Milgram Maintenance

This is a test of the transmissions system. Feel free to send some questions here. -Lope [Gunsli's and Star's OC Milgram]

[milgrammaintenance]

This is Gunsli and Star's ocgram Milgram Maintenance. It takes place during canon but focuses on the back end procedures and testing that keeps Milgram functioning properly.

Content Warnings (Note: contains spoilers) Mandatory vs Voluntary Questions Prisoner appearances Arrival Trackless Evocation (Daniel's Trial) Restless Rage (Milko's Trial) Second Trial Recess

[milgrammaintenance]

Ina: So, you and Nayo?

Daniel: Huh, what about it?

Ina: I don't know you've been kind of standoffish towards her since your trial ended.

Daniel: You asked me out this late to talk about this?

Ina: I mean this, and it'll help Milko get a bit more comfortable, too, I figure.

Daniel: True...

Ina: I guess it just isn't like you to be so cold. It's weirding me out.

Daniel: Hey this is technically my normal. How I act when I'm around you isn't how I act with everyone ya know.

Ina: It isn't. . .

Daniel: What's with that look I can't tell if your pissed or happy?

Ina: You're a moron.

Daniel: What?!

Persons of Interest

March 09, 2023

Daniel wasn’t a social student.

He’d do his work and then keep to himself. It had become common for him to finish handouts early then begin reading a book that he’d brought from home. Usually no one else would finish before the end of the period.

Yet, today Devin had. Devin glanced at the back of the room then down to his finished worksheet before going to hand it in. The teacher held him up there for a moment as they looked over his work.

“Remember haste can make waste Mr.Harris.” Devin gave a small nod but didn’t say much else, “Well, if you’re certain you’re done then you can go to back.”

He turned around, grabbed his backpack from his desk then headed for the back of the room. There was only one student there. Daniel wound up in the back of the room so often it was basically considered his assigned seat at this point. Devin pulled out the chair to the left of Daniel.

It skidded across the floor with a long screech.

He sat down then glanced at the other. Daniel hadn’t moved an inch so far but cut his gaze away from his book to see who had joined him. A frown rested on his face as he looked up from his copy of The Invisible Man.

Devin could tell by his expression that Daniel was already fed-up.

“Do ya gotta sit so close to me?” he said a clear feeling of disgust radiated from his words.

“Well, yeah I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Huh; why? Do I even know you?” Daniel asked as he scooted his chair over a little.

“Devin; we’re on the same football team.”

Daniel just clicked his tongue, “Ya know, usually when I do that the person takes the hint and leaves. They don’t reintroduce themselves. I know who you are man. I’m just not interested in talking.”

“You’re a real- Look never mind your attitude. This is important. Do you know the sort of stuff Vance likes?”

“What?” Daniel questioned as he looked Devin over, “Why do you want to know?”

“Take a wild guess,” Devin said as he looked Daniel over.

“I’m not telling you what he likes.” Daniel said before continuing his book.

“What- why not?” Devin asked.

“Take a wild guess.” Daniel said as he gave Devin a stern look. “We’re both smart Devin. Why do you think I won’t tell you?”

“Well, given the only other place I’ve seen you have a look like that…” Devin looked at the floor, “I definitely have a guess.”

“Sides Vance isn’t interested in you like that. You’re entitled and pretentious- If he had a type I doubt you’d be it.” Daniel’s tone was cold as his eyes continued to scan his book. Devin didn’t know what he hated most how he said that or that fact that it was something so easy for Daniel to say it didn’t even take his full attention. “Vance would definitely have better taste.”

“Yeah; and you must think you’re so much better, right?”

“No, I don’t.” Daniel said without missing a beat, “Not one bit.”

“How can you be so sure he isn’t interested?”

“Probably the same way you can tell when he’s not interested in stuff.” Daniel said as he gave Devin a pitying look the other couldn’t help but clinch their fist beneath the table in annoyance, “You really think he has time for stupid things like that?” he scratched at the side of his head as he looked up at the teacher’s desk. “You should be happy with what you have ya know. Aiming for more is an easy way to lose it all.”

“You think you’ve got it all figured out huh?”

“I think I know my friend.” Daniel grumbled out the words as he looked Devin dead in the eye.

“Oh really, you think you know your friend.” Devin stressed the word friend condescendingly, “You aren’t even really friends he’s just using you because it’s convenient.”

“Yeah, so what?”

“So…what?” Devin questioned Daniel’s words. He’d always questioned everything about the guy. He found him difficult to speak to generally. He was always so matter of fact and emotionless. At least when they were in school or maybe it was just when Vance wasn’t around.

“Yeah, so what. You’re in the same spot, aren’t you?”

Devin couldn’t disagree with that.

“You’re only friends because your parents wanted you to be friends, right? Now you’re misleading yourself into thinking it can be more than that. When it never will be. It’s kind of pathetic.” Daniel rolled his eyes at the thought, “And trust me I know pathetic.”

“Oh, you do huh?” Devin sputtered out the words and the teacher shushed them, “If you’re so fine with being used then what if Vance asked you to stop playing football, then what?”

“Of course I’d stop playing. The only reason I started playing in earnest was to play it with him. It’s not like I like the sport.” Daniel said without even giving it a moment’s thought, “What about you? What would you do?”

Devin got quiet at that.

He wanted to say Daniel was weird but he’d said it so many times before that reiterating it now felt childish. Even still all the times he’d said it before paled in comparison to how deeply he felt it now. Something wasn’t right about Daniel.

That guy wasn’t normal.

Everything in Devin told him that. All the while that abnormal boy beside him was thinking something so incredibly normal if Devin could hear it all his concerns would turn into absurdities.

I wonder what dad is cooking for dinner today… Jeez Devin is a fucking idiot. What a jackass. Like Vance would ask me to quit football. Like he’d do that to anyone. He doesn’t ask people to stop doing things they like even if he’s worried.

Vance isn’t like that…

But if he needed me to stop to help him out in some way, I’d do it.

He’d never want to impose like that though. He doesn’t get Vance at all. Well, it’s not my place to correct him. I wish Vance and I had more classes together.

Friday February 24, 2023 7:00am

“Do we really have to go up here today?” I whined out the question as we sat on the bus.

Vance was looking over the bus map route on his phone. Double and triple checking the address for the school. “Yeah, we’ve gotta go today. Early applications in person are the best way to go.”

I looked out the bus window tired and frustrated. Today was my birthday and yet… Well, it’s not like Vance decided when the application process would start or the day when they assisted applicants. I was just unlucky. It just happened to fall on my birthday.

“So, we’re going to school and then to another school. Great.” I grumbled as I folded my arms.

He gave me an irritated look, “Look I know it’s not the best thing to be doing on your birthday, but we have all weekend after and the rest of the evening to celebrate.” He lightly elbowed my arm and I huffed, “Come on this is for our future.”

Our future… Yeah football and high school together. “I get that but-” I was doubtful.

Sure, football meant a lot to Vance… I liked playing it with him sure, but I had no clue what it meant to me. It was never something I’d felt comfortable in. I always felt out of place. I held in a lurch before massaging my forehead.

“You okay you look like you’re about to throw up?” he asked as he moved in to get a closer look at me and I backed up hitting the back of my head against the bus window.

I stammered for a moment, “I- I’m fine I was just thinking back on the game we had a few weeks ago. I doubt any school would be interested in me after that performance.” I grasped onto a convenient lie and Vance recoiled.

He looked down at the bus floor and rubbed his arm, “You were the best player out there that game. If they don’t want you; then I definitely don’t have a chance.”

Wait- no that’s not what I was getting at, “What no you did amazing. They’d be lucky to have you! If it wasn’t for your communication skills our team would have fallen apart a long time ago. Everyone knows the coach couldn’t care less about any of this crap. He’s always phoning it in.”

“Eh-heh thanks but communication doesn’t score points.”

He was right about that it didn’t but, “Well you come up with really good plays. That’s a sort of communication and it’s led a lot of teams to victory before. You just have some difficulty responding spontaneously. Or maybe I should say instinctually.” I said and he huffed.

“I’d say you’re sounding like my dad but you actually just gave some solid advice instead of just saying move faster. Somehow, that annoys me more…” he crossed his arms and rolled his eyes, “You aren’t all good points either ya know!”

“Oh yeah?” I asked, “How do you think I could improve?”

“I well when I think of how I’ll tell you.” he muttered, and I laughed. “Anyways” he dragged out the word curiously, “what’s the plan for this weekend.”

“Hm, you’re coming over to spend the night right. I guess we gotta take the bus back though because you just really have to do this today on my birthday of all days.” I whined.

“You’re acting like I picked the school’s schedule! Come on we’ll only be there a few hours tops. We’ll go in fill out some paperwork and leave. Maybe and this is a strong maybe- Even see their team practice a little.”

