hey did you know? Talking things out actually helps and makes you feel better. Because i learn this every time i actually tell someone how i feel
Misplaced Lens Cap

tannertan36
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TVSTRANGERTHINGS
todays bird
taylor price
trying on a metaphor
YOU ARE THE REASON

@theartofmadeline

Love Begins

Andulka
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Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

祝日 / Permanent Vacation

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occasionally subtle
hello vonnie
Peter Solarz
$LAYYYTER
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@mirrored-mirrors
hey did you know? Talking things out actually helps and makes you feel better. Because i learn this every time i actually tell someone how i feel
oooooohhhhh im about to fucking crash and burn arent i
its so funny to me that like every person i talked to from the ages 5-23 and even some people now will hear me talk about the things i went through and be like "um that doesnt sound too bad i think youre a whiny baby and should die" meanwhile i tell my therapist anf she sits there shellshocked for like half our session
me: my mom screams at me over the smallest things and tells me she wants to kill herself because my siblings and i were born
"Friend": hm i think youre overreacting and need to grow up
Me: im in so much pain im crying and not able to catch my breath i need to see a doctor
My mom: mm no you dont <3
Me: yeah my house is falling apart and im freezing in the winter and dying of heat fatigue in the summer, and every time it rains or gets a little windy im worried im going to be homeless
"Friend": yeah well. I dont like my job. So really im doing worse
Me: yeah my mom used to tell me no one would ever love me because i have body hair and body fat and it kinda messed me up
"Friend": FUCK. YOU. Someone once told me to eat a BURGER because im SKINNY AND BEAUTIFUL so maybe THINK before you SPEAK
its so funny to me that like every person i talked to from the ages 5-23 and even some people now will hear me talk about the things i went through and be like "um that doesnt sound too bad i think youre a whiny baby and should die" meanwhile i tell my therapist anf she sits there shellshocked for like half our session
oh thats right thats right, im not allowed to say no or have boundaries. I forgot, im not a person, im just a comfort object
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????
okay its okay we talked about it. Things are better.
oh thats right thats right, im not allowed to say no or have boundaries. I forgot, im not a person, im just a comfort object
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????
oh thats right thats right, im not allowed to say no or have boundaries. I forgot, im not a person, im just a comfort object
my/ourself
"my headmate is evil!"
>looks into headmate
>scared headmate with fight response
what do you mean my childhood affected me
i have terrible news
are you ever like. i’m not the right Me right now to hang out with people. wait until the better guy shows up lol this one kind of sucks
Dissociation is a trick the psyche plays on itself. It allows life to go on by dividing up the unbearable experience and distributing it to different compartments of the mind and body, especially the "unconscious" aspects of the mind and body. This means that the normally unified elements of consciousness (i.e., cognitive awareness, affect, sensation, imagery) are not allowed to integrate. Experience itself becomes discontinuous. Mental imagery may be split from affect, or both affect and image may be dissociated from conscious knowledge. Flashbacks of sensation seemingly disconnected from a behavioral context occur. The memory of one's life has holes in it—a full narrative history cannot be told by the person whose life has been interrupted by trauma.
Donald Kalsched, The Inner World of Trauma: Archetypal Defenses of the Spirit
What abusers believe.
If you’ve ever had to deal with an abusive person in your life - like an abusive parent or partner - you’ve probably wondered what made them treat you that way. If you understand why abuse is happening, the thinking goes, you might be able to figure out how to make it stop.
So why do abusers do what they do? Do they have anger issues? Drinking problems? Past trauma? Personality disorders? Do they just need to get in touch with their feelings and learn how to communicate better?
Nope.
Abusive behaviours come from abusive beliefs. Abusers - whether consciously or unconsciously - hold specific beliefs about relationships that drive their behaviour and allow them to justify the horrible things they do. Even if your abuser has never put their beliefs into words, you’ll probably recognize a lot of these abusive beliefs:
You are responsible for my emotions. It is never my responsibility to reflect on my emotional reactions or learn better coping skills - it’s your responsibility to stop doing things that make me angry or upset.
I must act on my emotions. If I am angry, I am going to lash out. You have no right to criticize me for that, and it’s not my responsibility to learn to manage my emotions - you have to stop making me lash out at you. Asking me not to act on my emotions is controlling and wrong.
You will always be responsible for my emotions. Even if the relationship ends, you will continue to be responsible for my emotions, and I will expect you to continue to prioritize my feelings.
If I have feelings about something, it’s my business. If something you do or think causes an emotional reaction in me, then I have a right to get involved or tell you what to do. My feelings must be the priority. You don’t have the right to tell me that it’s none of my business.
You must judge me on my intentions, not my actions. If I didn’t mean to hurt you or scare you, then you don’t have the right to be hurt or scared. No one has the right to try to hold me accountable unless I meant to hurt someone.
I get to decide what your intentions were. If you hurt me, you meant to hurt me. If you make me jealous, you meant to make me jealous. Nothing you do is ever accidental or unintended - everything you do is intentional and malicious, even if it was a response to something I did.
