Member: Joshua
Genre: pure sadness
Authors note: By far the saddest piece I've written. I love Joshua so much, the whole world loves Joshua so much. His teaser was by far the saddest to me I feel like, as the vibe of it. - l wrote this piece about two years ago and still to this day is the saddest piece Iâve written. Itâs been sitting in my drafts and I honestly doubt Iâll finish this series so I just rather have this piece out,, I hope you all enjoy!
He stood in front of the sink, the faucet running in the attempt to fill it to its full capacity, deliberating whether or not he should do what he had been thinking of doing for a while. What else was there left? He lost you and he couldn't continue to exist. Not like this. Some days he would just imagine you coming back to him, walking through the bathroom door; with one of his shirts loosely hanging from your body yawning and stretching your arms, your sleepiness still very prominent. But no matter how wild his imagination, he always snapped back to reality, and that reality did not include you.
He saw you. He saw you in the reflections, in the shadows and no matter how many times he washed his face with water, to snap himself back into reality, it was no use. You weren't there and you would never be there again. He was alive but never living. It was only when the pain dissolved for a small amount of time, that he was able to breathe, to live. And he felt wrong and selfish in doing so because you, well you weren't able to do so. You weren't able to live, you weren't able to breathe in the morning air or eat breakfast with him in bed, you weren't able to hold her like he did and he hated it.
131 days.
131 days since you were gone. It felt like ages, it felt like he had gone through eternity without you and he couldn't stand it. He couldn't continue living without you, he couldn't. He was strong on though. Joshua was a strong one. You told him all the time. He would just scoff and blush at you. You told him before it happened and you were no longer. "Josh you are one of the strongest people I've come to know, and that's why you can be strong without me, you have to be. For her."
He felt a warm tear trickle down his cheek at the thought of you. The sadness ate away at him. No. No, he couldn't think of you in that state, he promised you he would remember you before that, your lively smile and your being that radiated so much positivity. He wanted to yell, he was so angry at God, he was so angry at himself and he was angry at you because you left him, you left her. He wanted to yell so bad when it happened, he begged you to fight, to just fight a bit more, the worst had happened. You two surpassed it and out came a miracle from it, but it was too much for you to take, you gave to this world and then you were taken. Taken from him so easily, taken from her, her who hadn't met you yet. He was in a state of desperation again and he suddenly reached into his wallet pulling out a folded piece of paper. Slowly he unfolded the paper his heart beating faster as he did so until it was open and he scanned it as quickly as possible over and over again.
Josh,
Even though you are being alone remember I am on your side and don't be afraid of all the fears you have.
I love you,
Y/N
He cried. He cried onto the letter, onto the blue pen stained paper that you wrote to him years ago, but that still managed to get to him. It was slowly starting to disintegrate, the paper, due to the infinite number of times he took it out to read. He carried it with him wherever he went, and he'd take it out when he felt you the most or when he was unsure of himself, unsure of his actions when it came to her because he was never really sure. What he was sure was that she couldn't lose him too, he couldn't give in to the sadness and anger in his heart. He couldn't. As he wiped the tears from his face he turned the nozzles of the sink off and let the water drain, he realized that you were an everlasting being whichever way it goes. That's what you were, you were everywhere, in the sunlight, in the air, in the clouds, in her. You were everlasting to him and she was the proof.
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