I groaned at that, “I don’t want to be near that many people… for such a long time. Going to one school is torture enough I don’t need a double serving on my birthday.”

“I’ll be right there with you.” He said with smile, and I quickly turned back towards the window.

“Fi-fine whatever.” I forced out the words, “Only because you’re so set on it though.”

“Sweet, I really didn’t want to go up there on my own either.” he said before relaxing in his seat a bit.

“I’m not filling out the paperwork though. If they’re barely going to be home due to work, they can at least pay for school.” I said and he laughed.

“Harsh I hope my kid isn’t as spiteful as you.”

“Man whatever-” I spat out the words, “If you’re in their lives maybe they won’t need to be spiteful.”

“Ahnnn” he dragged out the noise, “I don’t know, too much hoovering can be just as bad. I don’t want to be the sort of adult who has their kid strapped to their hip.”

“Ew gross I’m not telling you to get a child leash. I’m just saying some presence is important. You don’t gotta start helicoptering. I mean then they might end up clingy or whiny.”

“You mean like Ina?”

“Well, I didn’t say that you did- Besides she’s not clingy or whiny her parents are.” I said with a sigh. “Ina is well-rounded. Her parents would totally be lost without her.”

“I think you have the wrong impression of their dynamic, it’s more like- ‘Mommy- mommy can you get me this? Dad, dad this too!’” he mocked and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“It is so not like that, for one she calls her mom- mom and her father daddy. So, you were wrong from jump. Secondly her mom is an anxious wreck and an impulse shopper. Her dad is the more leveled one with a normal job. I think her mom sells stuff online for a living. Like art makes good money off of it.” He grumbled and kicked the floor with the heel of his sneaker.

“I was just joking I know she’s not completely like that. Jeez…”

Did I make him upset? Why is he looking like that…

“Did I say something wrong?” I asked and he shrugged.

“Nah it’s whatever I won’t joke about her again jeez….”

“What I didn’t have an issue with you joking I was just-” I tried to explain but he cut me off.

“The next stop is ours we better hurry. We are cutting it close today.”

“Ah, it’s going on eight already?!” I said as I looked at his phones time.

“Heh, yeah sorry we should have had your mom drop us like you said. I just thought this could be fun too since you’ve never really taken the bus.”

I guess it was an experience… I didn’t want to ruin his attempt but busses kind of suck. It was shaky the people were kind of loud and the driver was on the edge of road rage.

Friday February 24, 2023 4:35pm

It’s fucking freezing. I buried my hands in the sleeves of my jacket as I waited at the front gate. Nineteen fucking degrees… Winter is the worst time ever to have a birthday. Everyone basically wants to stay at home.

“Daniel?”

I looked towards the person calling my name, “Hm?”

“It is Daniel, isn’t it? You played in the practice game on the fifth, right?” he asked as he looked me over.

“Yeah, what of it? Who are you?”

“Ah, harsh… So harsh. Kids these days. I’m the captain of the team you were playing. Ya know?” he said as he pointed to himself.

I just looked at him. Wait is he… He kind of looked like him. I mean he’s big and built like a linebacker… So, it wasn’t hard for him to look like he played football. I didn’t doubt that but, “Ahn, really?”

“Wait- wait I got it-” he said before pulling the hood of his jacket over his head, “Remember me now? Like this it’s like I’m wearing my helmet, right?”

“Ah, yeah. No… I think maybe the tackles may have gotten to your head.”

“Harsh! I’m really trying here kid.” he said, and I looked at the ground.

“Ah, fine- fine” he fumbled in his pocket for a minute before pulling out his wallet, “-here’s my school ID, alright. Do you believe me now?” he handed me a piece of plastic from inside of it.

I looked it over, “People can fake these you know?” I rolled my eyes as I handed it back to him before looking back down at my phone. Vance still hadn’t texted me… How long could filling out papers take. I get that he wanted to make sure they were filled out because he didn’t trust his parents to do it but… Come on how long does he expect me to stand here and wait?

Uh, who am I kidding he could be in there half the evening, and I’d still be waiting out here when he was done… Ugh, I’m so stupid. I turned my gaze from my phone to the ground and sighed.

“You’re distrusting!” the stranger yelled.

“No, I’m just cautious. There’s a difference. Maybe you should try it. I mean what if I just hurled your id into the street huh?”

He rubbed at his hair before looking back at the school, “Jeez I even just came out of the place and you’re still treating me like this. Man distrusting and forgetful it must be rough to be you.”

I rolled my eyes while shrugging, “Yeah, maybe it is.” and he sighed.

“Anyway, what are you doing here? Setting up for a transfer or something?” he began talking to me casually like we were just some old friends catching up.

I looked off at the road, “I’m already set up to transfer here next semester.” I muttered.

“Hm, really. So, you’re gonna be on our team next year then. Sweet we’re always looking for better talent. I might have to tell some of the guys here to step it up if you’re really coming.” the way he spoke made it sound like me transferring was a bigger deal than it was.

“Tch there’s no need to heap praise on me just because I’m younger. It’s gross.”

“Huh,” he looked me over confused, “What- No, I’m serious. You were like the only reason your team was able to score even one point that practice match and we weren’t even giving it our all. Because well ya know-” he motioned towards me than himself, “You’re all kids and it was just practice anyway. Still, you made it pretty difficult for us. The coach yelled our ears off for not taking it seriously enough and losing ground. Actually, I was just talking to him about possibly throwing a scholarship your schools’ way. Though he told me that stuff is none off my business and they don’t go recruiting.” He waved his hand as though swatting the thought away, “Yada-yada what he said isn’t important he’s a bit of a stiff. So, when I saw you, I thought this must be a sign especially since you’re out here today of all days.”

I rolled my eyes, “A sign yeah right.” I glanced back at my phone and tried to appear busy. Maybe then he’d get the point and go.

Instead, he just kept talking, “Don’t tell me you don’t know. Today is like when people come in to get help applying for scholarships and stuff. Oh man come on I’ll help set you up at the counselor’s office alright. You’d be a shoo-in for one of our football ones.”

“Why because I’m black and you need more diversity here?” I asked with a scoff.

“Ahn yeah that would definitely be something they’d consider. Though you’d be surprised how little that matters in the case of people like us. Regardless even if that is part of the reason it’s not like you’re lacking in skill or anything. Besides I’m here and I didn’t get a scholarship.” he paused for a moment, “Does that make me less talented than you if you get one then...?”

I thought about his words for a moment.

“Probably not, right? I mean I beat you pretty fair and square just a few days ago. Made most your team cry in defeat on top of it- ha!”

I gritted my teeth, “Are you trying to pick a fight?”

“First rule no fighting on school property anywhere else is fair game. Before you ask yes right outside the gate counts as school property. I got benched for doing that before.” he laughed as he spoke smiling brightly catching me off guard.

How was he so relaxed around here? It was like he had no sense of caution.

“Come on I’ll show you around.” he begun to drag me off towards the school and I could already feel the eyes on me.

I didn’t need a scholarship. I mean well I did but… It’s not like I even liked football I was just tagging along with Vance. I mean sure sometimes it was kind of fun… But. If I didn’t have enough to get in here well then, I wouldn’t have to go. I wouldn’t have to think about how hollow my interests really were and maybe this feeling would go away.

Yet, here I am being dragged around again.

“Ah, yeah, I forgot to introduce myself. You read my id so you know my names Jaylyn, but you can call me Lyn for short there’s a lot of guys going by Jay already. So don’t start riffing on me about how girly it sounds.”

“Like I would and you can stop dragging me already. I doubt I’ll be calling you anything other than stupid for wasting both of our time…”

Friday February 24, 2023 5:09pm

I’d finally finished up all the paperwork getting my mom to give me the information over the phone was hell… Almost everyone had left by this point the halls were almost a wasteland a few students still sprinkled about.

I was about to text Daniel when I saw him being dragged down the hall his hand being held by the football captain. I watched as he dragged him past me and into the office. Had he done something was it because I had him loitering outside to long.

I frantically stumbled my way back. I was about to head in when the guys voice trailed out,

“Alright you know your family information, right? Let’s get these papers filled out and you in this school- Ah, next semester of course.”

I froze up.

Daniel groaned annoyed, “You act like it’s a sure thing I’ll get it but it’s not. I’ll just get denied and go to regular public school then I can just I don’t know…” he was looking down at his phone.

I ducked down behind the door knowing the next thing he’d do was look around for me.

“Looking for somebody.” Jaylyn asked him.

The captain of their team dragged him here personally of course he’d get in. That doesn’t happen to just anybody. He must have made an impression that last game.

Daniel growled, “That’s none of your business.” I’d never heard him sound so harsh and defensive.

Why was he acting like that?

“Ah yeah, I think I did see another of the players on your team here earlier. What was that guy your friend? Is that why you were waiting near the gate?” he pushed on unbothered by Daniel’s rude tone.

“If I hurry and fills these so I can get denied, will you let me leave?”

It was silent for a moment, “I seriously doubt you’ll be denied. Have some confidence.”

“I don’t lack confidence… It’s just.” Daniel started to speak but stopped, “Never mind just walk me through this since you’re so stuck on what you want here.”

“Well, what do you want then?” he asked, and it felt like my ears were burning.

Why didn’t I just walk in. Why was I continuing to eavesdrop? My heart felt as if it had locked up. I was scared of what his answer would be. All day he’d acted like this was the last place he wanted to be… What if he didn’t want to go to school here or play football?

What if he didn’t want to be around me anymore?

“I don’t know what I want… Okay. I never really thought about it.” he said with a huff, “I mean it’s only high school aren’t people only supposed to think about that sort of thing at college anyway. It’s not li-like I planned to be here.”

The silence that lingered was almost deafening.

“Then work on figuring it out after then. I mean look you’ll either get this or you won’t but if you do we’ll be going to same school for a year. I’ll try to help you figure it out.” Jaylyn spoke up.

Why would he-

“Why are you going this out of the way? It’s not like we know eachother…” Daniel muttered, “It’s creepy.”

Why was he being so weird and distrusting? It’s like he couldn’t recognize a good thing.

“Because you’re that good of a player. Look I’m gonna graduate soon and during that practice match well you looked like a damn good replacement for me when that does happen. I know it’s not really my decision, but I think you’ll be able to inspire a good team.”

“I’m too half-ass to do that.”

Jayly sighed loudly, “Daniel you’ll come to learn what you call half-ass is some people’s full ass.”

“Yeah, right…”

“Now, can you stop being an ass and help me help you?” Jaylyn said reaching the end of his patience and Daniel laughed.

“Ha, yeah sure I guess I can help you help yourself. Mister I need a reliable replacement.”

Monday March 13, 2023 4:25pm

“Why are you always saying yes to Ina of all people?” I grumbled as I looked him over, “She didn’t use you for money again, did she? You know her family is well off enough. You shouldn’t keep giving into her.”

“I-I only bought her like one thing.” Daniel stammered and I sighed.

“Do you mean one thing she could keep or one thing in general? She didn’t drag you around having you pay for all her food and shit right?”

“I-i..um.” he was avoiding my gaze looking around for the bus.

“Daniel you can’t keep letting her do this.” I was massaging my temple in a failing attempt to stave off a headache, “Sure you’re good I get that but you can’t just be letting people take advantage of you financially like that. It’s important to save. So- you know you’re like good and everything. Like if something happens.” I explained for what felt like the thousandth time.

“But-” he begun to say, and I sighed.

I looked him up and down. His disheartened expression sinking into my mind before I dragged my palm across my face, “Ugh, it’s fine because it was Ina but you can’t just go helping anyone like that. I don’t want you getting hurt or robbed.”

“I wouldn’t! I only did it because it was Ina someone I know- I promise!” he said and I looked up to see him holding his gaze on me, “You believe me right?”

He looked so sad… “I- uh I believe you.” I muttered the words as I covered my face with my hand.

It’s absolutely no fair looking so sad like that… It’s a cheap move.

I didn’t believe him one bit, but I couldn’t say that. Besides it’s not like he’d ever change… Daniel was always like this… If anyone needed anything he’d help and he trusted others far too readily. He always convinced himself people were being genuine even when he knew better.

It really made no sense. Daniel was a seriously distrusting person, he’d get anxious and hide behind me in large crowded areas. He’d get himself so anxious that he’d get jumpy and I could feel him shaking as he clung to my shirt. It was like he always expected something to go wrong.

Yet, he didn’t want to be paranoid all the same. So, he gave the benefit of the doubt to anyone he’d seen before and would be really suspicious of people he hadn’t seen before or gotten used to yet.

His face brightened up at my words taking me at face value all the way.

I couldn’t help but laugh a little at it. I’d meant to just get back at him a tiny bit after what he said to Devin. I thought leaving him at the entrance for a while would be good enough payback. Then I’d really let him have it. I was gonna break off from the group, go right up to him, and say you really told him that.

Seriously do you trust everyone but me?!

How could I ask that now though. Don’t look at me so trustingly… Like you’re all innocent and everything. This is all because of you. Ya know that-

“Ya know we could bail?” he looked around as he spoke.

The bus hadn’t made it back yet and none of our classmates or teachers had gotten to the front either. He wasn’t wrong. . . I knew every bus around here we could be gone for a bit and then back before anyone noticed. Though maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part…

“Let’s go grab lunch somewhere. I’ll text Ina to meander a bit to give us some cover. She owes me anyhow.”

Huh- Hey, that’s real unfair ya know. Why are you getting my hopes up like this. You’re a real jerk Daniel.

He looked back at me and grasped my hand, “Come on, we can catch up.”

Taking the initiative like this. . . “Alright, alright no need to drag me.” I murmured but made no move to pull my hand away.

I wonder when times like this became so far and in between. I thought…  I really thought…we’d only get closer.

Was that naïve of me?

[milgrammaintenance]

I have a vague idea about what's been going on but it's fair that it's been troubling you. If you want to know about the poem well...I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say the full thing and it seemed rather personal to him so I'd feel bad if I just spilled his feelings so carelessly like that. The information about that other boy though is helpful. Thank you for that.

...memories are indeed a bit of a fickle thing aren't they Nell...I think a lot of people don't really know what to say so they just think forgetting or acting as if nothing happened is better. As if moving past it would fix anything or somehow return things to a state of normalcy. But that just makes it worse doesn't it? It just traps things in limbo forever.

Or at least that's what I think. Admittedly I'm a bit of a hypocrite there but it is something I think about.

-Nott

3/9/25 12:32pm

Milko: So, what's up with Nell?

Daniel: Huh, what do you mean?

Milko: Well I went to give him back his helmet but he was off? You borrowed it from him, right? So, did anything weird happen when you did?

Daniel: No, he just leant it to Geraud and we went on our way.

Milko: And you guys just never thought to give it back to him?

Daniel: I mean like he didn't ask for it back. He's been pretty disengaged lately but he's still doing everything he usually did.

Milko: ... You didn't tell him the thing was lame or made him weird?

Daniel: What- Why would I do that? What's gotten into you? Do you really think I would bully Nell like that- Geraud maybe but like he deserves it.

March 03, 2025

“Nell? Nell… Are you going to stay in there all day too?”

I shrug at the question. It wasn't much of an answer to the one knocking on the door. Who was even asking this time? All the voices had begun to blend together.

I couldn’t even hear myself think anymore.

“Now, that’s no good. If you don't do your job, you'll break.” Lope's voice broke through my haziness.

Break? That'd probably be nice. I didn’t know what to do. A heavy bundle flooded onto me.

“Ah, you seem to be troubled. You’ve been ignoring answering as well. For someone as young as you that must be taxing.” Lope said and I shrugged. “Well don’t worry, I’m back. I’ll alleviate it now.”

The throbbing in my temples finally subsided. All of it was so loud I couldn’t even understand it. I looked down on to see Lope looking up at me with pity.

“Do you not have your aid?” he asked as he looked around.

“I haven’t used it in a while.” I muttered.

His ears perked up at that and he gave a small laugh, “Ah I take it you enjoy the bombardment then or maybe you feel like you deserve it.”

At this point despite everything falling in place for me to succeed I’m gonna fail. I’m not gonna be able to keep my promise, “Do you think there’s some reason I wouldn’t deserve it?” I muttered out the question.

At times like these my mind betrayed me pulling up all the things I'd rather forget. I wondered what you’d say or think about this ridiculous situation. I wondered if-

“Either way…I hope Jackalope didn’t give you too much hell…prisons been in a….state….I’ve been wondering though…why do you want Milko to be guilty exactly?”

If- It’s way too loud I can’t. I can’t it hurts- Lope startled in my lap as I clung to him.

“Nell?” I jumped back releasing Lope as someone put their hand on my shoulder. I looked to the side to see him staring at me with concern, “You alright?”

“Ah, great timing Milko. Cheer up this depressed kid. I can’t have people dying here.” Lope badgered Milko but it’s not like he could hear the thing.

Despite his clear worry he looked to be doing much better.

I tried to say something but couldn’t. My mouth moving but no words came out. The next thing I knew he’d wrapped his arms around me, “It’s alright. Everything is okay, right now. It’s fine.”

“This is so embarrassing…” I muttered as I clung to his shirt, “I- I tried. I really tired..” my own sobbing grated on my ears.

“I know, I know. I heard all about it.” he spoke low and calm. “You’ve been doing so much while I was gone. Especially with all those requests being made. You did such a great job.”

No, I didn’t.

I was just going through the motions. I had tuned out. Ignored my duties. I did exactly what my mom always tells me not to. I got my hopes up expecting things to go one way and then got upset as soon as it went off track. The very moment things were out of my control I crumbled.

