Misguided Dreamer

Just a random 17-year old photography enthusiast and music lover ♫ ♥ This is my personal blog, every photo posted here was taken by me, unless you see that it's reblogged. :)

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Marianas Trench!

Hi guys! So Marianas Trench is coming to the Philippines, and I would really really reaaaaaaally love to meet them.

I hope that you can spare some time to vote for me here, so I could win a meet and greet. You just have to like the page and then scroll down until you see my name, and click the checkbox. :)

https://www.facebook.com/smmallofasia?v=app_174489652597378&app_data=entry_id%3D8528728

(Marianas Trench - Liane Bautista)

Just tell me if you joined the contest too, so I can vote you back :D

Thanks!

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The promise I'm afraid to believe in.

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Sigh.

I feel so bored and sad. I have nothing to do and I don't know what to do to distract myself from these unhappy thoughts. 

Why is life so hard?

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Hi tumblr. Have been inactive for three days now.. The last three days have been such a rollercoaster ride. It's scary to think about it. I just hope I could get over it...

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My days have been cold.

He still hasn't contacted me in anyway and the rain isn't helping at all. I told him I would wait until Saturday and if he doesn't talk to me until then, it means that he doesn't want to talk to me ever again. I told myself that I'd just let the remaining days pass because he will eventually talk to me. But I don't even know if that's true. I'm losing hope.

Last night, I didn't feel like sleeping even though my eyes were red and tired. I visited his old blog again and reread the entries which only made me feel worse. I took my speakers and put it beside me in my bed and I listened to Thunder by Boys Like Girls over and over again until I fell asleep.. It was the song he dedicated to me on is blog. I really never knew how much that song means until yesterday. It makes me feel guilty for what I've done but I can't help listening to it. I want to understand him. I want to share his pain and I want to make him feel better.

I really don't want to let go of him. But I know I have to, if that's what he wants.

I wish I could just return to five years ago, when we were so close and there were no problems. I miss our friendship. I miss the easy and effortless way we talk to each other. I miss the way that I could tell him everything and the way that I could always count on him.

I wonder if I was like that to him... I guess no.

I just can't accept the fact that the person who knows me the most is ignoring me. What's worse is that it was so unexpected. We weren't fighting. We were simply talking, exchanging messages once in a while since we were busy because of school... But he just suddenly stopped.

Why?..

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You were gone too soon.

You left me here, so unexpected.

You changed my life. I hope you know, cause now I'm lost, so unprotected.

You're a part of me, and I'll never be the same, here without you.

You were always there, like a shining light

On my darkest days, you were there to guide me.

Oh I miss you now.

I wish you could see just how much your memory will always mean to me.

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Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. It's a Kdrama! Well, what can I say. I don't watch TV that much. In fact, I watched this series on the internet. It's still a TV Show though.

Uhm, "favorite show" does mean favorite TV Show, right? Or does it mean, like, a live show? Oh well, whatever.

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Waiting for someday.

Believing in someday.

Praying for someday.

Longing for someday.

Clinging to someday.

Cherishing someday.

Thinking of someday.

Dreaming of someday.

Wishing for someday.

Living for someday.

Counting on someday.

Guess there's no easy way to say goodbye.

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I'm losing a friend.

I feel so bad. I feel so guilty for everything that I've done to him. I never thought that he could ever ignore me this way. I've hurt him so much.

I experienced so many things when I was with him. He was always there when I looked for him. I never thought that the day when he would really ignore me would come. Years have passed since I broke up with him. We've still been close after that even until the first week of January. He stopped replying to my messages and I thought that he was just busy because of college and other things. He was like that at times, not answering, he was simply busy. But I can't help notice that a month has passed and he still wasn't answering any of my messages. I can't help thinking that he's ignoring me on purpose. It's March now and it's safe to think that he's really ignoring me.

I went back to his old blog where he mostly wrote stuff pertaining to me. And I miss him. So many memories started to resurface. He quoted a part of a song for me. I don't know why but I just had to listen to it again.. And I have no idea why the song became so much more important all of a sudden. Like it meant much more than what I thought about it before. Like the lyrics suddenly made me feel what he felt.

I don't know if I should just give up trying to persuade him to talk to me. I know I'm being kind of selfish. I've hurt him so much but that has been years ago. I knew that he was still having a hard time because of me, but he said then that it was okay. I mean, I felt we were okay because three years must have been enough time to accept the past... But if he is still hurting right now... I should just leave him so he could just forget me. But I just can't do that.

I know I should just leave him. But I don't want to. I can't. He's a very special part of my life and I know it's selfish but I just can't give up on a person like him. I left him a message yesterday that I'm officially giving up because it seemed like he really has no intention of talking to me anymore. I waited for 4 hours last night, just for him, when I should already be sleeping. I thought he would finally talk to me.. But he didn't. After I woke up I still just can't leave the matter alone. I just can't give up.

The only thing that could make me give up is him. Just one text. One message, even just one word; "No" and I would understand that he really doesn't want to have any connection with me aside from being friends on Facebook. I have told him so many times that he should just tell me that he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore so I'd just leave him alone.

It has been a few weeks since I first told him that. Not even one message since. Not even a hint.

I don't know what to do.

I miss him so much. I wish he would just tell me to go away...

But what if he does? Can I really walk away from the person who knows me the most..?

..If anyone's reading this, the person I'm talking about here isn't the person I'm with on the post on DAY 2 of my "30-Day Photo Challenge".

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"No. Don't give up hope just yet. It's the last thing to go. When you have lost all hope, you have lost everything. And when you think all is lost, when all is dire and bleak, there is always hope."

-- Henri, from I Am Number Four by Pittacus Lore

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AGGGGGGGGGHH Someone give me that buckle bracelet. It's from MANGO btw.

AHHHHHHHH I REALLY WANT IT.

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SO. It hasn't been 2 hours since I woke up but I'm already feeling bored. :| There's nothing much to do here. Wish I could just go to some park and read a book... Problem is there's no park here. Ugh.

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest