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dreaming vs remembering

@milkyspine

laura – she/her, 23

158 posts

Jun 30, 2025

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #poem #romantic poetry #i suppose #connection #love #so i've been dating a boy #a beautiful; kind; gentle boy #he feels so different from everything before #feels so right and easy #and sometimes we are out of sync and get things wrong and miss things and feel a bit disconnected but even then. even then.#the love and care pushes through #he's so precious to me. im so grateful for him #and its been hard to have this because i look back on other experiences i had (ones i thought were good) and realise it wasn't quite right #not bad or abusive but not good for me and not healthy #lots of realisations in the time ive been with him. lots of growth #anyway #i want you to know you get to change your mind about your own experiences #if you wake up one day and feel something that happened wasn't okay. that's okay. its not a betrayal to other people to grow and reevaluate #i hope you can give yourself that permission

Jun 21, 2025

#mine #reblog #i havent posted in months and months #im sorry for the absence and silence #the things ive been feeling and thinking feel so private and vulnerable #sometimes regret giving my username here to people i know in real life #this is one of those times #i hope to share what ive been writing with you soon #i miss you #hope youre feeling loved and accepted through whatever changes have come or are coming your way

Dec 28, 2024

— get out

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #poem #spilled words #tw: trauma #tw: animal cruelty #?? i think #tagging in case #the animal cruelty is a metaphor; if thats any comfort #wrote this on christmas eve #alone in my apartment thinking about the cost of “getting out”#christmas is a hard time for me. so many feelings that are so confusing #wanting my family but not. wanting the family I should have had but not. wanting no one. wanting everyone #lost #anyway #whether you celebrate christmas etc. or not. i hope this time of year is kind to you #you've almost made it to the end of 2024; for better or for worse #im proud of you. always #do something kind for yourself today if you can #i'm thinking of you often

Dec 17, 2024

— forgiveness isn't a knife (put it down)

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #poem #spilled words #tw: trauma #wrote this after a therapy session where i realised a lot of the shame i still feel is because #i couldnt forgive myself for surviving what ive been through let alone for how i survived #of everyone invovled.. id say the 5 year old deserves the most forgiveness #the bitterness is in me being the only one who can give that to her #but I'll try #anyway #whatever you've been through #i hope you find a way to forgive yourself for what it took to live past it #you deserve that #always

Dec 14, 2024

—new growth

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #poem #spilled words #tw: trauma #moved out #its freeing in ways i thought it would to live with friends but harder in other ways #when is life ever simple though #realising i dont have to put down roots if i dont want #and i can choose how deeply they run #anyway #hope youre okay #2024 has been a year from hell full of change and growth and none of it painless #how has the year treated you?#gentle i hope

Sep 9, 2024

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #spilled words #poem #tw: trauma #tw: sa #tw: abuse #wrote this after one of the first conversations i had with my mum after i told her what my brother's did #hearing her insist it wasnt their fault. hearing her say she cant lose him. hearing her say it was our dad's fault. hearing her defend them #especially my oldest brother #probably the worst thing she's ever done to me #so sure i can take it. cause i always have #i'd say “i would never do this to you; it wouldnt matter who you said had dine it” and she said “youre a better person than all of us”#sometimes i wish it'd killed me so maybe she'd see it for what it is but..#anyway #i hope you know youre more than your strength #and that just because you can handle it doesnt mean you should #you deserve peace and to feel safe enough to put on and take off your strength so you can just be #i hope it all reaches you soon

Aug 17, 2024

might not mean much, but as someone who experienced csa, I'm proud of you for having the strength & courage to tell your mother now, even if her reaction isn't what you were hoping for.

it means more than you could know. helps makes it worth it, really

#ask #answered #it took courage to tell her but it's taken more not to regret it #so your words mean a lot #thank you

Aug 14, 2024

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #poem #trauma poetry #trigger warning #tw: trauma #tw: sa #told my mother the truth about my brothers and what they've done to me #she believed me but said she couldn't cut them out of her life #she insisted that because it happened when they were kids it didn't mean they were bad people #she said it was dad's fault #i knew she'd think that but it still hurt so badly to hear her say it #i don't know if i'll ever forgive her for this #anyway #life is painful right now but its better than it was #that's why i was gone so long (if you were wondering)#i didn't want to come back until i could talk about it #thank you for being here #thank you for reading this #thank you for witnessing this even when so many people in my life are looking away #thank you

Aug 14, 2024

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #poem #spilled words #love #love poem #wrote this in two parts. first part for my ex girlfriend and the second part for my ex boyfriend #its funny the patterns you don't notice until they're right in front of you #hearing all the ways you failed or let down the person you never wanted to is painful. it's hard not to feel like its my fault #even when they tell me its not #i loved them a lot. I love them a lot #but sometimes you don't fit with people the way you thought you would #we're actually all still friends but i still think about before and guilt is the dog on the other side of my leash pulling me and pulling m #anyway #it's been a while #i hope you've been okay #i missed you #how are you? how's life? is your heart doing okay?#i hope the days passed painlessly and gently for you #and maybe today/tonight can be kind to you too

