Aya's blue

@milky-cerulean

Thinking back, it was a boring life. I wouldn't say it was entirely devoid of enjoyment. But if you asked whether I'd live the same life again, I'd absolutely refuse. Without a doubt. In fact, if I had to say, I've come to hate it all. I wish my life had never even existed.

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horriblebeing-deactivated201906

#qt

13:04

The shape of my body is starting to become an obsession again. I know that I can’t, objectively, be heavy. In fact, I must be at my lowest weight for this whole year and yet, I don’t feel like it. I cook really healthy and good meals for myself, but I can’t help but think that maybe three meals a day when you’re not working over summer is way too much. Which is irrational. But to me it feels logical. I hope I can get the chance to work out soon so I don’t have to worry about it as much. So I stop feeling this pressure to reduce my portion sizes. Because I’m not moving as much as I’m used to it makes me feel like shit and super guilty about consuming anything, really. Uni is starting again at the end of next month. I dropped out from my teacher’s degree because I hated it and wasn’t what I was looking for, so next month I’m starting art school. I’m looking forward to it. I’m confident my new class will not be as (excuse me) uneducated and ignorant when it comes to theater and art in general. I have never before in my life felt as much of an outcast as I have this year, and I’m also convinced that this feeling of isolation is what made me relapse and fall back into depression around December this year. I’m curious to see what art school will bring me. I want to worry about dumb daily annoyances again.

#txt