《 I'm Mish <3 ( main @husky-draws ) This is really just an alt blog for me to spew about all the media I'm enjoying!! As you can probably guess, that is mostly deadpool and xmen media 》
《 "Reviews" rants vents, etc. possible thirsting, so I ask you to be 18+. You ain't gotta agree with me, and I welcome friendly conversation on any topics I bring up! If i ever dare to finish a fanfic and publish it ill also talk abt that here. 》
Obviously, I love love love wyatt russel as John Walker. But, I can't help wanting to hear that "southern drawl" in John tooo... wyatt jus sounds Californian </3
((I generally don't mind/care, but IM SO CURIOUS I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITD SOUND LIKE.
John is kind. It gets overlooked quite a bit because of the assholery that he shrouds himself in like a protective layer (especially after Lemar's death), but when his guard isn't up, we see it in the way he wants to protect people
and looks after them even when there's friction.
It's in the way that, even when he's under an incredible amount of stress, he doesn't brush people off.
He takes care of people, and I think that's born out of an innate kindness that's easy to overlook, but once you see it, you wonder how you missed it at all.
I can't listen to this without thinking so hard about John and Olivia.
//
He's my man
We're hand in hand
To hell and back
And I love him like nobody else can
He's my man
I've been damned
No, nobody has to understand
Me and my man
I stay home and make his dinner
Even though somehow he keeps getting thinner
I wait watching the washing machine spin 'round and around again
I need him so much that it hurts
I wish he didn't have to go to work
He keeps complaining that his vision's blurred
//
Imagine falling in love with your highschool sweetheart, you marry him and stay by his side. You become his rock and he wants nothing more than to protect you from it all. I bet John experienced his first tour, anxious but determined to help and protect people. Just to come back a bit more hallowed out...
Olivia tries. Her John is still there. He's right here. He came back to her. They try to work it out the first time. It goes alright. I don't think they immediately recognize it as PTSD.
John goes back again and again, and it hurts Olivia so much seeing him do it, but she gets it. She understands his need and desire to help..to protect. He's dutifully helping his country, right?
The headaches start, and the insomnia ramps up. Then, one night, John wakes up screaming. God I bet he was terrified of Olivia seeing him like that.
Olivia does what she can, but it's not easy. Oh, but she loves him so much. And it's still her John... he's still bashful when he gives her an anniversary gift.. he's still sometimes cocky in an endearing way, and he squeezes her and holds her the same way at prom all those years ago.
Then, an opportunity falls into his hands. The next Captain America. He takes it immediately. The hollowing bit in him is eating him alive. Everyone he couldn’t save over the decade. But...to be a hero? The hero always saves the day.
//
He keeps having feverish dreams
That he can never, ever leave
He wakes, headaches, funny taste to his tea
I want him to stay here forever
He's happiest with me
'Cause he
He's my man
And I love him like nobody else can
He's my man
He's gone quite mad
No, nobody has to understand
Me and my man
//
Then the week passes. And he comes back to her. The entire world against him now...
They give him a dishonorable discharge him. As if all he's done is nothing now. The world is against him but this is the man she loves him. So Olivia's here. She gets it, gets him. That's always been enough it'll be enough now, too...
((I know this song is abt keeping that man captive but yayy interpretation.
I kinda got a bit lost at the end the ramblings went hard.. so many thoughts and feelings and such little writing ability 😭
Does anyone by chance have any fics or writings about John taking the serum?
Cause it's painful, and I literally think about weekly. Like did he prepare? Did he even consider it'd reject him? I'd assume he did it alone. Olivia wasn't around, though I'd imagine he maybe called her before hand... and I don't think he told Lemar until afterwards? When he stole it he kept quiet about it.
So I assume he just... made the decision. Cause that's what he does, right? Always makes the right choice in the heat of the moment.
He's Captain America he thinks he can just. Handle it.. I imagine he took it alone in whatever quarters him and Lemar were at. In the quiet cold night. I think he pushed everything aside and just administered it into himself.
I think he writhed in pain and agony alone on the floor for however many torturous minutes. The silence of night only broken with his short, heavy breaths. Maybe it hurt too much to even scream. Maybe he held down his cries to not worry anyone around.
I imagine his mind was filled with Lemar and Olivia and all of the team members he lost.
Maybe he passed out from the pain. Maybe it was over, and he just lay there until he can manage to get up and carry on with his night. Maybe he didn't sleep at all since his altered body didn't exactly need it anymore. I bet he still tried, though. To seek out the comfort or normalcy amongst it all.
Anyway I really wish we got a scene on this in TFATWS!! I love John Walker <3