Feb 18, 2024

— no matter how hard you try, forgiveness isn't a death and you can't bury this while it's alive

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #poem #spilled words #tw: sh #wrote this after the realisation about P #just another secret for me to choke down #i know i don't have to. i do know that #and now it's not just one brother. it's two. two that i'd have to hope and pray my mother could see for what they actually are #instead of what she wants them to be #and i just don't think she could ever do that #so what's the point in telling her?#i think i will tell her. one day. for me though not for her #so that i can see her clearly for who she is when it matters most #but it's just so much to deal with #i've regressed so far. sh again. not eating. i'm pretty suicidal most days but not actively #i just need it all to stop #i just need my mum to save me for once but she never will #anyway #how's life for you?#how is 2024 treating you so far? i hope gently #hope you're sleeping okay #hope whatever pain you're carrying lifts this year

Feb 15, 2024

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #poem #spilled words #tw: trauma #tw: csa #tw: abuse #tw: dv #i'm sicker every day #i think i was so focused on my oldest brother & dad's friend that everything else seemed not worth mentioning or nowhere near as bad #but then i casually mentioned to one of my friends some of what my youngest of my older brothers used to do #and i realised as i was saying it that it wasn't normal #it just felt like the realisation i had about my oldest brother all over again #it feels like there is always more for me to process #everyt time i think i've bared it all.there's always something else #first dad's friend. then my oldest brother. now the youngest.#dad overlooking it all #i just want none of it to be real #i don't understand how all of this happened to me without anyone doing anything about it #i keep wishing i'd done something to stop it to save myself.#and i know i saved myself the only way i could #but it wasn't enough.#anyway #i hope you're as okay as you can be

Nov 19, 2023

— gynecologist, room 202

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #poem #spilled words #tw: trauma #tw: trigger #?#tw: flashback #tw: csa #tw: sa #tw: rape #got triggered at the gynecologist #don't know if it was the disposition of the person or what they were saying or the invasive vulnerable feeling of the whole thing #it was just awful #like i was back there #felt 8 again and stupid #following directions even when i wasn't okay #maybe next time will be better. if i can make myself go to another appointment #anyway #i hope every bad memory you've ever had leaves you alone #hope you sleep well and never think of it again #wishful thinking maybe but i'll hope for it anyway #you deserve that

Nov 14, 2023

— 7

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #poem #spilled words #tw: trauma #tw: csa #tw: sa #tw: rape #this is unfinished #wrote this when i was triggered and the same memory kept looping in my head and the same feeling wouldn't go away #had to get it out #but i couldn't finish it cause i got too upset and then the feeling passed and i couldn't get back in touch with what got me to start it #but i didn't want it to just sit in my computer and never be seen cause i think it could have been something good #anyway #how's the weather where you are?#it's so unpredictable here #literally boiling hot yesterday and freezing today #it's heading for summer which sucks. i hate the heat #hope the weather you like best finds you soon

Nov 10, 2023

—the heart that flees and the heart that bites

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #poem #spilled words #angst #?#companion piece to boy #typical he wanted me. i didn't want him. i got to know him more and then i started maybe feeling something for him. he found someone #me and my indecisive heart #always late #he's kind. makes me feel good. makes me smile and want to feel and write. wrote him that poem #then i wrote this when i felt sad about “missing out” and sad about having to let go of what felt like something #but by now it's much much easier. i don't think about him as much as before or in the same way. feels lighter now #i'm glad he's happy #anyway #hope you and your heart are okay #try to be kind to each other. life's hard and can be so complicated and confusing

Nov 4, 2023

— hanging

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #poem #spilled words #tw: trauma #tw: suicide #tw: suicidal ideation #tw: suicidality #wrote this when i was suicidal #was thinking of my nonna and what she'd have to say about all this life i've lived and everything that's happened #everything everyone in the family has done #thought about her and didn't go through with it #all the people this family has killed in one way or another #i don't want to be one of them #so if i go through with it one day it's not going to be because of my family #or i hope not #anyway #i'm glad you're here #glad to know you and have you read this and see me #if you're struggling i hope you stick around for as long as you can #i'm proud of you either way

Oct 25, 2023

#laura #went on a trip to see my cousins #left at 6am #the sky was such a beautiful dark orange and then when the sun rose it was bright red #i've never seen anything like it before #the reddest sky i've ever seen

Oct 15, 2023

—boy

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #spilled ink #writing #okay to rb #poem #spilled words #love #wrote this for a boy i met this year #he's so kind-hearted and genuine #think he's one of the best people i've ever met #i was in a writing slump for months and months and then he got me out of it; funnily enough.#i didn't realise at first but I'd talk to him and then want to write; even if it wasn't about him #now he's someone i really care about and want in my life #anyway #how have you been?#hope you're happier than you were when i was last here #but it's okay if not #i'm glad you're still here too

dreaming vs remembering @milkyspine - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag