MIND.AFTER.MIDNIGHT

After midnight is when we often remember the things we try our hardest to forget. Bay Area, CA | '89 til | IG:_georgeftw | Twitter: georgedammit | Youtube.com/stillnotfamous

[ostracizedpoodle]

basketballs smell gross 

[neofriend-deactivated20160823]

go to hell??

[ostracizedpoodle]

why are you defending the smell of a ball 

[mindaftermidnight]

Aight, fuck it. I’ma vent/complain/rant about something that I thought was too childish to complain about but idc anymore.

I find it funny how people can push someone, motivate someone to do something that that person has been thinking about doing, and then when the time finally comes to show support, everybody silent.

Case in point. Do I want to be famous? To an extent. I want to be known. I want to put my work out there; whether it be artwork or vlogs. The reason I haven’t been pushing myself to do it as much as I should is because I never thought I was good enough. And the people in my life, God bless them, would always be like “Yea you should! I’d watch! I’d share it!” etc. etc. But now that I am, ain’t no traffic on my work. Nobodies watching, nobodies sharing and helping me put my work out there, retweeting me when I announce it, or something even as simple as clicking the like button. I mean, to the few that do watch even maybe some of it, what’s it hurt to just click the like button real quick? You’re already watching the video, what’s an extra click? Ain’t no harm to you but even that helps me out a lot. But nope.

I went to Japan and tried my hardest, did my best, to capture all the good moments of my friends, so that I can come out with vlogs for the trip. I’m spending sleepless nights and countless hours during my day to edit and put together videos. And when I do, even some of those friends I went with aren’t even liking them, or sharing them, etc. I don’t get it. What is so hard about clicking a few buttons to help support a friend? What, does it not match your profile? Or do y’all just think it’s not good enough to share? Or do y’all just think I’m not gonna get anywhere anyways so it’s no use putting it out there? If it’s any of the above, and you consider yourself my “friend”, then fuck you. Because that’s some fucked up shit.

Help me understand. Y’all been hypin’ me up for hella long to get started. Well, here I am. Where’s the support? Honestly it’s discouraging me from continuing doing so. I already was hesitant from the start, this just making it worse. Shit maybe I should quit.

[mindaftermidnight]

How I Base My Opinions Of People

I pay attention to the little things people say as opposed to what they actually do; their words vs. their actions, how they contradict themselves. Little things that they don’t even pay attention to about themselves. Small details about people, it’s just how my mind words. I will forget birthdays, anniversaries, etc. but I can remember something somebody wore, or in this case, what they said, on certain special days that hold significance. I remember that shit like it was just a few moments ago.

So when I start acting weird or distant from someone after seeing contradictions in them that I don’t like, they’ll be oblivious. And it’s unfair to them, because if I were to say “Well you said this 5 years ago but now.. it’s different” that’ll sound weird as fuck. And it’s not like I’m holding it against them or holding on a grudge, no. It’s just ingrained in my mind that I just happen to remember.

Small example: To all the people who pushed me to come out with content such as artwork or video, when I didn’t even want to do it myself. They saw potential in me, a sense of humor, and motivated me to start. And so I did, and then.. no traffic on it. Hardly any likes, hardly any shares, etc. So where are y’all now? To the people who I hold as a close friend, a lot of them didn’t even hit me up for my birthday. One of them, who once said “You’re one of my closest friends” didn’t greet me, and then not even a day later, contacted me for a favor. I ignored it, ignored every other text after that and haven’t spoke to her since. Unfair, hell yea. Because she didn’t even know I would think about that. Now, to be fair, before you say I overreacted, she never hits me up unless she needs something. Never to say hi, or what’s up, or anything at all unless she needs something. So that for me was the last straw. But you see where I’m getting at? And I know this is hella baby-ish and sensitive, I’m just saying, this is how my mind works.

When people start doing shit like that, that’s when I start distancing myself from them. But in their eyes, I probably look like an asshole, or that I “switched up”. I never just switch up on somebody out of the blue, not purposely, anyways. I always have a reason. Yes, maybe that reason is really, abstract, if you will, but a reason none the less.

Now, I say “not purposely” because I’m sure I’ve done something to someone that I have no clue about. I know this, because I’ve been told this by some of those people. And that’s why I don’t really hold it against some when they do do it to me, excluding examples of people as stated above lol.

I just hate how my mind thinks sometimes. But I also love it, because it can show me some peoples true colors. It’s because of this I am able to get a really good read off people from the first time I meet them, so there’s that lol.

[mindaftermidnight]

This Has Been A Shitty Week

I’ve been in the worst mood because all the events that happened this week have totally killed my vibe.

Let me just start off with the fact I’ve been over working my ass like a mother fucker. Taking hella shifts, showing up early, staying late, all for more money for my vacation, so I’m already mentally and physically exhausted. The only thing other than my Japan vacation I was looking forward to was my birthday weekend.

