In which Bilbo and Lobelia team up against a common nuisance
Here's my part for the thauc collab with @milliethekitty27! Read The Unexpected Collaboration of Bilbo and Lobelia on Ao3 âš

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@milliethekitty27-writing
In which Bilbo and Lobelia team up against a common nuisance
Here's my part for the thauc collab with @milliethekitty27! Read The Unexpected Collaboration of Bilbo and Lobelia on Ao3 âš
The Unexpected Collaboration of Bilbo and Lobelia
When Bilbo hears someone talking shit about his husband and nephew, he has to work with the one person heâd never thought heâd work with again to get rid of them.
Well, at least Lobelia might stop stealing his spoons.
My entry for âan unexpected collaborationâ run by the wonderful folks of @fellowshipofthefics! Thank you all so much for putting this on, and an even bigger thank you to the amazing fantastic @stardryad who did the art for this fic! You can find it here!
The River's Gifts
For the Tolkien Reverse Summer Bang 2022! @tolkienrsb
Title: The River's Gifts Status: COMPLETE Word Count: 25974 Rating: Gen Pairing(s): Bilbo x Thorin Warnings/Triggers: N/A
Bilbo lives a quiet, content life by the river. He fishes, he cooks, and he reads. But sometimes⊠sometimes he feels something is missing. A flash of light on a fish's scales make him jump, the fire pops too loudly, things are a little too quiet and lonely in his little home that feels a little too tall and angular. He brushes it off each time. But then a stranger who knows Bilboâs name arrives on his doorstep. Bilbo nearly sends him out, but a nagging feeling heâs familiar, and the manâs strange but intriguing request, changes that.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
I posted my story for the Razzle Dazzle Historical Hetalia zine, âbehold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was deathâ on Archive of Our Own! You can find it here:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/36964063/chapters/92222980
âIn the ending shadows of World War I, something menacing draws ever closer. The nations hardly forgot that war never travels alone, but they couldn't imagine it like this. Hadn't there already been enough loss?
A look at the Influenza Pandemic of 1918 from the eyes of countries young and old.â
You can find the rest of the collection here:Â https://hwsrazzledazzle.gumroad.com/l/razzledazzle
We interrupt this program with breaking newsâ
Razzle Dazzle: A Historical Hetalia Anthology, is finally out! If youâd like to see 400+ pages of work from 52 different creators, check it out via the link below!
GUMROAD LINk =>Â https://hwsrazzledazzle.gumroad.com/l/razzledazzle
Thank you everyone for supporting this project! Happy reading!
@faneventshub @fandomzines @hetaliahappenings @helltalia-inc @heta-on-the-books
behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death
From 1918 to 1919, in the dying throes of World War I, the world made a new enemy. It tore through the young and otherwise healthy, destroying already damaged and grieving populations, ravaging the economy, and leaving the world further in tatters.Â
Who would think that a little flu would be capable of this kind of damage?
(warnings for mild gore, PTSD, and description of injuries and disease symptoms)
If you have a chance, head on over to @hwsrazzledazzle to see sneak peeks of the absolutely AMAZING zine to come later this month! I had an awesome time writing for my first ever zine, and Iâm so excited to see how everything looks.
Iâm so pleased to present my collaboration with @milliethekitty27 for the Tolkien Reverse Summer Bang 2021 ( @tolkienrsb ). Her wonderful fic, based on my artwork, can be found here:Â
Samâs Ash
Rating: General Audiences Word count:Â 20,750 Relationships:Â Rosie Cotton/Sam Gamgee Characters: Sam Gamgee, Saruman, Frodo Baggins, Gandalf
Samwise Gamgee has always had a talented green thumb, and his garden is living proof.
When itâs destroyed, day after day, he discovers the cause: a massive white crebain that simply cannot leave him alone. A chance conversation with Gandalf reveals the unfortunate truth - this is no simple bird, but the spirit of Curumo, the former white maiar who betrayed the world for power.
How do you forgive the being that would have destroyed everything you love and know?
Can you?
You can see the full artwork here.
THE COLLECTION IS LIVE!!!
We can see there are a few fics outstanding and we will be following up separately with those creators, including appealing for post deadline pinch hits, so artists, if this affects you then please donât panic.
The rest of you, go enjoy the 220+ fanworks that make up our 2021 collection! Donât forget to leave kudos, comment, rec, and generally squee :D
Iâm so pleased to present my collaboration with @milliethekitty27 for the Tolkien Reverse Summer Bang 2021 ( @tolkienrsb ). Her wonderful fic, based on my artwork, can be found here:Â
Samâs Ash
Rating: General Audiences Word count:Â 20,750 Relationships:Â Rosie Cotton/Sam Gamgee Characters: Sam Gamgee, Saruman, Frodo Baggins, Gandalf
Samwise Gamgee has always had a talented green thumb, and his garden is living proof.
When itâs destroyed, day after day, he discovers the cause: a massive white crebain that simply cannot leave him alone. A chance conversation with Gandalf reveals the unfortunate truth - this is no simple bird, but the spirit of Curumo, the former white maiar who betrayed the world for power.
How do you forgive the being that would have destroyed everything you love and know?
Can you?
You can see the full artwork here.
jennie
Iâm very excited to reveal my first piece for this yearâs @tolkienrsb! âSam Gamgeeâs Guide to Wildlife Rehabilitationâ. In which Sam encounters an unusual white crebain that is very much not what it seems.