I didn’t do anything right…

I just focused on things that came easiest. I ignored everything. Except I’ve never been good at ignoring stuff. I’m not good at anything. Why is he lying… He’s comforting me as if I’m a simple child who doesn’t know any better.

I get it this is my fault… You can just say that. You can just yell at me too.

That's no fair... yelling at me like that.

I can handle it.

It wouldn’t be anything new… Why is he being so nice? I know I’m weird. I can barely express myself. I have inappropriate reactions to things. I smile when something is scary and cry at times no one understands. So, why.

Why not just say I’m weird and leave it at that? Why did you?

“What are you doing here? Outside like this? Are you okay?”

It was none of your business. It wasn’t any of your concern. It’d have been fine if you ignored me. It would have been great if you continued on like you did that day. You had better things to do right. You wanted to get back at someone. So, why stop…

All to help me. It’s not like we’re close or anything.

“Hey, hey- say something are you good? Did something happen? Zareth; fuck where did he go?” Why can’t I say it- Why can’t I just tell you to go away. You’re so annoying… Just so annoying. If you didn’t. “Screw this- I’m calling this kid an ambulance.” “Wha- but the ugh fine. Jeez don’t expect him to thank you. Mister good samaritan.”

Cold, it was so cold… The growling in my stomach had distracted me from the chill as something big was wrapped around me. It was tight. It was comfortingly heavy.

“Nell, Nell?”

Huh? When did I fall asleep? I pushed against Milko’s chest annoyed, “I- I’m not a kid- I don’t need to be held and encouraged like that.”

As usual he relented quick, “Sorry, sorry- You just looked a bit upset is all.”

“Yeah, right the only person who looks upset all the time is you. I’m fine- Go away I have work.”

“Gotcha, I gotcha. Guess I’ll leave you to it.” he said while giving my head a rough pat, “Don’t overwork yourself to exhaustion okay. You didn’t really sleep that much… So be careful.”

I looked him up and down… The bags under his eyes had lightened up a bit was solitary better for him. He motioned towards the floor to the left of him, “I got your helmet back from Geraud and Daniel. They said you gave it to them. What was that about? I thought you liked this thing you said it was cool.”

I looked at objects in the room to avoid meeting his gaze, “It just felt kind of lame.”

I didn’t want to say it made me feel more emotionless than I already was. It’s an all-black helmet after all… No, one can see my expressions or hear me when it’s on but I can hear everything around me and see fine.

At first, I thought it was a good thing.

It was kind of like having my own space. But…

“Man doesn’t this thing get lonely to wear? I don’t get how you don’t feel invisible in it.”

It was a harmless question that Geruad had asked after using it. I hadn’t thought of it that way before. Probably because I always felt invisible to some extent. I didn’t say it, but the question annoyed me.

“That’s little kid stuff I’m over playing around in that thing and Milgram. It’s all stupid.” I laid back in my bed folding my arms, “It’s not like none of it matters. It’s not-” As though taking accountability for stuff changes anything.

“Huh… What the hell? Who am I supposed to talk about it with if not you?” Milko’s irritated voice caused me to look at him. He wore a frustrated frown on his face and was glaring at the door, “This is someone’s here fault, isn’t it? What the hell did they say to you while I was gone?”

Why was he so irritated- It’s like a switch had flipped.

“Did someone tell you that your helmet was lame? Was it Geraud? Those dumb voices- Tell me who said it?” he demanded before calming a bit... “I get the Milgram thing. I do. It’s hard to like it when in a situation like this. I really get that… But... Nothing it doesn’t matter. Sorry for bothering you. You don’t have to answer that I’ll figure it out on my own.”

Before I could even reply he’d walked out in a huff after placing my helmet on the nightstand. I looked at the helmet with a tinge of guilt. I’d ignored all this for so long. I bet they’d be mad.

It’d been months since I answered anything… Honestly, this sooo isn’t fair.

I pulled the helmet over my head and looked at the messages I’d been avoiding. I’d mostly been hearing a garbled mess of nonsense for the last several months. Like what was even going on in the outside world at this point. Vinya getting all excited about missing people reports. If anything, I thought that’d make her flip out more given her situation but she’d relaxed a lot.

I wonder how my mom was taking it... I hadn't mustered up the courage to look into it myself.

Let’s go over this from the top…

I have a vague idea about what's been going on but it's fair that it's been troubling you. If you want to know about the poem well...I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say the full thing and it seemed rather personal to him so I'd feel bad if I just spilled his feelings so carelessly like that. The information about that other boy though is helpful. Thank you for that. ...memories are indeed a bit of a fickle thing aren't they Nell...I think a lot of people don't really know what to say so they just think forgetting or acting as if nothing happened is better. As if moving past it would fix anything or somehow return things to a state of normalcy. But that just makes it worse doesn't it? It just traps things in limbo forever. -Nott

Ah yeah I remember this one… It’s annoying. Why are you telling me you know something about Milko I probably won’t ever know. Was it to show off? I was curious about it at the time but replying would have just been throwing a tantrum. Something I understood was undeserved given the statement. Yet it annoyed me it annoyed me a lot. . .

September 07, 2024

I’m sick of this… Am I Milko’s guard or not?!

Nayo got to pester Daniel all of the time but the minute I have any say in a situation the person disappears. It’s always like this. Now I have to hear about things I know nothing about again from others.

It doesn’t matter how much I try…

“Oooo what a pouty look. What are you sulking about? Get an upsetting text from your penpal? Huh, huh~” Zareth asked curiously and Nayo hit him on the shoulder.

She cleared her throat for a moment, “What did we talk about?” she asked giving Zareth a pointed stare.

“That I shouldn’t tease people for being in emotional distress. It’s rude. God, you’re such a killjoy- Go away!” He tried to wave her off as she ground her teeth in frustration.

“I am not a killjoy.” Nayo emphasized each word harshly while grinding the heel of her foot into the ground, “Now ask properly.”

Zareth rolled his eyes before speaking in monotone voice, “Nell, it appears something may be troubling you. Would you like to discuss it with me? An individual who will take no pleasure in your plight.”

“What is this dog training? Socialization? Are you trying to teach him of all people how to get along with others? Ya, know what I actually don’t care-” Ina spoke for a moment before dismissing her own questions, “Nell, come confide in me someone who will take blatant joy in hearing the mess instead of being two-faced and acting like they won’t.”

“How about you all just leave him alone and shut up. Clearly none of you have any interest in helping. Come on let’s get out of here.” Geraud said as he begun to drag me off. He walked us all the way over back to our room before I took a seat on the floor.

“I wasn’t pouting. Just because a kid looks upset doesn’t mean they’re pouting. What a stupid thing to say.” I muttered as I crossed my arms. I tossed the stupid helmet to the side with an annoyed noise. I’m not pouting. I’m barely even upset.

“I mean usually I’d agree but you are literally pouting. What the heck is the matter? You of all people should know since we’re the youngest here we can’t go causing trouble. It’ll immediately be blamed on our age.” I avoided looking at Geraud, “Really the silent treatment now. This is so childish. I thought you were more reasonable than this.”

Annoying; he’s being so fucking annoying. “Yeah, well maybe you thought wrong. It’s not like you actually know me. So, don’t talk like you do.” I growled out the words.

It seemed rather personal to him.

I was the one that was meant to figure it out. That’s why Milko choose me to pair up with not somebody he can’t even hear.

“I don’t know you. Really?” I kept quiet at his question, “We have lived together for longer than I’ve been around my own family, but I don’t know you?! You’re serious right now?”

Like that was any of my business. It’s not like I really talked about myself around the others.

“Okay- Let me list what I know about you then you say if it’s correct or not?”

This is stupid. I wanted to say it but the words wouldn’t come out. What would this prove… Nothing it wouldn’t prove a thing. He’d probably say all the same old assumptions and I’d be sitting here with my feelings hurt.

“You cook breakfast for people in the morning despite not liking breakfast foods. You hate groups of people unless it’s communal dining. You act all quiet but want to be bothered by others. You’ve enjoyed every part of being here. You are for some fucking reason attached to Milko- I can’t understand it but what am I supposed to say- Any misses so far?”

Shut up, why won’t he just shut up.

“You’re good at most schoolwork but only as good as you need to be to get it done and move onto something you enjoy. You couldn't be more bored with theater if you tried to be. Yet, you keep encouraging people to do it because they’re having fun. If people don’t talk about something you’re interested in you tune out the entire conversation. I bet you’re not even listening right now!”

When is Milko going to be back I don’t like this.

“And not like it’s any of my business but I think you just cling to Milko so much because you fucking despise people your own age!”

“Shut the fuck up, Geruad.” I grumbled the words the low.

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you-”

“I SAID SHUT UP!” I yelled while looking up at him and he backed off a bit, “You’re annoying all kids like you are annoying! You’re all the same trying to get to know me for no reason- then getting upset with what you see. Adult, kid doesn’t matter really- I’m sick of being seen by any of you.”

