how much I missed my friends and my life back home. Just a year before, I would have been laughing and talking with my friends during recess.

The situation at home wasn’t great either. My mom used to go out a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mind at first, but then she would talk to two different guys simultaneously and come home really late. Here I was, a 14-year-old going through my freshman year without anyone. Now, I like to think I’m better. I have friends I can talk to when I feel down, but I still don’t feel like I have close friends, and that sucks.