A revenant, a redemption, and the return of Saruman.
Fics are forthcoming from my excellent collaborators:Â @aipilosse and @milliethekitty27.Â
The Ladder
In a hole in the ground, there lived a lonely hobbit. It all started when Bilbo grew tired of his empty kitchen.
He hadnât been fond of eating alone since the dwarves destroyed his pantry, but he hadnât after Frodo joined him in Bag End. Heâd eaten with the elves in Rivendell, which had been full of lovely music and pleasant conversation, and then heâd eaten with the elves, Frodo, and Gandalf when theyâd traveled to the Undying Lands.
Now he was here, in Yavannaâs Garden, living in what was basically Bag End. (the actual Bag End was right next door for his parents) He had his beautiful garden back, which only mattered really because heâd been brought back to his youthful self with working hands. The house was always clean (and heâd never really liked cleaning, so that didnât matter much to him) so he had all the time in the world to work on his maps and his stories. He got the occasional social call from neighbors or family. He ate dinner with his parents on Thursdays and went over to their home on Sundays for family nights with many cousins and aunts and uncles, but he spent the rest of his time alone. He got the same whispers he had in the Shire, but he was satisfied with his cooking and working in the garden. Except⊠on the days there were no social calls, no family dinners, Bilbo Baggins sat in a very quiet house and talked to nothing.
âYou know-â Bilbo said to no one in particular as he weeded a particularly stubborn patch of grass out from underneath his rose bush. There was a basket of tomatoes ready to be made into a sauce, or maybe used the fish tonight, but heâd seen the weeds and wanted to deal with it before it spread. â-I would have expected the garden to take care of itself when I died. Not to be doing the same tasks as before. But here we are, fighting with weeds, arenât we Tho-â Bilbo stopped, shook his head, and pushed that thought aside.Â
He made dinner for fourteen but only ate for one. The rest got put away for the multitudes of meals of the next day, but almost five years after heâd died he found himself looking at the empty table with a frown.
The next morning he perused his bookshelf until he found a collection of stories. From there, he found tales of the dwarves. He sat in his armchair until a collection of cousins knocked on the door and pulled him away, but he found what he was looking for when he was waiting for a peach pie to bake.
Dwarves belief that they return to the halls of Mahal upon their deaths. From there, they await the Final Battle. Upon the arrival of that day, they will be sent back to rebuild Arda, but until then the dwarves rest in their creatorâs halls.Â
Bilbo hemmed over that. He wandered down to where most of the Tooks lived, asking if they had any maps or had heard of the Halls before. It was a bit of a long shot, and he wasnât surprised when they all said no. He returned to his smial and examined his garden.Â
âWell-â he said to the same problematic patch of clover that refused to leave. â-I know that dwarves do like their underground tunnels and their mines. And if the Green Lady is married to the Smith, then it stands to reason that they might go underground nearby. I donât think thereâs any harm in looking, Iâll just get a bit dirty and ruin my garden, and I do that on the regular. Or Iâll fall into a great underground river and run back into Gollum.â Bilbo sighed, then went to see if he could borrow Hamfastâs good shovel.
While cleaning, you find an old dusty flag with a colorful pattern of leaves and flowers in a box of your late grandmotherâs things. Thinking it festive, you clean and hang it up outside for Spring. You didnât know that it was an invitation for Fey creatures to shelter in for the night.
My grandmother had died in her apartment a few days ago. I had to get there first to get the things sheâd told me I could have before everyone else got there. It helped I was the only one who knew how to get it, or even which apartment hers was. I opened the door with the spare key under the horseshoe ornament she kept in the little bush by the side.Â
The lightswitch buzzed when I flipped it. The lights clicked on one by one down the narrow hallway until it opened into her living room. No records jingled on the player, no news blared over the TV. Nothing was cooking, no one was singing or talking. It was lonely. I wiped my hands off on my overalls, then looked around the house. Everything had to be boxed and moved out in a week, so the apartment could be leased to someone else.
My dad joined me a few hours later, oil staining his overalls, but heâd brought more boxes.
âYour mother isnât coming, is she?â he asked around the toothpick in his mouth. I shook my head.Â
âShe didnât like Nonna, remember?â He grunted, then started asking me what I wanted to keep. Her will had been terribly vague about who got what, basically just saying take what you want. I was here first, Iâd always been here first. I got first dibs.Â
I took small ornaments and a few books, some of her nice dishes and both of our favorite teacups. The photo album of her, her kids, and then all the grandkids. Some of her jewelry too, the ones sheâd let me wear when Iâd been with her.Â
Iâd lived with her when I was a very small child, actually. Iâd lived with her for almost eight years before she finally had a way to contact my dad, and a year longer while the courts figured out custody. Even after Iâd lived with him, Iâd had weekly visits to see Nonna for dinner and a playdate. As Iâd gotten older it was for outings and dinner, a break from home for both me and Dad.Â
It took maybe four hours to get everything sorted. I had three boxes of her things I wanted. Dad had picked up some books from her shelf and a very nice knife set.Â
âYou know you wonât be able to get anything else out of here the moment the rest of your family land, donât you?â Dad adjusted one of the boxes in his arms.Â
â...yeah, give me a minute. Iâm⊠Iâm just going to double check I got everything.âÂ
I picked up a few window ornaments I hadnât noticed, a fancy deck of cards, then checked her bedroom again. Iâd already stolen some of her pictures, mostly of the two of us when I was small, but there was a flag over her window I hadnât noticed before. It was clearly very old; it was a faded pale blue with silver and gold embroidery on the edges. The edges were frayed. Yellow daffodils, pink lotuses, and ivy crisscrossed over each other in the shape of a wreath. I hesitated. I didnât have much space in my dorm room, and I only had one window that Iâd already covered with plants, but I supposed a flag couldnât hurt. Iâd find a space for it.