“I- I didn’t mean to-” he began to stammer.

“What happens when I stop fitting that idea you made and ran with with in your stupid head?! Are you going to try to shove me back into it? Will you get rid of me as soon as I don’t fit- What happens when I can’t live up to that expectation, huh?!” I couldn’t understand, “What is it you want from me exactly? Just tell me so I can do it and be done.”

“I, I- nothing sorry for being such a pain I guess.”

I glared at my helmet as he finally left our room.

I don’t get it I thought I was doing a good job… I thought I was the only one who could do it. I thought. . . Whatever. I curled in on myself a feeling of defeat washing over me.

“I don’t know anymore.”

If there’s someone else who can do it then just let them. It doesn’t matter I don’t matter. Why bother…

March 03, 2025

It wasn't like it was the first time I'd been ignored. If someone else wanted to do things their way I'd just move aside. I'm just supposed to be seen and not heard after all. I know that. I know that better than everyone.

I'm so sick of this helmet.

[milgrammaintenance]

3/3/25 11:50pm

Lope: What exactly are you plotting taking this long? Were you really feeling that down?

Nell: How about you get yelled at like that and then tell me how you feel?

Lope: Fair anyone would fold under that scrutiny. Still despite you're age you're the guard. You have to keep things together.

Nell: . . .

Lope: Or have you given up on your goal?

Nell: Leave me alone.

Lope: Fine.

Report on the Trial of Prisoner 001 Daniel Livingston

Results: Innocent

Daniel Livingston was left in the care of his guard Nayo Ellis.

Nayo successfully presented her argument for Daniel's innocence. However, when others were polled to judge Daniel he was found guilty. In the following longer polling period he was found Innocent by a smaller margin of votes. The voting poll failed to provide probable cause for a guilty or innocent verdict as such the Maintenance Milgram defaulted to the verdict that gave a thorough explanation for the judgment Nayo Ellis', the guard's judgment.

This test successfully displayed that outside of a multimedia project format, in a circumstance fully reliant on the written word, it may be difficult to elicit the same engagement garnered by other Milgram's. Another reason for this, apparent drop in one's instinct to judge on more than a surface level then provide reason for said judgment may be due to the personalized format. Considering how the information was presented and the way the prisoners engage people may have had more of an inclination towards being suspicious without probable cause.

In short because Nayo was saying that Daniel was a good person and should be innocent people began to doubt her judgement of the situation. A guard that is too nice may be more likely to get others to react with suspicion of the subject.

I will modify my maintenance plan to test this further.

The modifiers to account for possible lack of feedback have been more than successful in mitigating the damage an uninformed or inattentive verdict could have on the subject. Moving forward I will work to keep an eye on the verdicts to temper the amount Milgram impacts the subject as a consequence of the polling.

Injuries sustained from verdicts: 10

Mental Damaged Sustained: 3 out of a scale of 10

Subjects Current State

Now that the impacts of the verdicts have been alleviated Daniel has returned to his usual calm state. He is back to as he was before a reasonable, straight-forward young man, who tends to keep others at a distance. He has gotten used to this new environment and has been using his newfound privileges to make it fit his tastes. Though he's kept his renovations to the confines of his own room.

He's been back to his training regimen and has healed from most of his injuries.

When it comes to his relationships he's begun to hang out with Zareth more. He seems to hold some disdain towards subject 010. Avoiding her attempts to talk whenever he can. In a nice turn of events him and subject 006 have seemed to moved towards being on decent terms again.

Daniel is currently doing his best to get subject 009 reacclimated to sharing a space with others. As well as used to being in a comfortable environment. He's a bit like a guidance counselor now.

Hm, did he get that habit from his mother?

[milgrammaintenance]

2/24/25 11:45pm

Daniel: . . . ha…hah stop that.

Milko: Huh? Daniel, hey uh-

Mirelle: Did he really fall asleep there of all places?

Milko: Ugh… he’s drooling so he’s dead asleep.

Daniel: Ha, no- no need to flatter me ha-ha it was nothing.

Mirelle: Wow he’s looking pretty proud of himself. . .

Milko: Don’t step on him!

Daniel: Eh heh no no I’m not that great- haa.

Milko: . . .

Mirelle: I’m gonna kick him in the face.

Milko: That’d be going way too far! Calm down-

Ina: Mmm. . .

Zareth: What's the matter?

Ina: Nothing you need to concern yourself with. . .

Zareth: Hm, what's that you got there is it a gift? Is it's someone's birthday? Oh is it-

Ina: Shut up!

[milgrammaintenance]

1/22/25 12:36am

Afra: Milko...? Is that you in there?

Afra: Are you alright? I- I can see you, ya know. Even if it's dark and your curled up like that. I still know it's you... My sight's pretty good in the dark.

Milko: Just leave... Leave...

Afra: . . . You're scared right? I'll sit here until you're feeling better alright?

Milko: ... don't get too close...

Afra: Okay, I'll stay over here. Will this be far enough away?

Milko: Mm...

Afra: Want to talk about it? Wha-what scared you that is?

Milko: No.

Afra: Okay. I heard you got in a lot of trouble helping Nell and you got put in holding and that's why you were gone so long. So, we've both been in holding now! Isn't that neat!

Milko: You have got to have the weirdest idea of neat ever...

Afra: Huh, really? Ah- That's right! Do you want to hear about what happened while you were away?

Milko: ... yeah... I'd like that.

[milgrammaintenance]

1/21/25 11:23pm

Mirelle: Are you serious right now? You get back and immediately-

Milko: I-I... I'm sorry.

Mirelle: Tch... It's not the first time you've barfed on my doorstep. So, it's whatever.

Milko: I... i... I'm.

Mirelle: Mm... *sigh* Are you alright?

Milko: !

Mirelle: . . .

Milko: Sorry, sorry just I guh- I'm sorry.

Mirelle: Whoa...

Afra: Hm, what's going on- Is something wrong? Was that Milko? What's that smell...?

Mirelle: Don't worry bout it go back to bed.

Afra: But...

Mirelle: Unless you want to help clean up.

Afra: Ah, I don't mind helping clean. I'm pretty good at it.

Mirelle: That was a rhetorical question go to bed.

Afra: Ah, but-

Mirelle: You know people who stay up late get breakouts more often.

Afra: Ah, really?! But I um I... I'm gonna go check on Milko even if you don't want my help he may need it.

Mirelle: Whatever.

[milgrammaintenance]

1/21/25 9:29pm

[door creaking]

Daniel: ! Wha- who's there?!

Milko: Relax it's just me. Why is like every door locked but ours? I tried to go see Nell but no dice. Does everyone have a curfew now? I mean I guess you all slept at pretty decent times before this...

Daniel: You're back! I was- I was worried.

Milko: Huh, um well... Thanks for your concern. Sorry to make you worry. What's... Okay rude thing to say just getting back... But like do you show being worried by redesigning? What happened here? What is all this stuff. Didn't we have a limit?

Daniel: Ah, that doesn't apply to me anymore. So I uh changed around a few things. Ya see bad guys don't follow rules and I'm the baddest.

Milko: . . .

Daniel: Ah, ha... Well that joke clearly didn't land.

Milko: ...

Daniel: Do you not like it?

Milko: A bed... Um you got me a bed too that's really um thoughtful of you.

Daniel: Um you look like you're going to throw up- Hey; what?! Why are you putting all the covers on the floor?

Milko: Oh yeah I just don't really sleep in beds like that one...

Daniel: You mean a comfortable one?

Milko: Uh ha yeah I like to stay vigilant and being comfortable or sleeping deeply would kind of be um contradictory to that.

Daniel: Is something wrong? You seem kind of on edge.

Milko: No! No; it's nothing! I'm just gonna lock up and try the bed because this is such a nice surprise! I don't want you to have wasted your time.

Daniel: Dude it's just a bed...

Milko: Pardon me-

Daniel: Oh shit he's really running off to hurl. Was it the covers... What???

[milgrammaintenance]

1/21/25 8:36pm

Milko: . . . So, I can what just leave?

Lope: ... Even if I say anything it's not like you'll understand. The door is unlocked just the read the room and go.

Milko: Hm, whatever I need my phone anyway. If you're satisfied I'll be heading back. What- wasn't there more halls here before?

Lope: ...

Milko: Yeah, yeah I got it. It's not like you can answer anyhow.

[milgrammaintenance]

12/27/24 4:30pm

Daniel: Nell, are you alright?

Nell: Huh, um yeah why..?

Daniel: Uh, well... You don't really look it? Are you sure?

Nell: Yeah, I- I'm fine.

Daniel: Okay, if you say so I won't pry... Still you've kind of been quiet since well Milko.

Nell: What are you gonna yell at me too now? Tell me to hurry things up. Complain about how they shouldn't have left a kid in charge.

