Things I want to remember in 2019
1. You are your first priority. Act like it. Don’t fail yourself in being there for yourself. Emotionally, financially and physically. They will use the word ‘selfish’ very quickly but have they once been ‘selfless’ in your desperate times of need?
2. Relationships always have a power dynamic. Which is why you shouldn’t get involved with anyone at work. Workplaces have a very defined line of authority and power dynamic and when that mixes with the blurry personal power dynamic, things get unnecessarily messy. We’re striving towards clearing past messes up, not actively making new ones.
3. Your life is yours to live but you can only do that when you can live it 100% financially independently. You know how it goes…as long as you live in your father’s house you follow his rules. Want to live life on your own terms? Be independent enough to do so. It’s very possible. There’s nothing you can’t do once you set your mind to it, you know that.
4. If people very conveniently ignore the age difference between the two of you, point it out. Most people don’t behave age appropriately and you are no longer a child to not know better than to speak up.
5. Friends are lovely, yes, but they are also fleeting. So have all the honest conversations you want and laugh away for hours and make beautiful memories but don’t make forever promises and don’t form expectations.
6. Get health insurance, figure out taxes and investing and get your driver’s license. It’s time for you to grow up and learn everything that was never taught to you.
7. Save. I know in this age of consumerism and aggressive+unethical marketing you find it hard to resist buying but you must. If you want to get out and you want to travel to Japan and South Korea and if you want to live life with a light heart, you must begin saving. Now.
8. As your friend Nazam rightly said, you can only be open with open-minded people. Remember that. Tattoo it if you must but just don’t let it slip your overtly accepting mind. You’re warm and open and accepting and you give people the benefit of the doubt not once but as a standing offer. Why? Why must you be so understanding only to erode your heart bit by bit when all most do is taint your earnestness with their insincere actions?
9. You are not obligated to give gifts to people. Even if it’s their birthday. Even if you care about them. But if you do, you can in moderation. It doesn’t have to be this huge surprise. I don’t know if you always did so because you thought people would like you or you just wanted to make them happy or you thought it was common courtesy. But the thing is you owe nothing to anyone. And neither do they.
10. Experiences over things. Things you’ve always wanted to do. Things you don’t realize you always wanted to do until you do them. With people or alone. Spontaneous or planned. It’s all about the experiences. Indulge in them generously.
11. Learn to cook. Not because you’re a girl but because it’s a basic life skill. Also because in your journey of mindful eating and becoming healthy, cooking your own food is what’s going to really help make it sustainable.
12. Spending on your basic must-haves and well-being is not unnecessary. And I don’t mean this in a way where you make impulse purchases and get into a lot of debt. But massages, herbal tea, good clothes and artist dates are important.
13. 8 hours of sleep is what you need. That culture where an unhealthy reliance on coffee is romanticized is really toxic and you don’t need to be a part of it.
14. You feel lonely when you’re bored. So don’t yourself reach there. I know you don’t have the energy to read or illustrate after a long day at work but you can pick up a colouring book or watch a documentary about a topic that has always interested you but you’ve not explored it yet or talk to a friend. But don’t give in to jerks who don’t care.
13. They say when you expect something out of someone, you get hurt. True. But they ask you to stop expecting. Shit advice. What you really need to do is not adjust your expectations but your own actions. Do less for them. That by default will lower your expectations. There’s no need to be all selfless. You can’t get them to do more but you can get yourself to do less. By doing less for them, you’re doing more for yourself. And that is one thing I urge you to never forget.
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