So I asked permission from my parents to throw a get together for my birthday this weekend. Which, to me, is bullshit. We all pay rent here, and I’m 29 years old, why do I have to ask permission? You reach an age where when your birthday rolls around, you don’t really wanna go out. For me, I’d rather just have all my close friends and family under one roof, drinking, sharing laughs and making memories. I did it last year, was a blast, asked if I can do the same thing this year, and I got told “no.” So because that didn’t fall through, I had nothing else planned to celebrate.

And then somebody bapped my car bumper in the parking lot at Bart. I’m 2 1/2 weeks away from Japan. Like I said I’ve been working overtime like a mad man, grinding trying to make hella commission, doing my taxes, anything I can do to make some more money to spend for that vacation. And now, all that money has to go towards my car.

That same night I come home, open my door and my house is THRASHED. Furniture tipped over or thrown in places and I’m like “WHAT THE FUCK.” I go to my room, grab my weapon and surveillance the house, preparing for the worse. I hear noise from my parents room so I shout out “Mom!?” I rush to her room and turn on the light and her room is thrashed. I see her and my step dad just laying there on their bed. I’m like “What the hell happened!?” and she says “Nothing, just turn off the light.” I go to the kitchen, she comes out and tells me they got in a fight and my step dad basically went on a rampage. Yo. They argue, but he hasn’t lost his temper like that since I was a kid.

The next day I go to work and get chewed out by my GM because me and a few colleagues made a little mistake by trusting the wrong person basically. I’m sparing you the details. To follow that up, my coworker asked me if she can leave early because she’s tired. This girl has only worked 4 days in the past week when I’ve only had 1 day off in the past 2 weeks, plus it’s my bday weekend. I’M the one trying to leave early. But of course, I say yes. Fine. Go ahead. After she leaves, OF COURSE all the problems arise, leaving me to stick with it. And even though I had to put on all the years of customer experience I’ve accumulated over the years, trying to put on a smile through those situations was fucking hard for me bro.

Anyways. Here I am. It’s 2am, my birthday. I have nothing planned this weekend. Everyones too busy or sick or what not to do anything. So it’s like, aight man. I guess I’ll just stay in and literally do absolutely nothing. Clean I guess. Go get my bumper fixed, idk. It’s payday. Maybe I’ll celebrate and go get a tattoo or something lol

Birthday or not, regardless, this has been a shitty week. And my mood has been absolutely killed.

[sobeitjayt]

No more hittin up people first who dont try to show the same energy 

[6killshit]

Stuck between idk, idc & idgaf.

[mindaftermidnight]

Not to mention. I also relied on my poker skills too much and lost hella money.

So.

Not only did I ruin my chance with my crush because my timing sucks, I’m also, down a lot of money.

My weekend vacation just went to shit lmao

[mindaftermidnight]

I Took My Shot

And I asked out a girl I’ve been crushin on fo a while now.

My anxiety has never been so high as I await an answer.

Fuck. Fuck. I fucked up. I shouldn’t have said anything. Shoulda just left shit as it was. Pretty sure she’s not looking for a relationship atm. My timing is always off lol. Gah damnit. Everything’s ruined.

I’m so fuckin scared 😅

[cheese24k]

[vua-deactivated20160828]

oh my god

[friendley-deactivated20200102]

everyone needs to see this video at least once in their life

[andromedafalls]

I think my favorite thing about dogs is that they can, in fact, perceive the tone/mood of music, just as they can with human voices.

[theteastainedpages]

I think the best part about this is that there was an actual academic study done to find out what music dogs preferred, they set it up by kenneling dogs and figuring out which kind of music caused them to be more relaxed in the situation, and they found out that most dogs prefer soft rock and reggae. 

He probably really digs it. 

[fckin-deactivated20171107]

i just got arrested for being too ugly

[fckin-deactivated20171107]

can someone come bail me out

[quadriceps-deactivated20171230]

on my way!

[quadriceps-deactivated20171230]

can someone come bail me out

[luxgalador]

so i have a cat now

[naamahdarling]

I am such a sucker for a good love story!

[mindaftermidnight]

The other night I broke down in tears. I cried. I really, really cried. Hard. For a long time.

I just came home from a night out with friends, intoxicated, lumped down in my office chair, refreshing every social website I have even though I knew, it’s around 3am, and nobody is awake. Therefore, nothing new would possibly show up. I clicked a notification I got earlier on FaceBook from a friend who tagged me in one of my little sisters vlogs. It was a vlog I haven’t watched yet. It was a vlog about the passing of my older sister.

As I watched it, I can feel the water works building up. Maybe it was because I was drunk, and when I’m drunk, I’m a little more sensitive to my emotions. Maybe it was because I’ve been holding it in for so long. Maybe because I haven’t thought about it much recently. But that’s when it happened, I cried. Cried like there was no other. It felt all the same emotions I did the day it happened. It’s been 5 years since the day it happened.

