wicked game

20 | Munich | Bosnian | hedonist | bookworm | wanderlust | pábitel

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you shouldn't be hurting me.

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coffee with the demon

That night the demon just knocked on my shoulder and smiled at me. I was used to Him showing up when I less expect Him to, so I just pointed at the seat next to me.

I made as us a coffee, I said. He just looked at the mug, like He wanted to show me that the mug was already His. I filled it with a warm drink as He crossed his legs and made Himself comfortable in the chair.

Would I be missing Him, if He somehow just went away­

I mean, I always have something to turn to.

He smiled at me, again.

My wicked soul enjoyed His company. He hugged it with a warmth of His darkness. That darkness was my place to be. He didn’t let go. He understood.

He won’t let me sleep tonight. Again. He visited a lot in the last couple of weeks. I guess I had a lot on my mind and my thoughts were loud. He came to check up on me. If it wasn’t for the storm that He was bringing with Him, I would say it was nice of Him to join me on the journey.

The storms were His gift to me. They were a gentle touch of the hell lighting up the fire on my skin. I was bleeding for more. The fire let deep scars on my chest but it was something I was addicted to.

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3.

Jednom cu se sastati s bogom. Razgovarat cemo uz solju caja i cajni keks. Dobit cu odgovore na sve upitnike iznad glave. Pitat cu ga gdje je bio svih onih noci kad su suze srljale niz obraze, urezujuci svoj put i ostavljajuci tragove na mladom licu.

Pitat cu ga da li slabo cuje, zasto me nije primio k sebi onda kad sam najvise trebala njegovo drustvo. Kada sam u nevjerici zazivala njegovo ime uz molitvu da me primi.

Pitat cu ga zasto osjecaj slobode dolazi iskljucivo iz oziljaka na rukama.

Pitat cu ga zasto ljudi dolaze i odlaze.

Pitat cu ga zasto je osoba tako krhka, zasto je ljudski um poput zatvorske celije.

Pitat cu ga zasto je ljudima dao osjecaj moci nad drugima. Cemu sluze osjecaji koji nas samo lome, ostaju neuzvraceni i bivaju zatvoreni duboko u nama. Trunu tamo gdje smo ih sakrili.

Pitat cu ga zasto je ljude stvorio tako razlicite, nesretne, bijedne i zeljne. Zasto je covjeku toliko tesko biti prijatelj sa samim sobom, osobom s kojom provodi najvise vremena.

Jednom cu se sastati s bogom. Otici cu na caj, nenajavljena, onda kada mi pitanja budu odzvanjala glavom toliko da njihov vrisak vise ne bude podnosljiv.

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2.

Her every cell was burning inside, setting the whole body on fire. She was weak and broken, but she smiled like the every other day. You could never tell she had a battle in her, and she was both winner and loser. It was hard to play it normal, but after all these years of having a trouble sleeping and having that terrible feeling that her body was tearing her apart, she learned it. No one could've see it. It was her war.

So she walked, talked, laughed. Sometimes she was really happy, because the feeling, that made her wanting to cut off her skin, came in waves. But on the bad days she felt like every bone inside of her wanted to escape. Like the parts of her didn't want to be hers. It was both scary and pleasend. Because not only her mind was feeling it. It was the whole body wanting to lose control.

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Zvuk olovke na bijelom papiru stvarao je umirujuću melodiju. Tanka slova su se oslanjala na linije. Zar osjećaji stvarno mogu stati na stranicu formata A4?

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I wanna kiss you while the smiths are playing in the background and the thousands of brightening stars are smiling at us. I wanna whisper to your skin with my fingers and dance until the last note comes out of the old radio. I wanna hug you and tell you all about the screams in my head. I wanna reach your hand in those scary nights.

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Nedjelja

Žudeći za njegovim dahom na vratu, osjećala je samo hladnoću nedeljnog jutra u stanu. Odjeća po podu ispunjavala je prostor samo toliko da dah ne bi odzvanjao po ćoškovima.  Miris kafe se širio dnevnim boravkom, ali ona nije marila. Željela je da je on tu. Nedjelja je bila dan kolača s jagodama iz pekarne u susjedstvu. Nedjelja je bila dan za ljenčarenje u njegovoj košulji i dugom odgađanju ustajanja iz tople posteljine. Međutim sada, nedjelja je bila još jedan dan da on nije tu.

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