very random but specific Kaiser headcanons bc i'm having a writing block for my other fic
tw: these are just my opinions, i don't consider it to be the absolute truth at all and would be very happy to have you guys' own opinions!
as a result of various forms of violence he had endured, his body is covered in scars: some smaller, others way more visible.Â
absolutely unfit for any household chores. this guy burns his pasta water and lets crushed cola cans or balled-up tissues rot under his bed.
kinda messy at first glance, but his mess is lowkey ordered somehow?? like he knows perfectly well where any of his shits are if that makes sense lol. however, he sometimes has like idk. flashes of insight where he gets annoyed with his own mess and decides to tidy it up.
smells like your grandpa. he likes very strong, old-fashioned even, menâs colognes. it gives him the impression of asserting some kind of strength ig.
despite his classes at the BM Academy, he still has an illegible handwriting â except for the autograph âïž
has a deeper scar from stitches on his skull, caused by the glass bottle his father broke over his head. itâs covered by his hair now.
always oversleeps but blames you everytime YOU do
is a good speaker if prepared, however he has poor reading aloud skills. stutters a lot if he hasnât been able to practice several times beforehand.
might have a phobia of administrative tasks of some sort.
always feels invested with the mission of correcting what you say that might be wrong, or when you pronounce something incorrectly.
has very bad teeth, or had them replaced when he turned pro.
types messages with those â....â shits like a deadass 70 years old person. he also uses the period in his messages as a genuine morphosyntactic marker. he doesnât really get why some people might interpret it as a sign of hostility.
his hands are extremely calloused and rough.
doesnât use his cell phone much because he grew up accustomed to not having one.
wears contact lenses during matches. actually has poor eyesight due to genetics ig (itâs shown that his father wears glasses), evenings spent reading in poor lighting + screens, but also to the injury from the glass bottle incident which may have affected one of his eyes.
regularly bumps into the doorframe when he enters a room and insults it everytime
he learned to tie his shoelaces very late and still doesnât know how to proceed with a tie. his go-to excuse is that âitâs up to the makeup artists and stylistsâ of whatever photoshoot he participates in to take care of that
beyond psychology and philosophy, he's a âsecretâ sucker for romance. paintings, movies, songs, books, give him all. heâll always be the biggest hater of it and will say itâs stupid, but he actually appreciates a lot how art can make him connect with the feelings he seeks somehow.
doesnât fold his clothes properly, except perhaps when it comes to his football gear.
A/N: yeah i'm alive đ”âđ«đ€ sorry i just have too much work for this economy lmao. i have SO MANY headcanons about this man (i mean he's my fav. is the fic i'm currently writing about Kaiser tho? no lol) so i had to do some sorting. hope you still enjoyed it! đ i don't have a taglist btw. would you guys be interested in that? feel free to let me know. love đ
