miko

taken!! ; adult ; he/they

[mikosywnh]

hi main post

ive always stalked new dpd posts but never actually posted anything. i want to connects with other pwdpd and also there's too little dpd blogs

i have autism for 0909 [johnmiko] and thaumcraft [pictures from it!]

also i have npd but it's less relevant as dpd

dont be scared to talk to me i dont bite and i wanna know others dpders !!

[pd-culture]

dpd and epilepsy (or chronic illness in general) culture is apologising to someone assisting you or calling over someone to assist you on your oncoming medical emergency, or just generally feeling guilt for needing to receive help. even if it's from someone who gets paid to do this

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[pd-culture]

npd and dpd culture is being self centered in two completely opposing ways

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[twofagschillininahottub]

steven universe has dpd i dont make the rules

there is a WHOLE EPISODE about him being scared of Having An Opintion because he wants to avoid conflict.he is so DPD coded also watch steven universe future because GUYS

once i read the dsm5 for DPD and. yes diagnose him raghhh

[starstruck-sillies]

One thing that really really bothers us is how people see attention seeking adults.

We're seen as evil, manipulative people who can stop whenever we want and are intentionally tricking people into feeling bad for us. That's not the case at all.

People act like when we self-sabotage because we're scared of recovery and want to stay dependent on people, that we're fully capable of stopping whenever we want. So, I wanna give some insight from our own personal experience with this kind of thing.

We had a very bad habit of intentionally skipping our physical therapy back when we were still trying that for our knee pain. We knew what we were doing, we knew what the consequences were probably gonna be, but that didn't stop us. We were scared shitless of getting better, because that meant people would see us as more capable.

Here's the thing about DPD; it convinces you that you are too incompetent to be independent, regardless of whether or not you're capable of it. And, when people insist that you are capable of independence, all you can think about is what kind of catastrophic fuck-ups you'd make on your own. No amount of "But you can do it" will change the fact that we are hard-wired to see ourselves as a useless, walking disaster who can't be trusted to make our own decisions. And this kind of thought process leads to very awful outcomes like the one we just described, being willing to put your own health on the line to avoid being responsible, because you're fully convinced you can't do it and nothing will shake that belief.

It's not something we can just stop doing, believe me we've tried. It always comes back to haunt us no matter what. And of course we do feel guilty about it, we hate doing this because we know it affects others and we really don't want that, but at the same time, it's incredibly hard to stop, and our brain punishes us severely for trying to fight it. In the end, no matter how hard we push back, it always wins. We aren't lazy, we've just been traumatized in such a way that we have a violent, visceral reaction to being independent. That's not something we can just shake off. If we don't have that cushion of dependence, we'll shut down completely and inevitably crash and burn, no matter how hard we fight it. We try extremely hard to not shut down, to try and be a responsible, independent adult, but we have yet to find a way to do that consistently that doesn't end in a mental breakdown that leaves us barely functional for months.

It's a form of attention seeking, and it's there specifically out of a desperate need that wasn't filled. We needed support we never got, and then were blamed when we crashed, and we haven't been able to trust our own abilities or judgement since. It's an intense, debilitating fear of losing that support all over again, and then being blamed when we can't function without it. Our brain is trying to compensate for a childhood's worth of being unable to do what we had to do, and that kind doesn't magically disappear in adulthood.

Again, this isn't a matter of desire, it's a matter of need. We don't just want support, we genuinely need it, and while we don't know how much we need or a better way to get what we need, we still do need it. Just throwing us to the wolves and ignoring us wouldn't make us stop these self-destructive behaviors, they'll just make us go further and further until we get what we need because we're fucking terrified.

Too many people deem aspects of so many personality disorders as inherently manipulative and abusive, when in reality these are learned behaviors we have very little control over. This stuff is ingrained in us, and has been for most of our life. It's practically instinct. It's our safety net.