Daniel: Too- No, what are you talkin' about? Did someone yell at you?

Nell: No, um- Never mind. What's up with you?

Daniel: Um, well I was wondering if I could borrow your helmet there's this app I want to see if I can manage to get the system to give me access to on Milko's phone.

Nell: My helmet can't even go over your head though. The only other person who could use my gear is Geraud... So like how do you plan to?

Daniel: Uh well um... I have ways to not need to wear it.

Nell: What how?

Daniel: I- um can you keep a secret for me?

Nell: Huh, sure I guess-

Daniel: Well...

[milgrammaintenance]

12/20/024 9:27am

Zareth: You've been... mm.

Vinya: What?

Zareth: I don't know you're just suspiciously energetic.

Vinya: Can a girl not be in a good mood.

Zareth: I mean... sure. But weren't you really worried about your dad?

Vinya: Oh yeah but no need to worry! I looked into news reports and- Apparently we all got reported missing so close to each other that they think there's a serial abductor or something. So my dad is fine! Yay, right?! Congratulate me Zareth.

Zareth: Congra- wait a second we were all reported missing and you're just telling me?!

Vinya: I mean it makes sense doesn't it but I thought given the situation between my parents my dad would get in more trouble than any of your families. Even if he filed a missing report.

Zareth: Hmm... Yeah, you don't need to give me a recap. I've been around you.

Vinya: Mmm hm... Wait what is that supposed to mean?

Zareth: Nothing.

Vinya: Hmph well never mind- Look! There are a ton of comments from my classmates. All saying how funny I was and how much I'll be deeply missed! I've never felt so cared about and appreciated.

Zareth: Look, um, I know I have no room to talk... But is something up with your parents? Because like maybe you shouldn't feel the most cared for when people are making outlandish theories about how you were abducted and possibly killed or trafficked. All because they said you were funny and a once in a lifetime talent at the same time.

Vinya: Want me to bring up your family's statement?

Zareth: I'm so happy for you, congratulations!

Vinya: Much better.

[milgrammaintenance]

12/19/024 12:30pm

Ina: This is horrible!

Daniel: Hey don't go yelling in my ear like that. If you're gonna shout at least get your head off my shoulder first!

Ina: Daniel Christmas is about to pass-

Daniel: . . .

Ina: You know what this means?!

Daniel: Please... Stop just please stop looking at the calendar in Milko's phone.

Ina: WE WON'T GET ANY FREE STUFF! The gifts Daniel- Parents stop giving their kids gifts at eighteen we're fourteen already missing a Christmas now is like robbing yourself! How am I going to get daddy to get me a new phone now?! Begging has more of an impact near christmas.

Daniel: You just had to say it didn't you. Like I don't have a mile long christmas list in my head that's being burned as we speak.

Ina: How many games do you think you've missed out on now?

Daniel: What is your problem- why do I hang out with you? You are a bottomless pit of agony.

Ina: Bet all games you wishlisted are out and played to death by now.

Daniel: Hey, look at this!

Ina: Gah- I'VE MISSED SO MANY MOVIES! How could you be so heartless? Playing that trailer here! Even worse, the wifi here has every streaming website blocked. So, I can't even watch them here. It's like using school computers all the time now.

Ina: Mom is probably sobbing into the couch cushions about not being able to take me.

Vinya: What was that you just played?

Daniel: Uh well it was a trailer for a movie that came out like last month.

Vinya: Ah-

Daniel: Are you alright?

Vinya: How could you ask me that? How could you even play that near me?! I am a thespian Daniel! First you lot and this terrible situation threaten to destroy my father's reputation. Then hold me here so long that... I'll just have to see it on streaming. Yeah... I mean who would want to see a musical on the big screen. Not me- NOPE! Movies are so overrated! Yeah it doesn't matter if everyone in the theater club probably went to see it as a club trip nope! I'm fine.

Nayo: Oh what are you guys gah- what the hell why are you clinging to me?!

Vinya: Because Nayo I'm miserable...

Nayo: I-i don't know what to do about that.

Vinya: Well... Working on a project always helps. So, we could do an entire play you, me and Zareth to refresh my dying heart.

Nayo: Wait hold on I-

Vinya: I'm glad you agree!

Nayo: Wait no I'm not an actor!

Vinya: We can start practicing today!

Ina: ...

Daniel: Stop glaring at me.

Ina: Do you know what you've caused?

Daniel: No, not really...?

[milgrammaintenance]

12/19/024 10:30am

Mirelle: I've been wondering something.

Daniel: Oh god not you too-

Mirelle: What?

Daniel: Is this about how the verdict is impacting me again?

Mirelle: Uh no- You're like fourteen right?

Daniel: Huh, yeah- Yes???

Mirelle: You said you're the star quarterback on your high school's football team. But like aren't you still in middle?

Daniel: Wha- Um do you not know about escalator schools?

Mirelle: I don't know that much about the American school system.

Daniel: Are you not from the states???

Mirelle: I'm here on a foreign exchange program... I mean I'm not like completely unaware of what an escalator school is but- It's not really as common. I would've figured the teams are still separated by age.

Daniel: Ah, no. Not really the best players play. That's how it is. Their are older kids on the team too. I'm pretty much the only person my age that played in games though.

Mirelle: Hm, you must have been pretty good...

Daniel: Well, yeah. Work hard play hard and all that.

[milgrammaintenance]

12/19/024 6:30am

Nell: Hm? Geraud what are you doing in the kitchen?

Geraud: Um- well I just thought I'd try to um... Like well... Ya know.

Nell: Mmm...?

Geraud: I was just making something...

Nell: Wait you cook?

Geraud: I usually just make drinks but I was feeling a bit... homesick so I requested a cook book and was trying to make one of the recipes.

Nell: Do you want a hand or the room to yourself?

Geraud: I- I would appreciate some help...

Nell: Okay...

[milgrammaintenance]

12/11/24 11:02pm

Nayo: Mmm...

Daniel: What? Don't tell me you're gonna start inspecting me too?

Nayo: Mmm... Hm. Is it me or are you a bit more manly?

Daniel: I think all of you are far too invested in the premise of this web series having an impact on me. Just because you're told you're wrong or right by a bunch of strangers doesn't mean you'll change. That's not how accountability works!

Nayo: Yep, the manliness level has risen.

Vinya: Yeah, you've definitely gotten a bit more mature.

Daniel: Are you all insane? Seeing things- Is it cabin fever? Are you all losing it?

Nayo: Okay fine how do you think you've changed.

Daniel: I haven't you've just known me longer! We've lived together for months ya know!

Nayo: Vance.

Daniel: Ep-Don't go saying his name out of nowhere are you trying to give me a heart attack!

Vinya: Ah, scratch that you are the same as usual huh.

Daniel: And you miss prep school shut up!

12/11/2024 5:54am

"What the hell is this?" I looked around my room in mild annoyance. Had that weird rabbit brought this in here.

We need your feedback! Please answer this questionnaire to the best of your abilities.

I scratched at my scalp confused. Seriously, a feed back survey??

01. On a scale of one to ten one being the lowest and ten being the highest how would you rate your guard (Nayo Ellis)?

Ugh... Seriously... Um... Why would they wait so long to do this survey. Shouldn't it had happened right after the trial ended. Mm... Well, I don't want to be harsh on Nayo. She did the best with what she was given. I guess... but if I'm too lenient, they'll just think I'm being nice, right?

I should just answer honestly.

I hesitantly filled in the circle for five before erasing it and going with six.

02. Please explain the reasoning behind your previous answers.

I mean... well, it was kind of shit show, wasn't it? She was unprepared, incredibly lenient, and kept letting her judgments be swayed and impacted by others. I really wanted to know her opinion, I guess... And she never really gave it. Honestly, even now, we haven't discussed what happened candidly.

I guess I just hoped for too much here.

That's on me.

03. On a scale of one to ten how much would say your verdict impacted you. One being not at all ten being a great deal I'm losing sleep over it!

Hm... That's complicated. I guess it's bothering me less now. Though at the start I was really bothered.... It was annoying all the assumptions, but when you choose not to talk about something in depth all the people around you can do is assume.

It's irritating being around so many people so casually bad mouthing the folks you care about. I got frustrated and confused by it. Nayo's response, the questions about Vance... I guess I thought I would be totally in the wrong.

It was the clear answer right.

I didn't do enough. The fault is on me... That's what I thought this entire time, and yet... Some people sympathized with me regardless.

It's kind of scary. I'm so used to not being believed to being the problem. I couldn't really comprehend being treated like the one who was wronged for once. It pissed me off a part of me wanted to yell at everyone and go, "You don't know a damn thing about Vance, so shut up." But I couldn't do that. So, I just wound up hurting myself instead.

I wonder if that's really a part of the verdict, though, or just my interpretation of it. Is it wrong for me to agree with the people who found me guilty without even giving it much thought. Without even taking the time to look at any part of the situation.

