I've been here at this place for a month now it's pretty chill. My only issue is Robyn. She hasent called came to see me nothing. I have to find out about the baby threw Terrance and Michael I don't think that's right at all.
The doctor I've been seeing is cool. She believes me about the voices. I explained to her who's voices they are, she says I'm traumatized. I think it's just my past catching up to me finally ready to drive a nigga nuts. I'm about to walk in here and talk to her she wants me to try out these meds to see if it will help me out.
Not only is a nigga hearing these voices, but I've been depressed. Robyn decision to not be with me is hitting me hard. I never thought she would do this to me. Talk about kicking a man while he's down. She stomped me, and spit on me while I was down I feel so low.
I knocked on the door to Dr. Hensons office.
"Come in" she yelled from the other end.
I walked in and waved with a slight smile as I took my seat in front of her.
"How are you today Dr. Henson?" I asked.
"Boy I'm not going to tell you to call me Taraji again. " she giggled. "How are you doing is the question Chris."
"I'm doing okay, I guess I'm now able to push the voices out. I just try my hardest to forget them like you told me, and it helps a lot." I smiled and watched her nod her head writing on her pad. "I can't get her and the baby off my mind tho." I said putting my head down.
She watched me for a few seconds and started writing again. "Chris your in love sweetheart! I can't blame you for that. You just have to take it a day at a time honey it will get better." She said now smiling.
"I'm trying, but it's hard. I already have trouble sleeping being away from them again isn't helping. I don't get why she won't just talk to me."
I hurried and wiped the tear that fell from my eye when there was a knock on the door. "I don't mean to interrupt, but Christopher has a visitor." The secretary from the front desk announced.
"Come back after I'm working late tonight. We have to finish this conversation and start these meds. Go and enjoy your visit." The dr said to me.
"Even though I don't want to I know your going to make me so I won't put up a fight." I said giving her a weak smile heading for the door.
She returned the smile and said "Chris enjoy yourself ill see you in a bit."
It's been a long month I can't believe I'm doing this. I feel wrong, but I it feels right like this is how things are suppose to be. I'm not mad at Christopher or nothing it's just that he has to know I won't stand for that type of disrespect. Of course I still love him, but I have to move on from this in order to better myself. Christopher still has my heart yes, but my son is a sponge he can't be around that type of situation.
I'm going to sit here and wait it out. I turned to look at little Chris behind me and he was still fast asleep. I want to raise him with a mother and father in the same home it's my reason for being here with him I need to find something new, to fall in love again, but this time the right way. My son and I are going to find out that's why we are here right now. I hope he doesn't break my heart there is no way I could go threw another heartbreak.
I watched as he came in the room. I saw a sparkle in his eyes one I didn't see before today. That's Christopher! He's the one we've all been waiting for to return.
"Hey momma you finally decided to come see me at the crazy house huh?" He asked a huge smile plastered on his face, grabbing my hand to pull me up into a hug.
I smiled back hugging him tight. "Baby how you feeling? Your looking good." He's gained some weight within this month. He's such a handsome boy.
"I'm good. How's um rob- everybody doing?" He put his head down and I lifted it back up by his chin.
"She's fine baby. Don't place your head down like that you have the right to ask." He nodded his head looking me in my eyes.
"I apologize to you momma. I would never act like that I promise you. I'm sending that man back over to Iraq that came home and greeted you and the rest of the family. I'm coming home now, and you'll get to know the real me."
His eyes where telling me a story. While tears fell down my face. My son is here and the only one I can thank for that is my farher God. "Oh baby stop with the apologies I understand"
"Momma you want me to tell you what's wrong, what was bugging me?" He asked.
"Go ahead baby I'm listening." I said.
"Okay. Before this war, before Robyn Terrance and Michael I was nothing. I didn't have a pot to piss in." He put his head down again but lifted it back up fast. "I was beaten belittled by people who never cared. I tried to be a normal kid, but they wouldn't let me. I couldne believe my life I didn't understand it. I never felt love so I began to feel like it was a made up word. I didn't get why my parents would leave me to go threw that." He turned his head when he said that, and my heart sunk to the pit of my stomach.
"Christopher I'm so sorry baby, I wanted you. It was out of-"
"No momma I'm not mad." He said now smiling. "It was a lesson I had to learn and trust me I learned it. When I finally got away from them a year and a half ago I was put I. The hands of love. From the day I met Robyn I loved her. From the day I met Terrance he loved me. It was odd the way it worked out momma. Now I have a family a real one a mother, two fathers, two brothers. A handsome son, a few friends, and a girl I want to grow old with. That's why I'm here."
I smiled at him. He took a deep breath and continued what he was saying. "It was them Jermaine and his mother, even that girl Lauren. They kept telling me these things, how to act, who to love. I was fighting angels with demons and refuse to let it go on. When I get out if here I'm going to them to let them all know I forgive their wrong doing and won't hold a grudge. After I'm going to work on Robyn and I. I have a plan that I hope will work I need her and my son in my life."
What I'm feeling right now is unbelievable. This boy is amazing. He's being forgiving to those who have hurt him the most. That's a rare trait and I'm so happy he's gotten it.
"Baby would you like to tell Robyn all of that " I asked.
"I will when I get home, she won't even talk to me over the phone, but in person she has no choice but to listen." He gave me a genuine smile and I returned it.
"Sit tight baby I have to go get something ill be right back."
I walked as fast as I possibly could trying to get to the car. Everything is going to work out. I promise that. I opened the car door and asked "are you ready to go in?"
I got a head nod and stepped out the way. I'm so happy to have my son. Thank you Jesus!
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