Dad and I left as it started growing dark. We placed our treasures in the back of his truck, his hunting dog panting in the backseat. He dropped me off at my apartment, staying for dinner, but he had work the next morning and I had classes.Â
He left me with my loot. I spread it out on the small table I had in the kitchen, putting some of the larger things on the tiny bit of counter space. I put the tea cups in the upper cabinet with my chipped pair of wine glasses, the cards and books went onto the bookshelf covered in dust and textbooks. I put the pictures on my bedside table, next to my alarm clock, and added her jewelry to my collection.Â
I didnât touch the flag until after I got back from my English Lit class after lunch the next day. I carefully strung the flag onto a sturdy string and hung it so it dangled from the top of the window. It was a lovely day out, warm and cozy. I left the window cracked.Â
Lili called me that afternoon and we went out to dinner. We talked about avoiding calls from our mothers and bad grades, my boy problems and her latest girlfriend, but the sky crackled with thunder as we paid the bill.
âMotherfucker I left my window open.â Lili laughed.
âYouâll get a bird inside your house if youâre not careful.â I kicked her, but we split. I took the bus back home. My we sneakers squelched against the carpet as I headed up to the fourth floor. I greeted the freshmen and unlocked my door, fully prepared to find a pool of water on the carpet again. The door clicked behind me and I let out a long, tired sigh that was cut short as my keys clattered against the tile.Â
There was something sitting in the chair facing the door. Actually, it was sitting on the back of the chair, staring at me. It had long⊠not quite bleach blond hair and almost black skin. If it was standing on the floor it might have reached my knee. It wore clothing that didnât seem to be made of any fabric Iâd ever seen before; the blue dress seemed to ripple like pond water when it moved even the slightest bit, and the brown vest looked like tree bark.Â
There was a trail of water staining the carpet from the window to where it was sitting on the chair. I rubbed my eyes very very hard and blinked rapidly, but it was still there. Actually it was standing on the table, peering at me with large eyes. I couldnât quite explain their color, and I couldnât tear my eyes away.
âYouâre not Brettal.â It had a surprisingly squeaky but low voice. Like a really big rubber duck.
âIâŠâ I rubbed my eyes again, then focused on the space above its head instead of its eyes. âNo. I⊠um⊠I didnât have anything to drink with Lili. Did I?â I looked behind myself at the door. âI-â
âItâs impolite not to introduce yourself.â The thing said rather crossly.Â
âI⊠sure. What the hell. Iâm Giovella. Who are you and why are you in my room?â
âMy name is-â it said something I absolutely couldnât imitate. It sounded like a keyboard smash said aloud. â-and I am a friend of Brettalâs. Why do you have her Welcome?â
âHer what?â
âAbove the Entrance you so kindly left cracked.â It pointed.Â
âI- you mean my grandmotherâs flag?â
âYes, that.â
âI⊠I took it. From her house.â I slowly peeled off my sweater, dropping it on the hook Iâd stuck to the wall as a coat hanger.Â
âYou stole it?â Its hair spiked like a porcupine and its dress turned red, frothing like a coffee being made by the cute boy at the Starbucks. âYou stole from Brettal? Oh, death! Death for-â
âItâs not stealing if sheâs dead.â I said sharply, âShe was my grandmother and I took what I wanted from her house.â Keyboard Smash stopped.Â
âShe⊠sheâs dead?â
âYeah.â I locked the door behind me with a bit of a sigh. âWhat are you doing in my house?â
âItâs raining.â Keyboard Smash sounded a little lost. âBrettal leaves the window open so I can get out and stay warm. I thoughtâŠâ
âNonna knew you?â Keyboard Smash nodded. âI⊠how?â
âWe were Friends from the Forest.â Keyboard Smash looked around my room, then went over to the bookshelf. It tugged the photo album hard and it fell off the shelf before I could grab it. The little thing grabbed the dark green cover and heaved it open, then flipped to one of the pages. It was a picture of my grandmother as a little girl, her hair in double braids as she beamed at the camera. She was standing in front of a stone cottage, a forest behind her. Sheâd told me many stories of running about having adventures.Â
âFrom the woods near her house?â I asked rather flatly.Â
âYes. She made the flag so We could visit.â
âWe?â
âMe. And the Others.â Keyboard Smash sat on the edge of the table. It looked lost and I looked away awkwardly, then sighed.Â
âCan I, uh, get you something to eat?â I asked awkwardly.