I can't help thinking that's how I'm meant to get treated after all.

It's always gonna be like that regardless of where I go. It's cruel to act like there are really people who won't see it that way. I mean, my best friend even saw it that way... I let out a weak laugh.

I guess I'd say an eight.

04. Would you say you received the right verdict?

If this is really about murder than no definitely not... But if it is about what I think it's about I don't know.

05. Why did you cooperate so easily or not?

I just read the mood. It's not as though not cooperating would have solved anything. Plus, it gave everyone something to get excited over. As well as a sense of control over the situation. It made it feel like we were progressing towards something instead of just trapped with each other.

Why wouldn't I cooperate? Why would I make a fuss?

Cause everybody to worry about our situation more. It got everyone into a rhythm. I don't really mind being the butt of the joke, the guy everyone hates, or distrusts. But seeing people panicked and scared is difficult if it could distract from that why not play along...

At least, that was my thought process on it.

06. What subject have you gotten along with the most?

Milko most definitely. He's a bit of an airhead but he's considerate of everybody around him and he gets the things I've been through. So I'd been relying on him a good deal.

07. What subject have you gotten along with the least?

God I hope no one gets to read this after I turn it in... But- Nayo. She's a bit the exact opposite of me I guess. She can't read a mood she's messy- Plus she has this idea of how relationships should be that she just won't let up on.

It's like someone picked the most difficult person for me to interact with and threw them in here.

11/20/2024 10:15am

"Is that what friendship is to you?" she asked with that unwavering look of hers.

I held her gaze not backing down, "What else is it meant to be?"

She looked a bit put on the spot, "It- it's when you can rely on someone isn't it? And you talk about the things troubling you."

"That sounds super inconvenient. If you're someone's friend you make their life easier not harder with your baggage."

"Are you really friends with someone if you have to keep doing things to prove your worth?" Her eyes wavered as she looked away from me and at the ground.

Was she pitying me?

"HUHN- Listen here, are you really friends when the only thing you can do is inconvenience the other?!"

She looked about her room agitatedly, "Well, I'd still be your friend if you inconvenienced me. You get that right?"

"Wha-what shut up shut up! That's weird and gross don't say stuff like that! That's not what friendship is at all!"

"Have you ever thought it should be like that. Friends who ditch you as soon as things get a bit hard are the worst! I'm not gonna be that way."

"Ah, you're annoying I'm leaving." she gave me a sad look and I took in her room again, "I'll finish helping you clean first though."

"Yay, you're the best!"

"Sta-stop hugging me!"

08. What subject are you interested in the most?

Oh that's easy Mirelle that lady is weird. Plus her and Milko get along as well as water and oil.

06/12/2024 4:15pm

"Mirelle, hey." Milko said as he waved the girl down, "Hey, hey, help me keep up with our studies. You're still smart, right? Your brain hasn't completely turned to mush, right?"

She elbowed him in the stomach with an annoyed grunt, "Vereze if you don't shut the fuck up! Ugh just hearing your voice is enough to start a migraine don't be happy while speaking to me."

"Ha, ha ah, as harsh as usual. So, that's a yes."

"What part of that sounded like a yes I'd love to." Mirelle glared at him as she spoke.

"Well, when you just said yes, I'd love to. Actually-" he said with a smirk, and her glare wavered.

"You ugh... You're lucky you're tolerable when you aren't asking for something." she conceded before rummaging in her pocket and quickly downing one of the pills she always had on her. I guess they were for migraines.

"Yes, nice! I'll go get the books I ordered then, and we can start." Milko rushed off excitedly, and I sighed.

"Ya know if you don't like him you could just refuse." I said and she rolled her eyes.

"It's not that I hate the guy or anything. It's just when he gets like that, it's annoying." she looked me over for a moment, "You've been hanging around him a lot, huh?"

"What; why are you asking that all of a sudden?" I straightened up on the couch a bit as I looked away.

She chuckled, "I'm not going to lecture you on your tastes or anything. I think you get enough of that from Ina and Nayo... Just try not to turn out like him, okay?"

"Milko is a pretty cool guy though..." I muttered and she laughed.

"Pfft I think you're the first person I've ever heard say that about him!" she said not able to hold back her laughter.

"Wha- what's so funny?" I asked as she gave me a pat on the head.

She gave me a small smile, "Ya know when I saw you here I thought oh no another spoiled brat jock. He's probably gonna be pushy and obnoxious. Like all the other guys around his age. But you've surprised me. I mean calling him cool. Like what can you count all the people you know well on one hand or something?"

"And wha- what if I can? Then what!" I yelled and she laughed harder.

"That would certainly explain why you would think Milko of all people is cool."

"And what do you think about him?" I looked her over as she took a seat beside me.

"I think he's sad and pathetic. He's a pushover. But I guess it's easy for me to think that we go to school together after all." she looked off to the side clearly waiting for him to return, "I've seen him get bullied every day since I entered that school."

"Bullied really?"

"Ahn yeah, heh, don't really know how deep it goes or anything. I try not to get too involved in those things."

Hm...

09. What subject(s) have you become friends with since being here?

Everyone I guess. Though it's pretty difficult finding out anything these guys are interested in. Especially Afra... I don't know what's up with her. Seems like she's not even from this decade at times.

10. What do you think of what you did to be brought here?

I think if it helped someone and the only one hurt was me then that's a really good thing.

[milgrammaintenance]

12/11/24 7:45am

Daniel: Hm, what?

Nell: . . .

Daniel: What- why are you looking at me like that?

Nell: Hm.. I don't know you just feel off.

Daniel: Huh..?

Nell: Like you've been well less... I guess less is the best way to describe it.

Daniel: ! Ug-h what do you mean less???

Nell: Like I guess ever since your verdict you've been mm... Well becoming less. Like you used to have presence but now it's like you're stifling it a bit. Like hm I don't know it's not bad or anything just kind of unexpected.

Did the verdict end up impacting you?

Daniel: Huh, well... Since you're asking. I guess it sort of did. I don't know I feel like there are some people that feel like what I did was wrong but at the same time others that don't. I guess I'm kind of over it... If anything.

Nell: Over it?

Daniel: I mean... Yeah, who wouldn't get tired being yanked around like that. It's no different from what I had to go through outside of here. So, I'm just like man what was I expecting ya know?

Nell: Hm, I guess I get it... I'd rather be told sorry I can't accept that than maybe I could.

Daniel: Yeah doesn't help that those thoughts have no conviction behind them. Like they don't even know why they view me as wrong. Of course something like that is gonna make anyone back off a bit. It's more like they just don't like me existing than it being about something I did.

Nell: Hmm...

Daniel: Something wrong?

Nell: Ah, well I know it's a bit rude- But I was thinking about Milko... I'm just worried about how this all has been impacting him. How his verdict will go. I am his guard after all...

Daniel: Makes sense... An innocent verdict would be good for him.

Nell: . . . I disagree.

Daniel: Hah; what why?

Nell: I don't want him to have that I want him to be berated.

Daniel: AREN'T YOU TWO FRIENDS?!

Nell: ...berated so badly he cries...

Daniel: Urk- is everyone in here a sadist...

Nell: what if he's crying somewhere I can't see right now... it's annoying...so annoying.

Daniel: Hey, hey Nell are you still listening?

Nell: Pisses me off.

Daniel: Ah- ha haa alright.... alright...

[milgrammaintenance]

12/1/24 2:49pm

Daniel: . . .

Zareth: mmm...

Daniel: . . .

Geraud: Look he started it.

Daniel: *sigh* Alright sure...

Geraud: What he did! What sort of person fights someone so much smaller than them anyway?

Zareth: ...

Daniel: Does seniority and size difference only matter when it's convenient to you?

Geraud: Tch...

Daniel: Neither of you are seriously injured... So at least you have some common sense but seriously- Lay off it. I'm in a bad mood.

Geraud: ... Jeez, sorry.

Zareth: Um is everything-

Daniel: What? Do you want something else?

Zareth: Ha-a no...

Daniel: Then let's just sit here and be quiet. They only stuck you with me because you guys can't stop causing trouble. Learn to sit still before I have to give you both a reason to learn.

Zareth: Soooo cool-

Daniel: Huh- shut up!

Geraud: God you're a weirdo...

Zareth: Say it again!

Daniel: Geh- I said be quiet! I'm in a bad mood stop fooling around- Hey; don't touch me!

Persons of Interest

Sunday March 10, 2024

It was stupid to be thinking about any of that now.

I deleted everything. There was nothing to look back on. No matter how much I wanted to. I deleted things regularly. I didn’t like leaving traces of myself. Because when I did it felt…

Haunting.

It loomed over me. Every mistake, every held back word. It was easier to look away then to face the person I consistently was. It was stagnating to look back on myself having the same old issues.

So, I ran.

