Television's words of wisdom

[miraclecelestetv]

Probably burned boatloads of your stuff before. Can't remember to forget you.

Memento (2000)

[miraclecelestetv]

I don't care if she just showed Michael Jackson how to Harlem Shake.

Missy Elliott -Honey (2003)

[miraclecelestetv]

You slept with her didn't you? -Yeah, a little bit.

Joey Tribianni

[miraclecelestetv]

Shouldn't we give her the benefit of the doubt before we go snooping around her crotch?

Chandler Bing

[miraclecelestetv]

Monday - One day Tuesday - Two day Wednesday - When? Huh? What day? Thursday! - the third day!

Joey Tribiani - Friends

[miraclecelestetv]

I'm sorry your husband cheated on you. I'm sorry your wife is gay.

Friends S06E16

[miraclecelestetv]

What is it you think you're doing ? -Well, I think it's called flirting but if you have to ask I might be doing it wrong

Pan -James Hook

[miraclecelestetv]

Monica, get my purse. -Rachel, there's nothing in it. Then get me your purse.

Friends

[miraclecelestetv]

So, twins? That's like two birds.

Friends -Ross Geller

[miraclecelestetv]

Don't hug the [radioactive] zombies. Got it.

Z-Nation

[miraclecelestetv]

A month ago?! That's like 2 years apocalypse time.

Z-Nation

[miraclecelestetv]

Do you take [her] to be your partner in a possibly outdated institution in order to have a quote-unquote normal life? Are you ready to give up an idealistic search for a soulmate and try to make it work with [her] so you can move forward with your life ? I do.

Master of None S01E10

[miraclecelestetv]

So it's like she went to the store to buy a dildo but in the package, it was my penis and it was attached to my body. I'm just a human dildo.

Aziz Ansari -Master of None

[miraclecelestetv]

Well, that interaction didn't go as planned.

Aziz Ansari, Master of None

[miraclecelestetv]

You want a drink? I'm having a drink. -It's 5 in the morning. Exactly.

Jessica Jones

[miraclecelestetv]

It's nothing like my old hospital. -Where are you from? Seattle Grace. -Like on TV? *silence*

Jessica Jones

[miraclecelestetv]

*looks at invisible spaceship in the middle of Golden Gate Park* "Everybody remember where we parked." -Captain Kirk -I can't tell if he's joking or not