My feelings are genuine; your feelings are manipulation. If I’m upset, my feelings are real and important. If you are upset, you have an ulterior motive - you’re just trying to be manipulative and get attention or sympathy for yourself.
You have freedoms because I allow you to. Every freedom you have in your life - like wearing what you want - it’s because I generously allow it. I expect you to be grateful to me for that. I have the right to take those freedoms away whenever I want, and I expect you to obey.
If you set boundaries with me, you are mistreating me. If you really loved me, you wouldn’t set boundaries with me. You are doing this to intentionally hurt me, which means I don’t have to respect those boundaries.
You holding me accountable for hurting you is worse than me hurting you. My pain at being called out is worse than your pain at being mistreated. If I feel bad about something I did, I have already been punished enough. You trying to discuss the issue or hold me accountable is just your way of abusing me.
If I apologized for something, you have to forgive me. If the relationship has ended, you have to reconcile with me. You don’t get to ask for more time apart or more discussion of the issue - once I’ve apologized, the matter is closed for good.
The relationship is not over until I say it is over. So long as I want a relationship with you, you must have a relationship with me. Your feelings are irrelevant. Even if we have broken up, you must remain available to me so we can get back together in the future. Not wanting a relationship with me means you are mistreating me or being immature.
I am the authority in this relationship. I am smarter and more perceptive than you. I know what is best for both of us. My version of events is always the correct one. I have superior judgement, taste and opinions. If you question me or disagree with me after I’ve given you the correct answer, you are disrespecting and mistreating me, or you are simply immature and incapable of knowing what’s good for you.
I have the right to control you. It is my absolute right to decide what you do and who you associate with. You have no right to disobey me. I am owed obedience and control; if you don’t give me those things, you are wronging me and cheating me out of the relationship I deserve.
If you resist my control, I am allowed to do whatever I think is necessary to get it back. Once you’ve resisted me, I am justified in whatever I do to regain control of you. I am not responsible for my actions when you resist my control; you forced me to do it, and it’s your own fault.
I should be your main focus. Everything else in your life comes secondary to me. When you make decisions, my feelings should be your first consideration. You are expected to make sacrifices for me and put me at the center of your life; I am not obligated to do the same for you.
If I spend money on you or do something for you, you are in debt to me. You spending money on me or doing things for me does not erase your debt to me, and I am never in debt to you. You are indebted to me for as long as I decide. I may decide that your belongings and earnings also belong to me, since I allow you to have them. I may also decide at any time that you owe me for gifts I gave you, even if they were meant to be gifts.
I am not abusive, and you are not allowed to tell me otherwise. I know what abuse is, and real abusers are significantly worse than me. If our relationship has ever had any good times or positive moments, it can’t possibly be abusive. If you accuse me of being abusive, you are the one abusing me, or you have been led astray by bad influences.
Relationships should be effortless (for me). I am owed a relationship that is peaceful and requires no real effort from me. It is your job to make sure we have that kind of relationship. If there is any tension or conflict in the relationship, it is your fault, and you are depriving me of the relationship I deserve to have.
Abusers and victims alike often buy into the narrative that abuse is rooted in anger issues - after all, abusers are frequently angry, and anger is an issue that can be treated. But this narrative just isn’t true. Abusers aren’t abusive because they are angry. Abusers are angry because they are abusive.
A non-abusive partner is not someone who has learned how to control their rage whenever you spend time with your friends or get home 15 minutes late from work. A non-abusive partner just doesn’t feel any rage in those situations. An abuser’s rage is firmly rooted in their beliefs about relationships - they feel entitled to a relationship that meets their impossible expectations, and when they inevitably don’t get it, they bubble over with fury. Whether they know it or not, they have firmly entrenched beliefs about how relationships should be, and those beliefs are at the heart of their abuse.
Can abusers stop believing these things? Maybe. If they can acknowledge that they have these beliefs, accept that these beliefs are dangerous and unreasonable and let go of these beliefs, maybe it’s possible for them to no longer be abusive in the future. Maybe. But it’s not your job to hang around and find out. If you’re in an abusive relationship of any kind, you deserve better. There are many people in this world who don’t hold abusive views of relationships, and you deserve to find happiness with them.
Me age like 12 or 13: wow i really like toko fukawa from dangan ronpa for no particular reason even though im not really into dangan ronpa
Me age like 19: wow i really like raiden metal gear for no particular reason
Me age 20: wow i really like doppio and diavolo vento aureo for no particular reason in fact i like doppio so much im going to name myself after him and base my gender expression on him. For No Reason.
Me age whatever it was i was watching Naoki Urasawa's Monster with my sibling: wow i really like Grimmer and relate to his backstory! Time to stop watching this anime for an indeterminate amount of time