âTea?â
âIâve only got, like, I dunno. Lipton. And my kettleâs broken, so Iâll have to use the microwave.â
âDo you have sugar?âÂ
Soon enough there were oreos on the table with a pair of steaming kettles. I used my favorite cup and offered my grandmotherâs to Keyboard Smash. It kept chattering about the house and Nonna, the flag, and the Others. There were probably four tablespoons of sugar in its cup.Â
âSo⊠just to be clearâŠâ Keyboard Smash was enthusiastically dunking its oreos into the mug, leaving floating chunks, but it stopped and looked at me. âYou came in because the flag was up, because thatâs what Nonna did?â Keyboard Smash nodded. âSo⊠me having my window open, when it was raining⊠made you think I was Nonna.â
âExactly.â
âAnd⊠if I keep the flag up, youâll keep coming in?â
âThatâs correct.âÂ
âAre the others⊠like you?â
âOh no, weâre all different.â Keyboard Smash started making odd noises in the back of its throat. It sounded a little like it was choking. â-is very fond of chocolate, Brettal made the best cookies and they would eat all of them if they got there first,â More noises, this time like the garbage disposal at my dadâs. â-shows up on sunny days when its hot out, she like to sit on ice cubes-â Keyboard Smash kept going and I lost track of all the noises and adventures. â-Brettal always let us in.â I thought for a bit, then rubbed my face.
âAnd if I close my window, or I put the flag down-â
âThen we donât come in. Thatâs the Rules.â Keyboard Smash nodded. I looked out at the rain.Â
âIâve got a paper I have to do.â I said after a bit. âAnd the freshmen come into my room when theyâve got problems, which is pretty often. I donât think you should be seen. But if you want to stay for a bit, I donât mind.âÂ
âWhat about the Others?âÂ
âI think that would be acceptable. Just, uh, not today.â Keyboard Smash burped as it shoved the last oreo into its mouth, then it picked up the plate and lifted it up like Simba. More chunks trailed onto the table.
âIf you are going to be papering, may I have more Oreos?â
Hi everyone! I have no idea why Iâm reblogging things with my writing account but Iâll try to fix it, this is supposed to be for writing only. If you want to see my actual account then look at @milliethekitty27 . Sorry!
England and Tea
The very first time Arthur Kirkland had his first cup of tea, he wasnât very impressed. It was popular elsewhere, especially in Portugal, but heâd just⊠never really liked it. He actually hadnât tried it much, but JoĂŁo loved it and kept trying to convince him to drink it. Arthur usually waved a hand and made some other comment, generally teasing JoĂŁo about preferring leaf juice to a much stronger ale. JoĂŁo always rolled his eyes.Â
âYouâll discover how delicious it is one day.â heâd say.Â
âI think that weâll find a black swan before that happens.â Arthur would roll his eyes right back and theyâd carry on whatever conversation theyâd been having.
JoĂŁo accompanied Catherine of Braganza when she traveled to Britain in 1662 to marry the new King Charles II. It was an awful crossing; even JoĂŁo looked a bit seasick. The princess immediately asked for a cup of tea after stepping off on the dock.
JoĂŁo laughed as Arthur flailed a little. Arthur offered her an ale instead, but the princess looked disappointed.Â
âI think youâll have to start looking for a black swan, my friend.â JoĂŁo said at the wedding ceremony. He was holding a cup of tea while Arthur still held onto an ale. âSheâs going to take your court by storm.â
âSheâs Catholic.â Arthur snorted into his mug. âThat alone is enough.âÂ
Arthur liked Catherine, though. She was a bit pious, but she was fashionable. She walked with him fairly often, talking about the past kings and queens. She may not have been popular queen, surrounded by controversy, but for a Roman Catholic she wasnât too bad. Catherine was a quiet and mild woman that never turned against her ever-sleeping-with-others husband and had grown to seemingly embrace the English court life. She grew on Arthur, for her love of the countryside, for her curiosity, and her personality. She was more interesting than heâd originally thought, even if she was Roman Catholic.Â
She got him to taste tea in 1671, after years of trying to convince him. She pressed the cup into his unwilling hands and watched as he tasted it.Â
He almost spat it out all over her and JoĂŁo almost cried laughing, visiting for a short period before heâd return home.Â
âAle is far better.â he said. Sheâd made a face at him and Charles II had laughed from where he was sitting.Â
She had kept trying, though, and as it grew more popular Arthur had to cave - it wasnât as bad as he thought. (he would die before he admitted it to JoĂŁo, though, because JoĂŁo was unbearable when he was smug)Â
Arthur accompanied her to Portugal in 1692, several years after Charles II had died. He was going to wait a few days before returning back, both to settle her in and to speak with JoĂŁo about some issues, but she insisted he stay for tea one morning before he left.Â
âTell me, dear Arthur-â his former queen said rather mildly, her cup clicking onto the saucer. â-have you grown more fond of tea, or have all my efforts been in vain?â Arthur made a bit of a face.
âI like it.â he admitted finally. âJust donât tell JoĂŁo.â JoĂŁo let out a bark of laughter, settling into the empty chair at Catherineâs other side after shucking off his coat. Arthur went red. âI just said it to make her happ-â
âSure you did, my friend.â JoĂŁo kept grinning. âI suppose youâll inform me that youâve found some black swans, then?â Arthur scowled.