I found myself visiting her old social media. Looking at pictures. I have this disc or USB somewhere with a file of all of her old computer files and in those files were videos of her. I have never seen them before and actually avoided seeing them because I thought it’d hurt too much. But I looked for that disc or USB. I never found it. I wanted to, so bad. I wanted to see her move again, wanted to hear her voice. I wanted to see her alive again.

I still think it’s unfair. I’m still in disbelief. I’ve come to terms with it, yea. And have drawn out what it could mean or what I can take away from it, but it all stil hurts the same. She’s still gone.

I fuckin miss my sister, man. If you’re reading this, please love those around you. Let them know you love them. I know you hear this all the time but shit, life really is short. And you never know when something or someone can be taken away from you. And be blessed with the life you live. Make the most of it.

Stay up, stay blessed.

[mindaftermidnight]

“We Used To Be Close”

Has to be one of the saddest things that can ever be said.

The fact that you can be total strangers with someone who you knew like the back of your hand, and you to theirs. Someone you used to literally talk to every single day, about every single thing.

What’s worse is when pride gets in the way of communication. Both yall wanna play off that you’re doing good without the other or not thinking about the other, even though you know damn well you are. But neither of you wanna be the first to hit the other up because that’ll make you seem weak, or that you’re “losing”. And trust me, this is my biggest weakness, and it’s broken a lot of friendships of mine. But for me it’s a different story. I have put my pride aside, numerous times, to the point where I stopped to see if maybe once, they’d be the first one to hit me up, and it never happens.

Or when something good happens, and they’d be the first person you tell. Or even when you’re depressed, and they’d be the first person you run to. But you can’t, or won’t.

It just sucks man. Losing friends like that. Or just losing friends in general. People don’t like getting hurt. They put themselves through so much but hardly ever get the same love in return and that’s where it breaks. Eventually, they just stop trying.

The ones that do last though, those are the real relationships that you know are going to be around forever. There are some friends in your life where you look at them and just know nothing can break it.

But damn. Thinking about the ones you thought you’d have one of those forever long relationships with and now they’re just... strangers. That hurts.

[mindaftermidnight]

"I Love My Job"

Something I never thought I'd hear myself say about a regular "9-5" job, but damn, I do. I know this because I find myself tweeting about it all the time. About the fun days, the jokes, and just the every day things that happen. Everything about it; the job itself, the location, the pay, the environment, the energy, and especially the people. Every shift is a fun shift. Everyone I work with is so chill and cool to chop it up with and, what I noticed last night, hang out with outside of work. I've actually found a job that I don't mind going to. That I don't dread thinking about when I wake up. I look forward to going and seeing people, coworkers and guests. Speaking of, the guests we get are awesome. People from all over the world I get to talk to and hear their stories. And some leave us gifts, especially food lol. And speaking of food! There's a restaurant next to us that works with us and I've made a good relationship with the Manager there and just about every night he'll bring me something to eat; be it burger, fries, chicken wings lol. All for doing small favors like finding a charger for his phone or just for conversing. I want to be good at this job. I want to be able to move up and reach a higher position. I've already grown a lot and learned a lot quickly. I've gotten praises from the higher ups (especially the "bitches" and strict ones) about how quickly I picked up on things. There was one really wild night, basically the Black Friday of hospitality, where I pretty much stepped up and shown how I am as a worker, to the point the supervisor took MY lead on how to handle the night and the people. I have 9 years of customer service under my belt and 2 heads of labor experience and I think all of that has turned me into the worker I am today and it shows. If it's one thing I've been missing from my past jobs that I get here is acknowledgment for my work, and that really goes a long way. I know that once I learn this business like the back of my hand, Ima be ready to step up. I can go on and on but really all I can say is, no, this may not be my dream career, but damn am I happy. And I really pray this feeling never fades away lol Praise God for helping me find this job. I literally left a job I was miserable at, to something I couldn't be more happy about lol. Good is so good, and his timing is so perfect.

[weirdnessisgood]

[mindaftermidnight]

I honestly don't like the way I look. My niggas hype me up all the time and say shit like "George is the pretty one of the group" or "He's funny and good looking so he's first before anyone" and some others have complimented my style or whatever but seriously, idk what they see lol. Like, real talk. My low self esteem always thinks they're being sarcastic and shit. I mean this in the most genuine possible way, I'm ugly as fuck lmao. I hate my teeth. I hate how skinny I am and how I can't gain weight despite how much I eat. I got eczema which makes my body dry and shit. I really don't like any of it. I'm trying to change the things I don't like, but it's gonna take a lot of time. I wish I could believe people when they gas me up lol. But damn man. I just wanna be semi-good looking. Just a LITTLE bit, shit lmao

[fairycosmos]

me: *looks at myself in the mirror* me: Hm. don’t like That