I ran in every way I could but… I always ended up heading back. A part of me thought it was funny. Most of me saw it as unfair. I never got a lock on my bedroom door either. A good bit of me was more pissed about that than anything. Maybe I should just pick one up next time I’m out at school then install it when my dads on one of his trips.

Nah, waste of time he’d just take it out when he got back.

Seriously what a pain… I sighed as I looked down at the sidewalk for what felt like the thousandth time. I’d only just taken a break to look up. Should I really be thinking about locks right now… Well better to think about that then-

“Ugh.” I groaned as I kicked at the concrete.

This is his fault…  Accepting my cruelty, being patient with me, and always… It was all so disgusting. Why am I even going here? Should I go? Am I even needed there? Or am I…  

Monday March 13, 2023

“What’s the issue? He does anything you want him to, right? So, just ask him to quit the team.” Devin waved off my concerns like they were nothing.

Did he only hear what he wanted to? He wouldn’t listen even if I told him I didn’t want Daniel to quit the team. He wouldn’t care. He just knew Daniel was better at this than the rest of us.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, “Yeah, he does what I ask him to sometimes but he wouldn’t just drop football entirely just because I asked. Have you completely lost it? Nobody has that much say in someone else’s life. It’s not like he’s-” Like me who just does whatever his betters tell him to do, “Look, he’s not going to drop a sport he likes just because I tell him to. Plus, his entire scholarship is riding on it. What else could he do?”

He swiped up on his phone mindlessly as he leaned against the table, “Don’t give me that crap- He still has the grades to stay on scholarship if he quits. It’s not like there’s nothing else he can do. Isn’t the dude more into science anyway?”

Of course, as soon as he bothered to look at me I was shrugging and hoping my annoyance wasn’t showing on my face. He just had to look up then. How annoying. What did he mean Daniel liked science? Talking like he knew him more than me.

He’s probably just throwing ideas at the wall to see what sticks. I mean they share a lot of classes together though. Unlike me he practically sees him all the time…

I brushed away the thought, “I don’t know he hasn’t talked about liking any of his classes. School has always been kind of like work to him.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of like that for everyone. I mean who gets excited about going to school?”

“Ha, true… But Daniel’s different, you’ve seen it, right?” I looked over at him and it was his turn to roll his eyes, “We both know how it is. We show up, do our work, leave. But we can still have some fun in between with him… It’s not meant to be fun or anything.” I said as I failed to hold back a yawn.

He groaned, “Ahn, yeah he is like that… I tend to have a good bit of fun at school.”

Yeah, I bet you do.

“Bu- Hey, what’s that look supposed to mean?” he stopped mid-sentence and sent a glare my way.

“It means that doesn’t surprise me, Devin. Of course you have fun at school.” I said with a laugh.

He let out a sigh while waving me off, “Whatever, what I’m getting at is Daniel is weird but you are too. It doesn’t look like you’re having much fun either but you spend all your time out. Like you’d rather be anywhere than at home but be honest you hate this place just as much?”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to get at… But try not to project your issues on me. I’m having a great time.”

“Psh sure you are. Well you’re better off than Daniel at least” I looked out the window as he spoke certain he’d start bad mouthing him again, “Daniel doesn’t seem like he likes being anywhere.”

Was that concern in his tone? Does he know something that I don’t? Daniel’s room flashed back to mind as I clenched my teeth. There’s no way, right? The things only meant to be between us… He wouldn’t no… Devin is just assuming things again. Yeah, there’s no way.

No way in hell Daniel would tell him something he hasn’t even told me.

I laughed lightly, “He likes being at home.” I managed to get the words out then he laughed too.

“Really at home with his mommy and daddy? I didn’t peg him as the sheltered and clingy type.”

Tch, see he doesn’t know anything I was getting worked up over nothing.

“He’s definitely not that. His parents have never really been home that often since we were kids. Unlike our helicopter parents his work.” I said and he laughed.

“Alright fair… So, wait like is he always alone at home?”

“Usually, he sees his parents in like the morning, but they don’t get back until like way after he goes to bed.”

“Dang that must be nice. I might have to hang out with him more.” Devin was typing something into his phone.

“You and him hanging out more, really?” I was forcing myself not to grind my teeth after I spoke.

“Yeah, I’m texting him right now-”

When did he get Daniel’s number? What the hell is going on here... He can’t be serious. I couldn’t see his phone from across the table. This is what I get for always wanting space.

“Gonna see if I can go over and hang out with him Thursday hear some of his strategies.”

Wait no he’s serious- “You’re serious.” He’s dead serious.

He gave me a grin, “I mean well since he’s gonna be a part of the team” he dragged out the word team, “I should learn to get along with him, right?”

“I told you I can’t get him to quit.” I grumbled and he rolled his eyes.

Now it was Devin’s turn to shrug.

“Mm-hm you did… I can’t change how you feel Vance. If you think nothing you say will have an impact, I guess it won’t.” he put his phone down and began to gaze out the cafeteria window. “But you may not know him well enough to say for sure he wouldn’t do it if you asked.”

Yeah, I’m starting to figure that out right now actually.

He looked at me as though waiting for a response but I just held in the words that were trying to rush out my mouth. Daniel would never quit. You’re being stupid. Just making shit up! You don’t know him well at all! You especially don’t know him well enough to say what I don’t know.

“Maybe you’re right Devin. I don’t know what you seem to think you know at least.”

He gave me a disinterested look, “Vance man I like you- You’re cool but you’re dense as hell. Ya know that?”

“I doubt you actually like me. This whole thing we got going on is a matter of necessity, isn’t it?”

“Yep, dense as hell like I said.”

“Whatever.” I said while leaning down to grab my backpack from under the table. I flung it onto the tabletop more aggressively than I had meant to before pulling my work from the weekend out.

“If we only play chummy because our dads are friends then why hangout with me in your own free time?” he asked.

I took a deep breath through my nose before pushing it out, “It’s exactly because our dads know each other.  Look I don’t particularly dislike you Devin but I’m not putting emotional energy into things I had no choice in. I chose Daniel to be my friend my dad decided we’d be friends. Knowing my dad approves of you makes me wary- I think you can understand that at least.”

“Ah, seriously what a pain…” he said as he leaned his head in his arms and sighed. He pushed himself back up with a weak sigh, “I get it- You can’t ask him because you’re afraid he wouldn’t listen huh? What you guys not as close as you used to be? Is that why you’ve been hanging out with me during the mornings instead?”

He’s making a lot of annoying assumptions again.

“You and I both know Daniel doesn’t come to school for breakfast.” I muttered and he laughed.

“Yeah, it seems we both know about the same amount when it comes to him. Maybe I know more than you.”

“Maybe you do.” I said while flipping through my work to see if it was all there. Doing another once over wouldn’t hurt. Plus, it was a good excuse to ignore him.

Devin chuckled, “What a mean glare. Does the idea really upset you that much?”

“It doesn’t upset me at all.” I assured him.

Why would I be upset? Daniel hated Devin… He thought the dude was obnoxious. He told me himself. Why would Devin’s words mean more to me than what Daniel said. Exactly they wouldn’t I was fine.

“You know he and I have talked about you a lot in class.”

My body went rigid at that, “More like you’re trying to pit everyone against each other for the quarterback position, right?” I gave a dismissive shrug, “I shudder to think what you’ve been telling him about me. Probably all nasty stuff about how I’m gunning to ruin his chances. How I’ll do anything to be on top. Huh, just like you’ve been saying about him?”

“Well yeah- gotta see what works ya know.” he said with a laugh.

Really, I couldn’t believe he was admitting it so easily.

“What don’t look at me like that- You know what sort of guy I am already Vance. What would I need to hide?” I tapped my pencil against the cafeteria table.

I really didn’t think he’d just come out and say it like that. The natural thing would be to deny it… Something is going on here.

“I told him you know Vance only cares about looking good for coaches and getting ahead- That you were just using him to make yourself look better. And know what he said?” there was an airy chuckle that came from him that sounded way to genuine for my liking, “He said so what.”

What…

“He said what does that matter as long as you’re doing good he doesn’t mind getting used. So you see you should just ask him to quit if you really need that position. And given your dad you really do don’t you?”

“Shut up. I gotta check over my assignments before turning them in if you’re not going to go over the work with me you can leave now.” So, what… he just said so what. Is that really what he thinks I’m like? Someone that would do anything even use him to get ahead. Is that how I came off to him?

What a jackass…

“What I thought you’d be happy about this. You’re the one that’s been worried about what’d happen to you if you didn’t make quarter back this year.”

I continued looking over my work silently hoping he'd catch the hint.

Sunday March 10, 2024

Am I just a burden he's carrying? A nuisance... Would he even want me going to his house? What if he left to get as far away from me as possible. Become unburdened... What if I was the only one ever having any fun and all he ever did was humor me? What if I'm the reason he's like that?

Do I even deserve to go I never checked on him when he was there...