Arthurâs interest in tea grew and grew, even after Catherine died. Tea was popular at court, heâd say defensively. The East India Company, originally encouraged by Charles II, grew more and more powerful as it brought the tea he so loved. India and China had tea galore, which he savored on every visit. He declared war over spilled tea (America found out that the hard way) and found strength in the hot porcelain heâd press between his hands in any weather. He and JoĂŁo drank tea together despite the other trends, remembering a mild mannered queen who teased Arthur about his love for ale.Â
The first nation Arthur invited for afternoon tea was JoĂŁo. It was 1850 and Arthur had attended a few of Duchess Anna of Bedfordâs little tea parties. They were enjoyable and he enjoyed the hour or so to just relax a bit. JoĂŁo visited him and found Arthur sitting in the garden, a tray of sandwiches and cakes sitting next to the steaming pot of tea along with two cups. The British Empire raised an eyebrow.
âAre you coming to join me, then?â he asked rather dryly. JoĂŁo had laughed.
âIf Catherine saw you now, I donât think sheâd recognize you.âÂ
âI have grown more refined with age.â JoĂŁo had shaken his head, but theyâd sat in the garden and drunk their tea, chatting about this and that like the old men they were (much of it was spent complaining about their rowdier neighbors and the struggles of colonies)Â
Arthurâs love of tea stayed with him to the current day. He recalled Matthew handing him a steaming mug before they set off to discuss the matter of confederation, or sitting with Neeraja under the hot Indian sun to bicker about business. He remembered holding the lukewarm cups in shaking hand as he hid in a foxhole with Francis, the pair of them silently remembering days when the only thing you had to fear from the sky was an arrow or the rain, or gripping a cup as Churchill roared assurances over the radio that the war was not over yet, that they would stay calm and carry on. He drank tea whenever his blood pressure threatened to boil over (which was frequent in those Cold War years) and he only refrained dunking his cup over Francisâ head when he was stupid because heâd much rather drink the cup.Â
Arthur kept a great china cabinet in his household. Many of the cups were incredibly old and faded with age and use. Some of them were newer and the ones he broke out when JoĂŁo came over to visit and they took tea together. Some of them were gifts, some were ones heâd bought, but he had a few on the top shelf that had belonged to Catherine or the other royals he treasured.Â
Oh yes, heâd hated tea before, but now he would drink it whenever he needed. He just wouldnât thank JoĂŁo for introducing it to him. After all, he couldnât have JoĂŁo getting too big of a head now.
Judging by JoĂŁoâs smug smile, JoĂŁo knew that Arthur appreciated tea too much and was just too proud to thank him for it. Git.Â
@milliethekitty27-writing wrote a wonderful fic based on my hogwarts au and as germano god im ORDERING everyone to read it.
iâm crying over it and i already read it twice, itâs so perfect please read it đđđđ
https://archiveofourown.org/works/27823528/chapters/68116990
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Friendly Rivalry
The first time Lovino met Ludwig Beilschmidt, they were twelve years old. Slytherin and Gryffindor had history of magic and potions together, and Ludwig Beilschmidt sat in the row ahead of Lovino. He was tall, and blond, and Lovino hated him. Why? He wasnât sure. He just⊠hated him.Â
Over the years, though, through the Yule Ball and awkward dates (with other people, mind you) Lovino and Ludwig became friends. That fact was blamed on Lovinoâs Ravenclaw brother, Feliciano, because he and Ludwig were friends. (Lovino still wasnât sure how that had happened.) Both Lovino and Ludwig griped about Felicianoâs longtime crush on his fellow Ravenclaw, Kiku Honda, who was in their year and top of his class and apparently oblivious to Felicianoâs fawning. They watched as Feliciano tried (and failed) to flirt with him, a bit like a very sad sitcom that started out funny but now was just a bit depressing. Lovino and Ludwig still kept up their bickering from second year, but it never had quite the same bite.
Ludwig and Lovino were in their fifth year. Theyâd been supposed to go with Feliciano to Honeydukes, but heâd unfortunately seen Kiku in the windows of one of the other shops of Hogsmeade. Now they were sitting outside on a stone wall, watching Feliciano trail Kiku like a lost puppy. It was starting to snow and cold. Lovino had shoved his hands into his pockets and was wondering if they could just leave his brother here to bemoan his fate. Instead, he let out a long disgruntled sigh while Ludwig kept awkwardly looking down the street.Â
âHe just wants senpai to notice him.â Lovino muttered. Ludwig snorted, then burst out laughing. âItâs not that funny you moron!â
âBut itâs true.â Ludwig wheezed. He was still grinning when a dejected Feliciano came out, complaining that Kiku had barely spoken to him.Â
âHeâll notice you next time.â Lovino pat his shoulder, though he didnât necessarily believe it. Ludwig muffled a snort behind his hands but Feliciano did brighten.
When they passed one of the glass windows, Lovino pretended the red on his face was from the wind and not from watching his normally stoic classmate loss his chocolate frogs over something really pretty unfunny.Â
Lovino realized he liked Ludwig in his seventh year. Ludwig, Lovino, Kiku, Feliciano, and a friend of Lovinoâs named Natalia were going to the Yule ball as a big group since none of them wanted to go with a date (rather, Feliciano had been too terrified of rejection from Kiku since last yearâs catastrophe) They met up outside of the hall. Lovino and Natalia got there first. She was dressed in a chic white dress that went to her knees and was covered in holly that shimmered in the candlelight, plus short white gloves with her hair swept into a ponytail. Lovino had decided to go in a white suit covered in shimmering frost that his grandfather had sent from Italy. Heâd promised the absolute best fashion and to not making him and Feliciano match. (last year really had been a disaster)Â
To no oneâs surprise, Ludwig was right on time. Lovino was too busy peering down the hall to search for his brother and Kiku, but Natalia made a noise of appreciation.Â
âNow thatâs a tall class of butterbeer.â She elbowed Lovino and he looked up. Ludwigâs hair was slicked back (like it always was) and he was dressed in a sharp black tailcoat, along with a black vest. Underneath was a deep red dress shirt. He was wearing black shoes and dress pants and he looked highly uncomfortable as he kept tugging on the sleeves. Lovino got another elbow to the side. âStop staring and close your mouth.â His jaw snapped shut as Ludwig approached, looking rather relieved.
