Havent been on in so long but I feel like I need to vent and for it to be read by somebody. So much has happened. I met a boy and I have fallen so deeply in love with him. I have gone to the ends of the earth to help him with his problems and to make him happy. I always put him first and I always did what he wanted. I was so blinded by my love for him that I didn’t realise the way he was treating me. He put me down in front of my friends, he talked and flirted with other girls, and talked to me with no respect. But I trusted him. His friends warned me about the type of person he was and how many girls he has cheated on, but I trusted and loved him so much that I thought he would change for me and he would never ever ever even consider doing that to me. But he did, sometime in December. I found out when I saw a text on his phone from a girl saying “thanks for the sex. its a bonus hanging with you”. My stomach sank and my heart broke into a million tiny little pieces. I confronted him and told him that I couldn’t see him again and he got on his knees and pleaded to me in tears to give him another chance. Im sure some of you understand how difficult it is to look at the person that you love in the eye and walk away. He said if I left him he’d kill himself. He said he couldnt live without me and I was the love of his life and he was just a stupid boy that made the biggest mistake he could ever make. What was I supposed to do? Ive suffered from depression and when someone says theyre going to commit suicide I cant just walk away. I loved him. I couldnt leave. And im still here today trying to make it work with him but I am so torn and it feels like Im alone in this. I dont trust him anymore and Ive become what I never thought id be, a jealous, irrational and paranoid girlfriend that second guesses everything. I hate being like this. It isnt healthy and I cant go on like this. I need to make a decision. Its either forgive him and trust him again, or leave him. I cant fucking deal