Yes, we know we need to get better about it, we know we have to improve. We're trying. But depriving us of very real needs and blaming us for it isn't helping us get better, it's only going to make things worse. You can't fight maladaptive behaviors with neglect. Set boundaries with us, absolutely, but please don't treat us like misbehaving dogs. Depriving us of things until we act the way you want us to isn't how you help someone with a personality disorder recover, it only reinforces our fears and makes things worse. It's dehumanizing and that only adds to the trauma.

You're allowed to encourage us to be better. You're allowed to be uncomfortable. You're allowed to not tolerate mistreatment. But please don't just ignore us until we behave the way you want us to. Leave if you can't handle us, but be civil about it and don't encourage others to treat us poorly until we act the way you want us to. Don't punish us for relapsing.

-Toby

[lancerdpd]

hello fellow dpders can you cook complicated meals (alone with no reassurance) or can you only stick to microwavable and easy to make?

i cant. Really use the stove or oven without someone else guiding me and the only meal i can make with no reassurance or guidance is. Jam and spread on toast idk if thats relatable Otherwise bigger stuff fi feel as though im doing something wrong and i get overwhelmed realallly quickly

[culturedpd]

dpd culture is not being able to tell your dp when they upset you even if they ask because that would be challenging their behavior and it could upset them which would be INFINITELY WORSE to feel the crushing guilt and intense fear of abandonment from than just dealing with having hurt feelings. and who knows, maybe you deserved the hurtful thing. or are just overreacting. safer to just never speak of it

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[culturedpd]

dpd culture is omg can YOU confirm my traumas real for me

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[culturedpd]

dpd culture is WHERE IS MY DP!!!! I CANT DO THIS ON MY OWN!!!

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[solpuppp-aspd]

my husband is my first exception person and I think its crazy how the first person that could actually understand me is person with the opposite disorder

we actually have perfect mutually beneficial relationships and it's so strange

[mikosywnh]

☹️☹️☹️☹️ily

its so strange that our disorders are opposites and we understand each other perfectly with them lol

[solpuppp-aspd]

dpd x aspd relationships maybe the stragiest in all type of pd x pd relationships cuz. y'know people saying bpd and aspd is opposite of each other? WRONG! dpd and aspd IS.

like he needs reassurance in everything while I don't need at all and the names of disorders itself is quite opposite. one makes you depend on people too much and the other makes you feel like you don't need people at all.

[mikosywnh]

my biggest problem with dpd is always feeling like im too much and i need to be put down and feeling like i need to isolate myself if im too needy or i will cause problems and we dont want that here

im very grateful to my dp as hes patient and understanding but i hate how my brain can mess his simplests words up and i end up thinking that im too much and unlovable

i fucking hate triggers to my trauma. i know i can be normal why i act like this

[solpuppp-aspd]

it's okay I'll scream at you and everything will be fixed ❤️

[mikosywnh]

thank you mister evil aspd abuser who gets scared if he unconsciously makes me uncomfortable

[mikosywnh]

my biggest problem with dpd is always feeling like im too much and i need to be put down and feeling like i need to isolate myself if im too needy or i will cause problems and we dont want that here

im very grateful to my dp as hes patient and understanding but i hate how my brain can mess his simplests words up and i end up thinking that im too much and unlovable

i fucking hate triggers to my trauma. i know i can be normal why i act like this

[mikosywnh]

yayyy my dp is now with my making an aspd blog now i can think for myself even less

[solpuppp-aspd]

hi

[mikosywnh]

hiiiiiii helloooo hiiiiiii heyyyyyyy hiiiiiiiii

[mikosywnh]

yayyy my dp is now with my making an aspd blog now i can think for myself even less

[mikosywnh]

pd be damned cuz i feel that even when i post about my pds as a way to vent about them i still dont do it for myself and thinking about how others will react. even when there's no one looking

[culturedpd]

Dpd culture is

Needing to make a decision so hopping over to google and SPINNING THAT RANDOMIZER WHEEL AYYYYYYY !!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

this is real