âIâm not the last one?â
âYouâre right on time.â Natalia said. She kicked Lovino when he didnât say anything. âThis oneâs brother hasnât arrived yet, but no oneâs surprised.â
âProbably busy ogling Kiku.â Ludwig said.Â
âYouâre not very winter-y.â Lovino muttered finally.Â
âRedâs a Christmas color.â Ludwig frowned.Â
âWell, itâs not-â
âHe means that you look nice.â Natalia linked arms with Ludwig. Lovino scowled at her and she smiled very sweetly, clearly squeezing Ludwigâs arm. The Gryffindor looked between them in confusion.Â
Kiku and Feliciano had shown up a bit later, maybe five minutes after Ludwig. Kiku was wearing a nearly-black suit with red lining and a white shirt, while Feliciano was wearing dark green with a grey shirt. They eventually melded with the mass heading into the hall. Natalia was still hanging off Ludwigâs arm and Lovino really didnât like that. She kept smirking at him, which Lovino hated even more.Â
They looked really good together. It irritated him and he didnât understand why. He flipped her off when Ludwig wasnât looking and she laughed.Â
The ball itself was fun, even if Natalia hung on Ludwig for too long, and he bid the rest of them goodnight as they parted ways. He power walked in front of Natalia and she laughed at him but didnât pursue.Â
Lovino barely slept that night. He kept tossing and turning because how could anyone look that good in a suit (besides him) and just⊠ugh. This was Ludwig, he wasnât supposed to be pretty. His heart had beat too fast every time heâd looked at him and it felt all weird and-
oh.
oooooooh fuck.
oh fuckity fuck spaghetti on a stick.Â
He liked Ludwig.
Lovino drew his silencing curtains very tight, buried his face in a pillow, and screamed.Â
Despite his newfound⊠emotions, Lovino didnât make any move on the Gryffindor head boy. It was the end of seven years of school and too much to deal with. Instead he bitched to his grandfather over holiday breaks (Nonno laughed so hard it seemed like he was about to cry. Lovino may have flipped him off) and did his homework. He pressed in for the final tests, his NEWTs, and he regularly met with his head of house. Heâd decided, some time ago, that he wanted to be a professor, and he wanted to work in astronomy. The current Professor, Akila Hassan (her Ravenclaw son Gupta had graduated in seventh year and Feliciano had adored him, which had been a mark in Lovinoâs favor because everyone loved Feliciano and Akila had looked at his gruff attitude and thought it was charming) had long been Lovinoâs favorite professor and he had always enjoyed her class, but she was nearing retirement age. Heâd asked if he could apply for her spot and if she could wait until he could take her place.Â
He passed his NEWTs with decent enough grades that she agreed - he had to take a two year course at a magically university for teaching and astronomy, and then sheâd take him on if she liked his style. He bid his friends goodbye (Feliciano was also aiming to be a professor, hopefully for charms, which meant working with his brother but also working with his brother) at the graduation podium. He really did consider kissing Ludwig goodbye, because Ludwig looked so good in his robes and his red tie with the proud flush on his pale face, but both Ludwigâs older brother (Gilbert, a Hufflepuff whoâd annoyed the entire group until he graduated their third year) and father were there and Lovino just wasnât going to do anything in front of them. So he settled with a handshake that ended up being a hug, and he figured that was the last of that. (did he dream about his cheek being pressed to that magnificently hard chest, inhaling the smell that he could never place but was definitely Ludwig and might have been what he smelled when they brewed amortentia? Perhaps, but heâd deny it if you asked)Â
Except, two years after he started teaching for good, five years after he graduated from Hogwarts, Professor Binns finally kicked the bucket. Three days later, it was announced who the new professor would be. Ludwig Beilschmidt stepped back into Lovinoâs life and he was going to scream because somehow Ludwig was prettier and he just wanted to touch the muscles.
Kiku and Feliciano werenât very sympathetic. One night at Madame Rosmertaâs with almost all of the teaching staff (as a bonding experience, Headmaster Wang had said, but everyone used it as a chance to drink and have fun. This was two years before Ludwig had come back into Lovinoâs life) had resulted in several confessions. Feliciano had told the entire staff that heâd had a huge crush on Kiku in their school years but oh yeah Iâm definitely over it now! Nothing more than good buddies! That had resulted in an equally drunk Kiku confessing that he had also had a crush, which then resulted in them snogging in the corner while Gilbert, Alfred, and Erzebet hooted and hollered. Lovino had confessed that heâd had a bit of a crush on Ludwig, which only his brother had heard somehow around the kissing noises.Â
âYou could tell him.â heâd suggested, Kikuâs lips at his neck.Â
âWho knows what heâs doing now?â Lovino had waved a hand. âItâs fine. It was just a crush. Besides, heâs not even here.â
Well, now he was here and Lovino had a very big problem; every time History of Magic Professor Ludwig Beilschmidt walked past him, dressed in black and red or blue or whatever, Lovinoâs heart went doki doki.Â
He wrote his friend Antonio who played quidditch with the Spanish team, he wrote his Nonno, he complained to his friend Manon, the healer, or Natalia who was now the defense against the dark arts professor. He went out and saw Ludwig doing his morning workouts at the buttcrack of dawn because the man looked good in a tank top and athletic shorts. They talked about business and students, about what theyâd been up to, and Lovino had never wanted to kiss him more than watching Ludwig complain about students who couldnât tell the difference between the goblin wars.Â
It was driving him mad and no one was helpful. They just told him to confess already or laughed at him.Â
When they got the positions of the heads of house, after some deliberation by headmaster Yao, their friendship threw itself back into the rivalry of their second year. They exchanged quips over breakfast about the points, they threw themselves into the Quidditch Cup (the first year, Gryffindor won and Lovino was still bitter) and into the House Cup. (Ravenclaw won that year, under the Arithmancy professor Francis Bonnefoy. Both Feliciano and Kiku were smug about that. Lovino and Ludwig bonded over complaining about the snide comments)Â
Lovino pined away for Ludwig Beilschmidt, who was somehow still none the wiser and he had no idea how this idiot was still oblivious to it. He hated how much his heart sang when he saw Ludwig in his Gryffindor sweaters over winter break, hated how much seeing the idiot smile made his heart do the thing, he just- ugh. It was fine. Heâd get over it, eventually. Ludwig had never shown any interest in him anyway.Â
Almost two years after theyâd gotten the heads of houses position, Ludwig informed the rest of the staff that he was going on a trip to Brazil with a few other historians to explore one of the regions rumored to be rich with information and relics from the ancient peoples. He would be gone for at least a month, perhaps two, but heâd return for the school year. Lovino waved as he left with a promise to get dinner at the Three Broomsticks.Â
When Lovino arrived with Feliciano after visiting their Nonno for most of the summer, he went to Ludwigâs room. The professor wasnât there. Gilbert, the flying instructor, told him that Ludwig hadnât been heard from since the beginning of the summer, and that Ludwigâs family was starting to get worried.Â
Gupta, whoâd been speaking with Ludwig a lot before he left, shook his head at dinner when the topic came up.Â
âMother had a few places she didnât visit for any trips.â he said when Erzebet pressed. âBrazil had lots of interesting things for her, sheâd always liked history, but there were so many unknowns in the forests and so many curses that she feared sheâd never return. I tried to tell Ludwig not to go, but⊠he said it was too good of an opportunity.â The entire table stared at him.Â
âYou mean he might be dead?â Gilbert asked. Gupta sighed.
âPerhaps. Perhaps heâs just trapped. Brazil is a beautiful but unpredictable place. The area he was going to is⊠not supposed to be very friendly.âÂ
The rest of the summer was melancholic. They prepared for students but were very aware of the empty seat between Gilbert and Lovino, of the empty classroom at the end of the hall. Lovino hated it. They got a substitute, Vasilica Popescu, for history of magic, and Professor Erzebet HĂ©dĂ©vary took over as the Gryffindor head of house until they heard from Ludwig again.Â
Two weeks into the school year, late at night, there was a great commotion in the hall. Lovino was woken up by his brotherâs silvery wolf patronus.Â
âLudwigâs here.â Felicianoâs voice sounded frantic. Lovino didnât listen to the rest of the message, instead pulling on his black robe and running down the hall swearing under his breath.Â
Ludwig was in the hospital wing, which had taken Lovino a minute to realize. All of the staff was already there and he was speaking with Gilbert, who looked ready to cry or strangle him. Ludwig was still dressed in a brown coat and his arm was being tended to by Manon, who didnât look happy either. There was a wicked looking cut bleeding through his right arm, like heâd been splinched, and he had a bandage on his cheek. His knee looked odd and his right elbow was clearly broken. Lovino slammed the door open and the staff parted like the sea.Â
âWhere the fuck have you been?!â he snarled it. Ludwig looked up at him with rather wide eyes.
âIf you upset him Iâm kicking you out.â Manon warned. Lovino waved an acknowledging hand, but he did lower his voice.Â
âYou were gone for months longer than you said! And then it turns out that Gupta was telling you not to go and you went anyways! We got nothing from you, at all, and now you just show up in the middle of the night?! What the fuck is wrong with you?âÂ
Lovino kept going for almost five minutes. Ludwig kept blinking at him rather dopily and it eventually led to Lovino trailing off, because dopy Ludwig was a very innocent and sweet looking Ludwig, and it meant Ludwig was gazing at him like he was the night sky.
Lovino stepped back when the headmaster arrived. Ludwig would be resuming his position as head of house, but heâd be taking some time to recover before retaking his position of teacher.Â
Ludwig was back on his feet the next morning. His knee had been completely fixed but his arm was still bandaged (Manon had done what she could, but splinchings were nasty things and on top of the elbow she wasnât taking any chances) and he still had a bandage on his cheek. He was too busy catching up and checking in with the students in his house (all of whom were glad to see him back) to really chat but Lovino caught up with him in the library behind one of the bookshelves, looking at something. He turned when Lovino stepped behind the otherwise empty shelves. They looked at each other, then Lovino huffed.Â
âIf you ever do that again, Iâll beat you with my telescope.â The idea of losing this stupid man had been killing Lovino for literal months, and then Ludwig just showed up with his arm falling off and grinned at him like he was⊠something? It made his head spin. Ludwig stared at him for a moment, then smiled a little.
âYou were worried about me?â Lovino was fairly certain he wasnât imagining the pink flush spreading across those beautiful cheekbones, but he was livid enough to ignore it.Â
âYou almost died!â Lovino spat. âYou just disappeared over the summer and then show up two weeks into the school year with-â
âYou were worried about me.â Ludwig was still smiling and it made Lovinoâs heart do the thing again. He hated it.Â
âYes I was!â Lovino threw his hands in the air. âAre you listening to me threaten you!? Or did the potions Manon gave you addle your brain even more?!â Ludwig just smiled at him dopely again and Lovino had to look away. âJust- donât do it again.â
âI wonât.â After a moment, Ludwig leaned forwards and kissed his forehead. Lovinoâs heart went from fifty to a hundred and he felt his cheeks burn. âIâm sorry for worrying you. I wonât do it again.â Ludwig stepped back, pink cheeked again. âA-after all, I wouldnât want to get hit with the telescope.â
âDamn right you wouldnât.â Lovino managed after a moment. His eyes were focused on Ludwigâs lips because wow they were right there and theyâd touched his forehead holy fuck. âI⊠uh⊠Iâm gonna⊠go. Back to my classroom. Iâll see you at dinner..â Ludwig looked disappointed and Lovinoâs heart protested violently.Â
âYou donât have to.â Ludwig said tentatively. âI could use a bit of catch up on whatâs been happening.âÂ
âI⊠I think I have to.â If I donât Iâm going to kiss you until youâre seeing stars. âYou already got the catch ups from everyone else.â
âIâd rather get it from you.â Lovino took a step back and Ludwig reached for him. âIs something wrong?âÂ
âNo. Yes. Maybe. I donât know.â Lovino shook his head. âI⊠I donât know. Iâm⊠GodâŠâ Ludwig still resembled a confused dog and Lovino finally cracked. He stepped forwards and pulled Ludwig down to proper height, pressing his lips tightly to his. They were warm, a little chapped, and tasted like maple syrup from breakfast. Ludwig froze, Lovino let go, then he bolted out from the shelves. When he risked a glance over his shoulder, Ludwig was staring after him with a completely red face. Lovino turned the corner and left the library. Fuck fuck fuck fuck-
He didnât go down to breakfast the next few days and he avoided the halls like the plague. Feliciano thought he might be sick but Lovino told him to fuck off when he asked if he needed to see Manon, so Feliciano was less worried.Â
About a week after, there was a knock on his door. He was expecting one of his fifth years. âCome in.â
Ludwig pushed open the door and Lovino really considered diving under his desk and hiding for the next four years, but he froze instead. Ludwigâs arm was still wrapped up but the cut on his face had healed up. They both stared at each other for a minutes.Â
âIâve got a fifth year any time now.â he muttered. âSo make this quick.â Ludwig swallowed.Â
âSo⊠that.â He flailed a little, then pointed at his lips like an idiot. âWas⊠was that⊠romantic? I know you and Feli do the kissing thing for greetings, itâs an It-â
âItalians kiss cheeks to say hello, not lips.â Lovino snapped. âAnd so what, if it was? Iâve liked you since seventh year, and-â
âHogsmeade.â Ludwig blurted. His face was even more red than his robes.Â
â...what about it?â
âUh. Iâve liked you since Hogsmeade. Fifth year.â He buried his face in his hands. âI- Do you want to go at some point, with me? As a⊠a date?âÂ
Lovinoâs Ravenclaw fifth year, Michelle Payet, didnât end up having her meeting. She peeked inside the open door and found Professor Vargas pinning Professor Beilschmidt to the desk. (This was despite the fact that Professor Vargas was several inches shorter than Professor Beilschmidt.) She very slowly closed the door, then power walked down the hall.
When the pair of professors arrived at dinner that night, all the teachers were grinning. Headmaster Wang glanced up at them as they sat next to each other like they always did.Â
âI hope that you donât make a habit of making out during class hours.â he said rather brightly. Ludwig went red, burying his face in his hands, and Lovino just grinned.Â
âI make no promises.â He loosely took Ludwigâs hand. Ludwig squeezed, and he squeezed back, his heart still making those goddamn doki dokis but at least he knew that Ludwigâs was doing the same thing.Â
----
Thanks for reading!
This fic is also on AO3:Â https://archiveofourown.org/works/27823528
This is all Frukmerunningâs fault. They posted about a Harry Potter AU and it lived in my head rent free for a few days. Itâs also their fault that I ship Germano as much as I do now. (and Itapan. Damn you. Iâm not sure if Iâve got their characterization quiiiiiiite right but Iâm happy with it)Â
Natalia was included in the Yule Ball group because she was the only person in their year I had (for some reason? I kind of just⊠estimated the ages as I thought they worked) and I like her. Plus if anyone is going to make fun of Lovino about this, itâs her and Manon and I already had a plan for Manon.
I do have a list of sortings and positions that I made for my own amusement (this took a day of my life I will never get back) Iâll post it under the cut. Thereâs sort of a rhyme and reason for it but I canât explain it, soâŠÂ